Jack Stone in Equestria

by Dark Chocolate

Chapter 8: Detective Rarity

Jack Stone, Cadence and Luna stand outside of a hotel room.
Jack looks at the pair with determination.
“Okay so to go over the plan again, we’re gonna sting the hell out of this gay prostitute for cutting ahead of me at the hospital. I don’t care if he was dying, Jack Stone doesn’t tolerate the common cold.”
Cadence glances at Luna, who rolls her eyes.
Jack sighs.
“So when I say That’s A Deal , that’s your cue to burst in and nab him. Any questions?”
Both princesses shake their heads. Jack goes into the hotel room, as Cadence and Luna hop into a nearby white van.

Several minutes pass and a thin, middle-aged man walks up to the hotel room’s door. He has short thinning hair, a pencil mustache, and large glasses. He knocks on the door, and is let inside by Jack.
Jack gives a small nod to the van Cadence and Luna are in, before closing the door. The thin man gives Jack a puzzled look.
“Why does that white van outside say free puppies and candy inside?”

Jack Stone lets out a loud fake laugh. Cadence glances at Luna with a disgusted look from in the van. Luna yells into her radio.
“The hell Jack! The vehicle is suppose to blend in, so you make it a pedo van?!” Jack tries not to wince in pain in front of his guest from Luna’s loud voice over his earpiece.
Jack claps his hands together.
“Alrighty then, shall we get...down to business?” Cadence gives Luna a nod, and they both slip quietly out of the van, and stand on either side of the hotel door, waiting for the signal. Jack Stone casually hops onto the bed.
The man sets down his bag and take out some lotion from it. He holds the bottle up like he’s in a commercial.
“Okay so this is what I use for the...sensual massages.” Jack Stone nods excitedly. The man slowly climbs into the bed with Jack, and starts undoing Jack’s button-up shirt. Jack nods nervously. “So um yes...we agreed on two hundred?”
The man nods. Jack bites his lip uncomfortably.
“Yep so I guess...that’s a deal.”
Cadence gives Luna a nod. Luna bits her bottom lip and smiles, before holding up a hoof, motioning for Cadence to wait. Cadence looks at her confused.

Jack Stone nods furiously as the man starts working his way down Jack’s shirt.
“Yep...that’s a deal alright! That is such a deal!” A few minutes go by and the man starts undoing Jack’s belt.

“That’s a deal! A deal! Deal deal deal deal!”

Cadence and Luna snicker outside the hotel door as Jack’s screams of terror can be heard outside. They hear wrestling from inside the room. The man storms out and turns around before he leaves.

“You are the weirdest customer I’ve ever had!” with that , he turns around, gets in their van and drives off.

Jack angrily stomps out of the room, holding up his unbuckled pants.
He looks at both Cadence and Luna furiously.
“What the hell you two?!”
Cadence and Luna fall over laughing. Jack Stone looks around confused.

“Where’s my van?”

Jack Stooooone!

Rarity stands in front of a mirror, a confident smirk on her face. She admires her brown coat and hat, along with her pipe that releases bubbles. She starts monologuing to herself.

“When Ponyville is gripped in fear and mystery, there’s only one pony they call. There’s only one mare who dares to stand up to evil, and say no more! And that’s Detective Rarity!” She gives herself a satisfied headnod. She joyfully trots over to her small dinner table and picks up a scroll with a golden bow on it. She furrows her brow as she begins to read.

“Seems like Dash is missing a button. Not my most intriguing case, but I’ll take it!”
She jumps and screams as JACK STONE! SUPER COP! Kicks in her front door. Rarity lowers her head and sighs in annoyance while closing her eyes. Jack Stone stands in the middle of her room with his hands on his hips.

“Rarity! How could you get a case and not invite me?!” Rarity stares at him with narrowed eyes.

“I don’t know Jack. Why would I ever do that?” she says sarcastically. She rubs her forehead with her right hoof in frustration.

“Alright look Jack, if you’re going to tag along, please try to take a more...passive role?”
Jack stares at her blankly.

Rarity and Jack walk up to a house. Rarity turns to Jack.
“Just...let me do the talking alright darling?” Rarity turns back to the door and knocks. After a few seconds, Rainbow Dash opens the door.

“Rarity! Thank Celestia you’re here! Look, the button for my Wonderbolts outfit went missing! Do you think-” She cries out as Jack tackles her inside her house with a vicious roar. Jack pins her to the floor by her shoulders.

“Where’s the drugs Dash?!” Dash tucks her hind legs to her stomach, and gives Jack a double kick that sends him crashing into the wall. Jack gets up gradually with a painful groan, but is sent staggering to the side as Dash flies forward and socks him in the jaw. They roll around on the floor as Jack screams in agony with Dash chewing angrily on his ear. Dash gets up and drags a groaning Jack to her oven. She places his head inside and repeatedly slams his face with the oven door until Jack stops moving. After a few seconds, Dash gets off and walks over to Rarity, leaving Jack to lay on the floor miserably.

“Alright Rare, so the last place I know my uniform was in, was when I let Soarin take it home so his mom could repair it. When I got it back, a button was missing!” Dash puts her hooves to her face dramatically.

“You gotta find it Rare! Spitfire will have my flank if I don’t have it attached!” Rarity gives her a determined nod.

“Don’t worry Dash, I’ll find your missing button before Spitfire even knows it's gone!” She finishes her sentence with a happy nod. They touch hooves before Rarity turns around and leaves.

Rarity and Jack walk up to a small cottage. Rarity knocks and waits patiently. The door opens and a colt greets her with a delighted smile. He opens his mouth to speak but gets tackled inside by Jack.

“Where’s the drugs!?” Jack screams while rolling on the floor, choking the poor colt. Rarity stands at the doorway, staring in complete shock. The colt gags, unable to answer Jack’s question that he yells over and over. A mare walks in from the kitchen holding a button in her hoof.

“Oh Rarity, I found Dash’s button when I was walking-” Jack rolls onto his back, pulls out his pistol and shoots the mare due to his cat-like reflexes. He gets to his feet and puts two bullets into the colt. Jack looks around in panic before scooping up the two bodies and bolting from the house towards a nearby forest. Rarity screams.

“What the hell is wrong with you?! Why did you do that?!” Jack looks back at her.

“There’s no time Rarity! We have to run!” Rarity shakes her head slightly in horror and her mouth hangs open with bulging eyes. She panics and follows Jack into the forest.

“Why...why did you do that?!” She shrieks as they run. Jack whirls around and drops the bodies on the ground.

“Rare look, we’re in the middle of a massive drug cartel! From now on, we gotta watch our backs and plan our moves very carefully!” Rarity’s mouth trembles.

“Wh...what the hell are you talking about?!” She screams. Jack Stone sighs and places a hand covered in blood on her shoulder.

“Look Rare, we stumbled upon a drug smuggling operation and we had to take action! We didn’t do anything wrong alright? Now take this shovel while I smash your friends teeth in. Also we’ll need to think of a good alibi.”

The sun has set and the forest is lit with the pale glow of the moon. Numerous creatures stare at the odd sight this late at night. Rarity sobs violently in a forest as she digs up clumps of dirt in the rain with a shovel. She throws it down angrily and Jack looks up from his own hole at her. Rarity lets out a loud scream of frustration.

“All I wanted to do was to help my friend find the button to her uniform, and now look at me! It’s ten o’clock at night and I’m burying bodies in a forest in the freezing rain!” Mascara starts to trail down her face as she sobs. She starts yelling incoherently. Jack Stone climbs out of his hole and walks behind Rarity. He kneels down next to her and nods his head with sympathy.
He pulls out a rag from his jacket pocket and gently places it around Rarity’s mouth. Rarity lets out muffled cries as Jack wraps his arms around her head to control her. After a few seconds Rarity goes limp and Jack carefully lays her on the ground. He grabs his shovel, and finishes Rarity’s hole.

Rarity gets off the ground a little while later with narrow, confused eyes and looks around.

“Wh...what? What happened?” She says quietly. Jack Stone kneels down next to her. He puts a comforting hand on her shoulder.

“Now Rarity, I know you’re in shock so i'm going to put this a delicately as possible. You killed those two ponies in cold blood and you have to accept you're a monster.” Rarity’s eyes widen in horror.

“What?! I most certainly did not! You’re the one who-” Jack Stone shakes his head.

“Rarity...you’re in shock, just accept the truth and say it: you killed those ponies.” Rarity shakes her head rapidly while staring at Jack.

“But but no! There’s no way I could-” Jack sets another comforting hand on Rarity’s other shoulder.

“Rarity...trust me, I’m your friend: Jack Stone. SUPER COP!” He says, emphasizing his self-appointed title with a sudden scream that makes Rarity jump. Rarity breaks down sobbing.

“Alright, alright! I did it! I killed those ponies!” She cries out loud while tears stream down her face. Jack Stone turns to his right.

“Did you get all that?” He says to a mysterious figure. The chief stands off to Jack’s right, barely poking out from behind a tree while holding a video camera.
“Got it Jack!” He says with a thumbs up. Jack Stone stands up.
“Alright let's do this.” Jack says. Rarity looks around in bewilderment between Jack and the chief.
“Wh...wait what?!” She cries.
“Book her!” yells Jack. Several police cruisers pull up with their lights and sirens flashing.

Jack Stone walks around the front of the courtroom in Cadence’s throne room. A few different boards with various poorly drawn pictures with crayons cover the left side of the courtroom. They depict Rarity both killing and murdering ponies. Jack slowly walks to the stand where Cadence sits and watches him with a severe look of boredom in her eyes.
“So you see Cadence, we’re dealing with one sick pony. I hope you’ll make the right call and give this mare a very merciful and compassionate brutal execution by firing squad. Thank you.” Jack Stone takes his seat. Rarity sobs across from him at the opposite table.
“M...maybe I did do it! I don’t know anymore!” She sobs into her hooves.
Cadence lets out a long sigh.
“The court finds Rarity acquitted of all charges. Case dismissed.” Jack Stone gets up with a mix of anger and bewilderment on his face.
“But what about all the evidence! Why would you let her go?!”
Cadence get up and angrily slams her hooves on her stand.
“Because it’s you!” She yells.

Comments

[cosmic flash]

Hooray the absurdity continues.

[Dark Chocolate]

7861175 Well thank you, I appreciate your efforts!

[jackplanet88]

Lmao that Jack Stone.

[Cuber Snuggles]

But the button!

[Radioactive Dragon]

YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH i.imgflip.com/y678d.jpg