Jack Stone in Equestria

by Dark Chocolate

Chapter 7: The God of destruction and chaos....meets Discord

Celestia sits in her throne room, as a guard comes in full of fear. He skids to a stop.
He pants heavy but manages to speak. “Princess Celestia! It’s...it’s a code black!” Celestia gasps, and pulls out some pills from behind her throne. She runs over to Shining Armor and pulls some pills out of the bottle.
“Shining! Swallow these! Immediately!”
Shining’s eyes bulge.

“Um...what do they do?!”

Celestia pries open Shining’s mouth with her magic and makes him swallow the pills.Shining looks around in shock, not knowing what’s going on. Celestia takes off down the hall and kicks in Luna’s door. Luna sits up in bed in fright.

“What the hell Celestia! I was about to make AJ think her parents were alive! It was going to be awesome!”

Celestia tackles her sister out of the bed and tries to force feed her pills.

“What are you doing?!” Luna screams angrily.
“Just take the pills and everything will be fine!”

After some struggling, Celestia makes Luna swallow the pills. Luna rolls around on the floor gagging. Celestia bolts from her room and runs back to Shining as Cadence walks in.

Celestia rushes over to Cadence but gets stopped halfway by the guard.

“Princess! It’s not that code black...it’s the other one.”
Celestia stares at him for a minute.
“So...so no one read my diary?” The guard shakes his head. Celestia looks over at Shining, runs over to him, and starts giving him the heimlich maneuver. “Spit out the pills Shining!” she shrieks. After a few squeezes, Shining spits the pills out on the floor.

The guard digs at the floor awkwardly. “It’s uh...Discord and Jack Stone have finally met…”

The room is quiet with shock. All four ponies glance at each other. Celestia pills out more pills and runs over to Shining. “Take the pills again Shining!”

Cadence stares at Celestia.

“Celestia what the hell is in your diary that would make you want to immediately kill off the entire royal bloodline if somepony read it?!”
Celestia’s eyes dart around the room. She clears her throat nervously.

“Like a good neighbor, Statefarm is there…”
A representative with a red shirt and khaki pants appears next to her. He’s heavyset with neat, short, blonde hair and waves at Celestia. She reaches out with a hoof and touches his arm. “In your office!” she yells. They both disappear. Cadence stomps an angry hoof. “Damn you Jake from Statefarm!”

Jack Stoooone!

(One hour earlier)

Discord strolls through Ponyville during another fabulous day. He stops in his tracks as he sees a peculiar being. He begins to walk up but a terrified blue colt jumps in front of him.
“H..hi Discord!” the colt exclaims nervously. Discord stares down at the colt perplexed.
“Oh hello there little pony. I must say, who is that strange creature over there waving that metal thing at those foals?” Discord strokes his beard in thought. The colt looks behind him then back to Discord in terror.
“Oh him? He’s just some human, not interesting at all! Hey you know what you should do? Take my wife and I on a tour of...a realm or something!” Discord stares at the petrified colt and shrugs.
“The only place I know of to take you, is the Eternal Plain of Torment.”

The colt’s eyes grow wide as he looks back to the human then back to Discord. Discord stares over at the odd creature.
“I must say though, I’m equally curious about meeting that well-dressed man over there, who seems to be coaxing those foals to...urinate on that tree? He does seem quite interesting!” The colt trots in place anxiously, his eyes dart to the left and right.
“You know what? The plane of eternal torment sounds fine! Common, lets...go meet my wife, she can come too!” Discord shrugs again and follows the colt back to his house.
“Dear me young friend, why are you in such a hurry?” The colt laughs dismissively in response.
“Oh! Um...no reason!” The colt runs to his front door and kicks it in.
“Honey! Discord’s here! Pack your things, we’re going on a wonderful trip to the...plane of eternal torment.” He finishes his sentence with a defeated tone. A purple mare comes trotting down the stairs.
“Why in Equestria would we do that?!” The colt runs up and whispers into his wife’s ear frantically. All Discord overhears is something about Jack Stone.
“What is this Jack Stone?” Discord asks. The couple whirl around and the mare is the first to speak.
“Oh! Jack Stone is...is...this plant!” She grabs her flowerpot and holds it in front of her with a massively fake smile. The colt glances at his wife then back to Discord.
“Well anyways, off to the plane of eternal torment! Better not waste any time!” Discord eyes them confused but shrugs and snaps his fingers.

Several hours later, the trio reappear in their house. The mare’s hair's a wreck, and both ponies look around terrified. They’re both covered with random dust and soot. The mare looks at her flank.
“Honey quickly! Is it still crawling out of my ass?!” The colt examines his wife’s rear carefully.
“No, it’s gone! Wait...how do we know this isn’t another illusion?!” The couple hold each other and look around the room screaming and pointing at various objects.

Jack Stone kicks in their front door. Jack Stone shakes his head.
“The sound of screaming ponies and I’m not involved...sounds suspicious.” The colt glares at Jack.
“I can’t even begin to tell you what’s wrong with that sentence!” screams the husband.
Discord turns around and sticks out his hand amicably.
“Hello there, I’m Discord.” Jack nods and reaches for Discord’s hand. The mare runs up and dropkicks Jack Stone in the go-nads.
“Honey! I’ll grab the kids, you pack our stuff!” she shrieks. The colt shakes his head.
“No time, they’ll just slow us down! We can just make more, now let's go!” The couple storm out of their house. They skid to a stop in the middle of a busy Ponyville. Several citizens stop and stare at the couple. The colt gets on his hind legs and waves his forelegs around.
“Everyone listen carefully! Jack Stone and Discord...have met!” The town becomes so silent, every pony can hear Jack Stone talking with Discord.
“You know what I’ve always thought this town needs? Some excitement.” They hear Discord hum in acknowledgement. The town is covered in frantic screams. Two colts run around shrieking with fear, as they set fire to various houses with torches. A lone mare screams at the top of her lungs, as she jumps through random windows as fast as she can. Everyone else starts packing their belongings in a single bag, before running in a random direction out of town.

After a mere two minutes, Ponyville is completely evacuated. Discord and Jack wander out into the middle of town. They glance at the empty buildings in confusion.
“Where did everypony go?” asks Discord. Jack Stone shrugs.
“It’s kinda boring around here. If only there were more of me…” Discord slowly turns to Jack with a malicious grin. Discord snaps his fingers, and a hundred Jack Stone’s appear.
One walks out of Sugarcube Corner with his hands on his hips. The town is covered in a deafening noise, as a chorus of puns rolls around town.
“Looks like I’ll need a little….sugar in my coffee.”
“Hey that was my line you...Jackass.”
“Sounds like someone just got...Trumped.”
“I hate that guy.”
“I’m voting for him.”
“How about I vote your face with some..bullets!”
“Sounds like you’re giving it your...best shot.”
“Looks like someone got a front row seat...to the gun show!” Jack Stone number...you know what, it doesn’t really matter. The Jack that made the pun pulls out two pistols. All other Jack Stone’s pull out their guns...except the original.
“Looks like we're all going out with a ...bang!”
Discord flinches as they all start shooting eachother. In just a few seconds, they’re all dead. Jack acts surprisingly casual about it all. Discord turns to him.
“Not trying to be rude, but I’m just tossing this out there. When perfect copies of yourself argue, lie, and kill each other in horrific unison, it says a lot of bad things about your personality.”
Jack laughs condescendingly.
“I take it the princesses tried to indoctrinate you too with their “morality” right?” Jack cocks an eyebrow and smirks at Discord.
“Wh...what do you mean?! They’re my friends!” Discord says in fearful defense.
“If I were you Discord, I’d keep an eye on that little purple dragon. I don’t think he’s as innocent as he seems. Think about it, who is the one person in Canterlot you least expect to have it out for you?” Jack says with as much smug as he can muster, which is a lot. Discord sighs.
“So let me get this straight: you think if someone is the least suspicious, you automatically assume they’re guilty?” Discord says dumbstruck. Jack nods.
“So dumb it...makes sense doesn’t it? That’s a pretty big coincidence.” Discord narrows his eyes and glares at Canterlot.

Spike lays under the covers with his eyes closed in his basket. Discord appears under his blanket, an inch from Spike’s face with a menacing stare.
“I know what you did little dragon” Discord grumbles with an angry deep voice, played by the same guy who does Q on Startrek. I just found that out! Isn’t it cool?!
“And if you think for one moment I’ll-” Discord and Spike’s eyes both widen. Discord looks between their bodies for a second before looking back at Spike awkwardly.
“Are you um…” Discord asks embarrassed.
“I’m surrounded by naked mares all day and I’m a dude, what do you think I do all day?!” Spike narrows his eyes with annoyance. Discord continues to stare at him.
“So um...why don’t I come back in let’s say five-”
“GET THE HELL OUT DISCORD!” Screams Spike.

Celestia sits in her room, watching the entire conversation go down through a crystal ball that floats in front of her. She grins as Discord disappears and Spike goes back to his extracurricular activities.
“That’s right Spike, do whatever you want, no one’s watching you…” She whispers quietly.

Discord appears next to Jack an hour later.
“Jack do you really think…” Jack whirls around.
“Look Discord, if there’s one thing I know…” He walks up to Discord slowly and dramatically.
“That by the time you figure out their plan, it will be too late. Imagine a noose around your neck, slowly tightening until you can barely breath!” Discord stares at Jack with worry before glaring at Canterlot again.

Spike lays under the covers with his eyes closed in his basket. Discord appears under his blanket, an inch from Spike’s face with a menacing stare.
“I know what you did- really? Again? Didn’t you just do that?” Discord says in shock. Spike sighs.
“Look Discord, you can help or leave, your choice.” Discord leans back, his eyes dart left and right awkwardly.

Celestia sits in her room, watching the entire conversation through a crystal ball. She’s accompanied by three guards and Luna. They all stare at the ball with wide eyes. Luna glances at everypony before speaking.
“This feels so wrong but I can’t look away.” Celestia shrugs.
“You’ll get used to it.” she says, before tossing a piece of popcorn into her mouth.

Discord looks down at Spike and morphs into Twilight Sparkle.
“How does this suit you?” Discord covers...her...mouth.
“Oh I’m sorry I forgot her voice.” Spike gets up with a grin.
“No...it’s okay Discord...keep it.” The two giggle mischievously as they climb into Twilight’s bed.

Celestia is now surrounded by five guards, three Lunar guards, Luna, Shining Armor, Cadence and Flurryheart who sits snuggled against Cadence in her forearm. They all watch the crystal ball in shock.
Cadence stutters a few times.
“Why can’t I stop watching?!” she says with embarrassment.
Everyone's ears perk up as they hear the conversation between the two take a weird turn.
“Hey Spike, wanna see something hot? I call this Princess Twilight Smooze!” The room is filled with the sound of goo being squeezed and Spike’s cries of joy.

The entire room of guards and princesses erupts with cries of disgust.
"Oh my God that's so wrong!"
"Who does that to a baby dragon?!"
Two guards turn around and vomit on the floor. Cadence moves her forearm to shield Flurry Heart's eyes. Celestia looks over, and Cadence’s foreleg is enveloped in a light yellow aura, and moves down just enough to where Flurry Heart can see. Cadence looks down at her leg before glaring at Celestia.
“Celestia!” she shrieks. Her foreleg stops glowing as Celestia’s head snaps to the side.
“Sorry…” she quickly says. Cadence stomps an angry hoof.
“Damnit Celestia, we talked about this!” Everyone in the room walks out, groaning in disgust. Once everyone leaves, Celestia pulls out a device and hooks it up to the crystal ball. She presses a small button on the device marked “Record”.
“Hey Twilight?” Celestia calls out.
“Yeah?” Twilight yells from down the hall.
“You’re sleeping in your bed in Ponyville tonight right?”
“Yeah why?” yells Twilight again.
“No reason, let me know when you wake up, I have an awesome video I want you to watch.”

Comments

[cosmic flash]

Hilarious. But I think you misused colt and meant stallion. Colt = boy. Stallion = man. generally speaking.

[Dark Chocolate]

7485078 That's something that's always confused me because they call all males colts in the show

[cosmic flash]

7485080 And they often refer to the clearly adult cast as fillies and not mares quite often as well.

[Dark Chocolate]

7485086 So I'm not crazy then, I just assumed I was wrong.

[cosmic flash]

7485089 but they sometime use the right verbiage. But, I still think that you should use stallion and not colt regardless of the what may happen in the show. I also think that Big Mac was called a stallion at least once.

[jackplanet88]

7485089 Meh don't worry about it I understood pretty ok and besides in a story like this it's the least thing people should care about lol

[Rainbow Kirby]

He grabs the kid, drags him to the store, and pistol whips him. As the foal lays there unconscious, Jack places a pair of aviators on his eyes, pins his badge to him, and sets his gun next to the foal’s hoof. Jack walks off quickly, his head darting to the left and right suspiciously.

This is seriously the best thing ever.