• Published 23rd Apr 2016
  • 2,793 Views, 53 Comments

Rainbow Dash Hates Getting Shipped - Mystical Rainboom

She can't stand it. It aggravates her so much, because it happens so often. Wanna know the other reason?

  • ...

Free Shipping and Gift Wrap

Rainbow was sleeping in her cloud home. The sun was shining and the birds were free and happy. A warm glow of light raised up and warmed Rainbow and Tank.

The sound of tape ran through the room.

Rainbow yawned and opened her eyes. She had previously met a friendly mare, who had helped save her on an adventure. She did nothing specific with mare at all.

Rainbow looked at the sunlight bouncing around her room. Then a dark box blocked her line of sight. She was trapped inside.

"What the...?!" She yelled. "Hey, let me out!"

"That's one rainbow pegasus." Derpy Hooves said as she marked a checklist.

"Derpy, is that you?"

Derpy lifted the box and sealed it up in strong tape. She then tried to delicately get it off the bed, but she dropped it onto the floor.

"I forgot the air holes." Derpy grabbed a knife and held it in the air.

"Wait!" Rainbow Dash screamed.

"Hiyah!" Derpy stuck the knife in a box getting a small knife out for herself. She made a trio of circles and lifted the box onto a wheelbarrow outside.

"Man, these rainbow pegasi get heavier every week." Derpy said as she strained with the box.

"What's that supposed to mean?!" Rainbow shouted from inside her cubical prison.

Derpy pushed the cloud with the wheelbarrow on it and went back to the post office. It took her some time. Rainbow constantly yelled to let her go, but Derpy just focused on her job.

A yellow pegasi with a blue mane put her box in a slot and Derpy flew in and got it. She hauled both boxes on the truck and sent it off as she rode with a mare with a red mane and purplish grey coat.

The boxes inside were moving and talking.

"I wanna get out of here!" A male voice called. The box it came from bounced around trying to get free.

"Spike, is that you?" Rainbow asked.

"Rainbow Dash? Help!" Spike said as he tried to find her from his air holes.

"I'm stuck in this box. It's gotta be sealed with a tape strong enough to keep hold a timberwolf." Rainbow said.

"Mine's fireproof." Spike said.

The two were stuck in the truck with two more boxes. The other ones were just as full of life as they were, but they seemed filled to the brim.

"It's too cramped in here!" A mare's voice shouted.

"Vinyl, tossing and turning isn't going to free us anytime sooner." A classy and frustrated voice said.

"Then it's time to drop the bass!" Vinyl grabbed her headphones and pressed a button.

"W-w-wait!" The other mare shouted.

Before Octavia could stop her, Vinyl blasted some music and did nothing, but caused the box above them to fly off.

"Aaaah! Bon Bon we're under attack!" Lyra's voice could be heard. The box started bouncing like the ponies inside were on fire.

"You were sleeping. Why are we in this box?" The box slowly calmed down and started shuffling around.

"Beats me. Why aren't we first class?"

"I'm not sure if they have that for packages." Bon Bon said.

"They do. I swear. I've had a pretty funny story about that." Lyra smiled as if it was a royal honor to be in a box.

"Wait, you guys are stuck in this too?" Spike called from his prison and looked out his air hole.

"Spike?! How you been dude? I haven't seen you since last week." Vinyl Scratch yelled out.

The truck made a swift turn and Rainbow's box was sent flying towards Spike. The impact caused them to collide and their heads.

"Ow! Spike, how do you know Vinyl and the others?"

"I go out to party sometimes, while you guys go on adventures." Spike said.

"What?! You never invited me." Rainbow said.

"Be honest, Dash. When do we ever hang out aside from the group?" Spike said.

Rainbow thought about it and couldn't argue with it. The reckless driver made another wide turn and had the boxes flying. It was like pinball.

"I think we have other things to think about." Octavia finally gained her hearing back.

"Yeah, where are the snacks?" Lyra had a growling stomach.

The truck was being taken through a magical short cut all the way to a beach. Derpy stared out the window at a distant island. It was booming with color and parasailing pony couples.

"Someday I wanna take a single vacation there." Derpy said.

"I think you'll be shipped there instead." Rose Blood said.

The truck stopped at a building and it was near a dock. Derpy and Rose got out and opened the truck. They heard moaning, but the boxes weren't in any damage a smile wouldn't fix. The ponies inside were another story.

"I can't lift these boxes. They need to take off few pounds on these orders." Derpy said. "Can you lift them?"

"I'm a unicorn, but lifting that would make my horn explode." Rose said.

They instead got a couple of stallions to bring carts to the truck and load the boxes up. They dropped the box with Vinyl and Octavia.

"Ow! This box says it's fragile right?" Vinyl said.

The boxes and prisoners inside them were left on a dock and wheeled onto a boat. The sun was still beaming and salt water air was refreshing. Stamping the boxes was what made the trip that much harder.

"I hear the ocean." Rainbow Dash said. Her ears perked up. She tried calling for help and had no luck.

"I get seasick." Bon Bon said. She started to look a little green.

The sound of an engine roaring through the sea and fish and birds splashing nearby filled the air. The boat stopped and the packages were all shaken up.

The boxes were carried to a hotel and placed in the mail slot. A golden haired stallion told the employees to deliver the packages to their rooms. The boxes were separated and dropped off.

Spike was in front of his room and another package was delivered. A female voice was inside demanding answers.

"Why won't you let me out?! Answer me!" She yelled. The sound of punching and scratching came from the box.

"Ember?" Spike said.

"Spike?" Ember said.

The pair were placed in their room and, as if by magic, they were released. The room had two shades of soothing brown on the walls. The furniture seemed pretty nice too. Soft beds, clean desk, and other things filled the room.

"Did you do this?" Ember asked angrily. She didn't want to point fingers, but she had been in her box for two and a half hours.

"I didn't. I'm just as confused as you." Spike said.

"Well I'm outta here." Ember said. She flew out the window into open air and tried to leave.


Ember smacked into a forcefield. She fell and Spike watched as she plummeted to the ground. He read a sign outside.

"Welcome to One True Pairing Island." He read aloud. Ember was busy clawing and spitting fire at the forcefield. She wasn't about to give up.

Lyra and Bon Bon escaped their box in their room and wondered what was going on.

"I guess that blue dragon out there found a force field." Bon Bon said.

"Well I'd wanna catch a nap before I go swimming off the island anyway." Lyra jumped and landed on the bed, but something grabbed her.

Bon Bon turned around to find Lyra in a pretty dress that matched her coat on the bed. Soothing music was playing and drinks were being made.

"What did you do?" Bon Bon looked unamused, yet felt a bit happy. She had to admit that dress must've been destined for Lyra.

"Nothing I swear." Lyra got up to keep from pressing anymore buttons.

Vinyl and Octavia were in their room and noticed Ember was trapped with them.

"I guess it's time to-" Vinyl said as she grabbed her headphones.

"No, Vinyl. Let's just go to management and tell them we want to leave." Octavia said.

"Ok." Vinyl agreed.

Before the pair could get out the door, a blue blur smacked them both into the door. The pair were confused and dizzy on the ground.

"This shield is tough, but I'm tougher." Ember said. She raced out window again.

Rainbow Dash was inside her room and found two orange mares. Applejack and Spitfire were staring at her as she broke out of her box.

"You're here too?" Rainbow asked.

"We've been here for 4 hours." Spitfire said.

"I was working in the orchard and the next thing I know, I'm trapped in a box." Applejack explained.

Suddenly a mare walked out the restroom and recognized Rainbow.

"You're the mare from yesterday." The mare smiled.

"Nice to see you too." Rainbow said. She didn't even have another chance to speak. A knock on the door interrupted her.

"Delivery." A stallion said. He entered and dropped of two more boxes. They had a couple familiar voices.

"Gilda? Lightning Dust?" Rainbow asked.

She opened the boxes and the cramped griffin and mare together. They got out to stretch, but before they could even say a word...

"That's not it."

The stallion turned around with a snicker.

"Bring them in boys!"

Everyone in the room's pupils shrank as they heard a large rumbling.

Several cardboard boxes were loading the room. Dozens of them came in. Some had stallions. Some had mares. The boxes were just getting started.

"Wait! We don't have enough roo-!" Rainbow and the others shouted.

The sound of shattered glass filled the atmosphere.

Dear Princess Celestia,

A couple hundred ponies and I found an island devoted to shipping ponies and dragons together.

Several of us were injured in mayhem and since a lot of weren't pegasi, they fell and were feeling less than super.

We also had to stay until we did some romantic junk with each pair and with so many ponies, I was practically living there for a week.

I just wanted to bring this up and hope you can handle it. Also the hospital is out of canes and wheelchairs.

-Rainbow Dash

Author's Note:

Dear Rainbow Dash,

We're very sorry. A couple weeks ago, the other princesses and I were with Discord and had a great day. We then had a silly idea for a shipping system.

Discord and Cadance were together and thought it through. They dreamed and must have accidentally created it.

We've tried to take it out, but Discord's magic makes it so the postal service won't know to stop and it's hidden from us.

Don't worry though. We're on it.

-Princess Celestia

Hope you enjoyed it. Leave a comment.:derpytongue2:

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Comments ( 53 )

Brilliant story, author!

This reminds me of a joke that LittleShyFIM said

Someone should do this...
As a fan animation...
With the analysis community.
Imagine: Silver Quill and KP getting into all sorts of shenanigans, Josh and Ink Rose trying to do damage control--well, Josh CAUSING damage, and INK handling the control bit--, and Dr. Wolf trying and failing to solve problems with logic. IT WOULD BE GLORIOUS.

7153048 Thank you! Seriously, I'd love to see something like this made into a video.

"What's that supports to mean?!"

This mistake tho.

Ships to a Fan: Yes! It is canon! OTP! :rainbowkiss::heart:
Ships to the pony or person or animal begin shipped: Nooooooooooooo! I never felt that way!:flutterrage:

Lol. I hate shipping too RD. There's a reason I don't read anything with a romance tag.

Well, it could have been worse. She could have gone FedEx Ground and sat motionless in a transfer depot for five days.


Should have gone with UPS.

Shipping... :facehoof::rainbowlaugh:

You know, I was somehow expecting it to be about shipping bow with the post service, I wasn't disapointed.

I know it's a pretty simple joke, but I'm laughing so hard. :rainbowlaugh:

7153320 I feel you. It may seem crazy, but one of my friends and I ship other people in our class together, and our other friend got a hold of it and shipped us two, and it's really annoying.

That is the pony equivalent of hell,...well atleast for me.
Funny story, I liked it

So if I put Rainbow and Fluttershy in a box can I still technically ship Flutterdash? :yay: :rainbowwild:

I would be upset and confused if I was placed inside a cardboard box, sent to a hotel on an island, and forced to be paired with someone. :rainbowderp:

Anyways, that was a nice little story to read. I loved how this whole "ship random characters to an island so that they are forced to be paired with each other" was caused by Discord and Cadance. With powers comes great shipping.

Congrats on being in the featured list, BTW.


I'm just glad that they didn't have to kill each other with a black and white bear masterminding the whole thing.

Cyber cookie to anyone that gets this reference. :scootangel:

7154466 I...I jus-...
*passes out*
Thanks to everyone who helped get it there. I never thought I'd have gotten anything there.

Heh, cute little idea.

But you really should try and expand those sentences.

Fill it out a little more with descriptions.

Reading single lines, over and over, is a little much.

7154698 Danganronpa! Haha! Super obsessed with that series right now.

Don't cry


7155379 Ya better believe it. :trixieshiftright:

7155291 ?
By the way, your avatar looks nice.


Somebody showed me this once and it was pretty funny.

This was absurd. But also very amusing, so have an upvote!

7155494 Don't cry, craft!

By the way, thank :D

Oh this was just funny! XD :rainbowlaugh: have a like and fave!

Can you expand this story a lillte with like character arcs and such.
Just for the comedy of it and to see what all this island has.

7179002 I was considering making a sequel at some point more about One True Pair Island, but only time will tell if I can make it.

7155896 This is absolutely hysterical :rainbowlaugh: please tell me where you found it!

7197694 I joined a crazy group and found it in this thread.

That was HILARIOUS! :derpytongue2::rainbowlaugh:

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