Jack Stone in Equestria

by Dark Chocolate

Jack Stone Chapter 9: Jack Stone writes fanfiction about himself

Jack Stone sits in his small bedroom inside his apartment, rapidly typing away on his laptop. He looks up as Cadence walks in, holding a small stack of papers in her mouth. She sets them gently on the floor before clearing her throat.

“Alright so I read your little story like you asked and I have some...criticism.” Jack swivels in his chair to face her. He crosses one leg and taps his fingertips together. Cadence picks up a piece of paper and examines it.

“So first off...your main character’s name is…*sigh*...Captain Largesausage. Number one, is captain his title or his literal name? Neither makes sense since he’s a rookie cop in the middle of a city. Secondly...you couldn’t think of any other name to give him besides Largesausage?” Jack Stone nods a bit.

“Well I was thinking it adds some uniqueness to the character.” Cadence lowers the paper and glares at Jack Stone. She rolls her eyes and continues examining the paper.

“I’d also like to point out that you keep building up these intense scenes for the cop to be in and he has to make a tough call. Instead of...him doing literally anything, you end the scenes with And then he pulled out his gun and shot the dude, then they went and got icecream.” Cadence whips the paper to the ground.

“Can you take a wild guess what my issue with this is?” Jack Stone lowers his head and nods in defeat.

“Alright, I’ll add some sex to it.” Cadence stares at Jack in bewilderment before slowly narrowing her eyes.

“Okay so this last one is my biggest concern: the love interest.” Cadence lowers the paper and glares at Jack Stone. They lock eyes quietly for a minute.

“Jack this is clearly me!” She says, angrily shaking the paper at him. Jack Stone raises a confused eyebrow. Cadence brings the paper to her eyes again.

“Before Captain Largesausage, stood this hot piece of ass with pink fur. Her long mane comes down to a gentle curl right above her hooves, with a single strip of purple, pink and yellow in it.” Cadence grits her teeth and sighs.

“So firstly I think it’s kinda weird you’re including ponies in your story. I mean it’s like if you wrote some kinda sex story with like...Luna and some human general or whatever doing it on the roof of a castle. Secondly...you actually named her Cadynce. I mean...seriously? And also Captain Largesausage and Cadynce make out literally every thousand words, I counted. There’s actually a part where he’s mid speech and they just start going at it, despite being tied to this underwater table thingy, with a large spinning saw blade coming towards them. Does the villain like...pause the machine and let them make out? Also did they like...temporarily get free?” Cadence points her hoof towards the inside of her mouth and starts making loud gagging noises.

“I mean....this thing is complete garbage. Also I wanna point out that it’s also a bit weird that another character that is clearly Shining Armor, even though you called him Shining Armour, is constantly making up excuses to touch you..and it gets really gay really fast.” Jack Stone reclines in his chair and scoffs.

“The hell do you mean he always looks for an excuse to touch me?” Cadence rolls her eyes ,picks up a page and starts reading.

“Captain Largesausage looks around helplessly as he clings to the chandelier.

“Damn! If only I could get to my spare gun!” He says with defeat. Shining Armour looks around the Captain’s pants hungrily.

“Don’t worry Jack, I’ll find your gun!” Shining Armour looks up at the Captain, as he starts unbuttoning Jack’s pants with his teeth. Shining slowly runs his right hoof up the Captain’s leg, searching for the hard, metal object. Captain Largesausage bits his bottom lip, looking down at Shining.

Cadence recoils a bit.

“I mean if you’re going for a gay erotica, then you’re doing great. Also...you actually call the main character Jack a few times...and only in the scenes with Shining Armour.” Jack Stone rolls his eyes.

“So one scene of this is enough to throw you off?” Cadence glares at Jack Stone and goes back to reading out loud.

Captain Largesausage peers down angrily at a ventilation shaft.

“How am I supposed to get through such a tiny vent while holding this bomb?” He mumbles in frustration. Shining Armour strokes his chin with his hoof.

“I got an idea Jack! I’ll climb through the vent!” Shining crouches down and starts making his way into the vent, his perfectly round, firm flank sticking helplessly in the air. Shining wiggles a bit, unable to move forward.

“Dangit I’m stuck!” he calls out. Jack crouches down behind him.

“How can I help you without setting down this bomb?” Captain Largesausage says with concern. Jack’s face lights up with realization.

“Wait, I’ll just push you forward with my pelvis!” Jack crouches behind Shining’s helpless flank and starts pounding him with quick, firm thrusts. Shining digs his hooves into the metal vent.

“Dangit Jack, I’m just not going anywhere! You’re going to have to pound me harder!” The room is alive with the sound of grunts and successful cries.

“Keep going Jack, I’m almost there!”

“Yeah you get in that vent you dirty son of a-”

Jack Stone gets up angrily.

“Oh come on Cadence, he has a bomb and can’t get through the vent, what is he supposed to do if Shining gets stuck anyways? It’s completely rational!”

Cadence slams the piece of paper to the ground.

“Oh come on Jack, you can literally replace three words with penis and this becomes a porno!”

Jack Stone rolls his eyes dramatically.

“So two scenes that are barely even remotely gay ruin it for you?!” Cadence grits her teeth and gives Jack the death glare.

“Okay you know what?! Let’s skip to the very end!” Cadence flips through the pages to the last scene.

“Jack Stone lies in a hospital bed, pale and sweaty. His massive shredded abs are exposed to Shining's hot breath, who sits with worry next to Captain Largesausage. Jack holds Shining’s hoof in his hand as the two lock concerned eyes.

“Don’t worry Jack, I’ll never leave you!” Shining says. Jack nods weakly.

“I know Shining, I’ll never leave you either. I mean...no homo…” The two laugh awkwardly before breaking eye contact and blushing. A doctor walks in with a clipboard and an ominous look in his eyes.

“I’m afraid the news isn’t good. Captain, you have literally five minutes to live. Wait...crap wrong person um…” The doctor looks over at the next bed which is concealed by curtains. He sighs and shrugs.

“Owell probably too late anyways, why worry him. Ah here we go. You’ve come down with a case of Pilonidal Disease. I’m afraid the disease requires us to aggressively coat the inside of your anus. Unfortunately we don’t have anything long or hard enough to do the job thanks to a shortage of supplies.” Shining slams an angry hoof onto the railing of Jacks’ hospital bed.

“Damnit doctor! There has to be something we can do!”

Jack Stone and Shining both look towards the ceiling in thought.

Jack hums to himself.

“Now where can we find something long and hard to deliver the medicine with?”

Cadence literally rips the paper in half.

“Okay now this is just stupid! You’re telling me a hospital can’t find a single long, hard object?! Also you do know that Pilonidal Disease is just an infected hair follicle right? Did you just google a random ass disease then make up the gayest possible treatment for it?! I mean I get it, my husband is definitely a hot piece of ass, but this is just ludicrous!”

Jack Stone crosses his arms.

“There’s nothing wrong with expressing my creativity! I’m an artist damnit!”

“Stop writing gay fanfiction about my husband! Your writing sucks and it will never go anywhere!”

Jack Stone leans forward in his chair and smirks.

“Wanna bet?!” He says to an enraged Cadence.

Cadence sits in a cushioned red chair next to Shining Armor. They’re both well-dressed and surrounded by countless humans who are wearing either tuxedos or fancy dresses. Cadence stares at the stage as a woman holding an envelope approaches the podium. Cadence plants a hoof into her face.

“I can’t believe this. Not only did they make a film out of his crappy fanfiction, but now he’s up for an Oscar?!” Shining sighs as Jack leans in from the seat next to the couple.

“We did it Shining.” He whispers, slowly placing his hand on Shining’s leg. Shining leans over and bites Jack’s hand angrily. Jack quietly yells in pain as he takes his hand back and shakes it.

The lady at the podium leans into the microphone.

“And the winner for tonight’s golden globe is…” She opens the envelope.

“Jack Stone in The Pony In The Striped Pajamas!” The auditorium erupts in applause. Jack flings himself out of his chair and runs on stage. Shining narrows one eye and leans towards his wife.

“Isn’t The Boy In The Striped Pajamas about the holocaust? Did he seriously use that as the title?”

Cadence groans loudly as an image of Jack Stone and an actor who played Shining appears on a massive screen for the audience. Shining leans over to his wife.

“So is this sexual harassment yet or…” Jack suddenly appears next to Shining and puts his arm around Shining’s shoulders.

“It’s not sexual harassment, it’s Jack Stone!” Jack gives a smile and thumbs up at the photographer as they take a picture of the two. Shining closes his eyes and hangs his head in the picture.

Jack Stoooone!

Comments

[Everglue Horace]

7861148

[Dark Chocolate]

8253061
Lol is that Bo Burnam?

[Everglue Horace]

8253064
looks like it, apparently this was what he wrote before he became a famous... he wrote all but two episodes so it's semi autobiographical. We need a continuation. One season wan't enough.