Sandworms, Assault Rifles, and the Merits of Extraneous Princesess

by GaPJaxie

Chapter 5

"Princess!" one of the servants called. "Your starship just touched down on the landing pad outside. Will you be greeting your servants in person?"

"Oh, horseapples." Twilight looked up quickly from her book. "Time to go. Rainbow?"

"Right!" Rainbow Dash quickly pulled off her uniform, tossing it away to the nearest servant. "There you go. Have fun. Give the real Prince my regards."

"Indeed." Rarity sighed, rising from her own couch. "Let's hurry! Fluttershy is just down the main stairs, then on the left to grab Pinkie Pie. We can-"

Before she could finish her thought, the door to the spa burst open, and another Rarity strode in. Snow white, lithe and proud, she was surprisingly physically distinct from their own seamstress. While they were clearly the same pony, this Rarity was notably physically fit, a hair taller, and accessorized with more knives than fabric. She had a fancy leather strap on each of her hind legs, like a form-fitting set of saddle bags. She had a knife on each side, a variety of pouches, and two grand firearms -- a revolver on one side, and an exotic tripple-barreled shotgun on the other.

"Impostors!" she shouted, her horn shining as she whipped the shotgun from it's holster. The weapon fired with a powerful retort, and Twilight staggered back, having taken the hit square in her face.

"Gliiiitttteeer!" she screamed, tumbling to the ground and pawing at her face. "It's full of glitter! It's in my eyes! It's in my eyes!"

"Really, Twilight?" Rainbow snorted, rolling her eyes. "Getting taken down by a blast of glitter? What are you, six? It-" The weapon fired again, and another cloud of flying glitter hit Rainbow right on the muzzle. "AAAAH! Oh god, the edges are sharp! It stings! It stings!"

The weapon turned on Rarity, who let out a contemptuous snort. The weapon barked yet again, but this time, Rarity's horn shone as well. Instead of exploding outwards into her face, the packet of glitter swirled around her in elegant lines and constructions. It adorned her hair, it graced her as a halo, and when she flicked her main just so, she sparkled like the dew on the morning grass. "Ahem," she snorted at her counterpart. "You, ma'am, are no lady."

"Impressive!" the other Rarity said, sounding positively delighted. "You really made that look like I did it. Oh, goodness, I haven't used magic like that in years. That was a pleasure to witness." She sighed, and both of them laughed. "Well, anyway."

Then she drew her revolver and shot Rarity in the leg.

"AAH!" Rarity screamed, tumbling to the ground. "Aaah! Oh, goodness? Am I bleeding? Did you shoot me? With bullets?" She colapsed to the ground, holding her leg tight against her. "What kind of a pony are you!?"

"An effective guard?" The other Rarity rolled her eyes. "You're right, what a terrible accusation."

"Barbarian!" Rarity shouted, cradling her leg as bright red blood stood out against her white coat. "I'm dying!"

"It's a flesh wound," the copy insisted. "I was ordered to take you all alive. I would never do more than the minimum amount of damage required to subdue you." She lifted her shotgun, and with her horn shining blue, loaded in three new glitter shells.

"You've wounded a Princess! And a Princesses best friend!" Rarity insisted. "Get me medical care right now, or I swear when Celestia hears about-"

The other Rarity lowered her shotgun, and fired a full blast of glitter directly into Rarity's face. "WHY!?" Rarity screamed.

"You know why," the copy insisted. She got a good chuckle out of that, then looked to the cowering servants, and the other guards out in the hall. "Oh well. Tie them up."

Comments

[devas]

This is complete insanity and I love it.

[FanOfMostEverything]

Yeah, this was pretty much inevitable. Hopefully the Frepones will rescue them before anything too nasty happens, or any floating fat stallions get involved.

Probably not, but I can hope.

[User name]

"You know why"
This story is great.

[Reese]

Oh, I'm sorry about your nightmares.

[Sunny]

Why is this complete

I WANT MORE

[Rarity 3Trill]

I was honestly hesitant when clicking on this story, but what a magnificent treat! Delightfully hilarious and I'm definitely interested in checking out some other stuff this author has done.

[GaPJaxie]

7183323

Twilight is a mashup of the Emperors Daughter and Paul. Rainbow Dash is also a bit of Paul, and the heir to House Atreadies, but she isn't the chosen one. Rarity is Gunny, Pinkie Pie is Hallac, Applejack is Stillgar.

[GaPJaxie]

7183371

I'm totally leaving that typo in. :D

[GaPJaxie]

7183790

It's a dream, man. Don't take it too seriously!

[GaPJaxie]

7183961

In one of the scenes I didn't have time to get to in my day of speed writing, Rarity tries the Spice Melange, and her eyes are opened. She can see all possible realities and branching paths!

"Wait... I'm a supervillian in a lot of these, aren't I?"
'Yes. Yes you are.'

Then Dune!Rarity pours her a stiff drink and gets her a bowl of ice cream and they talk about how unfair it is they're apparently one bad day from holding the UN hostage.

[GaPJaxie]

7185614

One day of speed writing, man! The time limit ran out.

[GaPJaxie]

7189026

Hooray! I've got a lot of good short stories, and two epic works. I'd recommend Intern if you're looking for a place to start. It's short, simple and solid. :)

[User name]

7189283
Waait a minute, why does it say completed over there?

[Sunny]

7189285

SO DO MORE GOSH!!!

[GaPJaxie]

7189469
7189522

Ha ha ha. Maybe I"ll do a proper MLP/Dune crossover one day, but this was a speed writing exercise based on a dream. ^_^

[User name]

7190089
That's a shame.
Are you ever gonna write any more of that series where they are actresses doing the show?

[GaPJaxie]

7190233

Probably!

[Walabio]

Our Miss Rarity is fit:

She took on the manticore MantiRoar. I suspect that part of her maintaining her appearance is keeping fit.

[nightwalker]

Certainly one of the more fun crack-fics I've read. Actually rather coherent and worked well compared to even some serious stories I've read here. A shame that it's over, it was going quite well. Oh well, have your upvote.

[equestrian.sen]

As is common knowledge, since House Atredies took control of this world, the people have been prosperous and safe, and the rule of His Grace, Tragic Twist, has been quite popular

And now I'm imagining sitting on a throne plotting the destruction of Rainbow Dash. The twin candy canes represent death.

[GaPJaxie]

7199922

For life is sweet, but like this candy cane, *snap*, easily broken.

[EclipseoftheRisingSun]

..........