17 year old Applejack fan from Georgia, am a fan of film, tv, anime, history, practically everything nerdy
Part two of the Camera Flash story arc.
Following the events of Heart to-Heart Between Father and Son, Camera Flash is moving to Ponyville to attend the town's prestigious art school. Here, Camera meets a certain musician who would go on to change his life forever.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Looking good so far! I'm liking this story :)
Oh Fancy Pants :P Nice detail, especially including the author.
It's good to introduce a new character in this chapter who lives in Ponyville. That will allow you to write about the town from her perspective and she can be a guide who knows all the major details about the town that Camera does not. This will give you a chance as a writer to have Baker explains things extremely quickly without making Camera search for every answer himself. It saves time and helps with plot pacing.
Imma read the second chapter now! :)
You're doing really good! So far, I noticed your biggest strength is the natural feel of the dialogue between characters. You appear to have a knack for that! This will work really well when you get to the romantic aspect of your story.
I love seeing little details like this in stories because you've managed to tell us in one sentence what time period we're dealing with. We know the Cake babies have grown up and that Pinkie Pie is now married. And all that in dialogue in one sentence! This is way better than saying it through narration! Excellent job there. :) Like I said: you're very good with dialogue.
You're doing great! I'm giving this a fav, a like and an upvote. Keep going! :D
Thanks for the comment and yeah, part of Projector's character is that he suppose to be really into non-fiction books
Alright that's hilarious.
7360381 Thanks, I figured some humor was in order
7360397
Yeah i know. i myself think every fanfic needs some humor to counter the more serious parts.
Whoa awesome! I didn't know you updated! I gotta check these new chapters out :D
DJ-PON3 s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/75/f8/d9/75f8d9880c2112b0a32473d551a9a0cd.jpg
7370266 Well, someone figured it out
7370274
Though it's a shame that Melody don's have 2 moms. The other being Octavia. Oh well
7370745 I think Vinyl and Octavia shipping is cute, but I personally don't ship it
Film is a i597.photobucket.com/albums/tt54/jeremy_barker/daffyscrewballnx3.gif
7388554 I liken him to more of a Pinkie Pie or a Cheese Sandwich
Very good chapter! Really liking the setup. You have a very clean and crisp writing style too. Flows really well.
Ohhhhh NOW I get why it's called a Photo of a Melody :P
To the next chapter! *whooosh!*
Aww! I like to see when characters are worried, that they show what fears get in the way, while still working to overcome them. That vulnerability is attractive to the other partner because it shows an attempt to put themselves out there and go for it :)
I like the fact that this chapter gets to see into both of their minds. This works really well with romance, so you can see each character's motivations. And since romance is mostly about feelings, this is a good shorthand to show those feelings :)
This is so cute so far :D
It's good to establish right off the bat that two characters will react differently to the same scenario. :)
That's a very thoughtful thing a partner would do for someone they care about :)
Also, I know this is a small detail, but I'm glad to see a distinct difference from Melody's thoughts compared to his speech. The speech is unsure because of the worry of people judging him for his stuttering, while the thoughts may be unsure, but have a more definite feel because they lack the stuttering.
I notice there have been a few times you haven't put the question mark at the end of sentences in dialogue. It would read like this
"So, Camera, Melody, how are you liking the school?" Prep Time asked.
Commas also go inside the quotations when dialogue is followed by he said or she said, like "I know what you did last summer," billy bob said.
It was a definite possibility that Melody would run into someone who would bring up the stuttering, so it's good to address that storywise early, establishing it as a source of conflict.
Really good chapter! Excellent source of conflict that establishes some key challenges Melody will face.
7396093 First off, thanks for the comment. Also, thanks for the tips
This is good so far, but do be mindful of repeating words. That can be used stylistically, but it's a challenge to have it not look like simply lazy writing
7586539 True that.
OOOOHHHHMAAAHHHHGAAAAWWWSSSHHH I just realized you hinted at Melody's parents since his introduction. Speech impediment? One parent who can speak well an another who's mute?
Brilliantly done
Oh come on, hasn't this fandom's fourth wall taken enough of a beating? lol
Ooooooh it's coming
Yeah, good chapter
That was so sweet! When's part 3?
7587161 Just started.
7587104 Yeah, though I never thought of it like that
Wouldn't they be doing a decent amount of GEs their first quarter? At least that's the way a lot of schools where I'm at work.
7709453 Okay, yeah, I realized what you meant. Technically, yeah