I read, I stalk, I Write, and one day one of my stories will be featured. That is all
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Life can be unfair, often cruel. Applejack is facing the unfair, and is finding it hard to accept it. Her wife and
friend, is there to make sure she can take the bad, with the good. Sometimes bad things happen, but even though love ones may pass, there always is hope, for a happier tomorrow.
This was a fic done for a request. It's my first crack at sad, hope you guys enjoy!
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This was so touching
7156850 thanks i was trying for that.
When I realized what you were going for, I was floored. Great job with this.
7158165 thanks alot. Glad it surprised you
I've read a lot of Eternal Twilight fics, and not enough Eternal Bearer fics. Good Job.
7161205 yeah it never sat right with me, they all become the element in cannon, and it wouldn't make sense that the princess of friendship, would lose her friends so I right this stuff alot. I have one in the works called Pinkie’s grand plan but it's NSFW, read it if you want, thanks for the comment.
Bro!
tse2.mm.bing.net/th?id=OIP.M09973d1dbc6ce2d25d19fd9e7e9168c1o0&pid=15.1&P=0&w=300&h=300
7305130 thanks
Confusing at first. Needed more explanation and drama in the middle.
An okay story I guess.
#CommenceCommentsReview
I am sorry to say this Is not a great story.
First of all it is rather confusing, since it takes two or three read-throughs to even understand what's going on. Second of all, it has a very uneven distribution of effort - shorthanding dialogue while expending lots of effort on unnecessary microdescriptions of ponies moving, going and doing casual things - a sure marker of author simply writing that which is easier to write and not bothering to edit afterwards.
All in all fic lacks the gravitas for the chosen subject, as well as effort expended to make at least its form palatable. It's not bad, but it's hardly enjoyable.
7324674 yeah it never grew enough for me to edit and it's one of my older fics but thanks for the input
Well, I didn't expect it to be Applebloom. While that was a good little twist it kind of killed it for me since at first the setup was really hitting home. I went through the same thing with my grandmother about two years ago, seeing her in the hospital, and her not being able to recognize anyone but me and my brother for some reason. I was really relating to it until the part where it talked about Big Mac, then it clicked that it wasn't her granny but her little sister.
I don't mind random ships ether but they didn't really seem to serve a purpose in this story. Pinkie could have done the same things as a close friend, which, since shes immortal too would have made all the more sense because she knows what AJ is going through.
Overall, not a bad story. The Applebloom instead of Granny Smith thing I can forgive since this was meant to be an immortal story, the shipping however just struck me as unnecessary.
This comment brought to you by the Commence Comments group.
This is okay. It's far from being a really bad fic, but a lot could have been done to make it better. It is in dire need of an editor, especially at the end. You muddle up tenses, overuse commas, have a fair few typos and need to revise using speech and how to format it. Not to mention it was a bit confusing and I had to do a double take a couple of times.
Nice setup, the "immortal friends" plot seems somewhat rare. But the execution could've been better.
While it took forever to confirm, and even then somewhat vaguely, I really like the immortal trope. I am slightly disappointed that the delivery of this fic was somewhat lacking. Other people have talked about the grammar, and what they have said is correct. I really hope that you listen to them.
What I will suggest is to in the future work on evoking the emotional response from the reader. Do this by going further with your descriptions. Don't just tell us Applejack wailed, tell us how that sound ripped out of her throat and she couldn't stop the noisy sobs because she was so fucking heartbroken, her body was shutting down on itself. This article talks more about showing in place of telling and may help illuminate you: http://www.sfwriter.com/ow04.htm
If doing a fic about loss, or any other highly emotional situation, read up about it. Read about how people process loss (in this case) and really do your research to do justice to such a universal scene. It shows in this fic that you did little research if any.
That being said, it wasn't horrible and I can see good things coming from you in the future.
It's the first time ever since I discovered this site that a fic managed to bring a few tears to my eyes, even if I don't really want to admit to myself the reason... Anyway, it is a really good fic.
Congratulations to the writer.