- Member Since 16th Jan, 2015
- offline last seen 24 minutes ago
Hawker Hurricane
Yorkshireman and tea drinker.
Hawker Hurricane
Joined 16th Jan, 2015 ·
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Seems okay so far. But I'd give your character some flaws if I was you. Seems a bit too perfect so far.
7176668 I will do. Thanks for the feedback and I'll think of some fitting flaws. I have no intention of making him a Gary-Stu.
I like the story so far. Does this story take place after or before Rainbow Rocks?
7176824 Before Rainbow Rocks. I knew I left something out of the description.
7176827 My mistake then. I didn't see it. Anyways... great story!
no because he didn't want to talk to her
*not
Also this feels a bit rushed
this seems a bit rushed but its good though
It's kind of fast paced but it's still good. Take some time and get down what you envision perfectly, even if it eats up a bit of time.
Info cram, and not to mention the amount of unnecessary info scattered throughout the paragraphs. I understand the world-building attempt, but like others have said before, go slow and blend it all in bit by bit. Make sure the info given is there for a good reason, such as driving the story and fleshing out characters. Good luck!
7179016 Thanks for the feedback. I'm looking at doing some minor edits to the chapters so I may be able to move some bits to the 3rd chapter and onwards.
I've put the story in hiatus while I iron things out.
excuse me, mr. Author, but you seem to be slipping into 2nd person.
you do realise that he can't read your writing in the same fancy voice that you are reading it in, in our head, right?
well excuse me for wanting to make it sound better to myself
7210151 Fixed it. Thanks for pointing it out.
7210166
that was quick
plus, you are welcome.
7210166 this gonna be updated or nah? its not on hiatus
7252647 It's going to be updated. I'll try and get it out tomorrow if I can.
7252650 k
7252656 I'm writing the chapter now but I might not get it out today. It will be out soon though. The chapter might be a bit bland but the sotry will pick up.
7254449 coolio
The ears man. The ears.
That's why you've been stood here for several minutes."
*standing
Forte's pony ears attracting looks from other students, and knocked on the door.
*was attracting looks
"So," started Sunset, "Let's see you photo."
*your
Now sat next to Rainbow,
*seating
to each student at the start if the year.
*of
"Way to Forte," some of the students said enthusiastically.
Not sure whats that meant to be..
"You're not all angry at me at getting praise at the teacher?
*praised from the teacher
"Really?" sked Forte.
*asked
you need a proof reader/editor.
good chapter tho
7264057 Thanks for pointing them out. I do go through and check for mistakes before I publish but as you saw I do miss some. It was late and I was knackered when I checked through it, which probably didn't help.
7264081 ah ok. maybe you should wait until the next morning.
7264141 Should do but I was eager to get the chapter out.
7264151 k
We really weren't expecting what Rainbow did. Were we, shifting?
Absolutely not!
I find it funny how Discord is a science teacher
Well go on.
Any update?
7411674 There'll be an update but I'm not sure when. Not sure what to have in the next chapter, maybe a weekend out with the girls.
7411698 uhh, ok....
7411738 It will come. You haven't heard the last of Forte.
7411745 Heh. well its been 2 months....
7411760 The time's flown by.
7411794 yep.
I am writing the 4th chapter but it's coming along slowly. I know what I want to write but the words just aren't coming out.
Nice chapter! But damn it! I had hoped that Forte and Rarity would become a couple. Looks like it's going to be Sunset.
So... the Dazzlings won't be appearing in this story?
You know, I'm not altogether convinced heldentenor is a real word? Is it a real world? It doesn't even come up on my spellcheck...
7678787 http://neilhowlett.com/articles/what-is-a-heldentenor/
this was an impressive chapter, I really felt the sorrow in Sunset at the end and the Surte (Sunset X Forte) scene near the end was very good
You really know how to hit me in my feels zone! I also admit this was sombre for me as I sung "You are my Sunshine" to my nan on her deathbed!
Really, Anon-A-Miss? Really?
But there was one part of this chapter I agree with.
Yes, those things must removed from the face of the Earth.
I had forgotten about the newspaper episode until you did the anon-a-miss thing here and explained that it was the CMC and all 4 of us remembered about it and immediately looked accusingly at a mental version of human diamond tiara wearing the outfit that pony-tiara did in that episode...
Please update soon. Oh, and maybe you could do an omake of Twilight meeting Forte's pony counterpart.
8064978
I have two chapters waiting to be published, and writing the third. I'm just waiting for my editor to have a look through them. I have thought about Forte's counterpart meeting Twilight and I have something in mind.
oooo- did not expect this....
Cant wait for the next chapter
8068589
It's ready but I'll wait a week or so before publishing it, get people all worked up for it.
Well, I wasn't expecting that. But if I know Dainn's take on this story, and I see you were inspired by that (Like everybody else it seems) I know how this'll go. Bit disappointed here. I was hoping you'd take your own route, of course I wasn't happy when you decided to introduce Anon-A-Miss at all.
8068595
and not just for this fic. cant wait for new chapters of your other fics too
8068599
Thanks!
(First let me apologize for my bad English, I'm from Germany)
So I guess..., this is going to be interesting...
I personally think the pony ears, toke the seriousness from the chapter, but hey I'm just saying.
But other than that, nice chapter, really. I'm looking forward for the next chapter