• Member Since 13th Feb, 2016
  • offline last seen March 13th

Shaded Changeling


If it was going to be perfect, I wouldn't be in charge.

Comments ( 44 )

Plenty of both sexy and funny moments, along with a hint of drama and bit of karma. Nicely done.

What's with the alternate universe tag?

7156616 That's more based on the full... Well this is a section of a different story that is a sequel to a story where the Changelings are widely know about and live in the towns undisguised.

Well, Twilight will never be the same.

Don't worry Twilight. My brain is doing the same thing

Hah, nice. And Twilight gains a life's worth of mental scarring.

The were a few minor errors, but nothing major. And Sunbutt indeed has a stick up her butt, the lust give us doing fine off good and their campaign against sex trafficking has saved probably thousands of women from a life of sexual slavery.

One thing, though. The clitoris is the small nub between the labia major and labia minor, the outer and inner lips, so it can't really clench down on anything. You were probably thinking of the labia minor.

7161047 Probably... Though Vaginal Walls also can't massage, Again, first time writing this kind of stuff, so it won't be the best... Ovi can do a lot with her body. If I ever decide to write another, I'll try to make it better

I wish this was broken up into chapters. :fluttercry:

7162364 Sorry...... I did think about it, but every point I could have split it either had not enough, or too much content in one section. I'm sorry if it is a bit long... :fluttershyouch: I hope you enjoyed it despite that....

7162376
It makes it very hard to read, but there where a few points when I though you could have split it. But, if you don't want to do that, then you can always put it into parts. I do that with long chapters a lot.

7162380 I've tried coming up with ideas like that... But here is the problem...

A Day In the Hives is all in one chapter for easy location of the Hive you wish to focus on. Since the main story is 'T' Obviously I could not fit this in there. So I wrote it up and put it here, only after I posted it did I realize how GIGANTIC this chapter was (The Previous ones only reaching 12k max and I didn't think twice about it... Now if I knew how long this chapter would be, I certainly would have cut it down a bit, but now I feel like I will miss something if I try to split it up (As does happen with me) and then there will be this huge section gone... I'm very sorry and I will try to do better in the Future :ajsleepy:

Comment posted by Shaded Changeling deleted Apr 26th, 2016

7162399
You don't have to change anything to break it up into chunks. Like I said, there are a lot of places where you could have split the chapter up. Like all those places where you used a line to break things up, you could have used some of those for a chapter break.

It's just hard for people like me to read long stories like this. I'm not the fastest reader and I don't have 2 hours to sit down and read a big long chapter. I know there is a bookmark feature on this sight, but i cant get it to work properly on my phone. It just make things easier to read and easier to re-read the good parts when it's in smaller chunks.

7162503 Yeah... Again sorry about that... :twilightsheepish: I promise that no other Chapters are any near this long.... yet...

Really quite well written actually... Lots of detail and a good, well flowing story. Sexy enough to be provocative, but with enough other stuff in and around it to be an actual story, not simply sexy porn. In fact, I'd personally label this as an adult fanfic rather than simply a clopfic.

Only one suggestion I can really give... You should try and break it up in to anywhere from 3 to 5 chapters to make it easier to read :)

Once again, well done ^_^

7164307 I would be lying if I said I didn't think about it... However, I tried to keep it all in one chapter to keep it all even... Though I suppose I could... :twilightsheepish: I'll give it a little thought... Then I might split it up...

So I see that you splited the long chapter into three parts to make it easier for people to read it. Good job there!

I would honestly enjoy seeing this story continue. It had alot of funny parts and moral lessons and i would love to see celestia's reaction to Twilights notes. Anyway im rambling so to end it here i think this story should contiue at some point and also great story hope theres more.

7167975 Well... Twilight's journey into the other Hives is located on the main story, and I am currently internally debating a prequel involving Lovebug. But that would come a lot later... I will certainly try to get Celestia's reactions down, but right now, I have other things I need to write.

You did a pretty good job. keep up the good work.

I love raunchy comedy, and this was some good raunchy comedy! Well done.

Too bad Ovi couldn't get Twilight to accept her offer. I love a good deflowering story, too.

great story, but I ould have love to see more about the cow ponies TF stroy

7193183 Perhaps... *Taps fingers together* Perhaps...

I might have missed something, but what exactly is the vial of pink stuff in Lovebug's "Field Kit"?

7232983 Liquidated Love. The essential Energy drink for any wandering Changeling *Sparkle wink* Essentially it is just food so she could survive for a little bit without needing to fuck a stallion

7233502 I thought it was like catchall STD cure or something......but seeing this is the Lust hive, they're probably all immune by now. Thanks for the info.

I'm very sorry about asking all these questions that have probably been answered before (because I can't find them and don't know where to look, sorry), but what happened to Carrie? Is that elaborated on in an earlier fanfic?

7234737 Yes. But I will tell you anyway. If you want to read what happened yourself: Later part of this chapter
If you don't feel like reading through to find it I will tell you.
She got stabbed by an assassin that was sent to kill the main character in 'Converted' who was accused of killing Chrysalis. He was in the Hospital owned by Queen Cytes in Canterlot with Queen Ovi in the same room (Lust and Love are quite similar) and in the ensuing chaos, Carrie leaps towards the Assassin to try and save her mother, but gets stabbed in the stomach.
Hope it helps. If you have any more questions, feel free to shoot me a PM or just leave a comment, whichever you prefer.

Other than a few biological impossibilities (horse penis' don't go through the cervix), good start

7242232 Never claimed to know what I'm doing. :twilightsheepish: I'll certainly take that into account.

sensually in anyway,

any way,

it’s sheathe.

its sheath.

the Stallion’s sheathe

sheath (sheathe is a verb). You seem to make this mistake every time.

need to your highness…”

need to, Your Highness…”

terrifyingly huge

:rainbowwild:

was a large number of

were

ranging from reigns

reins

face succumb with lust as it’s tongue

face replete with lust as its tongue

have mounted and rode

and ridden

cowbell around their necks, down by their teats,

Wouldn't that have to be around their tails rather than necks for that?

learning to dominating

to dominate

made the devotion to move,

the decision

chocking

choking

members of Sex Trade.”

members of the illicit sex trade.”

given supplicants

supplements

out of it’s sheathe

its sheath
You didn't say "ovipositor".

starting it’s first pulsing signals.

its

Comment posted by TheLastBrunnenG deleted Jun 16th, 2016
Comment posted by TheLastBrunnenG deleted Jun 16th, 2016

Why is thee last place soon very duty

Twilight needs to get laid :twilightoops:
plane and simple :trixieshiftright:

There has to be a Sequel to this story, more on the Lust Hive must be known, maybe one of the Lust Hive girls could go to Ponyville and scout out a place to set up a brothel there, maybe on the outskirts of Ponyville, of course it would be best to not have it near the place where Twilight's castle would end up.

large boob

...just the one?

Pretty dark stuff... Were did you get your Inspiration? Korea or other nations like that?

With real life elements like this i dont think redemption/reforming of invividuals is a option. Is Celestia ignoring what happens? Someone like her cant be naive enougth to not know and tolerate that... Than again... Changeling allys to the rescue?

This story was quite a ride ( pun intended ) well done

tentacle.

Culture, it is everywhere. The past and the future

That was a lot of fun. The most thirsty Hive indeed...

Login or register to comment