• Member Since 17th Feb, 2016
  • offline last seen 9 hours ago

Dark Chocolate


Converting daydreams into stories helps me pretend to be human.

T

The names Jack Stone
Solver of over 1 billion crimes.
Bad guys eliminated: 121
Cars destroyed: 69
Total arrests: 1
Total civilian casualties: Not my god damn problem.

Jack Stone is both the best and worst super cop. Casting aside such silly things as collateral damage and civilian casualties, he catches (or rather kills) the bad guys left and right, no matter how many times Cadence punches him in the crotch.
His morals are awful, his comebacks are even more awful, and his grammar is....actually ok.
Step in to a world
where the 4th wall curls up into a ball and cries like a bitch.
Where one moment things are all bright and sunny, then Jack Stone shows up and ruins everything in the name of justice!
Where I abusing the "tab" key like a Russian whore.


Are there confusing plot holes and continuity errors? Yes.
Is there randomness and an utter lack of focus? Definitely.
Do you miss johnny Bravo? Of course you do.

Disclaimer: I guess you don't technically need to read the chapters in order. You might not understand a running gag though.

So in all seriousness, Jack Stone was a character I played in a small video series with a friend of mine. The idea is for Jack to be a parody of every super cop movie/series. I've studied many cliches and tropes, and out came Jack Stone. It also parodies a lot of Mary Sue HiE stories. If you don't get the humor, then maybe this will help...or you just suck, who knows.

If you're liking what I'm doing, do me a solid and favorite, hit that thumbs up and leave a sweet, delicious, bullet-filled comment for me please!
Sex tag for...well there's a lot of sexual humor.

Here's a little something to help you after you've read it.
http://www.cloralen.com/cloralen-platinum-bleach-liquid-gel/?gclid=Cj0KCQjwvuDPBRDnARIsAGhuAmbWU8NKwemKHMW6PzPtALGF6Wa_bAwRgN5D4DHqay8yPlWoYOUOnfUaAqexEALw_wcB

Best comments about Jack Stone:
"The FUCK Kinna crazy shit did I just read?..."
"WTF...."
"Jack Stone: the maniacal cross between Horatio Caine, a 90's cop, and that one kid down the street who's probably insane but doesn't admit it...
...I see no problems with this guy's logic for solving a crime."
"His existence offends me..."
"you really don't give two fucks about a plot do you?..."
"Jack Stone is the reason my romantic night with Pinkie Pie happened."
"No one pistol whips like Gaston."

Chapters (12)
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Comments ( 57 )

Jack Stone: the maniacal cross between Horatio Caine, a 90's cop, and that one kid down the street who's probably insane but doesn't admit it...
...I see no problems with this guy's logic for solving a crime.:rainbowdetermined2:

A little less "for some reason" and a little bit better sentence structure and you have a quality one shot on your hands.

Edit this pronto.

"Jack “What can I say, I guess crack really...cracks me up!” Jack laughs loudly as the same six supermodels in bikinis from before walk up to Jack laughing as well, and put their arms around him."

You missed a Golden opportunity here.

"Jack “What can I say, I guess crack really...cracks me up!” Jack laughs loudly as the same six supermodels in bikinis from before walk up to Jack laughing as well. With a fourth pair of avaitors resting on his nose those supermodels began wrapping their arms around him. All the while he is laughing louder, and staring straight into Celestias confused face.

7182104 legit should have a chapter where twilight is trying to study jackstone and she's trying to figure out how the avaitors are his source of power and where he gets them.

7182114 *Leans back in chair and drums fingers together quizzically*

Badass rank: off the charts.

Looks like the charts been CRACKED

Someone end me please

Also, I literally laughed my way from this story.

Idea for later: Pinkie steals Jack's glasses, only for nothing to happen to her

The FUCK Kinna crazy shit did I just read? Wait... when did I like and fave this... what the hell... I....what?!

Awesome Chris Farley reference with the van down by the river.

I saw the cover image, read the synopsis and realized this story is where the magic happens.

This is amazing

I mean holy shit

It's like Axe Cop and his Axe had a baby and that baby was deputized by Jack stone and used as a weapon.

I haven't smiled this hard in so long. I want to have Jack Stone's babies, but then he'd find me and shoot me because I took his babies.

Awesome work! Tracking, fav and like!


i.imgur.com/vZWLIA5.gif

7317536 I may have had a few drinks while writing chapter 1...

7317555

If you're not writing this with a blood alcohol content so high, your blood catches on fire, then I don't know what to tell you. :P

7317561 Did you catch the Death Note joke or have you never seen it like some kind of sheltered monster?

7317577

Oh shoot, it says my response is from chapter 4, which is probably where the death note joke is, but I haven't read taht chapter yet. WHAT ARE YOU DOING, FIMFICTION? YOU ARE FULL OF LIES

But I'll get there and check it out! I have seen death note, but only some of it, so that makes me slightly less of a monster. :P

Two mares are talking at a local diner. They look out the window in front of them and see a police cruiser speeding towards the diner. It turns sharply, and skids into the restaurant, smashing the front windows, taking out the couple, the entire store front, and knocking over several tables and chairs.

YES! THAT IS HOW YOU OPEN A BUCKING STORY!

The chief sounds extremely concerned, “Um...Jack I actually gave you the wrong address…”

Jack looks around at the crowd nervously. He see’s a teal filly with a white mane. He grabs the filly, drags him to the store, and pistol whips him. As the filly lays there unconscious, Jack places a pair of aviators on his eyes, pins his badge to him, and sets his gun next to the filly’s hoof. Jack walks off quickly, his head darting to the left and right suspiciously.

Renegade +10

“Um sir...actually we saw this guy shoot up the place then put all his stuff on some random filly he tried to frame.” The chief and other cops, stare at Jack. Other members of the crowd courageously start agreeing with the mare’s testimony outloud.
Jack looks around awkwardly.
Jack pistol whips the mare. As she lays there unconscious, Jack places a pair of aviators on her eyes, pins his badgre to her, and sets his gun next to the mare’s hoof. Jack walks off quickly, his head darting to the left and right suspiciously.

OH MY GOD DARK CHOCOLATE I LOVE YOU AND YOUR WRITING SO MUCH! :D D:D:DD>D:
I love running gags like you don't even understand

Jack pulls off the steering wheel, revealing a shotgun barrel sticking out of the car.

I love this man

“Hey! I didn’t spend an hour searching google so I could print that out just to hear your sass! Also it’s Dr.Stone! I spent 900$ and twelve hours to get my fungineering degree, and I won’t be talked down to by some princess!”

I want a fungineering degree :D

Cadence turns around, and kicks Jack with her hind legs. Jack hits the driver door so hard, it and Jack both go flying out into the highway, colliding with the median.

OH GOD I THINK HE RAGDOLLED

Cadence reaches over and crushes his aviators into his eyes with her hoof. He starts rolling around on the sidewalk again, screaming while holding his eyes.

Cadence walks into the candy store and looks around happily.

That is the best ending to a chapter I've seen on this whole site. ever.

And I've read Friendship is Optimal :D

I KNEW your story would make me smile and laugh so hard! XD Reading your Jack Stone stories makes me want to write something right now! I might just do that. We'll see :D

7333132 Your comments always put me in a good mood, thank you so much lol

wait HE CAN EXPLOIT MAKING BAD PUNS TO MAKE SUPER MODELS TO APEAR BY MAKING A SUPER MODEL ARMY! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!

7425491 Yeeaaahh I was kinda drunk when I wrote it. I personally feel each chapter is better than the last.

I LOVE YOU SO FUCKING MUCH! This story has me laughing my ball off (for the record I do have one testicle, story for another time). I love how much of an idiot Jack is and the references and tropes it parodies are amazing there was never a dull moment with this story. You sir have a like, fav, and my lungs because this story too my breath away from all the laughing.

Hilarious. But I think you misused colt and meant stallion. Colt = boy. Stallion = man. generally speaking.

7485078 That's something that's always confused me because they call all males colts in the show

7485080 And they often refer to the clearly adult cast as fillies and not mares quite often as well.

7485089 but they sometime use the right verbiage. But, I still think that you should use stallion and not colt regardless of the what may happen in the show. I also think that Big Mac was called a stallion at least once.

7485089 Meh don't worry about it I understood pretty ok and besides in a story like this it's the least thing people should care about lol

If there's a wrong way to do cop parodies, you're doing it right.

I feel like I just watched Miami Vice starring get Horatio Caine.
Not mad about it. Very funny!
This would be great as like a Robot Chicken piece on adult swim.

1st chapter is still my favorite so far, but love how funny your writing is.
Getting more of a Gaston vibe this chapter.
No one pistol whips like Gaston.

Really digging all the pop culture references.

Jack reminds me of Bojack Horseman occasionally (no pun intended).

He grabs the kid, drags him to the store, and pistol whips him. As the foal lays there unconscious, Jack places a pair of aviators on his eyes, pins his badge to him, and sets his gun next to the foal’s hoof. Jack walks off quickly, his head darting to the left and right suspiciously.

This is seriously the best thing ever.

Hooray the absurdity continues.

Jack Stone: the more aviators he wears, the more bull crap that's about to happen.

Meh. Not the Jack Stone I know.

Cadence takes a deep breath. "So...so let me get this straight, Your arch nemesis now is an evil genius, but he doesn't technically break the law so you can't do anything?! Oh! Oh that is just beautiful!"

So Dr. Doofenshmirtz?

This is what we get for going past chapter one. I should've stopped at the description. Heck, I shouldn't have logged on today. Another chapter... Sure, why not?

7861175 Well thank you, I appreciate your efforts!

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