• Published 28th Apr 2016
  • 7,101 Views, 235 Comments

Clean the Slate - Earth Galvanising

Time is a priceless commodity, and an even greater weapon. As one pony stumbles through fate blindly, with no clue on how to solve the jigsaw of his destiny despite Celestia's aid, how will he fare against the Flow of Time in his second life?

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5. Memory Lane

Slowly, Bryan found himself drifting back into consciousness; rays of sunlight shining onto his closed eyelids, and a distinctly nasally feminine voice forcing his awareness.

“Mister Herring,” the voice called, and Bryan lifted his head off his arms, opening his eyes and fixing the woman in front of him with a half-asleep stare. “Would you mind not sleeping in my class? The snoring does disturb my teaching,” Bryan flushed; he’d been snoring? Damn! “Besides, I’m sure you can wait a bit longer before getting your beauty rest; school ends in ten minutes,” The teacher, Mrs Shackledon, peered at the embarrassed boy from over the lens of her glasses, “Unless you’re that keen on staying behind?” Bryan fumbled on his response.

“A-ah! No,” he began, “It’s um… Sorry, miss,” Bryan grinned sheepishly at the brunette woman, who simply rolled her eyes and carried on. Honestly, she’d pursue the matter further, but she didn’t want to stay behind either. Plus, Bryan was a good student; he’d make up for it.

The messy-haired boy leant forward on his desk, leaning his chin into his arms on the top of the surface. Today droned on, more so than the others. He snorted softly, I just finished with exams; and they didn’t go on as long as these did. Seriously, Year Eight has been such a drag; we don’t even do anything worthwhile; not quite GCSEs and not quite new students, either.

The lesson limped on, the thirteen year-old taking notes every now and then. They wouldn’t matter; not really. We’ll cover it again at the start of next year, especially since we finish on Friday. Eventually, and mercifully, the school bell rung. Bryan was out the door, to his locker, and out of school before anybody could even begin to say, ‘Here’s your summer work.’

The school, Flatoak Academy was situated on the highest hill in the middle of the town of Thresham. The town had history; dating back a few centuries to the times of some of the old kings and queens. Since then, it had become a town teeming with interesting people, from all over. It was sort of like a hub for the Midlands of England. On the furthest outskirts of the town, where farmland and cattle could be found, Bryan Herring lived with his parents. There wasn’t a train or bus that went out that far; but the run often did wonders for his stamina and leg strength. Especially with a textbook library on his back.

Today, the teenager decided to walk. He wanted to stop by a few places, grab something to eat, maybe buy a game. A plain green bag on his back, and trusty purple headphones on his head, Bryan listened to some ambiguous Japanese song as the world went by him.

Entering the high street, the brunette’s first stop was the good ol’ McDonalds. He particularly enjoyed whatever the special burger on the menu was at the time, as they gave a little bit of variety to the normal stuff they had. Bryan was pleasantly surprised to see they were doing the ‘Great Tastes of America’ selection, and had to resist buying several of them. With a satisfied smile, he sat down to eat his meal.

Depositing his rubbish and removing his school blazer, Bryan left the fast food chain and entered the high street once more. The British summertime, coupled with the bustling streets, meant that the temperature was pretty unbearable with the school jacket on, and even then, it was still pretty toasty. He unbuttoned the top-most button on his shirt, and loosened the dark green tie just a bit.

Coming towards GAME, Bryan browsed for any enticing new releases. Nintendo fanboy at heart, he made a beeline towards the aisle of the red plumber’s home. Disappointingly, he found that there was nothing that took his fancy, and promptly left.

Bryan made his way home from there; watching the bricked pavements and tarmac roads slowly turn to grass banks and dirt tracks as he went from the city to the sticks. As the afternoon drew on into the early twilight, Bryan re-equipped his blazer to fend off the chills in the open country air.

As he approached his now visible house on the horizon, Bryan briefly contemplated what he wanted to do. Not in the short-term like ‘I want to have X for dinner,’ or ‘I want to play Y later,’ no, usually when he was walking, he liked to consider his future. He was shaping up to be quite the successful athlete; playing rugby at a high standard for his school and club, and even breaking into the athletics team. Dad had always said I had a talent for running, he thought, as an onyx-ringed finger reached up towards his neck, and fiddled with a thin gold chain hanging loose behind his shirt.

Getting close to his house, Bryan noticed something off. There was a white van parked haphazardly in the yard; blocking off his mother’s Jeep and father’s Mercedes. Ordinarily, he would put the visitors down to being the council, but something definitely didn’t feel right. The teenager brushed off the tiny feeling of anxiety welling up in his gut. He slung his headphones around his neck, and muted the song playing.

He walked up towards the half-open white gate that led into the yard, and stared up at the three-floor house beyond. Bryan noted that there was nothing particularly wrong with the house’s external appearance, so there mustn’t be anything too wrong, he surmised. Relief washed over him, but he still stayed cautious about the van. He crept by it, making sure not to make too much sound on the rocks below him.

Approaching the wide open door—not really a surprise considering the recent temperatures, both inside and out –Bryan walked into the landing, and his nose was assaulted with a foul smell. Relief was gone, and anxiety started climbing again. He took off his shoes and called,

“Mum? Dad?” No answer; he crept round the corner and into the kitchen; the smell got worse. Metallic almost like-

His foot splashed on the floor. What was that? Bryan looked down at his feet, and felt the anxious feeling explode into panic.


Following the trail of the crimson liquid with nothing but dread in his heart, Bryan came across the table against the window overlooking the yard; and deduced the source was under it. Slowly, he moved his head under the rim of the table and fell back at the sight before him.

Oh, fuck!!” His two beloved dogs; one cream coloured, one black, stained in their own blood. Stab wounds were visible through their coats, and their eyes lifeless. “Oh, sweet Jesus, no, please Solomon, Millie, shit, fuck fuck fuck shi-“ There was a clatter upstairs, Bryan froze and tore his eyes away from the pets. He ignored the feeling of a warm liquid seeping through his trousers; it helped to ignore it. The adolescent started to hyperventilate; Where the fuck is mum and dad?! They weren’t out, he knew, their cars were still in the yard.

He moved from the kitchen, away from his much loved companions, and into the hallway. The lights were on and there was a little shuffling on the floor above. That however, did little to attract him from the flecks of blood on the cream carpeted-floor beneath him. The door to his right, the living room, was open ajar. Bryan pushed the door open, creaking as it did, and the scene it revealed burned into his memory.

There were two figures lying prone on the ground, in a pool of blood staining the carpet and spattered against the off-white walls. There were shards of glass, ripped pieces of furniture and a cracked TV all littering the floor. A cold wind blew into the room. Bryan didn’t know when he got there, but he was on his knees between the two figures.

“Mum… Dad…?” His voice was a hoarse whisper, almost silenced under the deafening thumps of his own heart. The woman, short stature with shoulder length red hair was matted in a darker crimson than it should be. Her eyes were open, and her mouth hung agape. The man beside her was larger, with black hair, cracked glasses and a bloodied face. Bryan’s parents showed signs of repeated stab wounds. Their hands were joined, clasping the other in their final moments. “No,” he breathed, “No, no, no,” he shook both bodies, hands getting covered in their blood. “No, no, nonononononono-“ he shook, and the contents of his stomach emptied onto the floor, and over himself. Bryan’s tears mixed with mess below him. His body convulsed in shock, and the thirteen year-old let out a guttural scream of pure anguish.

Bryan knelt there crying for what felt like years, he briefly noticed some more figures enter the room.

“Oh, shit, there’s a kid,” one voice said, a man covered in black.

“So? We just split him, too,” another said. Bryan wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or not at this point.

“Oh- fuck, no dude, I’m not stabbing a kid!” the first voice replied again. The boy’s eyes drifted to the fireplace, beyond the body of his father.

“Why? You seemed okay with brutalisin’ the fuckin’ mutts; hell, you didn’t have no complaints when we opened up those two either,” a third voice chimed in. Bryan gazed at the poker. “Heh, check it. The lil’ shit’s got some bling,” the man eyed the broken teenager, “I reckon that’ll fetch a good price, and payment for lettin’ him live.”

“Huh, guess that’s fine, s’long as I ain’t killing a kid,” the first voice came said.

“As long as we get out of here quick; it fuckin’ stinks in here,” second voice warned. Bryan hadn’t.

“Sorted. Alright kid, hand over the jewellery, nice an easy, and we’ll let ya go,” the third voice drew closer. Bryan resolved. They would not take his ring, his chain. Mum and Dad will be upset that I gave them away; they mean a lot to them. The teenager lifted his arms slowly, “Yeah, thas it. The ring, too.”

Bryan’s legs launched him towards the fireplace, he grabbed the poker of the rack, and sprung off the wall, makeshift weapon poised to exact punishment. He screamed in pure, unaltered rage.

Everything froze, inches away from the man’s neck. The room faded to greyscale, leaving Bryan mid-leap in the air. He stayed there, for what felt like eternity, the eerie ticking of a clock echoing all the while.

“’Self-defence,’ that’s what it was ruled as, huh,” a voice, nearly identical to Bryan’s, if a bit older, echoed in the room, “It is a strange thing, you know,” it said, as a white figure slowly stepped into the room; seemingly through the wall. “You sought a restart for this exact reason; the event that occurred on the seventeenth of June, two-thousand and twelve. Ann and James Herring; murdered in cold blood with their dogs in one of the most brutal robberies England had seen for the last decade,” The white figure slowly faded into a more recognizable form. “Yet, you cling to it like it’s your only hope of survival; spouting shit like ‘Oh, it’s what defined me.’”

A large alicorn, with a seemingly moving ocean of blues for a coat and a flowing mane of purples, oranges, reds and blues, much akin to a slowed down flame, stepped into the room, and grinned lopsidedly at the frozen-in-place human.


Hegese and Bow were out of bed quicker than ever thought possible at the sound of Quantum’s scream. The yellow pegasus burst out the door, with Hegese just behind, of his and her shared bedroom. At one end of the corridor, Rouge zipped overhead and into Quantum’s room. She came out a few seconds later.

“He’s not in there!” The panicked sound of her voice sent alarm bells ringing in Bow and his wife’s heads. As Hegese was about to respond in an almighty proclamation of, ’Well where the Tartarus is he then,’ a soft white glow illuminated the opposite end of the corridor, just above the stairs. Bow, Hegese and Rouge approached the light with caution.

As they got closer, the three ponies recognised the source, and galloped off at breakneck speeds towards the light, skidding to a stop just near it.

Before them was a glowing orb of white light, fully encompassing their apparently floating foal, Quantum. His eyes glowed with a multitude of colours; mainly frequenting the very same colours of his now flowing mane. It seemed like he was submerged underwater, with the floating in the air and the mane that seemingly didn’t follow the laws of physics. They were speechless.

“I-Is he okay?” Bow rasped, feeling quite a bit of nervousness at the development before them. Hegese whimpered, moving just a bit closer to her husband. Wisps of light moved out and in of the orb, flowing freely like streams and dissipating if they moved too far away from the orb. Quantum’s expression was neutral, showing absolutely no signs of pain or emotion. Rouge’s eyes drifted towards his flanks, and gasped in wonder.

“The hands,” she exclaimed, “On his cutie mark, they’re- they’re moving!” She pointed a hoof at the mark, and sure enough, the red hands were moving asynchronously around the roman numerals, each black marking lighting up a bright red as the minute hand moved by. The younger mare of the group was distracted briefly by a knocking at the door. She used it as an excuse to go down and order her thoughts up a bit better.

Opening up the door with a shaky hoof, Hegese was greeted by the worried faces of the Sparkle family, as well as the Mi Amore’s own alicorn. All of them looked too alert for such a late hour, and decidedly worried, too. Night Light stepped forward, Twilight on his back.

“Hegese! What’s going on? This wave of white light pulsed from your house and-“ He cut himself off as the unicorn’s eyes drifted towards the top of the stairs; the floating orb of foal making his words die in his throat. Hegese wordlessly led them in, and they followed her back up to where Quantum floated. The newcomers gaped at the phenomenon.

“We woke up to him screaming; and then found him like this. His cutie mark is moving, and well, it seems like time has just stopped in there,” Bow offered weakly, trying to explain something that really, he had no clue what to say about.

“Maybe we can just…” Cadence lifted a hoof to the halted in-air foal, but was blocked by a wall of yellow magic.

“I wouldn’t recommend that, my student,” a regal voice echoed from behind them, and the collection of ponies gaped at the presence of Princess Celestia, a pained smile on her face, “Be at ease, my little ponies, there is much to explain, and little to be worried about,” she motioned towards the living room downstairs, whilst surrounding Quantum’s orb in a larger orb of her own magic, pulling him easily behind her.

The Herrings, Sparkles and Cadence followed Celestia wordlessly, taking note of the worn book poking out of her saddle bag slung on her.

The gruesome living room scene melted away, replaced with a thick fog surrounding a circle of grass, and Bryan found himself in the form of his human, seventeen-year-old self, decked in simple blue clothes from head to toe. He stared warily at the alicorn before him, still grinning. The pony before him plonked himself onto his flanks, and drew in a breath.

“So,” he began as if there was nothing wrong, “What do you think is going on right now?”

There was no fanfare to Bryan suddenly remembering his last year on Equus, so of course he recognised the pony before him as a much older version of himself. The question did throw him for a loop, though. In truth, his first assumption was; This is a dream. However, he quickly remembered the agonizing headache that he’d had not moments before appearing in that memory, so he then believed; I am unconscious. Bryan spoke his deduction.

“No, you’re not unconscious; not in the sense you’re thinking of,” the alicorn replied, “What’s happened is you’ve entered a magical trance. Get used to them, you’ll be having them a lot more from here on out,” he said with a casual tone.

“Magical trance, right, and… Who exactly are you, my subconscious?” Bryan asked with scepticism. The alicorn jerked his head back with semi-disgust.

“Your subconscious?! What- no, dude, just – no. Fuck that guy, do I look like your subconscious?” Bryan gave the pony a deadpan stare, “I mean, obviously you wouldn’t know, but c’mon,” he smirked at the human, “I’m much better than your ‘subconscious.’”

“Huh?” The biped, sat cross-legged, tilted his head in clear confusion. The alicorn let out a long, weary sigh.

“The first incarnation to break out,” he rubbed a hoof against his forehead, “And you can’t even figure this out. Not giving me much to work with here, Bryan.” The blue coated quadruped lifted his head and smiled. “I’m you, obviously,” he paused, “Well, I was you. Will be. Whatever,” he waved a dismissive hoof, “Just call me Quantum,” his grin turned into a frown, and he fixed Bryan with a stern stare, “Not as if you’re using the name right now.” Bryan was taken aback, There's no way he's telling the truth. Like hell I believe him like that, he thought.

“What? I’m Quantum, you’re probably just some manifestation of my own insanity; God knows it’s overdue since my arrival in Equestria,” By this point, Bryan was pointing a thumb into his chest, to emphasise his point. ‘Quantum’s’ frown deepened.

“You sure as Tartarus don’t see yourself like that, that’s for sure,” Quantum laid down on his side, resting his muzzle against a hoof, “And see, that talking about insanity, regardless of its jokey nature, it exactly the problem with you right now,” he yawned, as Bryan narrowed his eyes, “Your reluctance to accept the current situation, and cling to the past like a life ring is seriously going to hinder us, you know? We don’t have the luxury of time right now,” he sniggered mirthlessly, “Ironic, no? Oh wait, you wouldn’t get it. Nevermind.”

“Is that why you showed me that memory? To prove a point?” A bit of anger seeped into Bryan’s tone. Quantum narrowed his eyes.

“Yeah, in a sense. See, you need to realise that your time as Bryan Herring? Gone, poof. You wanted a retry, you got one, though, it’s more of a trip down a dilapidated memory lane,” Quantum rose to all fours and slowly moved towards Bryan, teal irises pinning down brown ones, “Similarly, you need to understand that your life on Equus is anything but normal in comparison with all the other ponies, you have to have seen the signs: born an alicorn with his cutie mark, your telepathic connection with Tia, I mean, Maker be damned,” he gestured a foreleg around the foggy area, “All this?!” At this point, Bryan was at a loss for words, and just decided to let the alicorn go off on a tangent. The equine being sighed, “You have this whole mess ahead of you; and you’re gonna wander in arse backwards with no preparation, and it’ll ruin you,” he jabbed a hoof into Bryan’s chest, “And your family again if you don’t let go of the past!” Bryan slapped the hood away in anger.

“You’re asking me to just forget everyth-“ Quantum cut him off.

“I never said forget anything! I just said, you need to let go and move on! Damn it, this whole thing is bigger than just you!” He shouted, equally as loud, snout pressed against the human’s nose. Quantum spoke in a whisper, “A lot of ponies are at risk. Tia, is at risk. If you don’t back down and just listen to me, there’ll be a lot more deaths than just your parents this time.”

Bryan swallowed, and averted his gaze from the older version of his foal-self. Quantum spoke with an urgency that rattled his bones, not just because it was basically his voice too, but because Bryan heard that underlying tone of fear. The grass beneath him felt dry, like the heat of the atmosphere between the two had dried it. His mind played back to the memory again, it had all felt so real; and he’d never even noticed it was a replay of a memory. Bryan swallowed his pride, and spoke in a quiet tone.

“L-look, I…” he sighed, and opened his downcast eyes, “I don’t think I’ll be able to move on from that so easily, those people did some horrible things and I…” Bryan looked at his hands, imagining the blood that stained them, “…I did some horrible things, too. I can’t promise you that this will be easy for me to get by, but… You’re right, I’m not exactly the most normal pony around, and I suppose if my not-subconscious and not-manifestation-of-insanity is telling me something big is gonna go down, well, who am I to not trust a pretty face?” He grinned weakly at the now softly smiling alicorn, “Er, muzzle.”

Quantum laughed, relieved that the human incarnation was now on the same page as him.

“Alright, I suppose you’ll need some backstory as to what exactly you are,” he grinned and looked up to the foggy sky.

“Tell me, what do you think of when I say, Time Mage?

“Let me explain,” Celestia began, giving each of the sitting ponies a fixed gaze before continuing. They were sat in the Herring living room, a space that had been privy to many gatherings in the past year much like the current one; the difference was that this time, the atmosphere was anxious, all inhabitants barring the floating foal and the calm princess waiting with baited breath, “Long, long ago in the earliest days of Equestria, there roamed a specific type of magic user; the Time Mage.

“Back then, there were many Time Mages. Often, powerful unicorns would be able to train themselves to a degree of absolute mastery in all areas magic, in pursuit of the ultimate form of magic; Time. Depending on their ability in the craft, Time Mages were able to manipulate the flow of time within objects or around them, including the ability to full on stop the effects of Time,” Celestia drew the old, worn book in her saddlebag, and brought it before her, “For example, when something old and unusable like this book is exposed to a certain type of Time Magic, then miracles can occur.” The glow of Celestia’s horn turned pure white, and the book was enveloped in an orb similar to Quantum’s. The orb faded, and the book came out like it had just been printed. The room filled with gasps, before Velvet interrupted.

“Princess, why haven’t we heard of this Time Magic? If it’s so powerful, then surely the public could benefit greatly from it!” She called out, somewhat shocked at the revelation of magic existing that even she didn’t know about.

“There’s a simple answer to that, Mrs Sparkle,” Celestia said, with a solemn voice, “Time Magic is easily the most dangerous of all magic schools. I will explain on that a bit later,” She seemed satisfied, and went back to listening intently. “Now, this is where the situation relates back to young Quantum,

“There are two specific types of Time Mages: first, there are the self-disciplined ones. The most famous Time Mage you will have heard of is Starswirl the Bearded,” Widened eyes and looks of recognition filled the room, “The second type is the rarest; natural born Time Mages. Throughout history, there have only been a handful of Natural Time Mages. The reason for this is that their skill with Time Magic comes as naturally as walking for them, making them incredibly powerful,” she paused, taking in a sharp breath, the difficult part, she mused, “The most powerful Time Mage to date was an alicorn born around the same time as myself—a few thousand years ago. Their mastery and power over the craft was to the point of being able to affect the Flow of Time itself,” More gasps of shock and awe, “This is not the point I mean to make, though. There is one common factor shared amongst all natural Time Mages.

“They are all born with a Cutie Mark representing time in some way or form,” Already looks of recognition started appearing, “Finally, natural Time Mages will enter a magic trance at least once a year on their birthday; starting on their first. As you can see,” Celestia gestured seriously at the floating orb containing the foal, “Quantum has entered such a trance. Your son, Mrs Herring, Mr String, is a natural Time Mage.”

The room was floored; the young foal was one of the few in history to possess a natural power. Everypony stayed completely silent, soaking in the details of what their monarch had just revealed to them. Hegese was split between crying and an overwhelming sense of pride—before she remembered that key detail. She spoke up.

“Princess… You said that Time Magic was dangerous. Please, tell me, does this pose a threat to our son?” Her voice cracked as she pleaded for a simple ‘no.’ Bow knew there would be no such thing.

“Quantum is… Well, while I can assure you that his own magic will provide no such dangers, there are potentially others that may wish to take advantage of his talent. Time Magic can be used to make somepony immortal, or to boost their evolution and progress in other magic. Do you understand why I now must ask you to keep his nature a secret from outside of these walls?” Everypony in the room nodded with a serious disposition. There was absolutely no way anypony would be laying their hands on Quantum; he was safe with them. Cadence asked one final question.

“Princess, you mentioned that at least once a year, Quantum will go into a magic trance. Why exactly does he do this, and how often will he do so?” The recently evolved alicorn asked her teacher, and Celestia responded carefully.

“I believe, that he may be going into these more frequently than previous cases; his magical reserves are beyond his age, that is certain, and for your first question…” She paused, looking at the floating orb.

“I do not know, it is as mysterious as it is sacred. Do not disturb him when he goes into one of these; the effects on his mind, and your own, could be unprecedented,” she spoke from first-hand experience. Nobody had the nerve to question how she could move Quantum with her magic. They had heard enough, for one night.

“Fuck me, dude,” Bryan’s eloquence echoed in the fog, “I’m some crazy super mage?” Having just finished his explanation, Quantum agreed whole-heartedly with the human.

“Crazy, huh?” The biped nodded, “You ain’t even heard the strangest part,” Bryan’s eyebrows rose in a way of saying ’There is no way it gets crazier than this.’ The teenager encouraged the alicorn to continue. “Well, y’know how I told you about that crazy-strong alicorn in ancient times that could control the Flow?” Bryan nodded. “Well, I’m sure even you could deduce that that was me,” Bryan nodded, again. “Good, you do have some powers of deduction.”

“Well, it didn’t really prove a mystery when you kept talking about how handsome the stallion was, how much of a dreamboat he was, and most important of all, how great his mane was,” Bryan sighed, head in his hand, “Honestly, you sound exactly like…” Realisation hit him as the grin on Quantum’s face told all. “…Me.

“Bingo. Looks like you were the right incarnation to break out, after all,” the stallion grinned.

“Wait, ‘the right incarnation?’” He queried, “You mean, there were others before me?” Quantum nodded, but made a noise to show he was unsure.

“Eh… It was more like, the previous incarnations of yourself didn’t possess that extra oomph to get out of our little unplanned excursion to Earth,” the alicorn paused, “I suppose that is because there was always a set time limit to our banishment, anyway.”
Bryan was lost.

“’Our?’ You’re talking as though we’ve always been the same person… pony… Whatever,” he rose to his feet and started pacing, stretching his legs. They were feeling a bit numb, by this point, “And the way you phrase it, you make it sound like I’ve been other people. Like, a LOT of different people.” Quantum nodded eagerly.

“Oh yeah, two hundred and fifteen different people, to be precise. Dating all the way back to good ol’ one thousand BC,” The alicorn smiled cheekily. Bryan’s mouth fell agape, “But, that’s a story for a different time. You’ll learn it soon, anyway. I’m gonna send you on your way; I’m sure Tia is tired of watching over you at this point.” Bryan nodded dumbly, still blown away by the revelation that he’d lived two hundred and fifteen lives.

“Listen, Bryan. You’re gonna be entering these trance states a lot from now on, and each time you do, you’ll be recalling a past life of yours. Specifically, you’ll be entering at least ten trances a year. On your twenty-second birthday, you will recall your first life,” Quantum pointed at himself, “Mine. Each time you enter a trance, it will be slightly longer than the last one. You better hope you don’t enter one at a critical time, though knowing how it Flows from here on? It’s unavoidable.”

“Wait, wait, wait. What’s going to happen?” Bryan asked, snapping out of his tranceception. Quantum smiled wryly, and the world started to fade away.

“Simple,” he said, “Shit’s gonna hit the fan.

Author's Note:

Surprise! Coming at you with an immediate 5k update. I'm free for about two weeks now, so you're gonna see a few more updates to make up for the ones I missed. Anyway;

What do you think? A lot of you were going with the initial thought process of: "Quantum is Bryan's past life." While close, the truth is;

Quantum is Bryan's first life.

Quite the curveball, no?

As always, criticisms, grievances and commendations go in the comments. Feel free to call me a penis... or potato-penis, as someone suggested. I will get back to you all, probably, if it warrants a reply.

Thanks for reading!