13 Escape
Lyra Heartstrings - 23th of Faust 09 EoH - Afteroon
Multiverse Location: Imperial Equestria, Badlands, Equis #9 - The Solar Empire
They don’t exactly teach you ground tactics in flight school. That makes sense. If a fighter pilot is fighting on foot, something has already gone horribly wrong. Now, yes, I had some ground training, basic is basic after all. But they left out this single rather obvious in hindsight note about the tactic of ‘wait for the enemy to come to you’.
It won't work if the enemy is also waiting for you to come to them.
Rose and I had spent twenty minutes slowly fortifying the entryway into the fortress, and the entire time the six soldiers just stood out there at the end of the ramp. Safe behind their force field, waiting for backup they definitely had coming.
We had a great view of them out of the doors. Rose had blasted one off it’s hinges for use in constructing a barrier. We’d figured that would get them to charge, so I’d been ready behind the other door to hack away as they came through. Instead they had just hosed the area down with crossbow bolts and fireballs and kept their asses firmly planted.
It was like they expected us to have rushed out of the doorway riding on the backs of Xenomorphs in a full lancer charge. One had even screamed ‘Contact!’ all over dramatically for the entire thirty seconds of sustained fire.
I’d probably made the bastards even more nervous by laughing my ass off at the one guy screaming his head off… Apparently a human’s hysterical laughter is horrific sounding to a pony.
At least, that’s what Rose said as we dragged the door back to make a proper barricade in the center of the otherwise bare stone room.
On a lighter note, either the Empire had a serious budget issue or had a way to strict definition of the term ‘spartan’ because this base was literally just stone walls and the actual minimum in terms of furniture. Our ‘barricade’ was half of the front door propped up on a chair and some crates we dragged back from the lock up arranged in a ‘u’ shape. Not by choice, but by necessity.
Naturally, that was a problem. This would stand up to a few people with small arms, but well… If the ones out on patrol had just one grenade, or a mage who could do something like a grenade, we were toast. And for whatever reason, the enemy was firmly planted, had a force field up to negate ranged fire, and was clearly waiting for one of their patrols to get back for the reinforcements. Time was not on our side.
“Well… I guess we could fall back deeper into the fort,” Rose suggested, keeping her eyes over the top of the barricade as she rested on it’s edge.
“Do you know of any other way out?” I asked.
She shook her head. “No. I can’t remember seeing any windows or doors other than this one.”
“Can those guns of yours blast a hole through a wall?” I asked as a follow up.
“Yeah, they can. They are designed for breaking up stone. But… You’re a soldier. Once we are out, we have an open run on flat ground with no cover to get to the airship… And they have crossbows,” she grumbled.
“I know,” I sighed. “But options are good. My people have a saying, ‘Plan for failure on your first plan.’”
Rose frowned, turning away from the door for a second to look at me. “I don’t get it…”
“It means that plan A is probably going to fail. You’re going to have to face something worse than you thought. So you just need to grab some courage and get shit done however you can,” I explained.
I saw my words sink in. It was her eyes. They lit up in that way only a vet knows, the eyes of someone totally green hearing a piece of advice and taking it the completely wrong way.
“You’re right! We should charge them!” Rose exclaimed. “It’s the shortest possible distance to the ship from here, and they only have self-loading bows! Our armor might take the hits!”
I took a deep breath. “No. No we should not just charge them.”
“But you just sai-”
“I fucking know what I fucking said!” I snapped. “But you took it wrong! We need to still have a plan. Just rushing in will almost always get you killed. ESPECIALLY since your armor is more of a shirt. What if they hit your legs or hips?
“I may not know much about your species but I presume you also have arteries in the legs, and if you have a liver, that’s not protected by your gear either. If you had full coverage maybe a charge would work, but you don’t.”
“Oh…” Rose mused, ears drooping a little. “Wait, but you have full armor! Unless, it’s just your face that’s pink and not leathery.”
I laughed, making Rose shake her head in confusion. “And what,” she groaned, “is so bucking funny?”
Ah ha! So it was something about the pitch of a human laugh… Weapon of pony annoyance acquired!
“Well, the funny thing is I had a really primitive crossbow cut through this,” I explained. “Those are much more modern ones, so you know… Assuming magic advances at the same rate as technology I expect them to punch right through even my plate.”
“What plate?” Rose asked with a tilt of her head.
I tapped a fist to my chest, letting the ping of metal echo off the walls. “I have a breastplate under the jacket,” I informed.
“Ohhh! I thought it was just the helmet and like, some kind of stealthy, magically hardened jumpsuit thing,” Rose said as she turned back to keep an eye on our stationary opponents. “So um, what do we do then, sarge?”
“Captain, actually.” I corrected automatically.
“You’re a captain and you can’t think up a way out of a room?” Sai asked incredulously.
“I second that! How does an officer not have the tactical stuff to outsmart six guys?” Rose demanded.
I sighed and did my best to calmly explain. “Look… The way my people’s military works is complicated. Pilots start out in officer school. I’ve been promoted only twice. I did not work my way up from Private. I did not get training for commanding ground forces.
“Only officers get to be pilots for simple logistical reasons. A ton of people wanted to do it, so going through officers school is one of the ‘weed out the chaff’ filters. Trust me, if I had Bonbon One, those six guys would be dust and we’d be long gone.
“But I don’t. I have a sword I can’t use properly, a knife, a snake, an infinite box of sammiches, and a cooler of beer. And most of a survival kit. It’s not like I have another grenade.”
“Yeesh, alright I get it,” Rose grumbled. “Wait, hold it! Did you say infinite sandwiches!?”
“Yeah, if we survive this I’ll give you one,” I said dismissively. I didn’t have time for talking right now, I had the seed of a plan to work with.
I didn’t have another grenade… But I did have a bottle of whisky. And a fire lighter.
I reached over to the cooler and opened it up. The whisky bottle was on top, a quick tap of the bottle was enough to tell me that it was indeed glass and not plastic. Also to my total shock the label listed it as ‘178 Proof’.
“Jesus!” I exclaimed. “Rose, is this actually one seventy eight proof or is my translator program not reading it right?”
Rose shook her head. “This isn’t a time to drink, also that’s not ours.”
“I know! I’m trying to plan, I need to know if this is at least 80 proof, and I’m seriously not sure I’m reading your language right,” I said defensively.
Rose tilted her head to get a look and nodded confirming. “That’s Applebuck, it’s at least one sixty. Why’s that important?”
“Stay here, I need some cloth,” I ordered. “Yell if they charge, I’m only going to the lock up.”
They had those lovely banners on the wall after all.
My boots clicked against the floor as I moved at a full sprint. I really didn’t want to be gone for more than necessary. While the enemy didn’t have line of sight to our position, they had fucking wizards. For all I knew they had the equivalent of CCTV and knew I had just left…
Fortunately it wasn’t far, just twenty yards. I covered it within seconds, bursting into the lockup and nearly tripping over the ruined door. I definitely needed to eat more… Cheer.ly should have automaticly adjusted my run to avoid the slippage. Note to self, air not deadly now, eat regularly.
Also those sandwiches are apparently super low in caloric density. A pitty.
I made a beeline for the nearest banner, grabbed the bottom edge and ran my fingers along it, gloves transmitting the feel of the material to me. I wasn’t to much of an expert in fabrics, I mean, they were basically obsolete where I came from, but I was pretty sure that this kind would burn. It had a natural fiber feeling to it.
Hoping I could just tear the stuff apart, I gripped the banner in both hands and tore a long strip of fabric from it. Checking the length of the strip, I nodded in satisfaction and sprinted back out into the hallway, boots skidding as I rounded the corner and charged back for the entrance, expecting our crappy fort to be under attack.
As luck would have it, our enemy was still content to wait for backup. Hell, that just made sense really. I can’t believe I didn’t think of them doing that before… Not that it would really have helped much.
As I came back Rose’s head twitched to get a look at me before returning to the guards. “Hey! So I worked something out, their crossbows don’t seem to be enchanted for more than self loading, and their bolts are mundane,” she hissed quietly.
“Wait, how do you know?” I asked as I returned to the cooler and retrieved the scotch.
“My dad taught me weapons. I don’t know all the makes and models, but I do know most of the arcane stuff you need to make weapon enchantments. I got a good look at their weapons, I didn’t see anything big. Also you know, these guys suck. They don’t get the best equipment,” Rose said in a rather sure of herself way.
Not the bad sort of sure of herself. But still…
“Well, that’s good. They still managed to put a few dozen shots through the door each in just a few seconds though,” I reminded. “The self loading is clearly enough.”
“Yeah, but at least they don't have accelerated bolts, or elemental enchantments,” Rose mused.
“You know, your dad was definitely bullshitting you about being a miner, or you’re lying to me,” I pointed out.
“He retired from being a warrior to raise me, and became a miner to support our family,” Rose explained with a sad sigh. “Look, I don’t lie. Not without reason. I’m telling the truth here. My dad used to be other things before he took up mining. I’m sure your dad was lots of things too.”
“My dad died. I never knew him,” I informed as I picked up the bottle and unscrewed the lid, pouring some of the whisky over the strip of cloth.
“Lyra, the hay are you doing?” Rose hissed. “That’s not ours!”
“Yeah, well, better to lose some of your cargo than all of it. This is our way out,” I explained as I rolled up the rag and stuffed it into the bottle till it reached the bottom.
Fortunately enough of the rag was sticking out to be the light-on-fire bit once I screwed the cap back on.
“... I don’t get it,” Rose said with a frown.
“Well, to be fair, I’ve never seen one of these in real life either,” I admitted. “This is called a molotov cocktail. A glass bottle with flammable liquid in it and a wick. Poor man’s incendiary grenade. I don't know what’s supposed to go in them, but well, alcohol over 80 Proof burns...”
“Ohhhh! Yeah all right. Now I’m with you. So you throw that, and then we charge them while they are on fire,” Rose exclaimed oddly eagerly.
I shook my head slowly. “Look… They will be on fire, probably not fatally. We have ONE of these. We should just book it for the airship going right past them.”
“What if we miss one?” Rose asked. “He could get a shot off on us, and we'll, like you said, my back half isn’t armored.”
“Rose,” I began, pausing as I tried to think of a way to put it that would drive home,.“You said that’s your dad’s old kit, right? You said he used to be a warrior, right? He had to have told you that sometimes you need to fight, sometimes you need to run.
“We are outnumbered, out gunned, and the enemy has backup incoming. We need to just go.”
Rose giggled. “That’s not even close to anything my dad ever would have said.”
“Well fine, what would he do here?” I asked, rolling my eyes behind my faceplate as I got my lighter out of it’s pouch.
“Ran over and beaten them to death with his bare hooves, then probably use their weapons to take out the rest before leaving. Or let mom mop them up while he swept the rest of the fort,” Rose said casually.
“S-seriously?” I asked, taken half aback by the informative way she just said that.
Were military tactics here like, at a two year old’s intelligence or something? Maybe I could just rush those guys…
“Red Granite,” Rose prompted. “The Ill-Fate Warrior?”
I sighed. “Not from here, remember?”
“Oh, right… Look, like sixty years ago, a mage opened a portal to the Heart of Tartarus in Trottingham. My dad killed him and the fiends flooding the city, then went into the portal to kill everything on the other side that wanted to come over too, before closing it and leaving Tartarus by walking out of the natural portal in the Spur Mountains. He called that a fun weekend,” Rose said proudly.
Bullshit trumped up egotist dad’s war stories taken completely seriously… No wonder she thought we could just charge them. Poor girl, someone needed to set her head straight.
“... Right… I’m seeing where you get your idea of tactics from now,” I muttered half to her and half to myself.
“Pfff, hey I know I’m not THAT good yet, but I sure as heck will be one day. So, you going to throw that or are we going to wait for the rest of them to get here and probably die?” Rose asked.
I took a deep breath, it was time to just bite the bullet here. “Alright… I throw this, you and I rush for the ship. You cover us, I get the cargo aboard as fast as possible. Sound good?” I asked.
“Sounds great!” Rose replied.
“Bon, climb up and hang on,” I ordered as I gave the lighter a flick to make sure it was working.
The pale flame winked into existence. Bon quickly slid up and around my leg, settling herself across my shoulders and waist.
“Hon, I need my right arm free,” I said to Bon as I slid the cooler along the floor with my foot to get into position behind the remaining door.
As Bon slid into a better posision, I ordered Cheer.ly to calculate the best possible throw to get the bottle to hit in the middle of the group. The middle of the group that was under a force field… That was a dome…
“Fuck!” I cursed, “Their shield’s a bubble! Last one was a wall…”
“No problem. That just means I run through first, they’ll have to drop it to shoot,” Rose said vaulting over our barricade and sprinting out the door with a scream of, “This is for glory, dung stains!”
I swore I was staring at a dead woman. The six soldiers scrambled, weapons whipping upwards to begin the slaughter. I whipped around the corner, lighting the wick and throwing the bottle in sheer desperation, every motion a plea to save her ass from her own idiotic move.
The bottle flew, tumbling end over end. Rose surged forward, left foreleg raising to aim. The soldiers weapons leveled at her. The green energy bubble flickered.
The bottle spun further along it’s ark. I reached down and grabbed the cooler, a shout of “Fire!” reaching my ears as I stood up, ready to run.
The shield vanished. All six soldiers fired, bolts speeding for Rose. The peach thestral tucked in her left rear leg, instantly falling into a roll, the volley of bolts slicing the air just over her head. Rolling to her left Rose fired three times, her shots striking the forcefield-making mage in the shoulder, neck and then head.
The soldiers broke ranks the second the mage’s head jerked backwards. Three kept firing, their shots striking the sand around Rose, the other two turned to run. And then the molotov hit in the center of their group. The glass shattering was drowned out by the whoosh of flame as the molotov splashed it’s contents over the group, setting four of the five aflame.
I pumped my legs as hard as I could, sprinting out of the doorway with all the force I could muster, making a beeline for the-
RV sized rickety oak and junk metal airship, clearly only held together by canvas and willpower.
Oh sweet physics why?! That thing wasn’t going to going to be able to out run jack-
“Oh bucking Faust!” Rose swore, springing up from her roll and rushing towards the now flaming soldiers.
Deciding her curse couldn’t mean anything good, I sprinted forwards, putting everything out of my mind but putting each foot in the best possible place. The airship's large rear-cargo ramp was down, just a few dozen feet beyond the burning disarray of soldiers. Not a problem, not too far to go. I could do this!
Rose sprinted past me, literally pounding on one of the guards, knocking his crossbow from his hooves and springing off after the weapon. The mare rolled again, grabbing the bow and using her wings to quickly lever herself into a sitting position, immediately firing a few bolts at something out of my view.
Oh hell… The backup was here.
A bolt whizzed over my head and buried itself in the back of the airship’s cabin, thankfully not puncturing the balloon.
“Run for it!” I shouted at Rose, adrenaline putting on a fresh burst of speed.
“Nottachance!” Rose barked. “Too many mages! We’ll get shot down. Just go!”
I made the mistake of looking over my shoulder. She was right. Fifteen soldiers were making their way for us, charging through an open gate in the fortress’s outer wall. Half of them unicorns. All of them well armed.
“Shit!” I exclaimed, snapping my attention back to the airship.
I ran for the ramp, bolts whizzing past me every few moments, thudding into the sand, the ship, or the stacked crates inside the small cargo area in the rear. The moment my boots hit the deck Bon clenched tightly around me, and I felt something punch my right arm. Looking down with a terrified wince I saw a bolt sticking out of my suit, the head not quite through my armor, but still stuck into the material.
I dropped the cooler on the ship’s deck. With a mighty heave I lifted a terrified Bon off my shoulders and shoved her behind a stack of crates.
“Stay down!” I begged.
“‘kay!” Bon squeaked in the most adorable and horrified voice I had ever heard.
Then I noticed the small cut on her back. The bolt that had hit me had grazed her first.
I felt a deep soul bending sadness well up from my heart. Her first words, said in pain and fear as she lay bleed-
A bolt hit me squarely in the back, pinging off my armor with a loud ring of metal on metal. The bolt struck a match, and the sadness ignited into blind fury.
I wheeled around, an wrathful scream echowing off my faceplate and blowing the voice modulator speaker. Rose entered my view, performing another rolling dodge as she took down one of the mages mid charge. I didn’t care.
Unburdened by my adopted child, I put my all into a dead on sprint towards the closest soldier.
<Adrenal spike detected,> Cheer.ly announced. <Regulat->
I sent all of my rage directly to her as a form of ‘belay that’.
<... Standing by,> Cheer.ly informed decicivly.
I blew past Rose, the unicorn I ran towards leveled his horn, firing a single pale amber ray. I didn’t care. The ray sliced along my side, the paint on my breastplate smoking from the hit, the smell of burnt fabric reached my nostrils as the unicorn came into arm's reach.
I threw myself at him, hands grasping for his head with all of my strength behind them, arms twisting to throw him to the ground and with a crack and pop the unicorn’s skull became soft.
Ah. That’s right. They did not have gene engineering. They were soft, fragile little things.
Unoptimised, non reinforced, naturally formed, child injuring bags of meat!
I kicked the corpse out of my way, sprinting straight for the next monster. A half dozen bees seemed to object, stinging me all over. I threw a punch, connecting with the soldier's jaw as something hit me in the inside of my hip.
It hurt like hell, so I threw a second punch, the soldier crumpled, falling backwards into a pile as I simply couldn’t be bothered to remember things anymore.
Lyra Heartstrings - 23th of Faust 09 EoH - Late Afteroon
Multiverse Location: Imperial Equestria, Badlands, Equis #9 - The Solar Empire
“Right, an’ that makes twenty three… We miss any of em?” Someone asked, the voice piercing through the most intense haze of pain I’d ever felt in my life.
“Not unless they got one right in her slit there… And I wouldn’t say that but seriously given her height and her species anatomy, that’s possible,” a voice I vaguely recognised as Rose replied.
“Nah, I’d remember a shaft sticking out of that, and I don’t see any blood. Pass that roll of bandages,” the first voice asked again.
Then suddenly blinding white hot pain in my upper thigh!
“Ahhh! Fucking- I’ll kill you you son of a bitch!” I screamed, jolting upright.
“Ah hay no! Hold her down!” The voice I could not tell was male exclaimed.
Something hard cracked across my face. “Lyra, cut that shit out, we’re burning wounds shut before you bleed out!”
“Ow!” I groaned, the slap knocking the blackness out of my vision.
I was laying on a table in a large RV like living space, naked, surrounded by lots of bloody rags, and with at least half of me wrapped in bandages. And all of me in really bad pain.
Rose was standing to my left, a bandage wrapped around her lower right leg, her armor no longer on, but stacked in a pile in the corner. A pile that included all of my own gear.
In front of me, holding a large roll of cloth was a really battered looking pegasus stallion. The first thing you noticed was the patch over his left eye, and a completely mangled stub of a left ear, along with an odd tint to his fur around the eye and ear which looked sort of like a burn scar, but in fur. Something had fucked him up real good a long time ago, and that’s before you noticed he had little stumps instead of wings.
The next thing you noticed was his rusty chestnut coat and gray muzzle, which when combined with his braided blued steel mane and long tail, a dark brown pre-atomic era leather pilot’s jacket, and scarf, made this stallion look like a pony version of a steampunk pirate captain. The friendly kind.
“You aren't still going full axe crazy are ya? Cuz all I’m doing is patching you up. I’m not a doc, but well, a few dozen arrows are just one of those things to take care of,” he said in a calm voice.
“Axe crazy?” I asked, wincing as I tried to move my arm.
It really didn’t want to move right now. Like, at all.
“You’re the liar of the two of us Lyra!” Rose exclaimed, sounding genuinely upset. “You could totally have taken on those six guys unarmed! You got seven of their friends before they shot you into unconsciousness.”
“I… I don’t remember doing that,” I stammered. “I did that?”
“Aye, you did,” the stallion said with a nod. “I saw the whole thing. Your snake friend got nicked by a bolt and you decided to introduce the lot that did it to a mother dragon. Your species packs a lot of strength in there, you managed to knock out an earth pony. Gotta say, I’m impressed.
“Now lift your leg a bit, gotta bandage you up incase the cauterizing decides to open back up.”
“Wait, dragon?” I asked, head kinda fuzzy.
“A fairly apt description of your rampage, if I do say so myself,” the stallion said as he wrapped the cloth around my leg really close to-
“Uh… I get the medical situation here but um… Yeah, humans really don’t like to be naked,” I muttered.
“Do they like bleeding?” He asked.
“Well, some of us do but not me, no,” I rambled, laying back down dizzily. “The room is getting all spinny…”
“Well yeah,” Rose laughed. “We picked like what, twenty three bolts out of you?”
The stallion pulled the bandage tight and expertly tied it off. “Yup. You’re lucky your armor kept them from going in too deep. Nothing deadly, but you’re definitely low on blood… I swore Rose had drug a pincushion into the hold.”
“Wait,” I asked, starting to remember some of what happened. “I remember Bon got shot… Is she okay?”
“You bet your flanks she’s okay!” The stallion laughed. “She’s curled up around a rock I warmed up on the stove with a plate of nibbles nearby. I’m not about to hurt her after her mom flipped shit like that. You must really love your pets.”
“Bon’s sapient. She’s a people,” I murmured.
“I… Oh… So they shot your foal there,” the stallion mused. “Yeah, everything adds up now. So who are you and why did you bring an adopted kid into an Imperial Fort? They didn’t kidnap her did they?”
“Didn’t mean to go there. I’m an interdimensional traveler-” I managed to say before being interrupted with an almighty chorus of
“Awesome!” The two exclaimed rather loudly.
“Yeah,” I admitted with a smile. It did feel cool to be able to stay that. “I can’t control where I go though… Trying to find a version of the guy who invented my-”
The fog cleared from my head, swept aside by a wave of panic. “The leather band on my wrist! Where is it!? I need it!”
The stallion held up his forehooves. “Woah, easy there. It’s alright. I put him on top of the rest of your gear. I’m guessing that Sky made that in an alternate timeline? I mean, it’s got her AI on it.”
I blinked. “You know-”
“Course I know Sky,” he chuckled. “Not personally, but by reputation. I help out her bug friends all the time. Everyone living in the badlands knows the mare who worked out a reliable means to get water here. Don’t worry, we’re enroute to Sky Labs and none of those guys will be reporting us into the Imps. Ever.”
He turned to face Rose, giving her a frown. “While I believe your Red’s kid now… Next time, I’ll get my beer back. It will be quicker and quieter.”
Rose blushed slightly. “S-sorry… I just wanted to help.”
“I know, but damn girl… The rebels are going to take the blame for that mess as soon as it’s found,” he replied with a slow head shake.
“Wait, you said I got seven… What happened?” I asked with a small frown.
“You took out those guys, and I moved in to pull you into the airship. I… It felt wrong to leave you behind and well, I thought you were trying to buy me time to leave,” Rose explained. “So I got a bit insulted and managed to take the rest of them out. I thought you were okay for a bit but uh, yeah that’s when I noticed half of it was your blood…”
“So she dragged you to me and we spent about an hour and a half pulling metal outta ya,” the stallion finished. “Er, by the way, almost ripped that decorative metal at the base of your skull out… Thought it was a bolt. It didn’t damage anything, it’s stuck in there REAL good, but that’s why there’s a bandage on your head too.”
I winced. “Cheer.ly, run diagnostic on neural interface.”
<Neural interface operating within normal parameters,> Cheer.ly returned.
“It’s fine, you didn’t break it,” I said, letting a relieved sigh escape my lips. “Now um… Can I have some clothes?”
“Yeah um, your stuff is really dirty, you’re not going to want to put it on,” Rose said slowly. “Besides, your species is fucking adorable! Why cover up?”
“Seconded, you’re like a skinny hairless pink ape. And somehow, that’s bucking cuter than a newborn foal,” the stallion said swavely.
“Into girls,” I replied to him reflexively. “Also I don’t even know your name. And I still want some pants or something.”
“Ferrous Gale, your friendly badlands air shipper. Or mailman if your prefer… I don’t like such a boring job title,” Gale introduced, going so far as to tip an invisible cap.
“... You don’t have a hat,” I objected, pointing a finger accusingly.
“I don’t?” He asked looking genuinely surprised.
“You took it off before cleaning her up,” Rose giggled.
“Ah, well…” Gale coughed into his hoof in embarrassment. “Normally I have a flat cap I’d have tipped for you ma’am. But seeing as I don’t, I’ll simply inform you that there isn’t enough water onboard to wash your gear, so you’ll have to grin and bear it for a bit.
“We're on a course to the Labs, and we’ll be there by sunup tomorrow. Just rest up and let that forest of punctures heal. You won't have to worry about me chasing your tail, I respect orientations.”
“I don’t have a tail,” I said, a confused frown parting my lips.
Rose giggled. “Um, you do now.”
I blinked and spred my legs to look between them. Sure enough, a long pony-style tail of minty green and white fur/hair/whatever twitched in alarm as I spotted it. “Ah! What the hell!?”
“Remember that thing I said about potion side effects?” Rose asked.
“Oh. Oh? Oh!” I exclaimed, running from understanding to confused to shocked again.
“You grew it while I was carrying you to the airship. Scared the crap out of me. Don’t worry! It looks good. Besides, if it bugs you too much there’s a cleaver in the kitchen,” Rose said, pointing over her shoulder.
“I… think I’ve bled enough for one day,” I said slowly, reaching down with one hand to poke at the new appendage.
My tail curled up to meet my hand, and my brain sort of connected that I could move it however I liked. I gave it an experimental swish, then flexed it a bit.
“Huh… Well, alright. I can get used to this,” I decided.
After all, I’d been thinking of getting a tail mod for years now…
“Oh cool! Earth pony style. Lucky…” Rose lamented.
“What? Why’s that special?” I asked.
“Well, for one, your tail is prehensile. Their ancient warriors would often wield a small weapon with their tail and I’ve always wanted to do that because it’s totally badflank!” Rose said jealously.
I shook my head and gave her a smile. “Thanks for saving my life there. I owe you one.”
Rose returned my smile. “Happy to have done it. It was fun. Got to use dad’s training for the first time, and some of mom’s too… I know you thought I was completely green and well… Yeah, I am. Kinda. I do have some moves, just no experience actually using them to kill. You know, till now.”
“I’m glad I was wrong, cuz I definitely feel like death,” I replied with a wince.
Rose nodded and held out a hoof. I took it and let her help me to a small bed where she pulled a blanket over me. Normally I’d object to that kind of treatment, but well…my everything hurt. Badly.
“Just lay back here, covered up like your species likes, and let those wounds give up hurting you and buck off like the pussies they are,” Rose said in an oddly motherly tone.
“I-is that how your mom ‘kissed it better’?” I asked in mild shock.
Rose nodded and gave me a grin. “Heh, yeah. She’s a warrior too. Seriously though, rest up. I’ma cook some apple pot-pies for dinner, but you still owe me that sammich!”
I laughed, wincing as the movement hurt my joints. “No problem.”
So, this is how it felt to have someone save your ass. Not too bad. Really heavy on the gratitude, but with lots of happiness. Right then Lyra, the score is decidedly three for four. All in all, still pretty good.
I felt myself start to drift off to sleep when a sudden pressure on my legs made me look up, heart speeding up in fright. Fortunately it was just Bon, slithering up to snuggle between me and the wall.
“Ni’ mom,” she murmured faintly.
Too… cute! Might… Die… Already... Wounded…
I passed out with a smile on my face.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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So yeah, not gonna lie, this chapter was fun to edit. I hope you enjoy reading it just as much.
Also, have some fitting music:
You know exactly where it goes...
Ps. I recommenced Meep add that final bit with Bon, and found that picture for her. Yer welcome.
Best thing I can suggest for Lyra is to see if the magic sandwich box can put avocado (a lot of it) on the sandwiches. Assuming of course that she even knows what an ovocado is... It wouldn't be enough, but it should help a good bit. And if it can take suggestions she might just ask it to load it with something high in calories.
D'awwwwww
Bon so cute
Beserker mode activated. Holy crap you do not want to piss off Lyra. I mean she did all that and probably didn't even activate her sword.
Well.... if that is how she go's apeshit in hand to hand (or hoof), then may Faust have mercy on any poor sole that pisses her off once she had some training/experience with her sword, or gets an enchanted bow.
This was a really fun chapter and Bonbon, all of the daww's were had there.
So these guys, the Solar 'Guard' (are they guard?), remind me of the Imperial Guard from Warhammer 40K, lots of under-trained conscripts/troops with low to mid-grade (if their lucky) gear, easy to kill but just come in droves.
Ok so most every pony here is gender swapped, as we saw Sky is a girl, so dose that mean Sai will also be a female based Ai then? If so that will be interesting to see the interaction between the two.
STARSWIRL YOU ASS! You did this on purpose didn't you!
(next chapter Lyra wakes up naked surrounded by cute ponies/changelings who all think she is adorable, let the harem commence)
That was too friggin adorable. Mainly Bonnie. SPECIALLY Bonnie.
Question: how thick is she? In my mind I just can't seem to imagine her less than a foot in diameter, but rationally I that couldn't be with her size >.<
Pony tails. If she ever comes back she'll never hear the end of it
specially with it being prehensile. Well, she is a human and we are known for our adaptability and creativity. I'm sure she'll come up with... Interesting uses for such a tail 
Sweet another chapter! Loved this one!!! Bon is so cute and learning to talk, so happy to see her growth. And wow, really don't want to get Lyra mad! And a tail! Prehensile too. So much awesomeness in this chapter and i can hardly wait for the next one!
No it's not. That means she can eat more of them.
Unless she wants the to function like Clif Bars or something. Holy fucking shit Clif Bars are delicious.
It has also just occurred to me that if that sword is a part of her soul or magic, and is made by a japanese person, then it's a lot like a Zanpaku-to.
7297021 The real issue here is Lyra's used to two inch cubes of synthetic organic material flavored however which are about 4k calories each and perfectly optimized for human dietary needs. Natural foods, to her, are our equivalent of a handful of popcorn. "I need to eat a POUND of this to get just five hundred calories!?! The hell man?!"
7297078 Do not anger people past the point of rage. Everyone has that point where adrenaline kicks in and you can do crazy shit. Like that maybe 140 pound girl who flipped a burring truck over to get her dad out from under it. Or that 80 year old guy who killed a Kodiak bear with just his camp knife after it ambushed him while he was fishing. Humans differently have a bezerk button... So imagine how it goes in the future when you still have that, and it wont break your body when it goes off...
7297123 It's funny you say she can kick butt before reading the next chapter...
7297235
Well... THink about it. Humans have that bezerk button which basicaly overclocks your whole body. See the stories of moms lifting cars to get their kids to safety, and solders just completely flipping shit on a battlefield and killing 200 dudes (literally, check number 4 on this list.)
So imagine that bezerk button's capabilities in a modified human like Lyra, with much better muscle design and structure, nearly unbreakable bones, and highly improved reflexes...
Kind of, they are known as the Watch not the Guard. These guys are a border patrol force, while the Guard is a city patrol force. It's where you stick fresh from basic troops to get a little experience working in a unit outside of training camps before putting them onto the front lines of whatever imperialist war is being waged, or throwing them at a known rebbal infestation. They are basically green and unrefined as you get.
7297362
Bonnie started as a green anaconda. Here's a grown up one IRL http://im2.peldata.com/bl1/3708/16bg.jpg
She's grown a bit since her change began too, so a foot thick isn't too much of a stretch, she could easily have been a foot thick naturally... Her species is BIG. (They have been known to eat small crocodiles if REALLY hungry... But oddly they dont eat humans. Like, even if you piss a hungry one off, they'll just crush you and leave you there. They can swallow something human sized too, so that's not the issue. Maybe we taste icky. Cuz Great Whites wont eat humans entirely ether, they just bite to taste, go 'bleh' and swim off (unless STARVING).) Also they are adorbs, look at that face
Well, the way I do earth pony tails is they have bone all the way to the tip despite looking like a standard horse tail, so yes, she can do interesting things with it. (I mean Applebloom was able to spin a hoolahoop on her tail tip so there has to be something solid there...)
7297549
"These orieos are low fat."
"Awesome! That means we can have twice as many!"
7297827
I fail to see your point.
Maybe it's because I'm one of those guys with lower-than-is-healthy carbohydrate and fat levels, but really high protein. Yeah I lift, bruh.
I have medical reasons to eat more pancakes.
7297835 It's a Signfield quote. The joke being "Hey the food's made to be healthy! Cool we can have more of it :D" But hey man, you do you, I'm a go have my breakfast of rice, white gravy, and diced up 'mystery substance' claiming to be beef patties.
7297838
Step one: Go to Denny's
Step two: Get a glass of water and all you can eat pancakes for $4.
Step three: ????????
Step four: Profit.
7297845 I'm in Alaska, so that's like 7 bucks at the cheapest. At which point it's financially irresponsible to do that instead of buying a bunch of soup to eat some now and some later.
7297549
It doesn't actually. You do remember that she is limited to three sandwiches and a bottle of water per day right? Just fine for a normal person who needs maybe 2000 calories per day. She needs at least four times that to work at optimum if I recall correctly.
7297827
In which case I hope she can develope a fondness for entire bottles of vegetable oil.
7297857
Prices at the same restaurant differ according to location?
Didn't know that.
I honestly just don't eat much out of mu own volition.
I am also living proof that you can live and be healthy with a diet of 75% milk.
Where do you think I got all that protein from?
Though I did find out the reason why was because milk has opioids in it. I regret nothing.
7297827
I just read this before I saw your comment, coincidence?
The Deadliest Female Sniper in History
7297868 To be fair, that bottle would taste better than most food she's had >> It's not that bad long term though. You can get 2000 calories from a larger ribeye steak (if marinated right and sauteed in butter) and a soda. As long as Lyra shops at ethnic food stores and picks up griffon or dragon staple foods she'll do alright. But, while traveling... good luck getting 8k calories from the bushes and shit.
7297883 Humans can be healthy eating lots of different diets. In fact, a diet is very situational and changes from person to person via so many factors that any real scientist will say "Stick to around 2000 to 2500 calories daily, add a thousand more if you do a lot of physical work. Make sure you at least get these substances in these minimum proportions." and leave it at that. Some dudes are completely find living on nachos and milkshakes, other people just can't do that. There is no overarching 'best diet!' for humans.
Also yes. Alaskan prices are always higher than the lower 48, you see despite being a place you can drive to, Alaska is treated like a foreign country by companies (and even the US military, troops get an 'over seas briefing' before getting stationed here...). So we pay super high shipping premiums. Back when Subway did it's '$5 Footlong' deal, up here they were 7.99 footlongs... even though we still got the 5 dollar footlong ads... Fucking asterisks...
7297918
Fuck asterisks.
They are never good.
7297935 You have won a date with Twilight Sparkle!*
*It's actually a changeling disguise as Twilight.**
**it's okay though, she's in love with you. The disguise is just to impress.
7297993
I am okay with those asterisks.
I like the asterisk more than the original.
7297995 Agreed. Twilight would NOT make for the best of girlfriends... Good friend though. I just can see her being too buisy reading to notice your moods >>
7297827
I find myself compelled to agree with that statement, they are cute!
So, plan B, something to do with the box of sandwiches?
Oh wait, a molotov cocktail, good improvision.
Holy crap, Rose's dad was Doom-guy?
(Though with all her gaming experience, I'm a little surprised that Lyra didn't recognize that plot line and wonder at the coincidence.)
Ahh, so I see that we are going for the "scream and charge" plan.
Well, that was incredibly dangerous, and really does nothing to demonstrate to Rose that "charge!" is really questionable tactics. But hey, there is something to say for getting away with no witnesses. Kind of bloodthirsty for that to be on account of them all being dead, but it's hard to argue with someone in mama bear mode.
Also, I know that the description is a bit off, but I'm having a hard time envisioning this pilot as anyone other than Han Solo. That ship is just too rickety to not be the Millennium Falcon.
Hey, if that's the only side effect, could be worse.
Damn that's cute.
7298515
There is not enough facehoof in the world for that one...
Now I want to know if you could somehow make a Molotov Sandwich... The CIA did invent a flower you could bake, and even eat, but exploded if electrocuted...
Well, to be fair, of everyone to read this and comment, only you so far picked up on that reference. Even with the thinly veiled name and the description of Rose's gear...
Well... I don't know. She did almost die and if she didn't have any help or backup... The lesson could strike home. Depends on how Rose thinks of the situation.
It's a 'that moment'. Everyone who gives a fuck about someone has one. (Also: Nostalgia attack deployed!)
It's actually one of my Patreon's characters... and reading the description, yeah. I got a Solo vibe too. Tis the dashing rouge smuggler archetype.
7298443 It's little wonder people keep them as pets. There is no documented record of one ever attacking and eating a human (despite being easily able to if they wanted), though there are documented records of anaconda killing people who went all Crocodile Hunter on them and poked them with a stick... but to be perfectly fucking fair, dont poke wild animals. SO despite the danger, they are quite tame if raised, they live a loooong time (30+ years in captivity), they are cute, pretty cool, and they are aquatic snakes so they like to swim and are generally more active than other species so they will play with you.
7298800 So bigger and somewhat less inoffensive than corn snakes. A friend of mine's got one of those.
About having anacondas... that might get quite expensive, getting a big enough habitat (and having a house big enough for that). I would say food, but a dead rabbit a week is still cheaper than feeding a big dog. That and I think it's illegal to own one down here... oh wait, forget that. You can get a legal one for around $650. Didn't expect that.
7298835 Yeah they cost a fair bit, but well, not more than most purebred dogs or fancy cats.I'd keep one if i could but I personally see it as animal cruelty to own a reptile in Alaska. At least one that you can't keep in a small heated tank...
Doom Guy's daughter! RIP AND TEAR UNTIL IT IS DONE!
7302594 Just wait to learn about her mom...
7302702 Don't think I failed to notice that coy little line about how mom happens to also be a warrior.
[Doompone Hype]
D:
it's so cute!
Hooooly flying meatballs of death!
RUUUUUUNNNNNN!!!
I thought of this immediately XD
Hnngg.
ded.
0/10 need more bonbon snek
7303120 Glad you liked it ^^
7303693
Pritty damn dead. Sudden impact of 45 kilos delivered like that will snap a neck for sure.
You don't need guns when you have this bad boy! And it's magic! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bS9N8dEdZCQ
*coughs* and unlike Helsing you know how to lead a shot... *coughs*
There isn't a physical trigger. The weapon magically scenes the muscle movement when you do that and fires, so long as you've also cocked your wrist slightly. For a human it would be like tipping your wrist downwards then closing your hand to shoot.
Why deleted? Did you do it or a mod?
I have no idea what that is, but I need to see it :D
You'll get more ^^
Damn it, Next Button! Why must you be so easy to click!
Now I have two stories on the "I have no self-control here, must read nao" list.
Perhaps I'll go through the previous chapters for typos or something.
I told you this would happen, Meep.
Also: Talking Bon Hype!
7304911 No worries! More chapter tonight. It is 1432 presently at my location, and by 2100 there should be more story here for you to read. Assuming Popmannn is not for some reason unable to edit, or is not slowed overmuch.
proclockers.com/sites/default/files/images/forums/topics/32-114-079-01.jpg
Ohhhh... Kay?
8552328 Booo, hosting service broke :c Let me fix that for you.
i.pinimg.com/736x/5e/3d/e5/5e3de5e2ad1a83a66210de1d24eae469--guitar-art-lyra-heartstrings.jpg
See? Everypony is beyond jealous of this thing!!
So her dad is Doom Pony. Gotcha.
8552383
Been three years, thanks!
10521737 Oh man it has. Nice to see you!
10523028
Six as of my re-re-re-read. Well, that's a guess at the number of re's.
Oh my god! Bon is so cute!