That'll Be Eight Bucks!
It was around noon at the Hay Burger in Ponyville. Many customers were at their tables eating their hay burgers and drinking their shakes without a care to the world. The burger joint wasn’t crowed but enough to keep the place busy, especially around lunchtime. It was just another busy, yet normal day at the Hay Burger.
Except for that strange mysterious creature who was currently standing behind the counter, drumming on the cash register as he was singing this random yet catchy song.
“I’m a dude.
He’s a dude.
She’s a dude.
‘Cause we’re all dudes, HEY!”
This strange creature was tall with dark skin and long thin black deadlocks that reached to his chin. He was wearing a short sleeve blue and white striped shirt, long tan pants with black belt around his waist and a white with a blue line bus boy hat on top of his head. He also had a nametag on the right side of his chest that said, ‘I’m Ed’ on it. On top of that, ‘Ed’ always had a smile on his face that rivaled their local party pony.
At first, many ponies were afraid of this strange happy creature because they never saw a creature like him before and weren’t sure if he’s dangerous or not. After Princess Twilight spent a couple of days vouching for him (and seeing a certain pink party pony and the creature hugging each other also helped things out), almost every pony relaxed when they’re near him and welcomed him with open hooves. The pink pony with cotton candy mane, threw him a ‘Welcome to Ponyville’ party on the same day and they become best friends since then.
Ed kept on singing his own song, not noticing the entrance of the Hay Burger opened, revealing a orange Pegasus stallion with blue eyes, tail and mane while wearing his golden armor.
“Announcing, the Princess of Friendship, Twilight Sparkle!” he said loudly, causing everypony (except Ed) to turn toward him as the second pony entered the restaurant. The second pony was a lavender Alicorn mare with dark purple mane and tail with pink and violet stripes. The Alicorn looked very annoyed and embarrassed as she felt every eyes were set onto her. She turned and gave her new guard her glare.
“Flash…I told you to stop announcing my presence every time we entered a building!” She seethed quietly. “It’s embarrassing! Besides, I can go to a restaurant just fine without an escort! And Twilight is just fine!”
Flash shook his head. “I’m sorry Princess, but as your royal guard, it is my duty to protect you whenever you need to go out. And announcing your presence will let everypony know that they should give you lots of space and treated you with respect.”
Twilight frowned grumpily. “You do realize none of the things you said makes any sense right?”
When Twilight visited her brother and sister-in-law and told them about the time-jump story a few weeks back after the Crystaling, Princess Cadence decided to send Flash Sentry to Twilight as her new royal guard to add security to Twilight’s castle. At first, Twilight was excited to work with him especially that she already met his human counterpart over at Sunset’s world. As the few days went by however, not only he’s not the same Flash Sentry as the human counterpart, but he was also ridiculously strait. Granted, he is a good pony, but he took his job as a guard a little too seriously. He followed her almost everywhere she goes (except the filly’s room), speak to another pony on her behalf much to her protests and the worse is he’s monitoring the pony she talks to including her best friends. She made a mental note to send a message to Cadence to take this guard back, with no replacements.
She was snapped out of her thoughts when she felt her number one assistant, Spike, patting her on the back.
“Come on Twilight, he is just doing his job,” said Spike.
“Which is unnecessary,” she muttered.
She made her way to the counter with Flash and Spike in tow. When she finally made it to the register, she gave Ed a smile.
“Hey Ed!”
Ed stopped drumming the register and gave them his smile.
“Oh hey Twilight! Hey Spike! Welcome to Good Burger, home of the Good Burger! Can I take your order?”
Spike raised his eyebrow. “Um…isn’t this place called the Hay Burger?”
“So how’d you been Ed?” Twilight asked, ignoring Spike’s question. “Everything alright with you in Equestria so far?”
“Totally!” said Ed, giving her his thumb up. “I’m having a radical time! Everyone in this town is really nice to me, especially this one yellow horse girl who screamed at me and then ran away really fast. Haha!”
Twilight frowned.
It was a few days ago when Twilight decided to work on an experiment with the magic mirror. Ever since her first visit to an alternate world where her human versions of her friends lived, she was curious if there are other alternate worlds besides that one. She’s been studying it for quite some time until she recently figured it out how to see the other dimensions by using a certain type of magic she can use on the mirror as a viewing window.
She was excited when she observed the inside of a fast food restaurant from another human world almost as similar as the one she visited, but slightly different and not as colorful. However, her magic went haywire and she lost control of her magic. She tried to cancel her magic but as she did so, she somehow accidently teleported Ed from his world to her own.
At first, she thought Ed would be panicked or upset for being taken from his world, but to her surprise, he thought it was awesome and wasn’t at least bit freaked out by this fact. After spending over a half hour explaining what happened and where he is now, he was never mad at her and still kept that goofy smile of his. Despite of this, Twilight still felt guilty and was trying to figure a way to send him back to his world since.
Twilight sighed as her ears drooped.
“Listen Ed, I’m really sorry about accidently brought you here into our world. I’m still trying to figure it out how to send you back. It won’t be long, I promise.”
Ed gave Twilight his full tooth smile. “Hey, no worries Twi! I’m not mad at you at all! I’m having a great time and I have a lot of fun in this world. As long as there a place like Good Burger I can go to, it’s all good! It’s home away from home! Haha!”
Twilight smiled.
After a couple of days of vouching for Ed, Ed visited the Hay Burger and wanted to work there temporarily as a volunteer. She granted him this job because she figured this would make him feel comfortable and make him feel like home.
And having a new friend who can give her a discount for those delicious hay burgers was also a plus.
“That’s great to hear,” Twilight said with a smile. “Just let me know if you need anything else to make you feel more comfortable here alright?”
Ed gives Twilight his thumb up. “No problem! Haha. Now, what can I get ya?”
Twilight nearly drooled at the thought of getting those delicious hay burgers in her hooves. “Well, since you asked, I would like to order-”
“I’ll take care of this Princess!” Flash interrupted.
Twilight let out her frustrated growl. “Flash, I am more than capable to place my own order!”
“Yeah dude, like let the lady order her food!” said Ed.
Flash shook his head. “No, as her royal guard, I’ll be the one to speak for the Princess, whether it’s for negotiations between the two nations or ordering her food.”
“…okay I’ll take that back, this guy is getting ridiculous,” Spike muttered.
Twilight was grinding her teeth in frustration. She ordered the food from this place many times before he arrived here. She doesn’t need to have somepony placing an order for her. She wanted more than anything to get away from this guy.
Then, an idea came to her and she let out her sly smirk.
“Well…if you must, can I at least tell you what I want to order?”
Flash turned to Twilight. “Sure, what is it?”
Twilight leaned over to him and whispered her order to his ear. When she was finished Flash raised his eyebrow while Spike stared at her with confusion.
“Is…that what you want?” Flash asked uncertainly.
Twilight nodded. “Oh yes, it is exactly what I wanted.”
Flash looked unsure but he shrugged and turned towards Ed.
“I’m ready to place the order on a behalf of Princess Twilight,” said Flash.
Ed nodded. “Okay, which half?”
Flash blinked. “That’s not what I- nevermind! I would like to order a good punch.”
“Okay, one good punch.” Ed said with a smile.
Ed raised both his fist up in a fighting stance. Before Flash could ask him about his strange behavior, Ed thrust his fist forward, punching Flash right in the face causing Flash to roughly landed on the floor and lost consciousness. Spike’s let out his loud gasp while Twilight smirked at the display.
“That’ll be eight bucks,” said Ed.
Ed looked over the counter to see Flash still lying on the floor.
“Oh I’m sorry, you’re sleeping.”
“ED!” Spike exclaimed. “WHAT DID YOU DO THAT FOR!?”
“He asked for a good punch,” Ed answered.
Spike gave Ed a look of disbelief. “I don’t think that’s-”
“It’s fine Spike,” Said Twilight. “He could use a nap anyway.”
“Twilight? Did you set this up on purpose?” Spike asked with suspicion.
“Whatever do you mean Spike?” Twilight replied with a smirk.
Before Spike could say anything, Twilight turned back to Ed.
“Anyway, I would like a good hay burger please!”
Ed smiled. “Sure thing!”
He leaned into the microphone. “One Good Burger!”
Ed took out a wrapped burger from the rack and placed it on the tray in front of Twilight.
“Thanks!” Twilight said gratefully.
She then turned to Spike.
“Spike, you can place your order, I’ll meet you back at the castle with our food.”
As Twilight trotted her way to the restaurant’s exit, she heard Spike calling her.
“What about Flash?” Spike asked as he was pointing to the unconscious form of the royal guard.
“Leave him. He needs his rest.”
With that said, Twilight walked out of the restaurant.
Spike starred at the door for a moment, then at Flash, then back at the door again until he finally shrugged and turned to Ed.
“So what do ya want little dude?” Ed asked.
Spike stared at the menu for a minute, trying to find the food that is most appetizing to him. He could just ask for a burger but he also wanted to add something on his burger that he’d been denied before by other restaurants. Maybe he could make an exception?
“Well…is it possible I can have a good hay burger with some jewels?” he asked.
Ed smiled. “Sure!”
Ed leaned into his mic again. “One Good Burger with jewels.”
Ed retrieved another wrapped burger from the racks, but this time he unwrapped it and placed the unwrapped burger on the tray along with the wrapped one. Then he ducked behind the counter and took out some random jewels from the bowl, lifted the bun up and sprinkled them all over the burger until they completely covered the patty and placed the bun back on top of it.
“Here ya go dude!” said Ed as he moved the tray towards him.
Spike nearly drooled at the site of his own burger with tasty jewels just waiting to be eaten.
“Awesome! So how much?”
Ed tilted his head. “How much what?”
“For those two Good Burgers,” Spike answered.
“Two Good Burgers!” Ed said into his mic again. He then took the two burgers from the rack and placed them on the counter next to the two other burgers.
Spike’s eyes widen. “Hey! What are you doing?”
“You asked for another two Good Burgers,” Ed answered.
“NO! I asked for a price!”
“Price for what?”
“Two Good Burgers!”
“Two Good Burgers!”
Ed then retrieved another two burgers and placed them into the pile.
“Stop it!”
“Stop what?”
“Giving me another burger!”
“Another Good Burger!”
Ed grabbed another burger and added it on the pile.
“CUT THAT OUT!” Spike cried angrily. “I DIDN’T ASK FOR A HUNDRED GOOD BURGERS!”
“Okay, one hundred Good Burgers coming right up!” Ed said cheerfully.
Spike eyes widen and waved his arms franticly. “No wait! I didn’t mean-!”
Despite his cries, Ed kept on piling the burgers on the counter along with the others.
Spike slammed his fist on the counter.
“AUGH! This is ridiculous! I’m outta here!”
As Spike was stomping away, Ed stopped what he was doing and turned just in time to see the door slammed shut behind the young dragon.
Ed titled his head. “Uh…that’ll be eight hundred and fifty six bucks?”
When Spike haven’t come back to answer him, he shrugged his shoulders and pushed the piles of burgers to the side. As he was moving the burgers, an elegant white unicorn mare with long purple mane trotted up to him with a frown on her face and a hay burger in a blue aura floating behind her.
“Excuse me sir!”
Ed turned to the white pony. “Oh hey! Welcome to Good Burger, home of the Good Burger! Can I take your order? Haha.”
The white unicorn, known as Rarity, gave him her flat look. “First of all, I already gave you my order ten minutes ago! Second, I specifically ordered a low-fat vanilla oats milkshake, but you mistakenly gave me a burger.”
Ed blinked. “So?”
Rarity glared at him. “So...I don’t want a Good Burger! All I wanted is a milkshake for me to drink!”
Ed nodded. “Okay.”
Ed took a burger from Rarity's magic and placed it on a counter in front of him. Then he ducked under the counter and took out a blender and a mug full of water. He opened the blender and placed the burger inside the blender and then poured the water into the blender. Rarity blinked in confusion at Ed's actions until Ed placed the top back on and turned on the blender. The blender made a loud buzz as it blends the burger with water until it changed to a sickly gurgle sound as the liquid changed to brown. Ed stopped the blender and removed the top. He then picked up the blender and a cup and he slowly poured all the liquid into the cup, including some chunks that was left of the hay burger. Once he's finished, he turned towards Rarity and presented her the cup.
“One good shake!”
Rarity stood there gaping in shock as if she had just witnessed someone committing a murder. Her eyes shrunk to a size of a pin needles as she stared at the shake. With her dramatic cry, she placed her left hoof on her forehead and then fainted backward onto the ground.
Ed looked over the counter to see Rarity's unconscious body on the floor next to Flash Sentry.
“Huh...guess that’s must be her nap time,” he said with a shrug.
As Ed moved the shake to the side, he heard a grunt from the other side of the counter. He turned to see Flash Sentry getting up from the floor with his left forehoof on the left side of his face. Once he finally stood up, he removed his forehoof away from his face and glared at Ed, despite that his left eye was now black and swollen.
“Hey! Why did ya hit me?" Flash exclaimed. "All I asked is for a good punch!”
Before Flash had time to react, Ed punched him in the face again and Flash was knocked out onto the floor again.
The front entrance opened again. The yellow Pegasus mare with pink mane and tail slowly trotted into the restaurant and looked around cautiously. When she finally made it to the counter, she barely had time to look up as she heard a loud bubbly voice in front of her.
“Welcome to Good Burger, home of the Good Burger! Can I take your order?” Ed said loudly with a smile.
“Eeep!” Fluttershy recoiled in freight.
“Hey! You’re that yellow pony girl who screamed at me from earlier today." Ed said with a laugh. "What’s up?”
Fluttershy froze in fear as Ed extended his arm to try to shake her hoof. Overwhelmed by all of this, Fluttershy rolled her eyes to the back of her head and fell to the ground.
Ed looked over the counter again to see Fluttershy's unconscious body, lying right next to Rarity who was still out cold as well as Flash.
“Huh, I guess everyone is really tired today,” he said with a chuckle.
The front entrance opened again. This time, it was an orange mare with blonde mane and blonde tail with freckles on her face. She was also wearing her trademark Stetson on top of her head. She trotted across the restaurant until she was standing right in front of Ed.
Ed smiled. “Welcome to Good Burger, home of the Good Burger! Can I take your order?”
Applejack titled her hat in greeting.
“Howdy!"
She looked down for a moment a noticed her two of best friends and that guard who was with Twilight, lying on the ground with their eyes closed. With one eyebrow raised, she looked back up right at Ed's face.
"Um...why is everypony on da floor?” she asked in confusion.
“Oh well, they’re taking a nap,” Ed answered with a chuckle.
Applejack blinked. “A nap?”
Ed nodded. “Yeah, that’s what I said.”
“Um…okay?" Applejack said slowly.
She then perked up again. "Anyway, Ah would like to order a veggie-chili hay burger and a berry soda please.”
Ed smiled. “Okay. One Good Chili Burger and a soda for the cowpony. Haha.”
Ed ducked down again to grab something from behind the counter. His face suddenly changed to a grimace expression as if he just felt pain. With a shivering grunt he lifted a huge block of ice with a hay burger inside and placed it on the counter in front of Applejack. As Ed sighed in relief, Applejack starred at the block of ice with a dumbfound look on her face. After a moment of silence, Applejack shook off of her stupor state and gave Ed her annoyed expression.
“Hey! Why the hay is that burger inside of a big ol' ice cube?”
“You said you wanted a chilly,” said Ed, as if the answer was obvious.
“No," Applejack remarked, giving Ed her stink eye. "I said I wanted a hay burger with chili! What Ah had in mind was a glop of brown, veggie substance on top of a hay patty. An’ Ah don’t see any of that on da patty!”
“Well then I’ll get the chili,” Ed said with a glint in his eyes.
He slowly went under the counter and took out a long plastic hose and pointed the nozzle directly at Applejack.
Applejack was starting to feel nervous. “Uh…why are ya holdin' that-”
“Here ya go!” Ed cried as he press the button on the nozzle.
A huge amount of veggie-chili sprayed out from the hose directly at Applejack. Applejack was desperately trying to cover her face to keep the warm brown substance away from her eyes but some of it still managed to get part of her face. Ed continued to spay the veggie-chili on Applejack for a few seconds before he finally turned off the hose.
Applejack now stood in front of Ed completely covered in chili. She gave Ed the look of fury as bits of chili dripped from her mane. Ed slowly put down the hose and slowly steeped back away from an angry farmer.
“…that’ll be eight bucks.”
Applejack let out her angry snort.
“Listen here ya no good, annoying, pea-brain varmint! Ah ain’t paying you a bit for that stunt you pulled. All Ah wanted was to have a nice simple lunch, but instead you have da nerve to give me a giant ice cube and then coverin’ me all up in your lukewarm, lack tastin'...chili!"
Applejack turned her head away from Ed a little to spit out some veggie-chili out of her mouth before she slowly turned back to Ed.
"Now Ah’m goin’ to leave this place unsatisfied,” said Applejack in her slightly calmed tone.
“Um...don’t forget your soda,” said Ed as he brought a cup towards Applejack.
Wordlessly, Applejack snatched the cup from Ed with her hoof and then turned and made her way out the door.
Ed placed the ice cube back behind the counter as Applejack slammed the door behind her.
“Ugh...what’s her problem?”
All of the sudden, the door burst open again and a streak of rainbow rushed into the restaurant and stopped directly in front of Ed. A cyan Pegasus mare with rainbow mane and tail, appeared in front of Ed as she used her wings to keep her up in the air.
“Whoa, awesome entrance!” Ed cheered.
Rainbow Dash flashed him her cocky grin. “Thanks, gotta keep up with my awesomeness!”
Ed gave her his two thumbs up. “Cool! Anyway, welcome to Good Burger, home of the Good Burger! Can I take your order?”
Rainbow grinned widely. “Yeah, give me something that’s made for an awesome mare like me!”
“Okay sure!” Ed said with a grin.
He dug into his pocket and took out a round blue object and showed it to Rainbow.
Rainbow starred blankly at the object. “Uh…what is that?”
Ed smiled fondly. “It’s a yo-yo! This was once belonged to a friend of mine before he gave it to me as a gift and it is awesome!”
Rainbow raised her brow.
“Okay…but what makes that piece of plastic of yours awesome?”
Ed smirked. “Well, every time you use it, the yo-yo will light up in red on one side and blue on the other side. It even made some cool whistling noise. Check it out!”
With a flick of his wrist, he let the yo-yo drop towards the top of the counter before he slightly pulled it back up with a slight tug on the string. Each time he did so, a whistle was heard from the yo-yo and two different colored lights flashed from each side of the yo-yo. Ed used his yo-yo to pulled off some tricks like the traditional gravity pull, the forward press, breakaway, rock-a-baby, even walk-the-dog.
Rainbow had a look of awe on her face.
“…okay I’ll admit, that’s pretty cool!”
Then something came into her mind and caused her to frown.
“Hey wait a minute! You didn’t get me my food!”
“Well, you didn’t say you wanted food,” Ed pointed out.
“I meant…ugh, nevermind!"
Rainbow looked up at the menu behind Ed.
"Just give me the number five.”
“Okay.”
Ed looked under the counter and took out the model in a shape of the number five and handed it over to Rainbow Dash.
“Here ya go!”
Rainbow was flabbergasted.
“What the heck is this!?” Rainbow cried.
“It’s the number five like you asked,” Ed answered.
“NO!" Rainbow retorted as she tossed the model shaped five behind her. "I meant one of your food options on the menu that is labeled as the number five!”
Ed smirked. “Last I checked, our food is the number one! Haha.”
Rainbow huffed. “Okay look…just give me the hay whopper burger.”
“Listen dude, I can’t just give you the food, you have to pay for it,” Ed explained.
Rainbow facehoofed.
“Oh for crying out- JUST GIVE ME THE WHOPPER AND I’LL PAY FOR IT! ALRIGHT!?”
Ed raised his palms up in defense. “Okay, just take a chill pill jeez!"
Ed leaned over to his mic.
"One Good Whopper Burger!”
“Finally!” Rainbow cried as Ed ducked behind the counter again.
Once he found the thing he was looking for, Ed struggled a bit as he was lifting something heavy back up to the top of the counter. Once Ed finally placed the heavy object the counter, Rainbow's jaw dropped when she realized that the thing Ed brought out was a giant hay burger.
“What the- why is that burger so big!” Rainbow shouted as she pointed at the burger in question.
“You asked for a whopper-sized burger." Ed answered. "That’ll be twenty five bucks.”
Rainbow gave Ed her annoyed glare for a moment and then she spoke up.
“First of all, I said I wanted a kind of hay burger that is called a whopper, not a giant sized burger! Second, I will not pay twenty five bits for a burger, especially for something that I don’t want in the first place!”
Ed titled his head in confusion. “Well then why did you ask for it?”
Rainbow grit her teeth in anger.
“Hey Eddie!~” A bubbly voice called out from behind Rainbow.
They both looked towards the source to see the voice belong to none other than Pinkie Pie, Ponyville's baker and party extravaganza. She happily hopped her way over until she stood in front of Ed next to Rainbow Dash.
“Hey Pinkie!" Ed greeted cheerfully. "What’s up?”
Pinkie giggled. “Oh you know, the ceiling!”
Ed's eyes lit up. “Ooh! Don't forget the sky, the clouds, the sun, the moon, space and those other planets and stars floating in the galaxy. Haha.”
Pinkie laughed with a snort. “You’re so deep and funny!”
“Thanks!” said Ed with his huge smile.
"Oh brother," Rainbow muttered, rolling her eyes.
“Anywho, may I order a hay whopper burger and a large fry?”
“Sure thing Pinkie!” said Ed.
He disappeared under the counter again to pick up something from behind. He then came back up a giant french fry that really made Rainbow's eyes popped out in disbelief.
“Here’s your large fry Pinkie, made from the world’s largest potato!”
Rainbow quickly shook her head out of her stunned state and gave Ed her flat look.
“Okay, I’m pretty sure what Pinks meant was that she wanted a large container of fri-”
“Thanks Eddie!" said Pinkie with a look of excitement on her face. "This is exactly what I wanted!”
"You’re welcome!" Ed said cheerfully. "You can have this whopper, this pony doesn’t want it. That’ll be eight bucks.”
“Awesome, here ya go!" Pinkie chirped as she gave her bits to Ed.
Pinkie turned towards a Rainbow Dash who had a look of disbelief on Rainbow's face. "I don’t know why you don’t want this whopper Dashie, you’re really missing out on this!”
“Enjoy your food!” said Ed as he placed the two large food on Pinkie's back.
“Thanks Eddie, I will!” Pinkie replied cheerfully.
Pinkie turned and hopped her way over towards one of the available seats without any strain on her back from two of her giant foods. After Ed finished waving her friend off, he turned back towards Rainbow who had a look of pure fury on her face.
Ed blinked. “What? Did I have a pimple on my face?”
“How come you charge me twenty five bits for that one giant sized burger while she gets to pay her giant burger and a large fry for eight bits?” Rainbow screamed.
“Because hers isn’t as big as yours,” Ed answered, oblivious to Rainbow's anger.
“THEY'RE THE SAME SIZE" she bellowed. "THAT’S THE SAME BURGER YOU WERE TRYING TO MAKE ME PAY FOR IT EARLIER ALONG WITH THAT HUGE FRY YOU THREW IN THERE! SHE ENDED UP PAYING FOR A PRICE THAT IS LOWER THAN WHAT YOU WERE CHARGING ME FOR JUST ONE BURGER THAT I DON’T EVEN WANT! WERE YOU PULLING A PRANK ON ME? BECAUSE IF IT IS, IT WASN'T FUNNY!”
“…soooo would you like that giant burger with a large fry too?” Ed asked.
With a loud infuriating scream, Rainbow Dash flew towards the ceiling and break through it, disappeared into the sky.
Ed looked up at ceiling which now has a huge hole on it.
“Is that a no?” he called out.
Ed looked down when he heard a grunt from the floor. Flash, who regained conscious again, stuggled to get up again despite feeling the pain from both sides of his face. When Flash finally stood up, Ed looked him over with a concerned expression on his face.
“Hey you okay dude? You looked like you’ve been hit.”
Flash, now has two black eyes, gave Ed his look of disbelief.
“You’re the one who hits me…twice!”
“Uh…no?”
“You did! It all started when I ordered a Good Punch-”
Just like before, Ed punched Flash in the face and Flash was instantly knocked out onto the floor...again.
Suddenly, another pony entered the Hay Burger. This pony was a light purple unicorn mare with dark purple mane and tail with violet and mint green stripe across it. She was recently a new residence of Ponyville and also became a new student and friend to Princess Twilight Sparkle. She trotted across the restaurant until she stood in front of Ed.
Ed smiled. “Welcome to Good Burger, home of the Good Burger! Can I take your order?”
Starlight Glimmer smiled back. “Yeah, I would like a good hay burger with extra pickles but light on the ketchup please.”
“Okay, coming right up!” said Ed.
Ed turned a grabbed a hay burger from the rack and placed the burger on the counter. Then he ducked under the counter and took out a bottle of ketchup and a flashlight. He then opened up the wrapper, removed the bun and dumped a huge amount of ketchup all over the burger. When he was finished he picked up the flashlight, turned it on and flashed the light on the burger.
Starlight never felt both disgusted and confused at the same time in her life.
“Um...what are you doing?” Starlight asked with a frown.
“I’m putting the light on the ketchup,” Ed replied, still holding the flashlight. "That'll be eight bucks!"
“No, I mean put only a small amount of ketchup on the burger," Starlight clarified. "Look at this, it’s completely submerged with ketchup!”
“Don’t worry, I can fix it!” Ed insisted.
Ed picked the burger up and began to lick the ketchup off of the hay patty.
Starlight recoiled in disgust. “Eww! You're licking my hay burger!”
Ed stopped licking her burger. “Uh…no?”
Starlight breathed through her nose to keep herself from losing her temper.
“Okay look...just give me a new hay burger, but make sure you add some extra pickles. You didn't put any pickles on my burger!”
Ed nodded. “Okay.”
Ed went to the back and took another hay burger from the rack. He placed the burger on the counter and unwrapped it.
“Here’s your burger,” said Ed as he took the top of the bun off of the hay burger.
He then bend behind the counter and took out a huge bowl of pickles.
“And here’s your extra pickles!” Ed cried as he dumped a bowl full of pickles all over the burger until it was completely buried in pickles.
“WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?” Starlight shrieked.
“Giving you extra pickles," Ed answered.
“I don’t mean that many!" Starlight retorted. "Who would want to put a huge pile of pickles on their hay burger?”
Ed tilted his head. “Uh…you?”
“UGH! This is the last straw! I’m outta here!” Starlight shouted as she made her way towards the door.
“No, we still got plenty of straws left,” said Ed as he took a handful of straws from his pants pocket.
Starlight ignored Ed and she slammed the door behind her. Ed stood staring at the door for a moment with a smile but then he shrugged. As he stuffed the straws back into his pocket he heard two ponies groaning from the floor. Rarity slowly stood back up facing Ed with a look of frustration, followed by Fluttershy who looked more timid than she was when she first walked into the Hay Burger.
“Oh hey there you two!" Ed greeted with a smile. "Did you girls have a good nap?”
“Eeep!” Fluttershy shrieked as she half ducked behind the counter.
“Calm down Fluttershy, he won’t hurt us," Rarity cooed at her friend before she turned back to Ed with a harsh glare. "But I’ll hurt him for making me that disguising milkshake!”
“But you asked me to make you one,” Ed pointed out, not losing his smile.
“I DO NOT MEAN FOR YOU TO BLEND A BURGER WITH WATER YOU SIMPLETON!”
Suddenly, the door slammed opened. Four mares and one dragon rushed in with angry looks on their faces, save for one.
“There's that varmint, Twi!”
“Yeah, that’s the creep who messed with me!”
“And me!”
“And me too!”
“Ed," Twilight called out with a frown. "My friends came to me at the castle and they’ve all complained about the way you...handled their orders.”
“Get in line darlings," Rarity yelled. "I’m in the middle of complaining to this scoundrel about giving me a burger shake instead of a milkshake!”
“You think you have it bad Rarity?" Applejack retorted with still some chili on her coat. "This varmint sprayed chili all over me with a hose and then he gave me the worse soda Ah ever tasted!”
“What’s so bad about it?” Rarity asked.
“It tasted like PEARS!”
Ed blinked in confusion. “You said you wanted a pearry soda.”
“Ah said berry soda! BERRY! With a B! B!”
Ed pointed towards the right. “Listen dude, if you really have to go, the bathroom is right down there.”
Applejack growled as she made her way towards Ed. “Why ya little-”
Rainbow swooped in front of Applejack. “Hold on AJ! I should be the one to get my hooves on him!"
She pointed her hoof accusingly at Ed. "He kept messing up my orders and overcharged me this gigantic hay burger even though he gave Pinkie the lowest price along with her giant fry!”
Pinkie hopped her way over to Rainbow Dash with her cheerful smile. “Seriously Rainbow Dash, this hay whopper burger is delicious! You should’ve taken it while you had the chance.”
“But it’s not what I want in the first place!” Rainbow retorted.
“Well this guy keeps giving me the hay burgers even though I told him I don’t want any more!" Spike said angrily.
“And he drowned my first hay burger in ketchup and then shines a light on it!" Starlight shouted. "When I asked for a second one, he dumped a bowl full of pickles on top of it!”
"I don't see what's the big deal here, he completed my order perfectly!" Pinkie said cheerfully.
Rainbow gave Pinkie her glare. "That's because you're Pinkie Pie! You don't count!"
Pinkie frowned angrily. "Hey! What does that supposed to mean?"
All of Twilight's friends kept on complaining about what Ed does to them while Pinkie yelled at Rainbow Dash for the insult she gave her. Fluttershy meanwhile just whimpered as she hid behind her mane. Twilight's headache was growing by the second with all the noises that was so loud, even the customers stopped eating, just to see what was going on. After a minute of hearing the loud mixed complaints from her friends, she couldn't take it anymore.
"QUIET!" Twilight bellowed in her rare royal voice.
Everyone in the entire Hay Burger was silent, except for Ed who was humming his own song as he counted the hay burgers on the counter.
Twilight sighed. “Let me handle this.”
Twilight turned towards Ed. Based on the complaints she heard from her friends about Ed dealing with their orders, she was about to do something that she will not want to do that will most likely hurt Ed, but it needs to be done.
Twilight let out her heavy sigh.
"Ed?" she said quietly.
Ed stopped counting the burgers and looked up at Twilight.
"What's up Twi?" Ed said with a smile.
Twilight looked down, not wanting to meet his gaze.
“Listen Ed…I don’t know how to say this…”
Ed perked up. “Oh it’s easy, you just go…thiiiissssssssssss.”
Twilight heard some annoyed groans from her friends behind her. Twilight sighed heavily again and before she starts speaking again.
“Look Ed...this morning, I thought it was okay to give you a temporary job to work at the Hay Burger until I found a way to send you back home, but in light of so many complaints from my friends and some other customers, I’m afraid…"
Twilight swallowed. "I'm afraid...I have no choice...but to-”
“Oh hold a sec Twilight, I got another customer,” Ed said suddenly, interrupting Twilight.
Twilight looked up. “But Ed I-”
“Welcome to Good Burger, home of the Good Burger! Can I take your order?” Ed said cheerfully to the new customer.
The new customer in question was a mysterious unicorn stallion wearing dark clothing and a black ski mask over his face. The ski masked stallion appeared to be thoughtful.
“Uh yeah. I like uh…one hay burger with uh…good cheese and uh…"
He suddenly used his magic from his horn to grabbed Spike close to him and placed his horn right by Spike’s neck.
"ALL THE MONEY IN THE CASH REGISTER!” he bellowed.
Everypony at a restaurant gasped.
“SPIKE!” the girls cried out.
Ed, oblivious to the situation, leaned in to his microphone.
“One good burger with good cheese and all the money in the cash register.”
Everypony in the Hay Burger screamed as they jumped out of their seats and ran out the door. Some of the customers even jump out through the windows to get outside for safety. Fluttershy would've escaped with the other ponies, if Rainbow Dash haven't held her place by grabbing her tail with her teeth.
“Hey, where you all going dudes?” Ed called out to the fleeing ponies in confusion.
Soon, the entire restaurant was empty. The only ones remained was Ed, Twilight, Applejack, Rarity, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Starlight Glimmer, Spike and the robber who was holding Spike hostage.
“Oh my gosh, SPIKE!" Twilight screamed in panic. "Flash, do something!”
Twilight franticly looked around for her guard until she spotted him on the floor, still lying down unconscious.
Twilight blinked. “Oh right…you’re still out cold…”
“You let Spike go you creep!” Rainbow shouted as she was about to knock the robber down.
“Stay back!" He threatened, pressing his horn to his neck. "I’ll harm this drake if you come any closer…”
"Twilight!" Spike cried fearfully.
Not wanting to let the robber hurt Spike, Twilight turned her head to her friends with her solemn expression.
“...do what he said girls,” she said quietly.
With reluctance, the girls did as instructed.
While this was happening, Ed handed over a piece of paper to the robber.
“Okay, your number is zero-five. That’ll be eight bucks.”
The robber growled.
“No you moron! This is a robbery!”
“Okay, two fifty.”
“Ed, he’s not a customer, he’s a burglar!” Twilight shouted.
Ed gave the robber a look over.
“Uh…no? He looks like a pony with a ski mask over his face. Although his head does shaped like a burger a bit.”
“Listen here wise guy!" The robber spat. "You give me all of your money you have in your register or this baby dragon is a goner! You better not show me any tricks!”
Ed eyes lit up. “OOH, you wanna see some tricks?" Ed then took out his yo-yo from his pocket. "Check this out!”
Twilight eyes widen in panic. “Ed wait, don’t-”
Ed shoots down his yo-yo until it touched the top part of the counter. The round part of the yo-yo kept on spinning as it goes across the counter while Ed was holding the string.
“Lookie, this is called walk-the-dog," said Ed as he was showing off his trick. "Pretty cool huh! Haha.”
The robber, as well as the others, stared at the yo-yo in awe; never seen anything like that before.
Ed retracted the yo-yo.
“And then…" Ed grinned.
He suddenly ducked down and yelled, "AROUND THE WORLD!”
He spinned his yo-yo around and it collided to the side of the robber's head, temporary stunned him. Ed then quickly popped back up with the chili hose pointing at the robber.
“Here’s some CHILI!” Edd cried as he sprayed the veggie-chili on the robber's face.
The robber was flailing his forehooves around as the chili was blasting on his face, releasing his magical hold on Spike. Despite part of his body was covered in chili, Spike got away from the robber and ran near Twilight. Seeing her chance, Rainbow swooped down and tackled the robber into the ground, knocking him out.
“Gotcha!” Rainbow cried out in triumphant as Starlight placed the anti-magic ring on the robber's horn just in case.
Ed made a pose as he blow the steam from the nozzle.
“That’ll be eight bucks!” he grinned.
“Spike, are you okay?” Twilight asked worryingly as she look Spike over.
Spike smiled. “Yeah I’m okay, all thanks to Ed!”
Twilight gave Ed her look of graditude. “Ed thank you so much for saving Spike, I am forever in your debt!”
Ed smiled. “You’re welcome Twilight, but I don’t think you owe me any money at this time. Haha.”
Twilight rolled her eyes but kept her smile.
“Okay, you may have drive me crazy earlier, but I’ll admit, what you just did to that robber was AWESOME!” Rainbow said in compliment.
“I concur with Rainbow Dash, that was really brave of you to risk your life to save our Spikey-wikey,” Rarity praised.
Ed chuckled. “Thanks, it was something I had to do.”
Applejack raised her eyebrow. “You had to?”
Ed shrugged. “Sure, see I knew if I don’t do something, that dude with the ski mask will harm him. Then I thought even if I do what he said, he’ll probably either release Spike and run, which is least likely, seeing that he won’t make it to the exit especially with that cyan one will pounce on him the moment he’ll let go of Spike or carried Spike with him until he’ll most likely be far away from Ponyville in case if someone is following him. He may let him go right then and there, but he may get paranoid and still keep him hostage for days or even weeks before he’ll finally let him go. Meanwhile, the police would probably take too long to go after the mask dude. Even if someone finally catches up to him, it may already be too late for Spike since he is no longer in any use to the thief and will get away with the money. There is no way I’ll let anything happen to Spike! So then I thought, I’ll take matters to my own hands and risking my life to distract him for a few seconds with my cool yo-yo tricks before I strike him the moment he let his guard down by stunning him with my yo-yo and then sprayed chili all over him, giving you girls time to capture him before he had the chance to escape. Haha.”
Everypony starred at him in stunned silence, surprised how Ed came up with everything before taking on the robber. Finally, Starlight spoke up.
“So wait…you thought all of that?”
Ed nodded with a smile. “Sure! I’m not stupid. Ha.”
Ed set his eyes on Twilight's. “So Twilight, what was it you were going to say earlier?”
Twilight felt her fur stuck up at the back of her neck.
“Oh…um…”
She completely forgot about what she was going to do to Ed for his consent mistakes at the Hay Burger. Ed just saved Spike’s life! She doesn't want to fire Ed from his job, not after that. She glanced at the girls and they were all thinking of the same thing. They all wanted to give Ed another chance for his selfless act, but how can Ed continue to work at the Hay Burger without unintentionally making the customers angry?
Suddenly Fluttershy spoke up.
“We were wondering if you need an additional assistant to help you for the job. That way, you’ll make less mistakes when somepony is helping you out and you don’t have to do everything by yourself…um…if you don’t mind that is.”
Ed smiled. “Oh sure! You don’t even have to ask. The more the merrier! Haha.”
Everypony smiled at Fluttershy idea, glad that they can work something out for Ed. Twilight turned and gave Ed her bow.
“Thank you again for saving Spike's life Ed.”
Ed smiled warmily. “You’re welcome Twi! Tell ya what, as a celebration; you all can have a free burger with no charge. Haha.”
Everypony cheered at the proposal.
Twilight turned towards Fluttershy.
“That was a very nice thing you did for him Fluttershy,” she said with a smile.
“Yea Fluttershy, only you can be so kind enough to come up a way to have us help him…instead of the alternative.” Applejack added.
Fluttershy blushed from the praises she's getting.
“Well…I may be shy with him at first, but I know he didn’t mean all that and he was actually a very sweet guy. He didn’t deserve to get fired for making a few mistakes…”
Everypony but Pinkie gave her their disbelieving looks which caused her to shrink a bit.
“…Okay a lot of mistakes. Still, he deserves a second chance right?”
Twilight gave Fluttershy her soft smile. “You are absolutely right Fluttershy. Perhaps with extra par of hooves and advice, he’ll probably get better overtime.”
“You know darlings," said Rarity as she was rubbing her chin in thought. "I wonder if deep down, underneath all of his childish antics, that he was actually a very smart and clever person?”
“Look! I’m grape nose boy!" Ed announced with green grapes up his nose before he started dancing.
"Bloobity bloobity bloobity bloobity bloobity bloobity bloobity bloobity …”
Rarity frowned. “Or…maybe not.”
Rainbow groaned loudly.
“Could this get any more annoying?”
“Check me out! I’m grape nose mare!” Pinkie appeared next to Ed with green grapes up in her nose.
“Cool!” Ed cheered before they both began to dance.
“Bloobity bloobity bloobity bloobity bloobity bloobity bloobity bloobity …”
Everypony groaned at the display.
Applejack turned towards Rainbow.
“You had to ask that Rainbow Dash?”
Suddenly, they heard somepony moaning in pain which caused Ed and Pinkie to stop dancing. They all turned to see Flash Sentry dragged himself up from the floor with the counter while pressing his hoof on his muzzle. Once he got himself up, he rubbed his muzzle for a moment before he leaned over on a counter to speak to Ed, despite the pain he was feeling on his face.
“Okay…I’m…I’m beginning to understand…what is going on here," he began slowly. "Every time…I tried to order...a drink...for the Princess...you keep…punching me in the face repeatedly! So…with that in mind…I would like to change my order…to one…good…soda. That is S-O-D-A…soda.”
Ed nodded. “Okay, one good soda.”
“Thank you!” Flash sighed in relief, glad that he finally placed his order without any issue...
...only to get punched in the face by Ed again.
“Princess…I think I’ll take the rest of the day off,” Flash slurred before he collapsed to the floor and was knocked out again.
The girls and Spike laughed at the display while Ed resumed drumming the register and singing his catchy song.
“I’m a dude.
He’s a dude.
She’s a dude.
‘Cause we’re all dudes, HEY!”
Re-watched Good Burger the other day and it inspired me to write this story. It's goofy but I had fun writing it and I hope you all enjoyed reading this! 
Criticism is welcomed but please be friendly.
Now if you excuse me, I'm getting myself a burger! 
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- sonicfan05 · 35k words · 63 14 · 2.4k views
- Wildcard25 · 31k words · 22 5 · 1.6k views
- Silvercloud · 1.6k words · 18 0 · 494 views
- twilightsparkle3562 · 23k words · 36 11 · 1.9k views
- Vinyl-ScratchDJ17 · 2.4k words · 74 8 · 3.6k views
Stats
Page generated in 0.146 seconds
Total duration
996 users online
278,188 hits today, 2,314,256 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
I enjoyed this way more than I should have.
Pinkie and Ed is too much
Estuvo muy cómico y interesante sigue así - animo -
I remember that movie! Loved it and the skits in All That.
Ah... Sweet memories~
One 'like' with a side order of 'favourite' coming right up!
After reading this, I just had to watch few of the skits of Good Burger on YouTube
.
What even is...... This is too good have all my likes.
For some reason, that picture greatly disturbs me...
I can't believe this. Ed from Good Burger in Equestria? What even?
Bon Qui Qui would've been so much better.
ahh this brings back memories
7178793
I couldn't sit through the movie when it was available at the dollar theater. . . I can safely argue it wasn't all that. Goodburger is like a Key and Peele short that went on for too long without any of the charm of Mystery Men, Mad TV, or Malibu's Most Wanted. I'm afraid that I'm unwilling to like or read this monstrosity and I'm one who can enjoy the worst kind of fiction, the best worst movies, and just horrible casting without the benefit of Riff Trax.
I hope you'll forgive me, but without reading. I'm afraid I'm going to have to give this one a pass... Please send Batsy Fluffentuft and all her subby friends my deepest sympathies.
I've never seen Good Burger before but this was entertaining.
Bloobity bloobity bloobity bloobity.
7178869 Honestly, I liked this growing up.
Because of the stars, Kenan and Kel. Grew up with All That and their show Kenan and Kel.
7176466 I liked the movie as a kid.
... Not sure how to feel now.
It's like Fighting Foodons (which, btw, cannot find the original JP dub of it). As a kid, I loved it. Favorite character even back then was Clawdia the evil cat-girl minion.
Nowadays? I look at that and go into a laughing fit of shame. Aside from Clawdia. Clawdia remained adorable to me. Remember also not liking Ultimate Muscle as much, but now it's one of my fave animes.
You grow up on crap, your tastes get weird. XD
Great story. It made me laugh. Can I get a burger to go? ~hug
7181440 Sure! Would you like fries with that!
I'm glad you enjoyed my story!
7181626 Sure.
7180621
And, I should mention, I could sit through 2009's 'Mystery Team,' but I could not sit through the Goodburger movie...
Not to mention no one working fast food questions how they would take an order otherwise you would have this sort of thing happening.
Is Ed stupid... oh yes, he's a dim wit, but even a clock that's broken is right twice a day!
The thing that really makes this story are the typos.
7182836 Whoops! Fixed!
For I second I thought that the "Ed" in question was from "Ed Edd'n Eddy" still I might have to give this a read one day. Either way I'm not sure Equestria could survive Ed or the Ed Boys.
Will this story have a sequel? Also, who's going to be Ed's assistant? Twilight's going to make Flash work with him just to get him off her back, isn't she?
7237961 1) This was originally going to be a oneshot story, but I may consider to do another story of this so we'll see.
2) Maaaaybe?
Shut up and take my thumbs!!
And a follow!
And a favorite!
And my MONEY!!!
7245537 Uh...thanks, but no need for money. You can just have it for free.
100% perfect lol , my sides are hurting from laughing , I recall watching the good burger sketches on all that back then as well as the film , this made me relive watching the sketches
*dead due to lack of oxygen in the brain from lauhing*
Hahahaha, ooooh man, that movie was awesome.
This was funny, nicely done dude~
7474302 Thank you! I'm glad my story made you laugh.
7474315
Welcome dude
derpicdn.net/img/view/2015/7/11/934851__safe_solo_rainbow+dash_screencap_animated_cute_bed_scared_dashabetes_loop.gif
7482717 Sorry about that!
Thanks! Glad you like it.
never ending story.
hhmmmmmmmmm a part of me liked it, then again I thought it was a bit to much with the amount of stupid stuff he did.
I can't say how good it was, but I think it has it's good parts.
7719054 This story was so funny I am crying and laughing
7845370 Thanks! I'm glad that you liked it!
1:23
Oh, this brings back memories...
Will suggest to everyone everywhere. Already done on roblox, fortnite, and bronie con. Also can I have Pinkies order? Good Burger Yummm.
7176466
Too true, oh wait NOT. There is no such thing as enjoying this too much. "Enjoy all you want despite the negative in life"- I wish Ed quoted this.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CAb_bCtKuXg
Yeah, that IS how Ed would act if there. As himself. XD