Chapter 17
"Anonymous!"
You jolt up in your seat, nearly tipping backward in your chair before you settle down. In front of you stands Twilight, disapproval emanating from her dour expression.
"What?" you call back, trying to act innocent.
"Were you sleeping again?" Twilight inquires, despite knowing the answer.
"If I say yes, are you going to be mad at me?"
"Yes."
"Then no, I was not."
Twilight Sparkle only shakes her head in frustration as she turns around and grabs an eraser, wiping the chalkboard free of the gibberish it contained.
The past few weeks had been a replay of this same scene, as Twilight has been on an endeavor to tutor you through various lessons on magic, in the hopes you may get a grasp on it. But whether it has been the rather stuffy atmosphere in her tree-library combination she calls home, or the inconceivable and rather dull subject matter, you have had difficulty staying tuned in to what Twilight is attempting to teach you. More often than not, you have dozed off when she has gone on one of her many rambling monologues.
"How are you going to learn anything if you keep falling asleep, Anonymous?" she cries in exasperation, turning back to face you. "It's been nearly a month, and we still aren't past the basic material."
"I'm sorry Twilight, it's not like I'm doing this on purpose," you whine, throwing your hands in the air. "But even this 'basic' stuff boggles my mind. You keep telling me to find that magical spark and grab onto it, and I don't have a clue where to find it or how to look for it."
Twilight's ears droop as her expression softens up. "I know. This has been more difficult than I had imagined it would be," she admits, frowning as she places her hooves on the desk you are seated behind, leaning towards you. "I feel like I'm not doing enough to help you along, either."
"Twily, you drill me on this stuff for two hours a day, sometimes more," you say, taking a moment to stretch your limbs. "I don't see what else you could possibly do. We may have to face facts, maybe I can't use magic even if it is in me."
"Don't give up," Twilight pleads, her eyes filled with worry.
"I'm not saying I'm giving up," you tell her, reaching up and running a hand down her mane. "But maybe we need to call it day."
With a relieved sigh, Twilight smiles and nods.
As you scoot your chair out from behind the desk and get ready to stand up, Twilight steps in front of you with a stern expression once again. "Just make sure you get plenty of sleep tonight, so you don't fall asleep in class tomorrow," she instructs.
"But then I don't have an excuse for falling asleep in class," you say, quickly grabbing her and hugging her tightly, causing her to squeal in surprise and delight.
Just then, the door flies open as Rainbow Dash rushes in, eyes frantically darting around the room, scaring the hell out of both you and Twilight. Rainbow says nothing as she darts around as if looking for something hidden in the room.
"Rainbow Dash, don't you know how to knock?" Twilight scolds, still sitting in your lap.
"I heard screaming, I thought you were in danger," Rainbow blurts, as her vision focuses on the two of you, turning her expression queer. "Uh, what are you two doing?"
Embarrassed, Twilight scrambles out of your grasp, leaping onto the floor and turning back to look at you. "Anon was just cracking my back for me, didn't you?" she says, nodding her head fervently with a smile.
"Uh yeah, no problem," you lie. "You definitely need to relax more, all that stress just tenses you up."
Rainbow Dash doesn't seem convinced as she continues to study both of you with attentive eyes, before shaking her head. "So Twilight, did the new Daring Do book come in yet?" she asks, her voice suddenly filled with excitement.
Twilight rubs a temple with her hoof, shaking her head. "No Rainbow, I told you I would let you know first when I get it in. Unfortunately, I did not get it in this week's shipment, so it likely won't be here until at least next week."
Rainbow Dash completely loses what little composure she had, grabbing Twilight with her hooves and shaking her in a frenzy. "Next week?! But it released today! What am I going to do, Twilight?"
Twilight raises her own hooves and places them on Rainbow's shoulders, trying to bring her back to earth. "You're just going to have to be patient," she consoles, as Rainbow begins to pout. "I'm sorry, but I have no control over when my deliveries come."
"I never took you for someone that enjoys a good book, Rainbow. I figured that was too much of an egghead pastime for you," you tease. In an instant, Rainbow Dash takes to the air and is nose to nose with you, a fierce look in her eyes.
"There is nothing egghead about Daring Do," she grumbles, before moving back and brushing her mane back with a hoof. "You should pick up one of the books sometime, they're really good."
"I'll keep it in mind, thank," you reply. Rainbow nods with a grin as she drops back down to the floor, turning her attention back to Twilight once again.
"Are you sure everything is okay? No ninjas holding you hostage or anything?" she asks, her magenta eyes darting around the room with suspicion once again.
"We're fine, Rainbow. Maybe you need to lay off the adventure novels for a bit," Twilight replies with a giggle. "But I promise, when I get the new book in, you will be the first pony to know about it."
"Alright," Rainbow Dash concedes with a sigh. In an instant, she perks back up, full of energy. "Crap, I gotta get going, I'm going to be late for works. See you guys," she says, before zipping out the door, a rainbow trail left in her speedy wake.
Twilight only shakes her head with a smile as she closes the door with her magic. "I swear Rainbow tries to run late so she can go faster."
"Either that or she's terrible at planning," you reply.
"Yeah," Twilight trails off, her smile fading away with her voice. After a moment, her violet eyes focus on you. "Anon, I'm sorry. I just didn't want her to think something was going on between us."
You shrug it off. "Is there something between us?"
"Well, no. I mean, sort of," she hastily replies, quickly getting flustered by your question. "It's not really serious, but it is at the same time and I-"
Holding up a hand, you cut off her nervous rambling. "Twilight, calm down. I was just asking. We're good."
Twilight gives a sheepish grin as she lets out a nervous giggle. "Sorry, I guess I just get a little excitable sometimes," she admits.
It is nothing new for you. Since the night at the old castle when you kissed Twilight to calm her thoughts, she has flopped back and forth between considering a relationship with you and getting cold feet. Er, hooves. Luna didn't mind at all, nor did you initially, but the past month or so has been a seesaw.
"I know you do, Twilight. You just need to relax and not think so much," you lament, patting her head in reassurance as you finally rise out of the chair in which you have been seated. "Anyways, I guess I'll head home and tinker with my car. It's a nice day out, may as well take advantage of it."
"Yes, before long winter will be here," Twilight chips in, pushing your chair in behind the desk as you head for the door. "See you tomorrow, then?"
You turn around as you pull on the handle, the door opening with a creak. "You bet, Twilight. No promises I'll stay awake though," you say with a smirk. Twilight merely shakes her head, and you step out into the warm fall sunlight.
While the old girl has never seen winter since you've owned her, the cool mornings and evenings of fall are still enough to play havoc with the driveability of the Superbird. Ever the cold-blooded beast, you usually have to tweak the carburetor at least twice a year to keep the engine running strong. At times the desire to go modern and put fuel injection on the Hemi came up, but in the end, that takes away some of the involvement that makes a classic so special.
As you make a few tweaks to the carb jets, you get the sensation of being watched. And you already know by who.
"Hi Moonbutt," you say without turning. A disappointed stomp of a hoof is the initial response you get, signifying your instincts were spot on.
"I do wish you would at least play along at some point for old time's sake," Luna pouts as you rise up from the fenders of the car and tun around. as expected, she's giving you her sad teal eyes.
"If I did that, I wouldn't get to see the face you're making right now," you tell her. She rises up on her hind legs and puts her forelegs around your neck. You likewise return her warm embrace, soaking in her lavender scent. "What are you doing here anyway? I thought you were presiding on the throne today."
Luna hops down, her beaming smile you've grown accustomed to once again returning. "Well, I am, but it has been slow today. I thought I would see what you are doing."
"Nothing exciting, really," you say, shrugging your shoulders. " Just tinkering with my car."
"I should have expected that," Luna says, giggling. "How did this morning's lesson go with Twilight?"
Despite your best efforts, you can't help but feel your frustration bubble back to the surface. "Not very well, Luna. If it was an actual class, I would be flunking right now."
"Anonymous, you can't get down on yourself about this," Luna consoles, wrapping a wing behind you and pulling you up close to her. "You must keep in mind, none of us are certain you can even use the magic inside of you. This is just as much of a learning experience for us as it is for you. Nopony said it would be easy, or even successful."
"I know, but I would still like to see at least some sort of progress to know I'm not wasting my time," you tell her, slipping free from her grasp and grabbing your tools from underneath the hood of the car. "I've already gotten this pep talk from Twilight earlier today."
"What is bothering you about Twilight?" Luna suddenly spouts, throwing you off a bit as you close the hood. Instead of going all the way down, the springs catch and send the hood back up, almost catching you in the chin.
"Twilight? Nothing. Where did you come up with that?" you ask, properly closing the hood before turning around. Luna is quite literally in front of you, her eyes narrowed with suspicion.
"Your tone of voice changed when you said her name. What's wrong?" Luna asks again, softening her gaze just a bit.
"Luna, relax," you say, even as she pushes forward. With no other choice, you take a seat on the nose of the Superbird.
"Tell me," Luna instructs.
"You want me to make something up for you?" you shoot back, getting a little annoyed.
"No, just tell me what's bothering you," Luna's voice echoes from within your mind.
"Luna, get out of my head. Not cool," you scold. Undeterred, Luna smirks and places her forehooves on your legs, leaning towards you until your nose is touching her snout.
"All you have to do is tell me what's eating at you."
"Alright, look. Twilight is fine, we're fine," you stammer, as Luna lets up just a bit. Her smirk disappears in an instant as she stands upright again, her undivided attention all yours.
"You're both fine, so what is the issue?"
"I just don't know what we are," you mumble. "Ever since I kissed her in the castle, she's been....."
"A nervous ball of energy that cannot decide whether she truly desires a relationship?" Luna pipes in. You only stare back for a moment, surprised at her guess.
"Uh, yeah. You sound like this isn't something new," you reply, coaxing a chuckle from Luna as she relaxes a bit and sits down.
"Well, maybe this is a new situation. But I'm not at all surprised to hear Twilight is unsure of which path to take," Luna says. "I have seen it many times in only the couple years that I have known her. Some of it is social anxiety, some of it is a fear of change, the unknown."
"I get that, but it just puts me in an awkward spot," you lament, standing up again as you let your bottled up frustration out. "I want to support her in either choice she makes, whether that be just friends or more like what the two of us have. But how do I do that?"
"You will just have to be patient and let Twilight come to that conclusion on her own," she says, giving you a reassuring smile. "There's not much you can do, just keep being the friend that she has known in your time here."
Admittedly, you feel quite a bit better talking this out with Luna, as you exhale your remaining stress away. "Thanks, Luna. Maybe if the whole night princess thing stops working out, you should consider being a therapist," you quip, earning a bout of laughter from Luna as she stands upright again.
"That's already a part of my job, Anon. You've seen me do my work in ponies' dreams at night," she replies. Her eyes abruptly dart up to the sky, glancing up at the sun. "I should probably be heading back to the castle, though. I do not want the guards to think something has happened to me. Would you like to come along?"
"If you want. I know it sucks being bored all day, I don't mind keeping company, but will the guards mind?" you ask, a bit unsure.
Luna dismisses your concerns with a wave of the hoof. "Do not worry yourself. The only thing that might come up is private matters a citizen wishes to discuss, in which case I'll just have you step outside for a moment."
"I'm in then, ready to go?" you ask, squinting as you prepare for the flash of light from teleportation.
"I thought we might take the more scenic route," Luna replies. As you refocus your eyes, Luna has her wings unfurled, motioning your attention to her back with a nod of her head.
"I hate to break it to you Luna, but I'm bigger than you are," you tell her, a bit flabbergasted by her suggestion. "No offense. I just don't want to hurt you."
"You don't think I know my own strength?" Luna teases with a smile. "As an alicorn, not only do I have the ability to fly like a pegasus, and the magic of a unicorn, I also possess the sheer brawn of an earth pony. You'd be but a feather to me."
Despite her confidence, you are still hesitant, remaining still as an awkward silence befalls the two of you. Luna only shakes her head and snorts, before a flash of light erupts from her, before fading away and leaving you alone. Your heart sinks as you worry you've offended her.
Another flash of light directly underneath you make you jump, as before you know it, Luna has reappeared, placing you upon her back in an instant.
"I'm not taking no for an answer. I'll prove to you I can do it," she stubbornly laments.
For you, it is still a rather uncomfortable arrangement, barely able to fit being seated on her back. "Luna, how is this going to even work? I mean, yes, you got me here, but this isn't exactly-"
Luna's form begins to glow underneath you, causing you to lose focus on your argument. Slowly, the silhouette of her body contorts and grows, while you feel your feet gradually lift off and leave the ground. When her magic dissipates, Luna is as tall as her sister, if not just a bit larger.
"Better?" she asks.
"Er, I guess. But I-"
Luna doesn't give you a chance to protest as her massive wings flare out ahead of you, each one as wide as you are tall. With one mighty flap after another, Luna propels the two of you into the air, as you quickly wrap your arms around her neck and hold on for dear life.
"Luna, I'm afraid of heights," you quickly blurt out, keeping your eyes planted on the back of her head rather than dare look down. Your heart pounds in your chest, as you try to focus on your breathing and not completely hyperventilate.
"Really?" she asks, concern in her voice. "You did just fine flying when you were me for a spell."
"Yeah, because I was you. Meaning I had wings," you sharply reply.
"I suppose that makes sense," she muses, turning her head a bit to make eye contact with you. "But let me show you something to ease your nerves, just let go of my neck first."
"Are you nuts? No way in hell am I letting go," you bark.
"Please, just trust me, Anon," Luna pleads, flashing her sad eyes as extra encouragement.
"Dammit, why do you have to do that?" you sigh, relinquishing your grip. You're still a sucker for that look, and Luna takes advantage of it whenever she can.
Without warning, Luna rolls over until the two of you are flying inverted, leaving her giggling gleefully.
"Luna, what the hell are you doing?" you scream, your heart feeling like it's going to explode as you hang upside down on her back.
"Proving to you there is no need to be fearful of flying with me," she calmly replies. "You're not holding on right now, but are you falling?"
"I.... huh," is all you can manage to say, as Luna rolls right side up again.
"As long as I have my magic, you need not fear falling. I wasn't even actively casting a spell to hold you," Luna spouts gleefully, before pulling up into a small loop.
Your anxiety subsides a bit with this new revelation, though you're still not keen on looking down at the landscape below. In the meantime, Luna picks up her pace, wingbeats steadily increasing as the two of you go ever faster. it's hard to gauge how fast you really are going without some sort of reference point besides clouds, but the fact that the castle is already coming into focus ahead tells you you're hauling the mail.
"There is one other thing I want to discuss, Anonymous," Luna says softly, slowing her pace. "How is everything... 'upstairs?'" She points a hoof to her head.
Instantly, something like a warm, prickly feeling emanates from somewhere inside the back of your head, letting you know that Nightmare Moon is listening in. You've grown accustomed to knowing when she's either trying to manifest or get your attention in the weeks following her first appearance.
"It's - I'm doing okay, I think," you respond, garnering a look of unease from Luna as she slows her pace even further.
"That's not very reassuring," Luna says, treading carefully. "You are keeping your distance from her as I asked, yes?"
Even before Luna finishes her inquisition, you feel a wave of anger wash over you briefly, likely originating from Nightmare Moon once again. True, you had promised Luna you would not speak to Nightmare, but things haven't quite worked out that way. On several occasions she appeared in your dreams, complete with her snarky attitude you have grown to know and loathe, usually ending with an argument about something trivial and stupid that happened earlier in the day that she witnessed.
Yet, in some ways, it seems Nightmare does genuinely care about anything that is bothering you, though she certainly won't admit it. Often times, you've talked out loud to yourself to sort out your personal issues, a habit which lends itself to an open door for Nightmare Moon to walk through. Her lack of any sort of social grace from being sealed away for so long is detrimental to any sort of advice she could give, but you sort of like having someone there just listening.
"Anonymous?" Luna calls, breaking you from your thoughts. As you refocus, Luna has inverted herself while you have remained stationary, ending up with you riding on her belly as she gazes into your eyes, visibly concerned.
"Sorry, I spaced out for a moment," you say, trying to brush away her fears. "It's been a trial and error getting used to having someone else sentient in my head. I'm managing, but I may have slipped up a few times."
It only works a little as Luna sighs, rolling back over. "Well, I appreciate you being honest. Just try to keep working on it."
"Is it really a big issue, though? Not to say you're wrong, but Nightmare, she actually seems like she wants to help sometimes," you say quietly, trying to ease into this as delicate as possible.
Judging by the way Luna's ears suddenly pin back, you were not successful.
"You realize you are talking about the same fiend that tried to wrest control of your own mind from you when we were swapped around? As well as persuaded me to commit an atrocity for which I feel I still have not made enough amends. Am I hearing you correctly?" Luna demands with a rough tone.
Your anxiety earlier returns again in full force, while the simmering anger from a piece inside you begins to bubble up again. Taking a deep breath, you do your best to push aside the storm inside you and remain calm.
"Yes, Luna, and I'm not saying you're wrong. I just don't understand why you're suddenly so angry about all of this again. You said yourself, this was a choice you made, and why would she want to talk about issues that I'm facing if she didn't really care?"
"To fool you into believing her lies, Anonymous. You are already beginning to be blinded by her facade, and there is no telling what she could do if you continue to follow this path," Luna warns in a grim voice.
"But you said she couldn't do anything. Or were you making that up?" you prod with suspicion.
A flash of light answers, followed by the castle's shadow suddenly looming over the two of you. Only moments before it had still been a hazy mirage on the horizon.
"Well, here we are," Luna pipes up, completely ignoring what you just said. Gracefully, she flares out her wings as she approaches her room's balcony, touching down so lightly upon it you hardly feel the landing.
"Luna, did you hear what I said?" you ask, trying to mask your irritation as you slide off her back. While the flight wasn't as terrifying as it started out, you're still glad to be back on solid ground.
"Yes, I heard you," Luna says, her body wrapped in a bright glow as she reverts to her normal shorter stature. "And there is nothing to worry about."
"But you just said-"
"Just heed my warnings, Anonymous, and trust me," Luna says, her teal eyes locked on you in a rather cold, stern stare. You can't help but shiver a bit at her sudden change in demeanor before her mood instantly brightens up again.
"Now then, we should hurry back to the throne room, I'm sure the guards are having a fit that I have been gone for this long," she chirps, turning away and heading into her room proper. You follow her as she leads you onward, while your mind goes over the short, awkward conversation again.
You love Luna, but something is going on that she isn't willing to divulge.
And that thought frightens you worse than anything Nightmare Moon has done to you.
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oh boy
I wonder. Nightmare Moon might just be the kind of friend who tells you to do what you really want... but what you really want isn't necessarily a good idea. Unconditionally supportive and honest with you to the end, but no less self-destructive for that. It would be an interesting twist on the concept.
..."I am a shadow; the true self."
8325677
Dammit, half the stuff I want to post, you've already posted...
Oh well.