Rainbow finally takes a chance with Twilight and her dreams come true as a result. But, enduring everything that happens in any relationship, both good and bad, can they create something truly permanent? Will their relationship weather the trials and tribulations or will it crash and burn all around them?
This is my first serious attempt at writing so all constructive criticism is greatly appreciated.
Big thanks to Fox-Sama for his help prereading/editing and also giving me the confidence to go through and post this in the first place. Go check out his story too.
Big shout out to shadowsreached as well for being an awesome prereader/editor.
Thanks goes to MajorWheat and Hellpony for choosing to help me out. I appreciate it guys.
Cover art used with permission and made by NyuuChanDiannePie on DeviantArt. Go check him out, he does AMAZING Twidash art.
Characters property of Hasbro. I own nothing.
potential. Be dear to add more discripsen about what and where. Totally worth my thumb up
120% squeeworthy. *squee*
It's well written, but very generic. I have read a lot of twidash fics so I hope you find some way to make this standout because the beginning is like a couple of others I have read. I would like to see where this goes though so take a like and a favourite.
DAT PIC.
Imma read now.
Never read a TwiDash before... But this is good.
Gonna fave and watch.
Never read a TwiDash fic, but I like where this is going, I must see more! *likes'n'faves*
Sorry but the main picture just made me think Luna was peaking in through the window XD Gunna read now... Bwhaha!
TwiDash has become one of my favorite non-princess-involving ship, so I hope you do well on this one. It has a decent plot, but, like previously stated by others, seems generic. I do like seeing it from Dash's side, and this Airheart we'll find out more about, I assume?
Otherwise, not too bad at all. Also with the plot, add some adventure to it. Some fun. If you're planning on making it long. I suggest reading Bluebird (or something like that xD) for inspiration. Took me about seven hours to read it, so it'll probably take most people a little longer (particularily if you don't stay up until two am to finish it xD)
POTENTIAL!! Continue now! Oh and have a like & a fav!
most weakest is redundant. Weakest alone suffices.
I'll be keeping an eye on this
766916 Yes, there will definitely be more insight into Dash's past with Airheart. I don't think there will be a whole lot of adventure and I don't want to say more and spoil the story for you. But I'm hoping there will be some elements of this story that are original.
im listening.
766654 By this comment I assume you mean describe the scenes and character's actions better?
Potential. Lots and lots of potential...
767600 yeap
767989 You got it buddy. I'll do my best.
768020 good luck. You will be needed it
766672 Yea, I also recognize that the beginning is very generic. But I'm hoping to deviate from that path, if not in the next chapter, then the third one.
Alright you have my attention, please continue sir.
779137 Yes, my lord.
*Nods gently with an approving smile* This is very good- especially so for a first fic!
As a few other people before me have said, this does seem very generic, but don't worry, the best thing a new writer can do is emulate the forerunners. Once you're versed and you have some experience-that's when you start getting bold and taking chances. That's not to say that you should stick to the old formula here, by all means, spice it up, just remember that things become cliche for a reason... because they work,
I sense the makings of a great writer here... and I'm anxious to be proved right!
783648 I'll do my best to not let you down.
"Airheart"? *snrk* Oh Harmony, that's hilarious.
Anyway, liked and faved. Like 766672 said, it's not the most original start, but then, it's the beginning of the story; it's not like you've had time to do a whole lot of, well, anything yet. Actually, maybe I should take that back; I don't think I've seen any Twidash fics with a particularly strong focus on a past relationship of Rainbow's, and it looks like this is headed in that direction. Best of all, your prose is solid; I swear, 75% of the writers on this site have no idea how to use commas. Looking forward to more, and honestly rather excited that I'm getting in on the ground floor.
yeahhh moarr!
Ha, this is gonna be interesting...
I think Dash would have a fight response just because she wants to defend Twilight.
786457 Oohh, Dash is in for a hell of a surprise.
Man, I love it when I read a story and then it updates 20 minutes later. Liked the little aside regarding the aphorism. Keep up the good work!
Hehe, sounds good! Can't wait for the next chapter!
All right I am glad I gave this a chance. I feel you really have the characters down so far and I am eagerly awaiting the next chapter.
likely to display a ‘flight’ stress response in the event of an introduction to a potential threat.
If this is meant literally, as in "Dash will likely start flying in the event of a sudden threat," then I agree completely. If it's meant more as "in the event of a sudden threat, Dash will immediately run away," then I have to ask exactly what alternate universe we're in, cause that's not Dash at all. Dash would almost always charge at the threat head-on; that's just who she is. It's likely running away wouldn't even enter into her mental process.
I mean, she kicked a Dragon in the face! Kicked a Dragon. In the face.
RD will ALWAYS go for the throat when seriously threatened.
787869 That was when she was well aware of the threats she was facing. This experiment is meant to suddenly scare the holy bejeezus out of Rainbow Dash in an effort to get a reaction from her more baser animalistic instincts for survival. Dash's aggressiveness is her personality, not her inborn instincts. But I'll add the word 'sudden' to avoid further confusion.
787869
Couldn't have said that better myself!
788043
Actually, I think that distinction isn't really relevant here. If you'll notice, I actually did cite the particular threat as being a "sudden" one, and I still think she'd go for the throat in such a situation. You say that aggressiveness isn't in her instincts, and that makes me wonder if we're actually talking about the same pegasus, here...
To help me make my point, let me move this away from RD for a second and make a parallel situation involving Applejack.
Introduce a completely sudden threat into AJ's vicinity and she'll dig her hooves in, absolutely no question about it. Stubbornness is rooted in her down to the very core of her being, and she'd react instinctively with that very same response in pretty much any situation. Because of this natural instinct to stand her ground, it would actually require some consideration on her part for Applejack to even begin thinking about making a retreat. AJ would be quite firmly situated on the fight side of the 'fight or flight' response.
That established, let's go back to RD--it's rather obvious that aggressiveness is to RD what stubbornness is to AJ. Calling Dash 'competitive' is actually a little like calling water 'wet'; RD loves to win and absolutely hates losing (it should be noted that Dash seemingly hates losing even more than she loves winning, which can be a rather tell-tale sign in determining how she would react in a given situation). I don't really think it can be debated that someone of Rainbow Dash's mentality would most definitely consider any form of fleeing as a resounding defeat.
I suppose this is where we begin to differ: I am of the belief that this inclination towards aggression is as deeply rooted in Dash's subconscious as stubbornness is in Applejack's. I find it very difficult to believe that even a split-second knee-jerk response from Dash would be anything other than her going straight for the throat, and I find it even harder to believe that this other response could in any way involve her retreating.
788284 Yes, I won't argue that RD is brave. I admire her for that. But she's not invincible. Yes, she bucked a dragon in the face. But what did she do after bucking said dragon in the face? Cowered with her friends. Why? Because she was afraid. Heck, at the end of the episode Pinkie Pie scares her when she imitated the dragon. When the Ursa Minor showed up in town, did she fly right up and buck it in the face? No, she didn't. In fact, when you see her, she has an unmistakable look of fear on her face. She was even initially afraid of Zecora AND she's also afraid of the Everfree forest. Or as least the fact that it acts, in their view, unnatural. And in the episode of the Great Dragon Migration, did she immediately fight those three dragons? No, she ran with her friends. I agree with you, RD is indeed brave and stands up for herself and her friends, but that does not mean she's completely fearless.
799249
If you'll notice, I never actually mention her braveness. Fear is completely irrelevant in this, actually, excepting that fear tends to cause great stress.
So far we've been speaking of the fight-or-flight response as something that kicks in only when one is in serious danger. However, this is not the case. In fact, one can gauge an individual's likely response to such a situation through a number of less stressful ones.
The fight-or-flight response is a name given to the phenomena wherein a creature reacts to a stressful situation with the intent of relieving that stress. The name is taken from the two most often exhibited methods of releasing said stress, that being retaliation (aggressive) or retreat (passive). Understanding this, one can gauge the likely response of a creature under extreme stress by judging its reaction in situations that invoke stress of a lesser degree.
How does Rainbow Dash react in conversation? Is she argumentative or passive and accepting? When Rainbow gets into an argument with somepony, is she calm and accepting or loud and defensive? If Rainbow Dash feels she has been wronged, how does she react? Does she withdraw completely in acceptance, or does she assert herself and make certain that her opinion is known?
The answers to these questions are simple, obviously. By judging the ways in which RD reacts in everyday situations that invoke stress, you can accurately gauge how she would react in situations that invoke even more stress. By saying that RD would fall on the "flight" side of things, you are asserting that Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy would react similarly in a situation that invoked a great deal of stress.
--
Now, RD would react with aggressive retaliation in a true situation that invoked her baser instincts of fight-or-flight, but that doesn't mean the story has to change. It would be rather simple to come up with something for RD to run away from for comedic effect, really, and I'm not arguing that she wouldn't run away in certain situations. The only thing I questioned was your assertion that her knee-jerk response to great stress would be to run away.
That's practically the exact opposite of everything she represents.
799435 Well, not to disagree with you, but they are more variables involved to a reaction. For instance, if RD turned around to see a lion about to pounce, it would still scare her. If Pinkie screamed "BOO" right behind RD that would scare her as well. She'd fly away from the first, but her brain would recognize Pinkie as being a non-threat, leading to her relaxation. That's kind of the problem with the 'Flight-or-Fight' theory. It's too general.
799608
But again, fear isn't even related except in that it's an emotion that causes stress. Fight or flight has literally nothing to do with fear.
I'm not saying there aren't situation in which she'd run away. I'm saying that the way you described it in the story is questionable at best. I agree, Fight or flight IS limited, but those were the words you used in the story.
I wouldn't even have brought it up if you'd used a different term.
799704 If fear leads to stress, and stress response leads to the FoF, how is it unrelated to it?
static.fjcdn.com/comments/My+favorite+is+thinking+dinosaur.+I+think+he+is+a+_92d6001cf5c1b282723217c2cba90820.jpg
Only Twilight would write up notes for a prank.
802125 I know, isn't she wonderful?
reading the comments I realize that there is a theory FoF, I google and I discovered that it is really interesting
ahhh, the things we learn every day, thanks the author
http://www.gocomics.com/calvinandhobbes/1989/04/03 ?
well shit i cant find any i1.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/006/039/shrugging-pinkie-pie.png
Great chapter. I think the reference is to Doctor Who when he kept making that alien in the fat lady's skin teleport back running to him every time she teleported away. or it could be in Secret of my excess when spike doesn't want his cheek cleaned and twilight kept teleporting him back. sorry I wasn't sure which one you were talking about.
Do references to MLP or MLP FIM count?
AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!! This was so cuuuuuuuuuuute!!! *Hugs Twilight and Rainbow Dash*
826769 Well done sir, you got it! Send me a PM describing your OC.
826873 Sorry, I don't watch Doctor Who.
826907 Unfortunately not.
827088 Isn't it though? I had a lot of fun writing this chapter.
827283 Wow that's weird here is the scene i was talking about.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3XpKYCKwxrw
sorry I'm not sure how to embed videos on this sight just copy and paste.
Definitely gonna add this to my Read Later list, heh.
827629 If it's in your 'Read Later' list, how will you receive updates?