- Member Since 12th Sep, 2013
- offline last seen Sunday
SunnyDontLook
I write horse words. Sometimes people pay me to.
SunnyDontLook
Joined 12th Sep, 2013 ·
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- tulpaman · 60k words · 50 7 · 691 views
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Your book has been advertised on the fo:e Facebook group page: https://www.facebook.com/groups/foebooks/ Feel free to join us and self-promote or just engage in fo:e discussion. :)
It was kind of hard to follow what was happening. This has the potential to be made into a great story, but it's very hard to follow who is who and what each character is doing. If you elaborated a little, and had a little more setup, it could be much better. A proofreader could also be helpful to determine where things don't really make sense.
8253958
I'll probably have an editor go through in the near future, thank you for reading it though!
Alright, I'll admit, even I had trouble keeping up who was who here, but I'm proud to say I managed... I think.
I liked this just as much as your Little Pip X Calamity story, Well done here with the inner monologue again, Icey's thoughts were hilarious.
8290667
Oh thank you! Glad to see someone who likes the inner monologue!
If you like any of that, but in less porny context, check out transient.