Jack Stone in Equestria

by Dark Chocolate

Chapter 12: Ride Along

Button Mash exits from the backseat of a taxi. His dark brown hair gets tossed a bit from the wind. He stares at the police station as half a cop car sticks out of the front wall. Button Mash approaches slowly and enters through the glass door. He examines the cruiser’s back seat that sits firmly inside the station.

A middle-aged cop with black hair, looks up at Button Mash from his desk. Button Mash gives a small wave to the officer as he approaches his desk. Before the young colt gets a word out, he eyes a coffee mug on the man’s desk that reads “Nuke The Whales”. He stares for a moment then awkwardly pretends not to see it.

“Um..what’s with the...car?” he says, pointing a hoof at the cruiser.

The officer has a typical paper name tag that reads “Hi, my name is Ted!” on it. He inhales sharply.

“We lost the keys to the jail cell so we just put people in there.” Ted’s voice is nasally with a light British accent.

Button Mash blinks a few times. “Can’t you just get...replacement keys?”

Ted sets down his pencil and reclines back, locking his fingers across his stomach.

“Those are in a metal box on the wall. We lost the keys to that as well.”

Button Mash nods slowly and his cheeks turn a light red. He glances behind him and sees several criminals tied up and gagged on the floor against the wall. Button Mash looks at Ted again.

“So...why are these guys here then?”

Ted nods in disappointment. “Well it turns out the car’s rear doors got jammed when Officer Stone backed it in here, so we can’t open it.”

Button Mash nods and examines the cruiser one more time. “Is um...there a person in the back?”

The officer looks at the car and smiles reminiscently. “Oh him, that’s Dead Jimmy. He’s how we found out we couldn’t open up the back. Good thing we never gave him his phone call eay?” Ted leans back and laughs. “Yeah we have a pretty low budget to fix stuff ‘round here. I mean I don’t technically have any bullets. Any one of these jerks could just rush me at any moment or just make a dash for it really.”

Button Mash glances at them uncomfortably. “So why don’t they?”

Ted points at a robot in the corner that is slumped against the wall. It has an egg-shaped body, and your stereotypical robot arms and legs. “That there is Arrest-o-tron. He’s meant to just grab you by the upper body and restrain you, but the servos in his shoulders are locked up so he just accidentally decks you in the sausage instead. Poor Jimmy found out about that when he first got out of his cell. Guess that’s what we get for not being able to lock it eay? We used to have Arrest-O-Tron also feed prisoners too, but due to a glitch in his processor, he’d sometimes switch to arrest mode on the spot. Imagine one minute you’re being spoon-fed applesauce, then the next you get a good ol’ Rocky Balboa to your twig and berries. Course Officer Stone wrote it off as a weight loss program.”

Button Mash tilts his head to the side and blinks several times in confusion. “Wait...you have money for a robotic cop, but not new keys?!”

Ted looks down at his paperwork and continues finishing his form. “Well, Officer Stone spent our budget for the entire year on a new sound system for his cruiser.”

Button Mash shrugs condescendingly. “Okay so where’s this awesome cruiser then?”

Ted points at the car in the wall. “Jimmy got to hear the sweet sounds of what can only be described as a rap battle but only using polka music. We didn’t know it at the time, but apparently playing the same song all day is a form of torture. Course we couldn’t hear him over the music so we just let him be. Turns out his head banging was a cry for help, not his passionate love for polka like we thought.”

Button Mash’ mouth hangs open before he shakes his head furiously and puts on a friendly tone.

“Well hi, my names Button Mash. I was wondering if there was some kind of program where I could do a ride-along?” The officer, without changing from his lethargic demeanor, points to the right with his pencil. Button Mash looks over at the distance office, thanks the officer and walks up to the closed door. After a few knocks, he hears a gruff voice telling him to enter.
When Button Mash opens the door, he sees a much heavier man, with thinning red hair, a thick mustache and a brown suit. The man’s eyes bulge at Button Mash and he quickly takes the mirror with white powder off his desk and places it inside a drawer. Button Mash pauses, blinks a few times, then does his best to calmly approach the desk. The man switches to a suspicious expression.
“You a cop? You have to tell me if you are.”
Button Mash stares quietly for a few seconds. “Isn’t like...everyone here a cop though?”

The chief sits silently and continues to glare at Button Mash.
Button Mash slowly nods, with his eyes nervously darting to the sides. “Ah, well my names Button Mash, I was wondering if I could possibly do a ride-along? I just thought it would be interesting to get a cop’s perspective.”
The man nods a few times, still keeping his eyes narrowed. ”I’m the chief. Don’t take it personally, but I hate you.”

The chief picks up a coffee mug and takes a sip. On the mug is a picture of him, sitting in the exact same pose and outfit he is now, glaring angrily at whoever can see the picture.
“We don’t really have anyone available.” He says, while setting his mug back down. They both look up as a police cruiser skids to a stop outside the office window, ramming another parked cruiser out of its way.

A man climbs out of the driver’s seat furiously. His bushy brown hair glistens magnificently from years of hair gel abuse. He strokes his fluffy mustache that cries out for you to tug it. His large brown aviators say “I’m not afraid to shop at Walmart.”. His shirt is only white because it defeated all other colors in mortal combat. His pants are so gray, some wonder if they’re made out of whales. He is: the least interesting man in the world.

Button Mash points at him and turns to the chief.

“What about him? He seems interesting.”

The chief sighs and bows his head. “That’s Jack Stone. I don’t think you’d like that.” Button Mash recoils slightly.

“Are you sure? That’s a pretty interesting name.”

The chief blinks with a look of utter contempt. “Please reconsider.”

Button Mash carefully raises his hooves in protest. “Oh come on! It’ll be fun! I swear I won’t get in the way!”

The chief shrugs. “Your funeral. Just...go and ask.”

Button Mash thanks him then gallops outside. He stops suddenly as Jack pulls a man out of the back of his car, who’s bound in handcuffs and a gag. The man’s eyes are wild and terrified. Jack lays him on the ground and looks up at Button Mash, who waves happily.

“Hi, I was told I can do a ride along with you?”

Jack cocks an eyebrow. Jack’s voice is deep and full of arrogant douchebag.

“You got parents?”

Button Mash stares on confusion for a few seconds. “Um...well yeah, why?”

Jack sighs with annoyance.

“So people would come looking for you then? Alright um...yeah just go ahead and get in.”

Without another word, Button Mash runs over and hops into the passenger seat. Jack gets back in and leaves his prisoner on the sidewalk in handcuffs and a gag. Button Mash looks over his shoulder as Jack puts the cruiser in drive. “Um...what about that guy?” He says, while pointing behind them.

Jack shrugs. “He’ll be fine.”

Button Mash nods and looks forward. “So what did he do?”

Jack Stone glares and slowly looks over at Button Mash.

“The worst crime of all...drugs!” Jack says dramatically.

Button Mash looks down for a second in thought then looks up. “Um...are you sure that’s the worst crime imaginable? I just kind of feel like there’s worse things than...drugs- wait why did you ask about my parents again?”

Jack quickly flips on the radio and blasts the inside of the car with the wonderful sound of Elton John’s Rocket Man then drives off.

The handcuffed man looks around fearfully, as a pack of wolves slowly start emerging from the nearby bushes while growling.

Button Mash and Jack Stone speed along the street in Jack’s cruiser. Button Mash turns to Jack while playing with his hooves in his lap. “You uh...just ran a red.”

Jack slowly looks over at Button Mash. The two stare silently for a bit before Button Mash speaks up again nervously.

“Um...you just ran another red light. Please watch the road?”

Jack Stone looks forward and laughs. “Look Button Mash, as a cop, I get certain privileges. One of those privileges is being able to ignore a whole slew of traffic laws.”

Button Mash blinks a few times silently. “Yeah I don’t think that’s like...ever been true. If anything, as a cop, you’re supposed to set an example.”

Jack laughs and shakes his head arrogantly. “Um first off, it’s your. Secondly...shut up.” Button Mash narrows his eyes in confusion. “Did...you can’t correct that when I’m speaking.”

Jack lets out another annoying laugh and places his hand on Button Mash’ shoulder.

“Oh you poor poor thing if only you knew the truth.”

Button Mash shifts uncomfortably and forces as much friendliness in his tone as he can. “I take it you’re like a ...conspiracy theorist? Like with the earth being flat and JFK? That kinda stuff?”

Jack grips the steering wheel tightly. “Alright first off, JFK shot first. Let’s just be clear about that. Secondly-” Jack slams on his breaks as a brown, old fashioned Buick cuts him off. The other car honks at Jack before speeding down the street. Jack glares and puts the car in a higher gear.

“Let’s roll.” He says angrily.

A thrilled smile crosses Button Mash face as he grips the sides of his seat. “So we’re like...gonna chase him and set up like spike strips and stuff right?” Button Mash looks over at Jack and becomes horrified as Jack rolls down his window.

“Take the wheel.” Jack says dramatically. He reaches into the back and grabs a spas 12 gauge and cocks it, sending an unspent shell into Button Mash’ face. Jack climbs out the window, until half his body is exposed.

Button Mash screams as he latches onto the steering wheel while frantically trying to control the vehicle. Jack puts a few rounds into the offending cars bumper, who then floors it while swerving madly. Jack leans down a bit.

“Speed up! We gotta nail this scumbag!”

Button Mash switches between staring down the road and looking up at Jack. “Why are we doing this?!” Button Mash shrieks.

Jack Stone glares. “Because it’s the law.” Jack says menacingly as he cocks his shotgun, hitting Button Mash in the face with another unspent shell.

“Stop doing that!” Button Mash screams.

Jack holds his shotgun in his right hand and uses it to press the gas pedal to the floor. Button Mash swerves wildly, doing his best to dodge slower cars. Jack smirks happily.

“See?! You’re a natural!” Button Mash lets out a high-pitched wail as Jack accidentally discharges his shotgun into the floor, right between Button Mash’ legs. Jack stares at Button Mash for a few seconds.

“Sorry...alright there he is, get right on his bumper and force him off the road!” Button Mash stammers madly as his face turns white while clutching the steering wheel.

“Wait, what?!” Button Mash screams again as he rams the back of the Buick. Jack Stone puts a few rounds into the back-left tire and the car swerves off the road as the tire pops. The Buick kicks up grass and dirt until it hits a hole, causing it to roll over several times, but landing upright. Smoke pours out of the hood as the driver leans against the steering wheel.

Jack leans into the window again.

“Alright go ahead and pull over.” Button Mash looks around in shock with tears running down his face.

“Wh...what?! Stop?! What’s going on?! I don’t know what to do!” Jack sighs and shakes his head.

“It’s cool, I got it.” Jack uses his shotgun to blow out the tires on the left side of the cruiser, causing it to spin a few times before grinding to a stop. Jack Stone hopes out and runs over to the Buick, leaving Button Mash shaking in the driver’s seat. Jack peers inside the Buick’s shattered window.

“You’re under arrest punk!”

The man, with short black hair and a light beard looks up at Jack Stone furiously. “For what?!” he shrieks.

Jack scoffs and laughs condescendingly. “Um for evading arrest, not pulling over and trying to lowkey tell me how to do my job?”

The man tenses up and shrugs dramatically. “You ran a red light and almost broadsided me! You didn’t even have your lights on! How the hell was I supposed to know to pull over?!” Jack looks back at his cruiser, that sits there silently. Jack looks back at the man. “Oh yeah? Well guess what?”

The man looks up at Jack Stone cautiously. “Um...what?”

Jack pulls out a tiny packet from his chest pocket that has a white powder in it. He tosses it into the man’s lap. “You’re under arrest.”

Button Mash climbs out of the car. “Jack! The radio said there’s another car speeding this way! It’s like...black or something!” Jack narrows his eyes and runs back to his cruiser. He uses his shotgun to blast open the lock on the trunk, before tossing it open and pulling out a spike strip. Jack runs fifty feet down the road and lays the strip across the asphalt.

Jack motions at Button Mash to join him on the side, several yards away from the spikes. Button Mash runs from the cruiser and crouches next to Jack. Button Mash strokes the back of his head timidly. “Shouldn’t we like...move your car and like...do something about the other guy...that you just framed?”

Jack looks over at the beat-up Buick that now has flames spewing out from under the hood. “Naw, he’s fine.”

A black car comes speeding along the road, hits the spike stripe and slams into Jack’s cruiser, forcing it off the road. The black car’s rear wheels lift off the ground on impact before slamming back down. Jack walks up, tosses his shotgun to the side and pulls out his pistol. He cocks it, sending an unspent bullet twirling into the grass. Button Mash shakes his head, still staying low in the grass.

“Man he wastes like...a lot of ammo. I mean technically he hasn’t done anything productive with any of it but still.”

As Jack Stone begins to approach the car, he hears sirens in the distance. He nods approvingly as an ambulance comes barreling down the road. It hits the spike strip, flies off the highway and rolls several times, landing on its top. Jack stares quietly for a few seconds.

“Oh right…the spike strip.”

Jack turns back to the black car and approaches it cautiously. He looks in the back seat, which is full of ziplock bags, stuffed with white powder. Jack makes his way to the driver window and leans against the car.

A woman in all black, wearing a ski mask looks up at him weakly. Jack nods a few times.

“We doing a lot of baking today I take it?”

The woman narrows her eyes. “Yeah...a lot of baking.” she says while rolling her eyes. Jack nods sympathetically. “Well my bad, miscommunication, you’re free to go.” Jack pulls out his brown leather wallet and removes a twenty, then hands it to her. “Here’s for the damages.” She takes the twenty, stares at it then looks around at her shattered windshield, crumpled up front end and all four lacerated tires. She gazes back up at Jack Stone, SUPER COP!

“Um...thanks.”

Jack Stone gives her a respectful nod then turns around as Button Mash runs up.

“Wait why are you letting her go?!” He yells while motioning to her back seat. Jack looks at the car then back to Button Mash. “We got nothing on her, that’s why.”

Button Mash stares in confusion for a second, before grabbing a bag out of the back seat. He pulls out a pencil from his pocket and holds them up to Jack Stone.

“Okay quick test, which one of these is drugs?” He says, as if talking to a child.

Jack chuckles, gets down on one knee and places a hand on Button Mash’s shoulder. “Look Button Mash, as a cop, I know the feeling of wanting to catch bad guys, but sometimes we have to accept the fact that we’re wrong. We can’t just make assumptions. We have to follow the law as well.”

Button Mash begins several sentences while lost in a state of dumbfounded anger. “You...I can’t even begin to describe what’s wrong with everything you just said!”

The lady leans out of her window. “Yeah he’s right, you’re kind of an idiot.” Jack gets off the ground and walks over to her.

“Oh yah? Well guess what?” Jack pulls out a tiny clear bag of white powder from his pocket and tosses it into her lap.

“You’re under arrest punk!”

The end

Comments

[notAperson]

I just read through all of these chapters in one go... And i think i might've gotten PTSD, i also might need a psychiatrist...