• Member Since 8th Sep, 2015
  • offline last seen Nov 17th, 2020

Meadow Feather

My page is a circus :P


Twilight and the mane six are sent to Spurington by Princess Celestia to confront a dragon that had been lurking too close to the town for pony comfort. Once they encounter the beast Fluttershy undergoes changes she rather had not.

This was written before Starlight's reformation so there will be none of that! >:o

Got rid of all of the annoying trash, lol, enjoy

Editor: none

Chapters (3)
Comments ( 25 )

It's back. I think it is the same...I recognize it. But still, I need more.

7705187 Yeah I changed it up a bit, I think I'm going to stick with this approach to the story. Anyways, The second chapter is coming soon, though I can't say how soon because I only write in short bursts when I get motivated. Just sit tight, I guess, it'll happen. :yay:

Interesting... I have a few remarks though. Do you want them here in the comments or in a PM?

7782443 Doesn't matter, take your pick :derpytongue2:

When I first saw the title, I thought about my story. But, reading the first chapter, I can see you went in a slightly different direction. Not bad. However, I'm just going to say this, you might want to go back and fix a couple of things. But, I like it.

7786143 Just let me know your nitpicks and I'll keep them in mind! :twilightsmile: And to be honest a lot of my inspiration is from this amazing story, you'll probably see the similarities when I actually decide to get the first few chapters written. Thanks for taking you time reading my junk though! :twilightblush:

looks at user name. Totally unrelated comment, but I need to finish that darn story of yours. :raritydespair: I got halfway through and stopped for some reason. Definitely will get to it, eventually.. :facehoof:

7786178 In some places, your spacing on quotations were too close and placed wrong. It's not too bad, but, from one author to another, you should reread a chapter a couple times before you publish. Just pointing that out there.

As for my story, whenever you get back to it, you'll notice that it's complete. So, you should be able to finish it without waiting.

Nice one and the proposed adventure should be good! :twilightsmile: I don't dare to judge the rest, but both Rarity and AJ were spot on!
However, be aware that when you finish a direct speech with a full stop, the next sentence has to start with capitalized letter. (The same goes for 'sincerely') - or in some cases, you can use comma and don't capitalize. Also, to mistakes in the speech of Pinkie - misspeled 'is' as 'it'
You tend to use pronouns before introducing the character - at first she, then stetson crowned mare. That's kind of jarring and should be switched and probably will require some sentence reconstructing.
Also, one suggestion about writing dialogues - imagine you are sitting here with them. Are all the ponies unmoving as statues, just saying their lines? Of course not.
Just when writing this, I leaned back in my chair, scratched my neck, stood up and strode across the room to look out the window, sit back down and fidgeted with a pencil... many actions.
And just like that, the ponies can jump from their seats, slam hooves on the table, perk their ears... whatever seems fitting :raritywink:

7820026 On it!encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQSUEbcBHppkKz3zMnL9rt17C18Rd_l_rNUMJpNQuQFSVcbgWml About the spelling errors such as is and it, I type too fast for my own good :twilightsheepish: I seriously need to read through at least three times before publishing. In my defense I did it once !:rainbowlaugh: I'm glad you thought my A.J. and Rarity were on target though. I was especially worried about A.J. I didn't want her accent to be too heavy or not convincing. I know I've had trouble reading her parts before in previous stories :twilightsheepish:

7821882 You're welcome :twilightsmile: Yeah, Luna's Shakespearean speech and AJ's accent can be a bit of trouble.

hmmm I got nothin. Not enough has been written to accurately critique and grammar seems fine. Unless you wanna make a it proper paragraphs in which case its completely optional.

Here's my nitpick for you: use more commas and periods. You have a lot of run-on sentences and places that need pauses but don't have them. I hope that helps! :pinkiehappy:

Comment posted by LavendarRegards deleted Jul 21st, 2018

Haha all of these grammar errors are bugging the hell out of me, I'm just too much of a blob to fix them (it'll happen one day)


"That information is classified, but know that I have my ways. I am a king after all, Burakku, dear brother." Valkoinen circled until he was facing the heavily shackled door before glancing back over his shoulder,"Maybe you'll learn one day that size does not matter. Enjoy you're safety for now for it will not last." he opened the door and walked away though not before turning the key and locking it.

Burakku the Dragon
Burakku Doragon
Black Dragon
Nice, I get the reference.

Honestly rip this fic lol I don’t see myself continuing it anytime soon but who knows *shrugs*

Comment posted by Meadow Feather deleted Jul 21st, 2018

Hope everyone enjoys my messed up chapter 2 woo :pinkiehappy:

Rarity waved her hoof and attempted to catch her breath,” Nothing you should be” she paused to take a deep breath” worried about Dash.”

breath. "Nothing you should be-" she paused to take a deep breath, "-worried about, Dash."

Whoops, I’ll get on it when I get the chance! Thanks for the comment :twilightsmile:

It is nice to see another chapter after so long :pinkiesmile: I really enjoyed the Spurington part with the Mane 6 dialogue—that felt really lively and dynamic. As for your fear of changing the viewpoint too often, that didn’t happen. In fact, the viewpoint is still the same—the whole story is told by an omniscient narrator. You switched only between three scenes and that surely wasn’t confusing, though I felt like the Ponyville and Rarity ones didn’t serve any purpose :twilightsheepish:

Thanks I really wasn’t sure if I was ever going to start this up gain but the other day it just happened heh. I swear getting chapters started is such a pain for me and idk what happened but I threw in rarity *shrugs* glad you liked the Spurington bit though! I wanted this chapter to be a little bit longer but it is what it is hopefully it won’t too long for another update but I can’t promise anything

You're welcome :pinkiesmile: Starting a chapter is always hard, I found out that's good to write anything here, write on and then fix the beginning.

Hello from 2 years and 25 days after you last update asking, When will you next update come out?

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