• Published 10th May 2016
  • 1,952 Views, 422 Comments

The Titan's Orb: Rising Storm - Old Man Dusters



While Callum and the Mane Six continue their quest to find the shards of the Titan's Orb, their path ahead grows only more deadly as they are now stalked by a relentless shadow that will stop at nothing until they are vanquished...

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Chapter Twenty-Five: Blood is Thinner With Alcohol

“Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!”

All the girls cheered me on as I downed my third pint, necking three beers in a row without a pause was certainly a challenge, but I just about handled it; I slammed my glass down onto the floor and let out the most revolting and yet most impressive of belches, it went on for a solid four seconds at least.

“Fucking LEGEND!” Rainbow Dash cried out.

We all burst into laughter, to which more mini burps left my lips, which only caused the group to laugh even more; I was bewildered to see Rarity enjoying the uncouth humour so much, she wasn’t kidding about her wild side. Fluttershy had also really come out of her shell after a few glasses of Baileys, alcohol was certainly called ‘social lubricant’ for a reason.

“I told you Dashie, I’m British! I can hold my drink!”

{And part New Zealand, and part American.} Stardust reminded me.

“Oh, shut up!” I moaned.

“I didn’t say anything.” Dashie replied.

Thinking as quickly as I could, I stuck my tongue out at her.

“I was responding in advance to your reply.”

Applejack and Rarity laughed, and Fluttershy reached forward and spun the bottle; it landed on Rarity, and then landed on Rainbow Dash upon its second spin.

“Truth or dare, darling?”

“Dare!”

Rarity put a hoof to her chin, and then smirked.

“Fluttershy, would you be willing to participate?”

A tipsy Fluttershy giggled and nodded her head, ready for whatever was about to happen.

“Excellent! Now then, I would like Fluttershy to put a piece of fruit in her mouth and leave it on her tongue, and I dare Dashie to retrieve it with only her mouth!”

Fluttershy zipped into the kitchen and returned with a cherry in her teeth, she removed the stem and held it in her mouth, almost dropping it as she giggled loudly again. I cracked open the Kraken Spiced Rum and poured myself a glass, adding some ice from Rarity’s bag, I was still amazed to this day at how the enchanted bags worked, pocket dimensions were epic.

“Remember Fluttershy, no helping her!” Rarity instructed.

Fluttershy nodded as Dashie approached her, both of them seemed comfortable with the rather sexual undertones, I assumed the group had played truth or dare on many occasions back in Equestria. Despite this, my eyes still widened slightly as they engaged in the dare with such confidence. A few seconds later, Dashie pulled back with the cherry in her teeth, Fluttershy licked her lips and then slumped back to take another sip of Baileys, clearly satisfied.

“You were clearly stalling.” Rarity teased.

“Heck yeah I was!” Dashie admitted proudly.

She bit down and munched on the cherry, firing the seed at the unicorn like a fruity bullet, she caught it in her magic and tossed it behind her. Rainbow Dash got back into her spot and drank some more beer, before spinning the bottle to start the next round; it landed on me, and she spun it a second time, to which it landed on Applejack.

{What to ask, what to ask…} I thought.

{Dare her to eat that silly fucking hat, it annoys me.} Stardust said bluntly.

“AJ, truth or dare?” I asked, ignoring Stardust.

“Truth!”

I leaned back and hummed, before clicking my fingers and leaning forward again.

“Right, this one has been bothering me for months. You ponies don’t have hands, of course unicorns have magic, but otherwise, it’s not easy to hold things. So tell me, how in the name of Cthulhu do you ponies wipe your arses after you’ve had a dump?”

She looked at me blankly, and then looked to Rarity beside her, they exchanged an amused look, before she turned back to face me.

“We don’t.”

My eyes widened and I pulled a face of utter disgust.

“Seriously!?”

“Well, let me explai-”

“You girls walk around with shitty arseholes!?” I cackled.

I keeled over and began roaring with laughter; Applejack’s face dulled, and she looked to Twilight to explain, whom prodded me with a hoof to get my attention. I sat back up and held my breath, doing my best not to giggle.

“While some other races in Equestria do, and a lot of upper class unicorns do for additional cleanliness, we don’t actually need to, if you really must know, when we defecate, we-”

That did it.
I couldn’t hold my breath and bellowed once again with hilarity, causing Twilight to frown.

“Do you want to know the answer or not?” She muttered.

Pulling myself together, I nodded, but was unable to retain my stupidly annoying grin.

“Right, so when we defecate…”

I snickered, and then cleared my throat.

“… a small portion of tissue folds outward when we do our business, it quite literally doesn’t touch the sides. So, the long and short of it is, we don’t need to wipe because it doesn’t actually get that dirty.”

“Huh, so… You basically prolapse?” I asked.

“To put it bluntly, kind of.”

“Please stop talking.” Rainbow Dash grumbled.

“That’s actually pretty interesting.” I hummed.

“Of all the questions you could have asked.” Applejack scoffed.

“What!? I was curious alright!” I barked back defensively.

{I cannae believe this conversation really just occurred.} Stardust tutted.

“Let’s move on before the egghead starts a biology lesson!” Rainbow Dash pitched in.

The pegasus was clearly getting a little more than tipsy, she was on at least five pints now.

“I don’t know Rainbow Dash, I could happily bet every book in the Golden Oak Library that you’d be very interested in a biology lesson with Callum, alone.” Twilight teased.

I couldn’t help but lean back in surprise, Twilight was only on a few pints of cider, I wasn’t expecting her to be that upfront, and nor was Dashie it seemed; the pegasus spluttered on her beer and looked around sheepishly.
Applejack chuckled and reached forward to spin the bottle, it stopped at Fluttershy, spinning it a second time, it landed on me. Fluttershy playfully stuck her tongue out and looked at me.

“Truth or dare?”

“Dare!” I hollered.

“Kiss Rainbow Dash.” She commanded bluntly.

Kraken Spiced Rum almost became Kraken Spiced Lungs as I inhaled my liquor and choked, coughing loudly for a good few seconds, Rainbow Dash was very quick to stand up, and then face Fluttershy with her eyes wide and her cheeks red.

“Oh come on, it’s what we’ve all been waiting for.” She giggled.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Dashie yapped.

Rarity rolled her eyes and sighed at her terrible attempt at hiding the game; Applejack got up and slung a hoof around Dashie’s neck, chuckling.

“RD, do you have any idea how obvious it’s been? You’ve had the hots for Callum since you met him, I’ve seen the way you look at him. Sugarcube, you’re practically obsessed with him!”

“I am NOT!

Even on the receiving end of this, I couldn’t help but find her agitation amusing. Truth be told, I was rather anxious to do this, she was a pony for goodness sake! Sure, she was technically a sentient alien, but even if it wasn’t bestiality, it was sure as hell classed as xenophilic.

{Pull your snowflake head out of your wee snowflake arse! Back in Equestria, we don’t give a shite about interspecies relationships. Unlike your easily offended race, we don’t really care so long as all parties are happy, now stop being a pussy and kiss the girl before she has a meltdown.} Stardust ordered, mocking me.

“Just admit it, darling, you fancy him!”

“C’mon Sugarcube, you know you do!”

“I don’t even need a book to read the signs!”

Everyone’s comments were antagonising Dashie too much for it to be playful, they were clearly trying to get a reaction out of her; everyone had clearly been eager to see it happen, and they were now pushing her a little too far, I needed to stop it. I got up onto my knees and moved towards her while she remained on the defensive, she was getting so worked up that she didn’t even realise I had approached her.

I don’t fancy him!” Rainbow Dash growled.

“Yes, you do, and I’ll fucking prove it.” I replied.

I took either side of her head in my hands, and looked her dead in the eye.

{Fuck it…} I thought.

Lunging forward, I planted my lips against hers and held them there, her eyes almost bulged out of their sockets, until she realised this was really happening, and she closed them.

And so did I…


{Not so bad, ey?}

My eyes flashed open, and I pulled back; shit, how long had I been there? I only meant to kiss her briefly, I had completely lost myself in it! Dashie couldn’t close her mouth, and exhaled slowly, clearly lost in it too; she blinked and then shook her head, and then we both gulped nervously, looking around at the audience that had remained silent throughout.

“Um…” I began, but couldn’t continue.

I broke out into an anxious smile, awaiting some sort of judgement.

“Well then… That was certainly…” Rarity trailed off.

“Cute…” Fluttershy finished for her.

I sat back down beside Twilight and very quickly downed my glass of Kraken, letting the taste of the rum flood my mouth and warm my throat. Rainbow Dash sat down in her seat and didn’t utter a sound.

“Feel better Dashie?” Fluttershy asked.

The cyan pegasus nodded, and then stood up once more.

“I uh, need to go to the bathroom!” She yelped.

Dashie bolted out of the room and closed the double doors behind her; however, we didn’t hear hoofsteps after that, indicating she was hiding on the other side and hadn’t actually gone anywhere. I raised an eyebrow and watched the door, as did the others.
And then we heard it, whispering under her breath from behind the door.

Ohmygosh, ohmygosh, ohmygosh, ohmygosh, ohmygosh…

There was a quiet squeal of delight, and then we eventually heard the hoofsteps clip clopping off to the bathroom further away in the mansion; everyone chuckled at her evident joy and then looked to me.

“So, Callum, how’d you experience that?” Applejack asked.

With the attention back on me, I grew rather shy again.

“Well, it was, um… Interesting… Not that different from kissing a human actually, the lips had the same texture and stuff… It felt quite strange, but it wasn’t exactly unpleasant…”

“But how did you experience that?”

I looked at Applejack and shrugged.

“I don’t know, kind of nice, I guess?”

“I think I’m going to leave, before I throw up in my helmet.” Hawnu Rey’eng muttered.

{Oh, grow a pair, you overpowered sissy flapdoodle. You’re supposed to be a transcendental guardian for fuck sake, if you’re going to cringe over a wee interspecies kiss, you’re not fit for the job and should hand over yer wee shiny suit to Callum.} Stardust mocked.

{If only you knew.} He replied via telepathy.

{Oh, trust me, I do know, Flappyboi, which only makes it more ironic. Now fuck off before you ruin the party, I’m actually having an enjoyable time for once.}

I flexed an eyebrow at the guardian, both confused at the situation, and impressed at Stardust’s blatant dominance, I wanted to see how he’d react.

“Going so soon? Not even up for a single dare?” Rarity asked him.

“I’m afraid not, I’ve overstayed my welcome and have other matters to tend to, but this has certainly been the nicest evening I’ve experienced in a long time, I thank you all for the good company, and Applejack, I thank you for the excellent cooking.”

“What kind of matters?” Twilight asked.

“There are events happening all over Earth that require my subtle assistance, this world is under threat from more than just Nah’Lek, and it’s partially my job to prevent it and ensure the human race doesn’t know about it; hence my involvement with Chernobyl.”

“You say it like it’s a dull chore, surely it must be rewarding to contribute to the protection of an entire world? Especially seeing as you’re partly human.” Rarity hummed.

“I bet you get to fight all sorts of aliens and monsters, that’s got to be fun, right?” I asked.

Hawnu Rey’eng tilted his head slightly, before sighing.

“If I’m to be totally honest with you, it becomes rather mundane after a few hundred years, I greatly prefer occurrences such as these, wherein I’m blessed in witnessing a group of individuals enjoying their lives; it’s the reason why I advised Callum and Rainbow Dash to bring the alcohol here, you all deserve to let go for a while, now that Nah’Lek has been set back and cannot locate you. So, to conclude, I don’t particularly find it fun to fight anymore, even worthy foes like Nah’Lek aren’t entertaining, I only fight because I must.
Besides, fun isn’t exactly something one considers when restoring balance to the universe.”

He paused, and his visor lit up much more vividly, clearly showing his happiness.

“But this, puts a smile on my face...”


There was a short silence as we all took in the guardian’s unexpected sentiment; and then, from another room in the house, we heard Rainbow Dash’s voice.

Gaaaaaaaaaaaayy!

Most of us couldn’t help but chortle, and for the first time, I actually heard the guardian laugh properly; it was a rather profound moment, somewhere underneath all that metal, was a human being. Screw the wings, screw the magic, and screw the whole ‘guardian’ status, he was a genuine person, and I wanted to know who he really was.

“Well, on that note, I’m off.” He announced.

He took a bow and then flared his wings, preparing for flight; he exited the room and we heard the main double doors in the hall open, which he had previously fixed after I’d battered them apart a few days ago after hearing them shut once more, there was a flutter of wings and we knew he had gone.

“Well, that was Hawnu Rey’eng.” I said, pouring another glass of Kraken.

“He’s awfully nice, isn’t he?” Rarity replied merrily.

Rainbow Dash burst into the room, clearly a little more drunk than before, the drinks were beginning to kick in properly for her, I too was beginning to feel a slight buzz.

“I think he’s too full of himself.” She pitched.

“Eavesdropping much?”

“This house isn’t exactly soundproof, Rarity.”

Rainbow flopped into her spot and I looked to her.

“Are we still playing?”

“Fuck yeah we are!”

She leaned forward and spun the bottle, unpausing the game and allowing the tipsy hilarity to continue, and I had a feeling it had only just begun…



“I dare you to make out with Rarity!” Applejack hollered.

The unicorn’s eyebrows hardly raised as Rainbow Dash approached her, I was still yet to grow accustomed to this behaviour, I definitely needed to be more than tipsy to ease into it, I poured a Disaronno for myself and another one for Twilight, helping her drink some, as I had been the entire night.

“Oh dear, they’re going for it.” She sighed.

I looked over to Rarity to see her with her hooves wrapped around Rainbow Dash’s neck, I looked away quickly and giggled nervously to Twilight.

“Why does it make you uncomfortable?” She asked.

“I’m not sure, I guess I’m just not quite ready for so much openness for this sort of thing, humans aren’t exactly known for their open diverse relationships with others. Not to mention we’ve got only one sentient race on the planet, a relationship with any creature other than another human is bestiality, which is completely and utterly frowned upon. We’ve got no equals in race, so to consider an interspecies relationship is simply ludicrous for us.” I explained.

“Hm, I suppose that’s rather understandable.”

“I’m sure it’s probably got something to do with Bunnie as well, at the end of the day, even though she’s gone, I still love her, I guess a part of me always will.”

Twilight placed a hoof onto the back of my hand.

“And that’s absolutely fine, it’s normal to always have a place in your heart for someone. But hey, maybe this is good for you, a way of moving forward.” She advised.

I cast my mind back to the conversation we’d shared the other evening on the matter…

“Well, I suggest you stay open minded, it might help you move on.” She advised.

“Really?” I replied, rolling to face her.

“I’m not telling you to suddenly dive onto her, but if you need something to help you move on when you’re ready, I don’t see the harm in it. Rainbow Dash isn’t one for serious relationships, so it wouldn’t be anything more than a rebound if that’s all you wanted.”

Perhaps she had a point.

Our attention was drawn back to the game as we realised Rarity and Dashie had finished their dare and had already spun the bottle once; upon a second spin, it landed on Twilight.

“Twilight! Truth or dare?” Applejack hollered.

“Truth.”

“You’ve been telling truths the whole game! Come on! Be daring!” Rarity insisted.

Twilight rolled her eyes, and dipped her head.

“Okay, dare.”

“Right, it’s time for the big test.” She begun deviously.

Twilight tilted her head.

“Since we came to Earth, you and Callum have had a very tense relationship, am I right?”

I gulped nervously, I had a feeling I knew where this was going, and so did Twilight, who sheepishly placed a hoof on the back of her neck to rub it.

“Well let’s see how well you’ve made amends.”

{Fuck.} I thought.

“What do you mean?” Twilight asked fretfully.

“You know what I mean.”

{Shit.}

I took a very large sip from my Disaronno.

“I dare you to make out with Callum.”

{Shit, fuck!}

I refused to make eye contact with anyone; I wasn’t sure if I was ready for this, a little kiss was one thing, but this?

“Do I have the right to decline?” I asked.

“What’s the matter? Are you a chicken?” Applejack teased.

“No, I just-”

“Bwark bwark bwark!” She interrupted me.

The others joined in, clucking wildly in mockery, Rainbow Dash jumped to her feet and started strutting around and bobbing her head, pretending to peck the ground in search of corn.

{Scootaloo! Scoot-scoot Scootaloo!} Stardust cried out.

I looked to Twilight with a pained expression, and she returned the look.

“Guys, I don’t think I’m ready for this?”

“Come on Callum! Don’t be a wimp!” AJ giggled.

{You like Dashie don’t you?}

{What?} I thought back.

{You’ll kiss Dash but you won’t kiss Twilight, you like the rainbow haired one!}

“How about they have to do it for ten seconds?” Fluttershy suggested.

{Bro, that’s not the case, Rainbow Dash was just a little kiss, they’re talking about making out here, like, passionately, I just don’t think I’m quite ready for that.}

{Just imagine it’s Bunnie or something.}

“Is Callum really *hic*, about to back down from a dare?” Rarity asked, clearly trying to provoke me.

{That’s your advice? Really? I’m supposed to be moving on from Bunnie, imagining her while kissing someone else isn’t really going to do that is it?}

{Pull your head out of your wee ass and make out with the egghead.}

“Shall we just get it over with?” Twilight asked.

“T’is a night of shame.” I muttered.

I raised my glass to her, and downed the whole lot, which was about three shots worth of Disaronno, I gritted my teeth and shook my head as the strong spirit burned my throat and I threw the glass away into the corner of the room, to which it smashed loudly upon contact with the wall; I lunged at Twilight, who did the same, I closed my eyes and our lips met, and before I knew it, I was draped over her like a cool bedsheet on a hot summer’s night.

“Oh shit! He’s going for it!” Dashie cried out.

{It’s Bunnie, it’s Bunnie, it’s Bunnie.} I thought over and over again.

{It’s… It’s really not.}

{Shut up, Stardust, I’m making out with Bunnie, and that’s what’s happening.}

{Really though? Because your hands are stroking an awfully velvety face.}

{It’s the alcohol, it’s numbing my senses, this is absolutely Bunnie.}

{I don’t know, that feels like a pony’s tongue in your mouth.}

{Stardust, I’m going to stab you, in the neck, with a knife!}

{The only one you’re going to be stabbing, is Twilight, with your co-}

{FUCK OFF, STARDUST!}


A little more than ten seconds went by, and I finally pulled back and opened my eyes; Twilight was blushing heavily and had a similar look to Dashie, the same dreamy spaced out expression. I looked at the others, whom were all staring at me intensely.

“Well then…” I said, wanting to break the silence.

“That was one of the hottest gosh-darn things I’ve ever seen!” Applejack exclaimed.

“Really?”

“You bet, Sugarcube! You never told us you had that side to you.”

I rubbed the back of my neck with embarrassment.

“Well, it’s not really something one brings up in general conversation.”

The girls laughed a little at that, and I then reached for my glass, only to remember that my glass was in hundreds of little pieces on the other side of the room, I honestly had no idea why I’d done that. Twilight sheepishly nudged her own glass towards me, to which I gladly accepted and took a large swig, before helping her finish the rest.

“I think it’s safe to say we’ve definitely made amends, ey?” I joked.

She giggled, and then spun the bottle once more to initiate the next round; in a clear attempt to make things less sexual, she got the whole group in on a more playful dare.

“I dare everyone to have a race on half their legs, Callum, you can only hop on one leg, and we’re only allowed to walk on two legs, if you fall over, you’re out!”

“What does the winner get?” Dashie asked.

“The winner gets to give everyone else a truth or a dare.”

“I’ll drink to that!” Applejack cheered.

“Yeah that sounds fun!” Fluttershy agreed.


We all got up, and it was clear who was drunk and who wasn’t; the alcohol was certainly kicking in now for everyone. Rarity made four attempts until she could stand up straight, hiccupping loudly as she did so. Rainbow Dash burped and then laughed at the sound it had made, while Fluttershy was also wobbling around, looking like she was going to pass out, puke, or both.

“Where are we racing to?” I asked.

“How about first one to the dining room?” Twilight proposed.

“Yeah that sounds good!” Rarity agreed.

“And no wings!” Applejack ordered to Dashie, who shrugged defensively.

“Whaaat?”

“Isn’t Pinkie going to wonder what’s going on from upstairs?” I quizzed.

“Oh, she’ll be asleep by now, and she can sleep through anything.” Dashie answered.

“Doesn’t sound like Pinkie.”

“You’d be surprised, with the amount of sugar she consumes, she always crashes in the late evening and is pretty much zonked out until the morning.” Twilight explained.

I hummed, made sense.

“Right, let’s race before I start needing another drink!” Applejack exclaimed.

We made our way to the back of the room, being careful to avoid my broken glass, and prepared to race, I raised my left leg and tried to balance on my right, and all the girls reared up and did the same on two legs.

“Three, two, one… GO!” Fluttershy squealed.


If anyone could witness the sight that followed those four words, they would have needed counselling; the chaotic hilarity the took place could have been turned into some deranged viral video on YouTube. By my second hop, Rarity had instantly passed out and fell face first into the ground with a very loud thump, Rainbow Dash tripped over her head and used her wings in attempt to stay in the game, propelling herself upwards and into the ceiling. As we reached the hallway, Applejack accidentally punched Twilight in the side of the head when losing her balance, dazing the unicorn, and sending her directly into the staircase, smashing the bannisters. Upon entering the narrow passageway to the dining room, my right leg grew tired of hopping and I could feel myself slowly drifting to the left.

“Well, shit.” I said blankly as I fell.

“Don’t die right there! You’re blocking the way!” Applejack cried out.

Before I had the time to move, a hoof made contact with the side of my face, and everything went blurry, all I could hear was the high-pitched buzzing inside my head. I felt the vibration through the floorboards as Applejack crumpling to the floor next to me, and presumably Fluttershy hopping over the both of us and waddling her way to victory.


The buzzing continued to get more and more intense, and I felt something cold running down my cheek and onto my nose, I tried blinking but my vision remained blurry. I could faintly hear someone calling my name, and then I felt a pair of hooves on my arm, the pain in my head doubled as I was rolled onto my back, and I saw an orange blob in front of me.

“Caaalllllluuummm… Yy’aallllrriigghhtt… Ssuuggaarrccuubbee?”

“Yeehaw…” I mumbled.

I squeezed my eyes shut and then shook my head slightly, while it increased the pain, the buzzing started to fade away and I could see better upon opening my eyes. Twilight was stood beside Applejack and they were both fussing over me, making sure I was alright.

“Sugarcube, I am so sorry, I was trying to jump over you.”

“Don’t worry, I’m fine.” I murmured.

“You’re bleeding.” Twilight mentioned, clearly worried.

I put a hand to my head and found a small amount of blood had been trickling down my face, that explained the cold liquid I’d felt, I ran my finger up the trail to find a small gash just above my left eyebrow, the area was already inflamed as an egg-sized bump had formed.

“T’is just a flesh wound.”

“Callum, we need to put some ice on that.”

“Wooo! I win!” Fluttershy squealed.

We all looked through the thin hallway to see her dancing on the dining room table.

“I win! I win! I… Wi…n…” She trailed off.

She looked at us blankly, then looked down, and then simply opened her mouth to expel all the alcohol she’d consumed, it was a disgustingly hilarious sight as Fluttershy became a fountain for a few seconds, puking all over the table, and then fainting directly into it. Upon collapsing, the table’s old legs snapped and the whole thing dropped to the ground, Flutters rolled off and remained unconscious.

“One of us should take her to bed.” I mumbled.

“I’ll sort her out, you go and rest that head, Twilight, would you get him some ice?” Applejack said.

Twilight nodded and escorted me back to the lounge, where we found Rainbow Dash still hanging from the ceiling, her head and upper torso lost in the upper foundations of the house; quite possibly with her head emerging from the floor in a room upstairs.

“Yo Rainbow Dash, y’alright?” I called up to her.

“Yeah, just, you know… Hanging around.” Her muffled voice replied.

“Punny.” I said dully.

I jumped up and grabbed her leg, yanking her downwards, a few rotten pieces of wood and loads of dust came down with her; after helping her dust herself down, I noticed Rarity was still unconscious by the wall where the race had begun.

“Wild side, my arse.” I scoffed.

Twilight went over to her bag, which contained the portable fridge-freezer, she took some ice and placed it onto a towel she’d taken earlier, and I helped wrap it up and then held it against my head.

“What happened to you?” Dashie asked.

“Applejack kicked me in the face.”

“Standard.”

“I was expecting you to offer to kiss it better.” Twilight teased.

“Piss off, egghead.”

We all chuckled and sat back in the original circle, and looked at the bottle in the middle.

“Another round?” Rainbow Dash asked.

“I’m pretty sure the game’s over Dashie.” I replied.

“Awh man, I want to keep going.”

“Well, I didn’t say we could stop drinking.”

Twilight grinned, and slid her glass over to me, where I poured the rest of the Disaronno into it for her, I then stole Rarity’s glass as she wouldn’t be needing it anymore, and poured myself a large amount of Kraken; this night wasn’t over until I couldn’t stand up.

“Here’s to getting fucked up!” I cheered.

Dashie cheered and we all continued to drink.

With the amount we ended up drinking, we grew tired of using glasses and drank straight from the bottle, which made it easier for Twilight to drink without my assistance; that said, she was struggling to even see the bottles she was grabbing, we were all getting very drunk.

“You know something, egghead?” Dashie asked loudly.

Twilight’s head slowly rotated to look at her.

“I forgive you for all that shit, you… *hic* you didn’t know what the fuck you were doing, Callum told me about that Fel stuff and *hic*, like, like… I know it does weird shit to your head, like, you lose yourself…
My point is, I know now that all the shit you’ve done wasn’t your fault, I forgive you egghead.”

I faced Twilight, and saw her lip trembling, she blinked once before bursting into tears and wrapping Rainbow in a gigantic hug, I smiled widely at the scene and reached for the Kraken, downing the last amount left inside.

{You alright there Drunkie?} Stardust hummed.

“Yeeaahh, bwooii…” I replied in a deep Morgan Freeman type of voice.

Twilight and Dashie stopped hugging and looked at me with the most bewildered expression, I shrugged and pointed at them with finger guns.

“Kachow.”

{You’re trollied Callum.}

“Alas, I can still stand.”

I stood up and did a little dance, to which Dashie laughed and reached for some more of her own drink, to which Twilight did the same, we were hellbent on getting shitfaced; we spend the next half an hour focused on hard spirits and ditched the remaining beer and cider. While we drank, we joked about past times and what still lay ahead, while keeping the mood light.

“So, what country do you think we’ll go to next?” One of the girls asked.

By now, I couldn’t even tell who was talking, so I decided to answer the ceiling.

“Fuck knows, but I hope it’s not another ju*hic*ungle, Brazil was evil.”

“Tell me about it.” Dashie grumbled.

“I’m glad your wings are finally better from that.” Twilight said merrily.

Dashie dipped her head in thanks and finished the last of the Jack Daniels, I took a risk and reached the Fluttershy’s remaining Baileys; a thick Irish cream mixed with rum, beer, and amaretto was sure to send me into true drunkenness, I kept confident in my stomach and took a large swig.

“You’re going to die.” Twilight chuckled.

“Probably.” Dashie agreed.

{You know what really sucks? Because I’m a soul trapped in yer wee body, I’m not affected by ANY of this shite, I’m still sober as a nun on Sunday; sure, I feel the same buzz, but I’m in no way influenced, you could be blind drunk, and I could see it clear as day.} Stardust grumbled.

{That, my Equestrian friend, is unfortunate.}

Oh boy, it didn’t take long until that hit me…
The buzz became muffled white noise as my sensory capabilities declined drastically, mixing drinks was known to always do the trick, and now I understood it first-hand. I blinked a few times and then looked in the corner of the room, where Rarity remained fast asleep on the wooden floor.

“She’s more dead than me.” I pointed out.

The girls laughed and continued to drink with me.

“You know, some music would really add to the vi*hic*ibe, being drunk in a quiet room without any tunes doesn’t quite have the same feeling, does it?”

Rainbow Dash hummed in agreement, and Twilight simply nodded like a bobblehead, clearly about to pass out herself; I gave her a slight push with the tips of my fingers and she toppled over, laughing wildly as she attempted to stand up, eventually being able to rise up and drink another load of Lambs Navy Rum.

“I think… I think I’m going to go to bed after this drink, I’d rather pass out in a bed.”

I tilted my head at Twilight, and shrugged.

“F-fair o*hic*one…” I garbled.

She took one last big swig from the bottle, wiped her lips, and gave me a tight hug.

“I’ll… See you… In, uh, in the… Morning! Yes! The morning!”

“Drink some water, or you’ll be hanging out of your arse.” I replied, breaking off the hug.

She nodded and waddled out of the room, leaving me and Dashie together; at this point, she was just a fuzzy blue blob. I grinned and threw an arm around her.

“And then, there were two!”

“The real alcohol heavyweights!” She hailed back.

I looked at her, and while there was a multicoloured blob looking back, I swear she had Bunnie’s face.

“You okay?” She asked.

Blinking twice, she looked like Dashie again, and I nodded.

“Yeah, just fine!”

“Are you sure?” Bunnie quizzed, double checking.

“Of course, I, wait…” I stopped.

“Wait what?”

I looked at her, and it was getting harder and harder to distinguish who she was; it was the drink, surely, or perhaps I just needed more, I took the Baileys and had another gulp, licking my lips at the taste of the creamy liqueur and then grinning.

“Never mind Bun, er, hun! I just *hic* needed another drink.”

“Same here.” She replied.

She took the bottle from me and drank some, only to stick her tongue out in disgust.

“Ew! How have you been drinking this? It’s not alcohol, it’s cream!”

“It’s alcoh*hic*holic cream, basically.”

“Yeah, it’s gross, I need a spirit.”

She went off into the distance and I lost sight of her, everything was too vague and blurry, was I standing or sitting? I couldn’t tell, I didn’t even know if I was looking up or down.

“Hey!” A familiar voice called over to me.

I looked towards the source, and just about made out Rainbun-bow! Dash.

“Follow me!”

Doing as I was told, I dizzily stumbled after her, only for her to leave the room; I giggled and gave chase, she went up the stairs, spilling whiskey as she went. Upon climbing the stairs, it felt like I was scaling a mountain, each step was like a handhold as I went up on my hands and knees, laughing as I crawled, this was so much fun! I needed to let myself go after everything I’d been through, and this had been the perfect opportunity, the buzzing in my head wasn’t irritating, I let it flow and just went with it.

“Who the hell even makes *hic* stairs? We need an elevator…” I mumbled.

Crawling over the top, I flopped onto my back, causing my head to spin even more, the room was a kaleidoscope right now, it had an odd beauty to it. I then felt another person’s hand hold my own, I turned to see Bunnie sat next to me.

“Your hand is really blue.” I said.

“Come on, you.” She chuckled, tugging me.

I slowly got to my feet and followed her into a doorway in the ceiling, or was it the floor?

{That’s the wall, drunkie.}

“Ah, thanks, *hic*, my dude.”

There it was, the most beautiful bed I’d ever seen, this wasn’t king-sized, this was god-sized!

“I call top bunk!” I announced, regardless of there being no bunks.

A giggle came from behind me, and I turned around only to be pushed backwards; I landed on the bed and it temporarily felt like I’d fallen into a swimming pool, I was floating in spacey water, it was warm and fuzzy, and blue.

{That’s Rainbow Dash, you’re hugging her.}

Sure, sure, Stardust might have said that, but no pony could feel like they were all around me, Rainbow Dash was a pony, not a body of water.

{That body of water is called a pair of wings, wrapping around you. OH, and you’re being smooched.}

Hm, so that’s what that feeling was, I tried to focus and realised he was right, I was kissing Bunnie, it had been a dream, all of it, she was still alive, and now it was just the two of us.

“Well, we’re finally in that room again...” I sighed happily, pulling back.

Bunnie smiled, and I flopped onto my back, and before I knew it, there was blue everywhere, light cyan blue, and my neck felt all tingly, it had to be Bunnie, only she would kiss my neck like that. The buzzing in my head got louder, and the sensations grew more intense, my skin grew hypersensitive and I couldn’t stop smiling, I must have looked really silly, but it was only her, she wouldn’t have cared.

“Are you okay?” She asked.

“No… I’m better than okay…” I exhaled.

I wrapped my arms around her and we threw ourselves into the bed properly, the increase of pace caused the droning in my head to peak, I couldn’t see, I couldn’t hear, I couldn’t even smell…

But I could feel… And gosh… That, felt, good…


The first thing I felt the following day, was a dry throat and a splitting headache; although it wasn’t the worst I’d experienced, it was certainly a horrid one, I really should have drunk some water before bed. Moaning painfully, I looked at the bedside table to find exactly that, a glass of water, along with a terribly scribbled note, it looked like a toddler had written it.

[You’ll need this, stay healthy.
- Love from Drunk Callum]

Smirking, I took the glass and took a large gulp, only to taste a putrid burning, I sprayed it all out onto the floor and coughed loudly, it was fucking vodka! Drunk Callum was a dickhead. Snarling with annoyance, I rolled back into bed and stretched, and nearly jumped as my left hand made contact with fur; gulping, I slowly turned onto my left and pulled back the covers, to reveal Rainbow Dash sleeping soundly.

That’s when I realised I wasn’t wearing any clothes.

“Oh god… Oh god, no…” I murmured.

I couldn’t have, there was no recollection of such an event, and my memory was superb! Surely I’d just got hot in the night, and a drunk Rainbow Dash came and crashed in bed with me while I was asleep.
That must have been what happened, I couldn’t remember a thing; a quiet chuckling then came from within my brain, and the voice of Stardust echoed in my mind.

{Good morning, sunshine… I haven’t forgotten a thing…
Would you like me to tell you now, or later?}

Author's Note:

Fun Fact:
I wrote the majority of this chapter drunk, I wanted to hone in on the pace, tone, and thoughts of a drunk scenario. (Spare the sober edits to fix spelling and grammar...)

How's that for method writing? :rainbowlaugh:

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