• Member Since 16th Jun, 2012
  • offline last seen Jan 22nd, 2014

GuitarKirby


T

Switching between two characters, one human, one a pony, this is a fictional tale of the clash between two worlds. A human, former pilot for the Unites States Navy, tells the story of the war with Equestria, after a mysterious rift opened between the worlds. At the same time, a Pegasus pony describes his time in the war, and how he served in the EAF (Equestrian Air Force) under his commanding officer.

(Teen for some shipping and some violent moments which include blood and war.)

Chapters (10)
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Comments ( 32 )

Hmmm... Shining Star... Humans... Navel Air Force? Hmmm indeed.

This is an interesting concept. I'll track it and see where it goes. Spelling and Grammar aren't bad either.
One thing to note: The story at the moment seems a little bit hard to follow, due to jumping perspectives. Maybe make a timeline chart with both pony and human narrators, and then do an entire arc (time piece thing, or maybe perspective) with one person. Maybe go on for a couple thousand words, depending on how strong of a writer you are, and then switch.

Keep on keeping on.
(If you were wondering why I mentioned Shining Star, I have a pony with the same name in my fic.)

930473 Oh my, you do? I haven't been around the block here yet, so I just picked a name that I thought might fit. Thanks.

931235 Yah, no problem. Anyway, as much as this is blatant advertising (sorry about that by the way), you should check out Flight 19. Very similar in concept (or so I think. hard to tell this early into the story.).

Anyway, I look forward to future updates.

931252 Thanks again. I just wanted to mention real quick; the point of the two perspectives is to show the duality of war. Seeing it from two sides is important to me. I can understand that it's sort of irritating to switch between the two, but when the two begin to mesh at certain points, you'll probably either find it very unique and effective, adding to the effect of two sides coming together, or clunky and irritating, damaging the story overall. Either way, I enjoy all comments, especially criticism, and I hope to hear from you in the future. I'll be sure to take a look at Flight 19, and some of your work as well.

932032 (F19 is my work :pinkiecrazy:)

Anyway, I understand the duality part, and yes, that is a very important part of the story from what I can tell, but, I think that if you held one perspective for several chapters, then did a time skip backwards to the other perspective, maybe?

Bit of a wall of text, and it could use some work. But I like it so far. I am not the one to give advice, though.

ok, i have a few problems with this. First of all, I just find it too difficult to believe that negociations failed so quickly and spectacularly. Not to mention Celestias declaration of war. But that is just my opinion. If that is how you wish to portray the elements of Harmony, thats fine. It is your story after all. Leaving that aside, it is quite well written, well done. :twilightsmile:

Let's see, Phalanx CIWS systems for pegasi. Check. Over 1.1 million active duty personnel. Check. IFV's, LAV's and M1A2 tanks. Check. And enough nuclear weapons to level Earth 100 times over. Check. Honestly seems a little one sided... :pinkiecrazy:

940232 :eeyup: my but you know how it will end, both sides will see that the war is pointless and then make friends in the end unser some common cause.

940232 oh and by the looks of it twilight will be part of the solution?

940215 Celestia declared "relations hostile," I don't consider that war. All that means is that no human should expect any sort of peaceful interaction with the ponies. It was the angrier, more violent Princess Luna that actually declared open war.
Yes, negotiations failed extremely quickly, and it really exploded in everyone's (and everypony's) face. But remember, this isn't a human-to-human set of negotiations, and if we know anything about humankind, it's that curiosity is almost always outweighed by distrust. Look at the Conqistadors, such as Cortes, or Columbus' first meeting with America. Yes, it escalated quickly; is it that big a surprise, though?

940232 Right, against a race of creatures that can use magic, has the Elements of Harmony (which we've seen has incredible strength already), has beings that can control the Sun and Moon, and many that can control the world around them, which is another huge advantage.
940654 Shhh, don't ruin my fun. Also, just because Twilight Sparkle was concerned or disappointed does NOT mean that she'll be the grand solution. She may not like violence, but she's more loyal to Celestia than she is disappointed in her race.
939978 Please, do give advice. I know it's kind of a lot, but it is rather important to later events.

941515 True, but how well would magic work against a bomb that burns hotter than the surface of the sun? Even with a large shield (Shining Armor's), we saw that it could be broken by a few changelings ramming into it. The only true "combat" magic we've seen just bounces off glass, so how would it affect a tank with a few inches of armor? Twilight even had trouble lifting an Ursa minor, how is she gonna affect a battalion of tanks. Also, the Elements of Harmony can only be used when they have their respective necklaces, what if we got them first (or killed/captured one of the bearers). Celestia got destroyed by Crysalis. So how is she going to fare against a squadron of fighter jets.And finally, the most advanced weapons we've seen in the show are spears. How are they gonna fare against highly trained soldiers with modern-era weapons. Ponies just weren't built for war. But humans have faced war their entire existence.

941515 also man I'm not hatin. I'm just saying that in a real life scenario. The ponies woul get destroyed.

I'm sorry to say, but in my opinion this story has really just gone downhill. The characters are completely out of character and there are a number of logical fallacies throughout the story; it's certainly not the worst story I've ready by far, but it needs a large amount of work.

Uhhhh... Did Celestia just say that something was entierly Twilight's fault? :rainbowderp: That seems a bit... Weird... You would think Twilight would be more careful.

956030 Not at all. Twilight didn't intend for that to happen. It's never fully explained, allowing the reader to think what they like. Spell gone wrong? Accidental storm blast? The Doctor blamed it on Twilight Sparkle? Who knows?

Leave it to humans to automatically think that if its big an unknown, its dangerous.:facehoof: By Gods who the hell goes through A RIP IN THE SKY?! Holy crap! That could've been the sky-gina and they would've been gobbled up by the Langilers!

Humans are DUMB!!!!:flutterrage: Holy Crap they discover a peaceful land of magic and ponies and already there's debate over war.:facehoof: Dudes... Obviously an event like this could've happened at anytime... And also... YOU MADE THE FIRST MOVE!!!! :flutterrage:.... :facehoof:*sigh but I Digress... Man I am soooo glad I'm not human. But still... it sucks that I have to live with them.

Awwwwww... Poor Derpy:fluttercry:

good chapter and no magic cant stope a Nuclear bomb maybe a regular one. But a hydrogen bomb? Nope

Bring in the reinforcements!
aerospaceweb.org/aircraft/bomber/b52/b52_04.jpg
Doesn't matter if you're a pony, human or gopher, you see this thing flying towards you with 70,000 Lbs of bombs, you're gonna shit yourself...

good chapter again and it would take less than a month for the US to attack them without the UN Nations backing

"Well... I don't think Celestia and Luna will want to jump into a fight, but on the other hand, nopony deserves what happened to Derpy. I think that something needs to be worked out with these two-legged things."
It took Dash a moment to reply.
"Well, I don't know what you'll say... But I think that those metal monsters were machines, with people flying them from the inside." I just stared. The idea of flying on the inside of something, without wings of your own, was entirely alien to me.

The ponies might have seen the 'creatures' on the inside of the jets, but there would be no way of knowing if they were bipedal or not without an actual inspection. The humans and ponies have not met each other outside of the jets, therefore, the ponies would know nothing.

Also, you basically restate that line about the people in the machines like, three times.

"I am the President of the United States, and I represent all the governments of the Earth."
Okay... so much cliche here... If it wasn't for the fact that is was the Americans who found this new alien species, I would stop reading right there.

"The United States of America haven't yet lost a war in all their history;"
Seminole Wars
Red Cloud's War
and arguably both Korea and Vietnam.

Anyway, as much as I am loath to say this, that was probably one of the poorest written conferences I have ever witnessed. The minute that Tellman spoke out, The General should have been on his ass. Celestia should have asked for recompense, rather than going hostile. She has after all, reigned for 1000+ years, and probably knows her way around a peace conference. UN would have sent the Founding Five as representatives, rather than just America. (Russia, China, France, U.K., U.S.)

Something to note on psychology: If neither faction went in there, wanting a war, a war Would Not Have Happened. As I have said, Celestia has 1000+ years of experience keeping her people at peace. You would think she would want peace, right?

"I believe this conference has already failed. I'm not a leader of Equestria, but I assure you, I was there." Here we are... 30 seconds into the peace conference (because really... how fast does it take to speak 20 lines of dialogue.), and we have the subordinates of two nations speaking on the behalf of their leaders, whilst their leaders are sitting next to them. The pilot was understandable and could be passed off as just being human. The pony speaking out however, is not understandable. Here he is, in a room with the two most powerful gods known to him (who, might I add, made him shake last chapter), and he is now speaking for them?

Anyway, I'm going to keep going. Wish me luck.

"About a month later" America would have invaded by then..... I mean... we all know America's track record with being between war, and invading.

"Magical Offensive Front." This is such a deus ex machina it isn't even funny. Without any form of real military contact, The ponies suddenly know what else Earth has to fight them?

A note on modern infantry combat: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Infantry_fighting_vehicle

"He stomped up to the tank. He then turned, and kicked the machine, alone." This is rather funny. The M1 MBT weighs approximately 60 tonnes. An apple tree, can weigh up to a maximum of around (this is a huge ballpark estimate, mind you) 5 tonnes. Big Mac cannot break a fully grown apple tree, ergo, he cannot move a 60 tonne war machine.

Now I just realized how little constructive criticism I am giving, so lets change that, shall we?
The Grammar is good, the spelling is good, the showing vs telling could use a bit of work, but is fine otherwise.
The problems all lie in exhibition, and continuity. I fell as if you have done little to no research on modern fighting tactics, for one, and I also feel that you don't fully understand how counter technological developments happen.
Equestria needs to see what the humans could possibly do before they could develop something to counter it. The have word of mouth that the jets could travel at x kph, and that is the only thing that the ponies know of. The ponies might (again, a big might) be able to determine what the hand guns of the FBI agents could do. Maybe. What this all means, is that when the Americans came through the portal with three guys and a tank, is that the humans would go on a killing spree. Knowing America, there would be a couple incidents where civvies were harmed, but it would mostly be the mass slaughter of military targets.
The unicorn firing squad equipped with shield generators makes sense, and like you pointed out, what are they going to do against a tank? Not to mention, that most of that month of preparation would be focused on air defence...

After a few months of fighting and thinking, the ponies would realize that, they need high penetration, low cost weapons to get through the American armour. This could lead to investigation of explosives and gun powder, or maybe lance like unicorn lasers. I don't know, you're still the author here.

"We are not even asking the UN for the codes necessary to access our nuclear arsenal."
The UN does not hold ANY nuclear launch codes. The launch codes are held by their respective owners.

This is just a little American military tactics
Also, Knowing America, they would attempt to gain Air superiority first. This would allow them to safely call in various air assets such as the AC-130 spectre gunship, or the B-2 Spirit stealth bomber. From there, the would continue to do the 'shock and awe' thing, maybe setting up a perimeter around the equestrian side of the portal. They would move a troop of armour to spearhead an assault on the capitol, while leaving the bulk of their forces behind to maintain defence of both artillery positions and the portal. Depending on how many days it took to set that up, they would have mobile cruise missile launchers set up and ready to fire, all beaded towards the Canterlot castle supports. AC-130s with either F-15 or F22 support would annihilate anything and everything that needed to be annihilated... and unless Celestia plans on using god powers, the humans have already one. The equestrian army would be demoralized from rapid and constant defeat, and since ponies haven't known war in forever, they would more likely surrender than die.

Then America would train some insurgent fighters to do their dirty work, then leave while claiming democracy has won.

970660 UN stands for United Nations. UN Nations is redundant.

971677 technically we never lost nor won the Korean War its still on going it never ended

971957 also true we do go for air superiority first, but dont forget the F16 Fighting Falcon and F18 Hornet/Super Hornet

972527 Eh, I was just generalizing.
972497 And like I said, up to debate.

The U.S. Would also soften any defenses with UAV, which would most likely be out of range of a magical attack and would not be detected till it was too late

Great story by the way.

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