Give me all the criticisms!!!! It helps me grow as a writer!!!!!
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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The only thing that stood out as a legitimate criticism was that the explanation of the pip-bucks functions in that way was entirely unnecessary. It should probably have been integrated into the narrative more. Like when Dawn cuts her hoof she should have found out about the medical function, or something like that.
Otherwise, a speedy but still good beginning.
Edit: And you kinda glossed over the whole `Dead` thing. That could be something normal in this world but we don't know that.
Well Dawn seems like an interesting character, but I hope that you don't drag out the amnesia angle of the story. And that there is something unique about this story.
I just hope that it will not be a re-skin of FoE.
Anyway, good luck with it.
7174226 Thank you so much for the critique!!! I really appreciate it! The amnesia deal lasts a bit but hopefully not annoyingly so. No worries about reskin's here. Which I do hope you soon see!!! Thanks again Dark!!!! Much love!