Sunset Shimmer
Sunset was really beginning to curse her stubbornness when insisting on not getting herself a personal vehicle. Instead she shared the minivan she bought for Granny Peach when she needed to take Moonie somewhere. Normally she used public transportation to keep those she bullied from damaging any vehicle she may be caught driving. And unlike popular belief, she didn’t own a motorcycle nor was she a member in a bike gang. She just liked leather jackets and the occasional pair of shades. Leather was cool unlike those stupid hats the one teacher kept wearing. Who the hell wore a fez anyways?
Wearily she made her way upon the school grounds, well aware of the bags under her eyes. The first thing she noticed was how cheery the students seemed to be. There were banners already hanging above the entrances welcoming Fluttershy back despite the girl not even returning until tomorrow. Everyone seemed eager for it, their happy and eager expressions soon changing as Sunset passed by earning more than a few glares. Funny, she prided herself on not needing friends as they were a risk to her daughter, and yet the attention toward her hurt a little.
“Speaking of Shimmer, I just found out that Granny Peach is her granny and is taking care of her.” Applejacks voice came from near the base of the statue. Quietly Sunset made her way over to them so she could listen to what was being said about herself. She kept telling herself it didn’t matter, but she didn’t want Granny Smith going without the tea and potions that kept her arthritis and joint pain in check. A pain that could get so bad she would call in off of work from school. I wish she would just accept the stupid offer.
“That sweet old woman is related to that cunt?” Rainbow Dash scoffed as she caught the soccer ball she had been dribbling into the air with her knees.
“Language Rainbow Dash! A lady doesn’t use such crude language.” Rarity admonished with a flip of her hair and upturned nose.
“Rares, I ain’t no lady. I’m this schools best soccer player and jock, and all athletes trash talk.” Rainbow Dash scoffed, “Anyways, back to the point, how did you find out?”
“Well usually Granny Peach drops off the stuff she makes for Granny Smith, but she was late this time so Granny Smith stopped by on the way to work the other day. She saw that snake leaving for school and asked about her.” Applejack explained, “Granny Peach wouldn’t say much, only that Sunset was her granddaughter but anything beyond that Granny Smith would have to ask Sunset herself.”
“You mean the fact that Sunset was adopted and has a kid that Granny Peach is protecting their privacy so nobody that Sunset bullied in the past would try and use the kid to get to Sunset and hurt her despite it taking a real sicko to even try something so pathetic and Sunset is partly using the whole situation to keep everyone at arms length because deep down she’s afraid of being hurt again if she let anyone get to close and friendly with her because deep down she’s really lonely and just needs a real friend to give her a hug and let her cry out all of her past pains and frustrations and show her what real friendship can do?” Pinkie Pie gasped out in one breath, finally taking a chance to breath as her hair straightened out a little. Sunset was both shocked and worried at just how accurate the whole thing was. Well, most of it anyways. She didn’t need friends, just acquaintances and allies such as the Dazzlings and Trixie. Their relationships were purely business except for them playing Auntie to Moonie.
Just how in the hell does she know all of that?!
“Sugarcube, what have I told ya about making up such outlandish nonsense?” Applejack asked crossing her arms.
“Darling, I find it hard to believe that any of that could even be remotely true. Sunset Shimmer is many things, but even she has more pride than to be a common street walker.” Rarity said in disgust at just the thought of that.
“I may not be a common street walker, but not every one of them is some trash!” Sunset snapped out before catching herself. It was a touchy subject with her, but it was too late to undo the damage now.
“Darling, it’s disgusting to even think of such a thing.” Rarity scoffed angering Sunset even more.
“Go fuck yourself Shimmer, nobody wants you here.” Rainbow Dash sneered before being cowed by the angry glare coming from Rarity.
“Why defend them? Don’t tell me that Pinkie Pie was actually right.” Rarity asked, a little pity and worry entering the fashionista’s eyes.
“No, but I’ve volunteered to help halfway houses.” Sunset sniffed, covering the fact that her so called volunteering was actually donating to the only two of them that was local. They tried giving the ones either forced into it by someone or those who felt they had no other choice a safe place to go and help getting back on their feet. Sunset’s donations not only kept them open, but gave the people staying there a chance to actually go to school and learn skills needed to make a better life for themselves. “I’ve meet more than a few teenage runaways that was forced into doing it or felt they had no other choice. Do you know how it feels to be alone with nowhere to go, no roof over your head and no guarantee that you will have any kind of food at all?”
“Like you do.” Rainbow Dash scoffed.
“Apparently better than any of you.” Sunset snapped trying to cover the pain in her eyes as she remembered her dream and what it was like before the police came. For days she had been cold with nowhere to go and no way to get real food other than pulling it from the trash.
“Darling, are you okay?” Rarity asked as she gave Sunset a worried look.
“You all can go fuck yourselves for all I care!” Sunset snapped out flipping them dual birds before spinning around and stomping away. Damn them for making me feel this way! And damned those dreams for making me feel so damned vulnerable!
“What the hell was that about?” Rainbow Dash growled getting the others to glare at her. “What? What did I say?”
Pinkie Pie
“That was weird, even for that girl.” Applejack sighed shaking her head, her Stetson hat in hand.
“Yeah, it kind of was.” Rarity said as she watched the flame haired girl stomp toward the school.
Pinkie Pie was tempted to go after her, but she had to admit she was scared of Sunset. Instead she chose to stay with her friends while cursing herself for saying what she did. It had really upset Sunset and she wasn’t even sure where it came from. She had always had her pinkie sense, but this, this was something entirely different. Something scary while labeling her even more of a freak. Something that she could keep at bay with her old medications, but with their insurance no longer covering it the visions were coming at random times. Times such as this risking her getting in trouble because of it.
“As interesting as all this is, I’m still more worried about Fluttershy.” Rainbow Dash grumbled, looking up at the sky for a few minutes before facing the girls again. “What do you think this person wants with Shy or her mom?”
“What do you mean, darling?” Rarity asked.
“The donations?” Applejack asked, already knowing what Rainbow Dash was hinting at. She was worried about the same thing. It just wasn’t normal for some rich person to swoop in and pay for everything Fluttershy’s family needed while refusing to show her face. Something that seemed to be going around lately and nobody had a clue as to who was behind it.
“What do you think they want? Shy has already been through enough, you know? If this is some sicko getting their kicks by helping them and then demanding something outrageous in return later, it will destroy Shy.” Rainbow Dash said kicking a pebble sitting on the paved path they were gathered on.
“Darling, there is such a thing as being generous for the sake of generosity.” Rarity said flipping her hair.
“Look, all we can do is stick by her like we promised her mom when she comes back tomorrow.” Applejack said, “It’s the best thing we can do for now besides pray that this whole donor thing is on the up and up.”
“I’ll see you girls later, I have to run inside for a few minutes before classes.” Pinkie Pie said, waving at the others as she hurried toward the school. It was a bit of a lie she admitted since she just wanted to get away from the others for a few minutes, but it was partly the truth as she did need to grab a few things from her locker. The locker down what was known as the haunted hallway as no matter what was done, the lights never lasted very long and always flickered. It was declared that there were no fire hazards from it, but there were no real explanations for the phenomenon either. The other lights gave plenty of illumination still, the shadows just made it seem creepy.
Trudging through the school she turned down the hall to her locker when she was suddenly shoved roughly into the wall. Nobody else was nearby since most students avoided this hall when they didn’t need to be down this way. Nobody except for herself and apparently a very pissed off Sunset Shimmer who was breathing heavily and glaring daggers into Pinkie Pie.
“H-Hey there Sunny, what’s up?” Pinkie Pie managed to squeak out only to be pulled away and slammed into the lockers again. This wasn’t the Sunset Shimmer from the past year, this wasn’t even the Sunset Shimmer that was a bully. No, she could tell this Sunset Shimmer was protecting something like a raging mama bear.
“Don’t you dare Sunny me, you pink party menace!” Sunset growled into her face making Pinkie Pie whimper a little. “Who else have you told about my daughter?”
“No one, it just came out, honest!” Pinkie Pie whimpered.
“What do you mean it just came out?” Sunset asked as her grip loosened up letting Pinkie Pie relax a little.
“I get these visions, usually my meds took care of them.” Pinkie Pie whispered, eyes darting back and forth making sure nobody was around to hear while avoiding looking directly at Sunset who completely released her and took a step back.
“Took care of them?” Sunset asked arching a brow in question.
“Our insurance won’t cover them any longer and I was forced to change. Nobody believes me about my visions or Pinkie Sense.” Pinkie Pie sighed.
“I believe you.” Sunset said softly getting Pinkie Pie to snap her head up to look into the now gentle and sincere visage of what was a raging demon moments ago. “And if you promise to NOT talk about my life or family anymore, not even to your friends, I will see what I can do to help you.”
“Really?” Pinkie Pie perked up, her hair poofing up more than earlier even. “You would really help me?”
“I’m not a monster despite popular belief.” Sunset Sighed, “But I will do what is needed to protect my own. Even if that means alienating everyone around me to do it. I don’t enjoy seeing others suffer and I try to do what I can to help out when I can.”
“You. It’s you, isn’t it? You’re the one paying for all of Fluttershy’s bills!” Pinkie gasped out, unsure if she was jumping to conclusions or if this was just a part of her visions.
“I will neither confirm or deny that, but I expect you not to go around blabbing that allegation either. For now just give me your number and decide if you want your meds back to what they were or if you want to learn to control these visions of yours. I don’t know much about the stuff, but I will look into it and I do know someone who does know more about them than me. If you decide to, I’ll put you in touch with them.”
“You’d really do that for me?” Pinkie Pie asked as she took the offered phone from Sunset Shimmer who gave a curt nod. “I want my medicine back, I don’t need to think about it! I can deal with my Pinkie Sense, but the visions I can’t deal with.”
“Of course, but I expect you to keep everything quiet. I have a reputation to maintain after all.” Sunset replied with a smirk, but the sadness behind her eyes showed how much she must secretly hate said reputation. Shakily Pinkie Pie quickly saved her number in Sunset’s contacts list, a few numbers looking familiar to her.
“And what is going on here?” Luna demanded scaring the two, Pinkie Pie quickly passing the phone back.
“We were just talking.” Pinkie Pie said with a grin, but the look Luna returned made it clear the older woman didn’t exactly believe her.
“While I am proud of the turn around this year Ms. Shimmer, I truly hope you aren’t relapsing.” Luna said stiffly.
“I swear it was nothing!” Pinkie Pie protested.
“Very well then, Ms. Pie. Please head to your class while Ms. Shimmer accompanies me to my office. We have other things to discuss.” Luna said, waving Pinkie Pie off who looked reluctant to leave at first.
“I’ll see you later, Pinkie.” Sunset said earning a nod from Pinkie before she turned and hurried off down the hall.
Sunset Shimmer & Luna
Vice-Principal Luna’s office was as dark as usual with very little light leaking through the blinds, the few working lights overhead lit in a way to cast shadows all through the room. It was a tad creepy Sunset admitted, even for someone used to stuff like this, but today it was unnerving her more than the intimidation that it was meant to invoke. She could feel a chill run down her spine which had nothing to do with the intended scare tactics and more to do with exaggerated memories of a dark alley, a box and the main reason for most of her worst problems other than that nag back in Equestria.
“Do you recognize any of this?” Luna asked stiffly as she dropped into her chair and pulled out a rather thick looking file. It seemed the woman didn’t want to waste any time with whatever it was that she wanted, but Sunset was extremely curious as to what could be in the file. Picking up the thick folder, Sunset took a seat and began leafing through the contents wondering how this woman managed to come across all of this. “I bet you are wondering how I gathered all of this. Well, I didn’t. An old aquiantance, a private investigator, dug all this up when I asked them to look into the person funding Fluttershy’s recovery.”
“So why show this all to me?” Sunset asked, keeping a straight face despite feeling the color draining from her face. To be fair it was partly because of her lack of sleep due to the nightmares and the creepiness of the office making it worse. And to be staring at evidence that she wanted nobody to come across wasn’t helping her nerves any either.
“Because Ms. Shimmer, I don’t know whether to be very proud of you or extremely disgusted.” Luna explained as she narrowed her eyes angrily. “This last year you have seemed to turn your life here completely around and become a student I could say I’m very proud of. A young woman I could be very proud of.”
“What does this have to do with me?” Sunset asked, swallowing several times trying to overcome her growing nervousness. Surely Luna didn’t have proof that this was all documents that Sunset was behind since she had her lawyer take care of most of it.
“I’m very worried about Fluttershy, her mother is a dear friend of mine in college before she was forced to quit. So when she came to me asking what she should do with the money being sent her way, not only for Fluttershy’s hospital bills, but enough to get a new car and be able to stay with Fluttershy without having to worry about work, it was safe to say I was a little worried as well.” Luna nearly growled, “I talked to my friend about it and they quickly discovered that the lawyer dealing with Fluttershy’s case has also been doing a lot more. There is the silent partner trying to by into the Apple’s farm, the anonymous donations to the sporting department for new equipment when there was debate about if we were going to have enough money, the new instrument purchased for Octavia when that Gilda girl smashed the old one. The investment in Sugar Cube Corner to remodel and buy new ovens when their old ones went out. Or how about bailing Rarity’s family out of debt when her parents were close to divorcing. Or how about-“
“That’s enough!” Sunset snapped out before she could stop herself as she threw the folder at Luna who surprisingly caught it without dropping a single piece of evidence. “Have you ever thought that the person behind all of this is trying to do something good and just doesn’t want their name out there as if they are doing this for attention?”
Of course Sunset was trying to do good for the people she hurt. She knew it was kind of selfish, a way to help cleanse her guilt without anyone knowing it was her. And when she used a lot of the money she made from her intellectual properties, she really didn’t need all the money she was making from the stocks and investments she made. And it was a lot since it seemed like everything she touched turned gold. Perhaps it was just karma repaying her now after shitting all over her early life.
“Maybe if this person didn’t have a huge track record prior to this year of manipulation and bullying, I could very easily see that. With your track record though, I can’t help but wonder if maybe you are trying to be nice to lull everyone into a false sense of security. It’s bad enough with some of these if that is what is going on, but Fluttershy tried to kill herself! If this is some kind of game Ms. Shimmer, I don’t care who you are related to, I’ll make you suffer!” Luna growled out, her eyes becoming predatory and actually unsettling Sunset.
“Do you honestly believe I would do something like that?” Sunset asked as she uselessly tried wiping away the forming tears. In truth she actually had feelings for the woman, feelings she usually tried to deny, but feelings that were there nonetheless. Not romantic feelings, but love one would have for a close family member as this was the mirror version of the aunt she never got to know. The aunt she always wondered if she would love Sunset unlike her own mother. To hear the woman actually threatening her really hurt.
“That’s the problem, I don’t know. Why don’t you tell me, would you?” Luna asked, her glare slowly dying away to a much more gentle expression though the damage had already been done. She didn’t intend on hurting Sunset, only doing what she normally did using intimidation to get her answers as she always did. Her frustrations over the whole thing and her quick temper had managed to get the better of her once again.
“I would never want another mother going through what Fluttershy’s is. I know I’d never…” Sunset sniffed, wiping her eyes on the sleeve of her jacket.
“Never what?” Luna asked, before shocked realization began to set in. From the look in Sunset’s expression this whole Fluttershy thing was wrecking havoc on the young woman. Sunset was a mother herself, and if Luna looked at it that way she could see why Sunset would want to help her. The others though didn’t exactly make a whole lot of sense.
“You know what, Vice-Principal? Believe what you want, I don’t care. I was stupid to actually think you were any different than that bitch you call a sister!” Sunset snarled, not really meaning it. She had actually come to respect the human Celestia as she had a more open heart than the pony version. She knew she was channeling her problems with the pony Celestia and casting them on the human version, but right now she just didn’t care. She was tired, exhausted really, and to have the one person she wanted to believe would never be like this just pushed her over the edge.
“Ms. Shimmer, while I know I crossed a line and I am really sorry, I ask that you please try to be more civil.” Luna said as she put the file away in her desk.
“You want civil?” Sunset asked maliciously, standing up and sweeping papers, pens and other odds and ends on the desk toward Luna making the woman gasp in shock. She was frozen even more in shock when Sunset literally flicked her off with both hands, fingers mere inches from her face. “How’s fuck you for civil? You can take this damned school and shove it up your ass until it ends up behind your eyes! I’ll go register at Crystal Prep before I put up with this crap!”
“Ms. Shimmer, please calm down.” Luna pleaded as she rose from her seat and started coming around the desk. Sunset started to turn to storm from the office, but Luna grabbed her by the arm just before she made her escape. Gathering the struggling girl into her arms Luna hugged her tightly whispering apologies.
“I’m so sorry, I was wrong to have accused you like this.” Luna whispered, gently stroking Sunset’s hair while holding the younger girl to her. It wasn’t that much of a challenge really holding the squirming girl from escaping with one arm, but in the girl’s current condition it was made easier.
Sunset wanted nothing more than to yell and scream at the older woman who refused to let her go, but she was just too tired. Her exhaustion over the past few days refused to cooperate with her usual defense mechanisms and ended up causing the teen to give in and buried her face into the older woman crying. She guessed she should count herself lucky that it had been ages since she had a panic attack being restrained like this.
“I’m so sorry, Sunset. I really should have known better. I’m the adult here, and stress doesn’t give me the right to threaten you the way I did.” Luna whispered into the girl’s hair, running her fingers through it while rubbing the girl’s back now that she stopped struggling. She was actually surprised when Sunset actually reached up to hold onto Luna as if she was a life preserver.
“You are so lucky that I understand about stress and that I’m exhausted. Otherwise, I would hit you right now.” Sunset finally sniffled as she began to calm down, though she was feeling extremely embarrassed about breaking down like she did. This was the first time Luna had ever said or done anything remotely hurtful to her, so Sunset wasn’t going to hold it against her this time letting her know with joking tone.
“I would deserve it.” Luna sighed as she finally let Sunset back away. It actually surprised the woman that Sunset let her take a tissue and dry some of the tears from her face. Gently she caressed Sunset’s cheek looking deep into her eyes with a soft, encouraging smile. “You know, you remind me of myself when I was younger. I was so full of anger too you know.”
“Yea, I can see that actually.” Sunset said trying to grin, though her teary eyes ruined the effect as Luna leaned in to kiss the girl’s forehead.
“Are you okay?” Luna asked, worry evident in her expression despite the anger a few minutes ago.
“Yeah, I think I really needed that.” Sunset sighed, feeling a bit better after releasing some of her pent up emotions. She couldn’t help wondering if perhaps it would be better to allow herself to have a meltdown more often. It felt very therapeutic.
“Here, sit down.” Luna said as she guided Sunset back to her seat, the girl sitting down as she ran a hand through her hair.
“So, what happened?” Sunset asked after the two stared at each other for several minutes, breaking the silence before it became too uncomfortable. “You said I reminded you of yourself?”
“I can’t tell you a lot, there is a lot of family secrets involved. What I can tell you is that when I was younger, my sisters got a lot of attention while I got almost none. I decided if I wasn’t going to get the attention I felt I deserved, I would make them give it to me. Long story short, I did a lot of things I’m not proud of. I hurt a lot of people during that time, some way more than others.” Luna explained as a faraway look crossed. “I still remember a lot of them even today and I still regret what I’ve done.” Luna turned her attention back to Sunset as her expression became a bit more serious. “I’ve learned that in order to move on I needed the forgiveness of one person more than anyone else.”
“Principal Celestia’s?” Sunset asked softly, sure that it was the person Luna was talking about. It made the most sense to Sunset after all as if it was anywhere similar to her own version of the sisters’ problems, then Luna must have hurt Celestia. Though Sunset wasn’t too sure that everything Celestia finally admitted to her was completely accurate.
“Hell no.” Luna chuckled, “Forgive my language, please. Even though I love my sister, I don’t need forgiveness from her for anything. No, the person I learned I needed the forgiveness from was myself. I was holding myself back with regret and self loathing that I went from one extreme to another. Is that what you are doing Sunset?”
Sunset sat staring up at Luna digesting her words, her brows knitting in confusion as it didn’t make a lot of sense to her at first. Why would Luna need to forgive herself if it were others that she hurt? And what exactly did she mean that she went from one extreme to another?
“Just think about it, Sunset.” Luna sighed rubbing her eyes, “I’m sorry I didn’t notice it earlier, I usually would have. You look exhausted, have you been getting enough sleep? Are you having problems with Granny Peach or your daughter?”
“I’m just dealing with things?” Sunset said slowly, trying to decide just what to tel Luna and what not. On one hand, both Celestia and Luna had kept their mouths shut about Moonie and kept her records sealed from prying eyes. Otherwise the whole school would know by now. On the other hand, she wasn’t too sure she wanted the Vice-Principal psychoanalyzing her. She got enough of that crap from her doctors.
“What kind of things? I can’t say I’m very happy with what I caught you doing to Miss Pie.” Luna said, studying Sunset’s eyes and expression for any hints of deception.
“I’m not exactly proud of jumping Pinkie Pie like that, but I would do it again to protect my daughter.” Sunset admitted. “Do you have children?”
“My children died a long time ago sadly, but yes I had children.” Luna said as she now turned her eyes away from Sunset’s own as pain filled them. “I do have grandchildren, but because of family politics I can’t see them.”
“What kind of family politics keeps you away from your own grandchildren?” Sunset blurted out in shock, angry that anyone would keep somebody away from their grandchildren.
“They aren’t like me, Sunset. My sisters and I come from a family that, to my shame, look down on those different from us. It isn’t something I agree with, but if my family where to learn about my grandchildren…I fear for them.” Luna sighed, looking down on the desk where a picture of a family that Sunset was familiar with. A family she herself looked into out of curiosity when she learned this world held so many parallels to her world. Sunset wasn’t sure how close Luna was to her family, or the type of people the were, but Sunset did know she would never let anybody tell her she couldn’t see Moonie.
“I wish I knew what to say.” Sunset said as she stood up and gave Luna a hug, the woman returning it with a smile and a kiss on the head.
“You don’t have to say anything, it is my burden to bear.” Luna said as Sunset pulled back, the older woman giving a smile. “I also have two wonderful nieces, three of them actually yet I’m still trying to figure that one out.”
“You know, maybe I can trust you.” Sunset sighed, giving Luna a knowing look. “After all, you remind me so much of the aunt I never had.”
“I do, do I?” Luna asked, arching a brow though the look on her face was practically screaming shock.
“Oh, you do. And I think since you trusted me as much as you did, I guess I can trust you.” Sunset sighed falling back into her chair. “I am exhausted, but it isn’t because of Moonie or Granny Peach. It is a lot of different things, though breaking down just now felt really good.”
“Then what is going on?” Luna asked, shifting a little getting more comfortable.
“Well, first off the other students are starting to get to me. And no, I’m not saying who.” Sunset said, waving off the concerned look on Luna’s face. “It will blow over soon enough, right now the students are just learning that they can ban together and stand up to bullies.”
“Sunset, after what Fluttershy went through, if all people learned was how to bully then what good would have come of it. If the bullied become the bullies, then how long will it be before another student tried to kill themselves?” Luna said shaking her head, “I’m sorry Sunset, I won’t mention your name, but this can’t go on. The cycle in only reversing itself, but it needs to be broken.”
“I understand, but please don’t bring my name up.” Sunset sighed, wondering if telling Luna about that was a good idea. The woman did have a point though, Sunset may have felt responsible for Fluttershy, but if she didn’t let Luna try and stop it then she would only be responsible for more.
“I promise I won’t, but is that all that is bothering you?” Luna asked, “What about the evidence I showed you? Does that have anything to do with why you look like you would be at home on the walking dead right now?”
“I resent that remark.” Sunset scoffed with a mock glare being sent the older woman’s way earning a bit of a chuckle. “Okay, I admit I’m the one doing that. I’m just trying to make up for what I did in the past though. Even after I stopped being so angry, I pushed people away afraid that if they got too close they would find out about Moonie. It wasn’t until Granny Peach found the exact words to break me from doing that did I stop. And then when Fluttershy did what she did, it proved how right she was.”
“Can I ask what those words were?” Luna asked, very curious to what those words could be.
“She asked how I would feel if somebody was hurting Moonie the way I hurt others. Defense mechanism or not, if it was Moonie being bullied I wouldn’t care. All I would care about was the pain Moonie was in.” Sunset sniffled a little.
“You would do anything for her, wouldn’t you?” Luna asked.
“Yeah, but thinking about all the pain I caused when Granny asked me that really struck home. I couldn’t get the memories of everything I did out of my head until I started trying to make up for the things I did. I didn’t want people knowing that I was trying to change though, I wanted to stay feared and hated. So I quietly stopped bullying and whenever I could see something that I could do to fix something for someone I hurt, I did it. I know it won’t fix what I did, but it makes me feel better knowing that I made that person smile instead of cry.”
“Sounds noble, but if it is causing you to loose sleep then maybe you should rethink things.” Luna suggested, noticing how much Sunset was shifting in place and looking more and more nervous. She kept playing with her hair or the hem of her skirt, straightening it out. There was something more going on, and Sunset was obviously avoiding it.
“It really isn’t even that.” Sunset sighed as she slumped farther into her chair. I get like this every year at this time. It’s when it happened, when I was attacked.”
“Oh Sunset!” Luna gasped out in horror. No wonder the poor girl was so worked up and exhausted. She must be having trouble sleeping because of the anniversary and the memories it brought up. Granny Peach had once mentioned it to keep Sunset from getting in more trouble than she did after punching out Gilda in the middle of the hall. The only reason both students got out of too much trouble was they both had witnesses saying the other started it.
“It will be fine. As long as I keep busy I don’t think about it much and it goes away in a few days. Better than a few years ago, it took weeks.” Sunset said, waving it off though her eyes still looked haunted.
“I’m going to call and have your Granny come pick you up. You should go home and rest, not be here right now if all it is going to do is make things worse.” Luna said turning to grab her phone before realizing it was on the floor with the rest of the things Sunset swept off the desk.
“Please don’t, I have several tests today and those always help me focus. The more I have to focus on the better.” Sunset pleaded, jumping up out of her chair.
“Please, I need this. I need to just focus on a normal day and get back to my routine. It is the only real thing that helps.” Sunset pleaded, a little surprised at herself. It was true though, she needed routine right now. Routine or a crisis to get her mind off of things and she seriously doubted she was going to be facing a crisis anytime soon.
“I don’t really feel good about sending you to class if things are bothering you this much. If you promise to come see me if anything happens or if you need to get away then I guess I don’t have much choice.” Luna sighed as she started picking up things from the floor. Sunset joined her quickly with a sheepish smile.
“Sorry about the mess.” Sunset said sheepishly.
“This, a mess? You should have seen Celestia’s office the last time she pissed me off. Now THAT was a mess!” Luna said laughing loudly which for some reason got Sunset to join in on after a few moments. “Let me find my excuses and I will write you one for class so you won’t be counted as tardy.”
“Thanks.” Sunset said with a new found grin, wondering if she would have enough time to stop and fix her makeup. She was sure she really did look like a mess right then.
7305607 Thanks for giving it a chance, I hope you won't be disappointed.
Moar please
Nope never disapointed. Keep up the good work
good story,
Honestly I liked the way both endings worked out and wouldn't mind seeing a sort of fusion of the two. Sunset storming out of the office felt rushed and an over the top reaction to what was happening. The current ending you have with Luna and Sunset feels more natural to the setting you have placed in this story. That being said the scene at Sugarcube Corner flows well and ends the chapter better. But that is just my opinion.
I'm having trouble coming up with how Rarity came up with this from what Pinkie said. At no time did she say anything about Sunset being a street walker.
Still hope to see the perspective of the equestrian version of the mane six when they realise twilight is not there
7306898 Hoping to have the other two chapters I have finished edited and posted by the end of this weekend at the latest.
7306938 Thanks, going to do my best to keep it that way.
7307011 Thanks.
7307033 The over the top reaction was part of the reason I decided to cut the scene and try again, several times until I settled on the current one. It was just hard doing something I was happy with and still not certain if I'm completely happy with how it turned out, but it managed to explain that Sunset has money and is trying to help some of the people she hurt. Since so far everyone seems to like it, I will probably leave it as is, but I am going to salvage the SugarCube Corner scene I think and place it at the start of the next chapter. It really does flow really well and as I edit it to fit in the changed parts, I can even take care of Pinkie Pie. Thanks
7307037 That's actually easy to explain, easier than some other things. Rarity does have a knack for being exaggerating and since she tries her best to act like a proper lady she sees acting slutty as being the same thing as a 'street walker.' I like Rarity, don't get me wrong, but since she is in high school and since a lot of high school students will likely jump to the conclusion that if a girl has a baby in school then she is a slut. Therefor Rarity exaggerates it into being a 'street walker.' Still, does she really believe Sunset would be a street walker if she was taking Pinkie seriously though? Most likely not because I would really like to think she is better than that, though who knows?
7307057 I plan to actually have a whole chapter based in Equestria within a few more chapters. First I have two more to finish up the rework for chapter 2 that I have done, the rewrites that is so long I had to break it into four parts. Then one more chapter to completely catch up with everything I had for the first version. After that there may or may not be a few more chapters dealing with Twilight settling in then the Equestrian interlude chapter. Though I may make a short story involving how Sunset met the Dazzlings sometime during this as well. Then again, I may just make it a chapter flashback.
honestly you should have gone with the alternate scene, (this is from a luna fan mind you), the forgiveness was too quick, too unrealistic and totally unearned. luna wasn't just out of lien she was bordering on harassement and slander. the forgiveness and the spilling of the beans feels forced and unnatural especialy given your writing style.
the alternate with mrs.cake feels a lot more genuine and realistic.
It started so well, then cue rape plot. Oh well. Bailing out.
Both endings are good, but I like the one in Sugarcube Corner more. Sunsets storming out seems fitting for her stressed out condition and it expents the world nicely.
Did I... Did I miss something? For someone who supposedly mistrusts everyone and everything (except like 4 people on the entire planet) this Sunset seems to be terribly okay with randomly telling people about herself. I mean there was no reason to tell Luna anything nor was there a reason for her to 'correct' Rarity on the street walkers. Why would she even be so invested in what Rainbow and co. think? Speaking of which it felt weird for all of them to go from "Oh yeah, Sunset is a terrible person" to suddenly: "OMG, Rainbow Dash! How could you even say that to poor Sunny?"
As for Luna, why did she jump to the conclusion that Sunset was the one behind the donations etc? I mean how would one even conclude that? Was her thought process something like "Oh this person was terrible for the majority of the time I knew her, but she's trying to get better. Hence she must obviously have someone rich backing her and she is probably the one helping my friend and everyone else out!". I also don't completely understand how Luna is so apologetic towards Sunset after the fact. From the majority of what you've shown here the relationship between her and Sunset is a sort of precarious tolerance at best (also really? Sunset never had ANY issues with one of the authority figures of the school, despite how terrible she was to everyone, something that Luna is aware of? ). Or at least that's what it seems like until Luna lets Sunset walk all over her and then they hug it out (does this seem like something the mistrustful, paranoid Sunset you have established so far would do?). Luna accepts blame for their argument way too easily. The majority of the populance does not just go "yeah, I was wrong and I'm a terrible person for it. Please, person younger than me, berate me for it." especially if they believe that they had valid cause to be mistrustful in the first place. I don't know if I've been 'poisoned' per se by other interpretations of Luna, but she doesn't seem like a person that would just easily admit she's wrong. I also feel that she ignored those verbal jabs at her sister (presumably the person of most import in her life) way too easily.
P.S.
I can't even begin to point out all the things I find troubling with these few sentences. They're so mechanical! I have never seen anyone talk like that, who just states what they're feeling to other peoples faces? Even with the previous scenes of Luna being apologetic (still seems weird but w/e) this closeness just hits out of nowhere, jeez if you opened with this I'd think Luna was Sunset's mother or something. Also something of a general note: don't just state what people feel, show it to us. i.e. don't just say Sunset is embarrassed, do something along the lines of
I think I got carried away here my point was to show how characters are feeling with visual cues like above rather than just outright telling us character x is feeling y.
7307235
I have far fewer problems with the ending than that you create soo many different financial problems for Sunset to fix with her money.
I mean you complain that you don't want for Sunset to come over as a Mary sue but why than have her Fix sooo much problems with her money ? All in all you have her fixing an awful lot of problems best example would be the scene with Pinkie were she very conveniently knows someone who can teach Pinkie how to cope with her vision?
I mean i get that you whant to Balance the Pros with the cons but isnt that the same as when you would create a Sympathetic Sue were in the end her problems are only the fr the reader to feel bat about the Sue ?
Wow! Excellent work! This was a really emotional chapter. I nearly cried at some points too! Poor Sunny. Perhaps when she encounters Twilight (which I hope is soon), things'll look up for her and her wellbeing? Keep this up. I can't wait for the next update!
I lik the current chapter, and honestly glad she fessed to Luna, it was better she blew up then and finally realeased some of the stress and pain to somone she thought as a aunt.
Also loved how she thinks Human Celestia is different from Princess Celestia.
It helps Human Celestia runs a school not a entire country, while Princess Celestia handles a entire nation and three tribes and peace talks between several races.
So I'm not surprised by that comment or thought she had on them, while Princess celestia is a good ruler, she...lousy with family, i think she handles family the same way she handles poltics, and that not right.
Being immortal, Celestia has forgotten what it like to be mortal, to be...normal.
She lacks empathy at times and while she can have a sense of humor, and good at appearing divine...that doesn't help how she handled her family or Sister's family at all.
she fubar big time several times. Her sister, her sister's foals, grandfoals, her student Twilight and her daughter Sunset.
It would be a complete shame if Fluttershy died.
7307255 I'll think about changing it back, I have a few things to do today though I will likely check back a few times to answer comments and questions when I get a chance. That will give me plenty of time to think about what to do with the ending scene because I'm really stuck on what to do with it. No matter what I do with it I can't get it to the point that I'm really happy with it. I kind of thought the one I used was the lesser of evils since Sunset already stated she preferred going to school to get her mind off of things and take her tests, but I'm beginning to doubt that.
7307261 That's fine, that's your decision.
7307276 Thanks, hope you enjoy it.
7307301 I had mixed feelings about her storming out since I kept seeing her stress levels and exhaustion sending her down both paths of either blowing up or breaking down. I'm going to do a few things and take a break from editing and think about what to do with the scene or if I should just let it go and move the SugarCube corner scene to the next chapter and leave this one as is. I'm really stuck on the scene as no matter what I do with it I'm not really happy with the Luna and Sunset part, but I actually do kind of like the SugarCube Corner scene.
7307304 Well, as far as Luna is concerned, Sunset can't help seeing her as the aunt she grew up without and has feelings she tries to keep down. Out of the 2 principals she trusts Luna a lot more because of it. I really thought I mentioned that, but may have edited it out which if I did I'm sorry because it is actually an important part. She isn't planning on telling Luna about Moonie. just admitting enough to get Luna to stop worrying and to hopefully convince Fluttershy's mom to not worry and accept the money. Again, I was sure I put something like that in the story yet I may have edited out, and if so, I'm sorry.
As for why Sunset confronted them, she is stressed, exhausted and took the comment as being extremely offensive to both her and those she does try to help so didn't really see it as too far fetched that she would be defensive and blurt something out before she caught herself. And Rainbow Dash, Rarity was more annoyed at her language and attitude than specifically defending Sunset. Though she is the spirit of generosity so she does feel a little sympathy to people who look hurt.
Also, there is the fact that the school is preparing to welcome back a student who almost killed herself because of bullies. While many of the bullied may be happy to push back now, it is pretty much a certainty that there have been assemblies or teachers talking to the students about bullying and most of the girls would likely take that to heart except for Rainbow. She's brash, aggressive and loyal to her friends so is likely to jump to their defense to perceived threats even coming off as a bully herself which would make the others try to reign her in.
Luna herself isn't exactly the one jumping to conclusions, she hired a private investigator to find who it was. It isn't hard finding a paper trail for stuff like that that could lead back to her lawyer. Plus, Mrs. Cake knows about Sunset for very good reasons that will be revealed next chapter. She may be trying to bait Sunset into admitting it, but the Investigator already knows. It has been a few weeks at the least since Fluttershy tried to kill herself which gives Luna's friend plenty of time to look into it and come up with theories and hard evidence to present to Luna.
I haven't mentioned it yet because I broke this up into four parts, I can only fit so much into a single chapter, but Luna actually cares for Sunset. She sees her as her niece but has reasons she doesn't actually tell her. Same goes for Celestia which is why Sunset hasn't been expelled, though she has faced disciplinary actions before. She was just shown a lot of mercy because of who she is and who she is suspected pf being. It is a misunderstanding on Celestia and Luna's part because of something I will be going over soon.
I was trying to show Luna understood that she crossed a line and hurt someone she does care about in some ways. She was mistrustful because of her past, but Luna is very good at reading people and could see how sincere Sunset was. After all Sunset was too tired to even try and maintain a mask really. I may have messed all of that up as I said I'm not exactly happy with the scene, but nothing I do, no matter which path I took I couldn't get it right/
I do like you suggestions and if I decide to keep the scene the way it is I'll go back and fix it up incorporating some of that, thanks. Though Sunset's part was meant to be her being a cross between snarky and joking which probably didn't come out very well. I'll try and keep that in mind and be more descriptive with emotions and stuff instead of stating it.
7307324 It's more that Sunset does it to try and soothe her guilt over things that she has done. She feels a needs to make things right, but doesn't know how to and doesn't want people getting close to her. The paying bills is actually an important part for her gaining the trust of some of the people such as the girls not that she will become best friends with them or anything. Just without Twilight and then the Dazzlings to get the school to come together, Fluttershy;s attempted suicide brought the school together while some people finding out what is going on will get Sunset an in with the girls. And Sunset knows a lot of people with different skills as she had to learn from somewhere and get books and supplies. Of course she learned a lot of stuff first hand, but without someone to teach her how the human world magic worked she would never have knows about how potions are just ingredients until activated with a spark of magic for example. She knows someone very powerful at Crystal Prep that will show up and be very important later in the story. And again, as for the paying bills plot, I actually have plans on getting Sunset and three of the girls to actually get kind of close because of it.
7307329 Thanks, Sunset will be looking up for Sunset soon as her mind will be taken from her stresses and go back to normal for her as she helps Twilight get used to the human world. And she will be meeting Twilight at the end of the next chapter, with the following chapter dealing with Twilight getting her first glimpse up close at some of the things she only saw from afar during her week in the human world.
7307373 Thanks, it is what I was trying to accomplish with this route though I'm not entirely happy with how it turned out. I'm really glad you caught that and mentioned it as I was wondering if I edited out those thoughts because of another comment.
Princess Celestia is very lousy with family, though hopefully she will maybe actually learn that dealing with family is different than dealing with diplomats. Living a long life can have so many problems, yet Principal Celestia seems so much better at dealing with things than the Princess one. And thankfully Sunset does see that and doesn't hate her like she did at first and figured out that they were two different people.
7307401 Don't worry, she's out of the hospital and will be coming back the next day though the next day is a couple chapters away.
My guess the person Sunset was referring to from Crystal Prep is Sour Sweet?
7307750 Damn that would have made a possible good idea, but it is somebody else that I did cut out of the other one though it is in the author notes.
I really can't believe I forgot to put that back in since it is actually pretty important to the story. I don't want to spoil who it is here yet, but it is somebody who helped Sunset herself learn about demons. It is somebody pretty powerful though in both pony and human worlds.
I still don't get why this version of Sunset would be bothered with being the Queen Bee or Bully.
Why would she break up the Rainbooms at all?
Being popular or a bully attracts scrutiny, which in turn puts Moonie at risk.
Being a brute, hyper defensive or socially maladjusted I can get, but it sounds like canon Sunset level bullying up to the start of the current school year.
By Sunset's guilt complex it doesn't sound like it's a misconception...
There is a distinct difference between a delinquent and bully, though they overlap often.
As for the Luna scene, it needs some attention due to the multiple mood swings... it there was a speech about "you remind me of younger me" speech and a reference to human Luna's own troublesome past it would be easier to justify.
But that's just my two cents.
TL;DR- Its good, but there are some details that are missing, and some current actions that need a minor bit of background.
If it's a hinted plot twist, you need to talk around it, not ignore it.
7308139 Well, the bully part she was still lashing out and when somebody kept trying to be her friend, as in the Rainbooms, she was scared they would find out her secret and manipulated things so they would have other things to worry about other than her. She's kind of the mentality that if people feared her they wouldn't bother her. So yeah, it was somewhat like canon Sunset up until the current school year.
I am so not going to try and defend the Sunset and Luna scene on those points as you are right. It needs work and really could use stuff like the 'you remind e of a younger me' speech and try and make the whole scene better. It is just admittedly very hard as I did rewrite it several times trying to come up with a good enough version. I think I want to leave it to go in this direction, just fix it up...a lot. Try and add a bit more emotion and have Luna talk to Sunset a little more than it is. I was going to do a little more with a meeting with Luna, Peach and Sunset, but I think with some fixing up on the section it won't be needed with a teacher parent conference thing for now.
I'm going to work on editing the next chapter for awhile, there is a lot more work that needs done on it as some of the changes I decided on during editing this chapter pretty much wrecked a portion of the next chapter. That way I can clear my head of the the scene and come back later tonight, or tomorrow and fix Luna and Sunset scene up to be better.
7308315
I would advise working the bullying as a defense mechanism into Sunset's narrative.
Sunset purging to a "safe" character would work, be it Luna, Twilight, or even a befuddled Pinkie.
She clearly feels guilt over it, and something occurred to change Sunset's tune.
Moonie would not be a secret to Luna. Moonie would be right there in the disciplinary file, as well as her normal file.
Schools need that info in case of emergencies, and Peach would be required to tell it when she was brought in for disciplinary discussions.
Administration would know, in case sudden accommodations and services are needed. The students would not.
It isn't a giant deal, not like the mood swings, but unless Sunset convinced Peach to lie to school officials for no discernible reason, Luna would know. No details, just that Sunset has a young dependant.
7308732 I can do that for sure, and might help me make the scene feel a lot a better to me since like I said, I'm not really all that happy with the way it stands a lot. The scene is just refusing to come out in a good way, but maybe if Luna and Sunset does confide in each other some more and this comes out, it might just make it to where I'm actually happy with it, thanks.
To tell the truth I never really thought about that, but you have a point. There would be records and reasons top why Sunset misses school for when she has a doctor appointment herself or the need to take Moonie to one. Not that she doesn't trust Granny Peach to do it, she just tries to do too many things herself. Granny Peach would also likely tell Luna, since she seems more the one to handle disciplinary actions more, about everything to try and keep Sunset from being expelled though Luna is reluctant to expel her anyways. This would just give a more legitimate reason to cut her some slack.
True, though some details could be good. Maybe some divulged by Granny Peach to Luna in private for the sake of Sunset and keeping her out of trouble. I'll just have to decide how much, if any, because it could help a lot reworking the scene. I'm halfway done editing the next chapter though I will be leaving in a few minutes. When I come back I'll either work on the Luna scene or finish editing the next chapter, then rework the scene, then post the scene then post the chapter.
Your starting to beat a dead pony by repeating this so often. Normally I would also say you need a period but considering Pinkie is saying this in one breath I'm not sure, but at least use some commas.
7310650 I'm fixing the Luna scene up some, so I'll make sure to go back and look at that too, thanks. The only reason I didn't use commas though, as you said, was because it was PInkie saying it in one breath and was unsure if adding them would make it look like she was taking a breath or not. I'm really sorry if I seem like I'm beating a dead pony like this. It was so much easier when I just wrote what came to me and let it flow. Having to think and rethink, and read and reread everything so many times is getting harder and harder. I'm hoping the more I do it though the more naturally things come to me because admittedly right now I think my story is suffering from all of the going over stuff so much to the point I'm getting migraines from it. Which in turn doesn't help things as it makes it take longer to get more work done. I really, really want to write a story people will enjoy from the ideas swimming around in my head. I have so many of them. But this is turning from being a hobby to relax and have fun into something stressful and something more akin to work, but I'm really hoping the more I work at it the more natural it comes and the better things will look as I won't have to rework everything fifteen times to get it to sound good. Sorry if I offended or ranted/vented too much, just really tired right now and my head is starting to kill me again and I'm not even done working on the Luna Sunset scene like I wanted to be by now and I really want to get it finished but I'm starting to doubt it will happen tonight if this migraine gets much worse.
7310883 I know those feels man. I just recently updated one of my stories, and the time I was actually working on it, with all the rewrites and editing, took about a week. It wasn't just the writing that made it take so long but having to make sure everything happens just right: I need the main character to do X so the reader knows Y, I need plot point B to happen here so in the next chapter I can do plot point C, am I dragging out this scene, and so on. And I can fully agree with you it felt like work, even more so on the editing. But for me at least it becomes worth it when you finally upload it. Your chapter has room for improvement, just like mine wasn't perfect, and the more you write the better you will get.
If you start feeling overwhelmed you may wont to take a step back; go play some games or something, and come back once your clearheaded. I wouldn't suggest trying to rush a chapter out as it may end up hurting the chapter in the end.
Writing a story for people to enjoy is a good reason to write, but just as important you need to enjoy writing it in the first place. Just my two cents; hope you feel better.
7311013 Yeah, it can be a total pain. Like I said though I am hoping that it starts coming more naturally which will at least make it easier. That's great advice, and advice I really need to start following. I've been trying to push through and get the stuff done. but it has been effecting both the story and my health giving me huge migraines and lots of stress. From now on I think when I start feeling that going to back off a few hours at the least and do something different. And thanks, I do feel better, though I regret not getting it finished last night, but with how I was feeling there was no way I would have had something halfway decent finished.
I really like the edits to chapter one and two. Feels way more natural and believable.
Really looking forward to the next chapter!
7312565 Thanks, happy to know that the edits are much better and that you enjoyed them.
7312678 Thanks, I'm hoping to have the Luna and Sunset scene fixed up and the next chapter finished editing tonight.
Well that scene was better at least, but you didn't so much as rewrite it as just add to it. I expected the 'you remind me of me' part of the scene to come soon after Luna said she was the the donor, but it was just tacked on to the end of the old scene with it's problem more or less still there. Mainly, Sunset still feels too confrontational, as well the scene now feels a bit overly long.
As for the alternate scene this should should sums it up. media.giphy.com/media/RL0xU1daTlMoE/giphy.gif
Unless there is a plot point involving Sugarcube Corner that whole scene can be cut. Everything stated there has more or less been addressed already.
As far as I see, by the time you get to the Luna scene you have already establish all of this.
My suggestion would be to keep the scene you have, just trim it up a bit.
7314101 Keep the Luna and Sunset scene and trim it? Okay, but what should I trim off of it? I really have no idea what to trim off right now as I'm pretty clueless on what should or shouldn't be there. As for Sunset being confrontational, I was trying to make her anger and frustration rise to the boiling point from exhaustion and just finally breaking down and releasing some of it making her more willing to sit down and talk with Luna. I'm not sure how else to accomplish that without the first part of the scene, but I am open to suggestions.
I like the edited scene a lot better, it feels more natural. Are we going to see Twilight again soon?
7314556 Thanks, at the end of the next chapter Twilight will make a brief appearance while the following will be Sunset getting Twilight settled for the night, and following chapters will have a lot more.
Somehow I suspect the phrase: 'The Night Shall Last Forever' was used in those situations...
7319629 There were most likely something along those lines mentioned at some point in time.
Well, i think that qualifies as the longest authors note ever.
You know...this is a story that I'm really focused on reading. I'm stopping on this chapter and will patiently wait for the next chapter to be edited, because if I read the next chapters without being edited...it would confuse me. PS...Right now Favorite Sunset Shimmer story.
The plot thickens, damn have I stumbled upon some gems today!