• Member Since 29th Aug, 2013
  • offline last seen May 17th, 2019

JackieFreak


Bass cannon

E

Her feelings had finally slipped out, so it was all done and dusted, right? Correct. But Fluttershy had never expected to find out that her crush was also keeping something hidden from her for so many years, as well.


Contains: TwiShy shipping.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 15 )

You do know Fluttershy's not beige, right? She's yellow. Beige is yellow-brown, like sand, and she's certainly not anywhere close to that.

7170516 Hazel: Indeed, she looks to be...I'd say butter
Hester: I thought it was dandelion

7170516
7170620

Whoops, I didn't realize. I was told before that beige was a light, yellowish colour so I got a bit confused. It's fixed now ^^'

Aww, cute. Though I'm not usually one for TwiShy, this was quite enjoyable and adorable, and the characters felt about right too :twilightsmile:

Just one niggle which caught my eye:

The pegasus glanced away at the response, feeling the most empty she's ever been in a long while, though she felt a force pushing her face back and she sadly gazed into the eyes of her crush.

I think that breaks tense, so it should be 'she had ever been' to maintain tense, then the 'in a long while' could also be removed, but that's entirely up to you :)

7171074

Yeah, I've never been that good with keeping in tense so I make mistakes quite often. I've changed it as you suggested, thanks for helping me out :twilightsmile:

As the TwiShy ship captain, I welcome you aboard my humble ship. It's always nice to have more crew around.

Also

even the most simplest of tasks.

Your story was very sweet and gave me a nice little smile. The dialogue felt only the slightest bit out of character, but other than that it was pretty well done.

<3 DarqFox

This was adorable, and I loved it. It was pretty great, and I'm glad I saw this :) I love those two together, I find they work very well together and you captured it quite well. I hope you make more Twishy fics in the future.

7185915 I've corrected the mistake you mentioned, it should look better now. Thanks for the feedback, I'll be sure to improve on the dialogue next time ^^

7269779 I was thinking about writing another story focused on TwiShy, we shall see. I'm glad you liked my story ^^

when you notice twilight has gotten taller then all her friends

I read this expecting purple and yellow flavored cotton candy and I got exactly what I wanted. thank you.

Iā€™d love to see another chapter. Twishy is one of my favorite pairings.

So... cute... can't... words... vocabulary... broken...

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