Semantic Change
Princess Luna was feeling quite gay this morning.
Bucking the ballroom doors open with a quick thrust of her legs, Luna took little notice of the wood splintering to the floor as she pranced inside. She merrily made her way over to her sister sitting before an ornate dining table, mouth filled with half eaten pancakes and a cup of tea threatening to spill due to Luna's unexpected appearance.
"We have done it, sister!" Luna proclaimed in a regal tone. She then revealed a large book previously perched upon her back. "Our studies have been a success! Everyday we grow closer to our full reintegration into contemporary society! Applaud our progress!"
Once she had finished coughing up the mushy remains of half eaten pancakes, Princess Celestia looked to Luna with a warm smile. "Well done, Luna! I know how enthusiastic you are about catching up on what you've missed these past thousand years. Do tell, what have you been studying now?"
"Linguistics!" Luna shouted, throwing her book onto the table. "Equestrian has evolved since our time! Through the assistance of this compendium of semantics we are now up to date on how to ejaculate correctly!"
Celestia spat out her tea.
Ejaculate
Olde meaning
'To say something quickly and suddenly.'
Luna continued to smile, unaware of Celestia's growing look of revulsion. She then reared herself on her hindlegs and gave a grin of excitement. "We aim to share our progress with our Ponyvillain friends!" Her wings spread wide and she looked towards an open window. "Why, if we are quite honest, sister, we have not felt this gay in quite a while!"
Celestia then dropped her cup.
Luna practically squeaked. "Ha ha! These new words are exciting! Gay! We must ejaculate to the heavens how gay we feel!" She sprung into the air and rocketed off out of the castle into the distance, Ponyville on the horizon. Celestia only continued to stare forward, her gaze ever so slightly shifting towards the tome Luna had left behind, it appearing far more worn and ancient than Celestia had noticed. The words Ye Olde Dictioneighy transcribed on the cover.
The Princess gave a very un-princess like chortle.
Meanwhile, Luna soared through the air over the orchard of apple trees known as Sweet Apple Acres. She wished to share her semantic knowledge with her elemental friends, Applejack being the first on her list due to her proximity. Spotting two figures down below, Luna dropped to the ground, startling the yellow filly and brown canine she was met with. Luna could not help but tut in annoyance. "Not the audience I was hoping for, pray tell yellow one, where might we find..."
Luna's words died in her throat as she suddenly leaned over the dog, the nearby Apple Bloom only growing more unnerved, least of all by the apparent presence of Nightmare Moon herself.
"That is a bitch if we have ever seen one. Majestically so."
Bitch
Olde meaning
'A female dog, wolf, fox, or otter.'
Apple Bloom gawked at the Princess, before growling, running up, and bucking Luna in the shin. "I'm telling Applejack!" Bloom yelled out as she ran off with Winona at her side, Luna still hopping on three legs behind her.
"Wait, bow wearer! We simply wished to admire your glorious puppy!" Several seconds went by as Luna peered in the direction Bloom had run off to, wondering what had prompted her to leave so suddenly. She then became enraged. "Wait, she striked us! A princess cannot let this go so idly! You shall rue this day, filly-whose-name-I-do-not-recall!" She shook a hoof with spite.
"Um, Princess Luna? Is that you?" A small voice sounded out from behind a nearby tree, prompting Luna to turn and find Fluttershy fluttering nearby. "I heard shouting and thought Big Mac had hurt himself again, farms can be quite dangerous at times."
Luna turned with a stoic gaze. "'Tis this the truth? Then we shall remain extra vigilant! Come, fluttering pony, who knows what lurks in the shadows of the grove." Luna proceeded to scuttle away, eyes darting towards unseen foes. Fluttershy flew close by, mildly afraid but intent to discover Luna's purpose here, only for Luna to beat her to the question. "What brings you to these parts, my little pony?"
"Oh, I was helping Applejack with some gardening, I find it can be quite soothing." She looked up to Luna questioningly. "Um, Princess Luna? Why exactly are you here?" Her eyes widened in fright. "Is it something bad? Are we in danger?"
"Nay, but we cannot be too careful if this farm is as dangerous as you claim. We were simply lingering after being molested by Applejack's sister."
Fluttershy suddenly fainted.
Molest
Olde meaning
'To pester or harass (someone) in an aggressive or persistent manner.'
A prodding hoof soon awoke the slumbering Pegasus, who looked up to Luna in worry and shock. "Princess Luna, did you say that Apple Bloom, mole- mole-"
"Quite so, quiet friend." Luna sighed dramatically. "We simply wished to pet her puppy."
"Oh my, you poor dear." Fluttershy began to rub Luna's back. "Do you want to talk about it?"
"Nay!" Luna looked away in shame. "It is too embarrassing to discuss."
"There's nothing to be embarrassed about, Princess Luna. It could have happened to anypony." Fluttershy met Luna with a small smile, which did much to improve Luna's diminishing happiness.
"Thank you for your kind words, subject! We must be away however! There are other ponies we must meet on this day." As she prepared to fly away, Luna momentarily pondered the correct way to say goodbye in contemporary society. "Toodles!" She shouted as she burst into the sky, Fluttershy waving behind her.
"She's so brave to put on a happy face for me." Her look then turned sour. "Apple Bloom is going to get a very stern talking to."
In the centre of Ponyville, Luna touched down nearby the pony she recognised as Rarity, who was currently wheeling a collection of dresses towards the Ponyville train station. She greeted Luna with a smile. "Why, Princess, how splendid to see you! I'm afraid I'm in quite a rush however, these dresses are overdue and must be in Canterlot by sundown."
Greeting the mare with a regal nod, Luna gazed upon the immaculate dresses Rarity had constructed, all the colours of the rainbow. They were so stunning that Luna repressed the desire to request one for herself then and there, instead choosing to simply compliment them as best she could with the words she now knew.
"These dresses are truly awful, Rarity!"
Rarity heard her heart shatter.
Awful
Olde meaning
'To be worthy of awe.'
For the second time that day a pony ran away from Luna with a disposition far from the gay one she had been hoping for. "Ugh! What is with everypony today? Why does nopony want to be gay with me!"
Several ponies looked her way disapprovingly, some with their hooves over their foal's ears. Luna found herself growing quite aggravated under their stares. "And just what is everypony looking at? Can I not ejaculate in peace?"
The crowd groaned in disgust.
Amongst the crowd was Rainbow Dash, who teetered towards Luna with an uneasy expression. "Uh, Princess, not that we're not happy with your life choices, but don't you think there's a time and a place for this sort of thing?" She wrung her hooves together, choosing her words carefully.
Luna could only grunt in disapproval, her eagerness to share her linguistic success with her friends rapidly diminishing. "But it is not fair, Rainbow Dash! I simply wished to spend my day making everypony gay! Is that so wrong?"
Rainbow rubbed her mane as Luna's embarrassing and public meltdown escalated. "It's just some ponies don't appreciate you being so open with this sort of thing, maybe if you talked to your sister or Twilight or..."
"What about you, Rainbow Dash?" Luna piped up, leaning down to Rainbow. Her voice was low and excited. "Will you be gay with us this day?"
Rainbow's sudden shock was quickly dissipated by the giggles she heard behind her. Her wings flapped to life as she gave Luna a rage filled glare. "You know, I'm sick of ponies like you making passes at me. This mane isn't a statement! I was born with it!"
Luna could not get a reply in before Rainbow shot off into the sky, a sonic rainboom exploding out seconds later. "What in Equestria was that about?" Luna pondered to herself, deciding to head in the direction of Twilight's library home, hoping that prehaps her sister's student could shed some light on just what was wrong with everypony today. Luna's pace almost ground to a halt as she came to a stark realisation; all these ponies had stormed off soon after she had used one of the words she had recently learned.
Could that be it? Luna thought to herself as the library drew closer. Have we perhaps mistakenly been insulting our friends this whole time with our linguistic prowess? The door to the library creaked open with a flick of her horn, and Luna chose to forgo the expected greetings and get straight to her point.
"Twilight Sparkle! We fear we have given rise to several boners all over town, what would you have us do?"
Boner
Olde meaning
'A stupid mistake.'
Stats
Page generated in 0.021 seconds
Total duration
972 users online
77,353 hits today, 2,314,256 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
This is the first time in weeks where the short description made me laugh. Let's see what the story looks like...
You should make one more edit pass ("She merrily made her way over to her sister sat before an ornate dining table") and putting the definitions into quote boxes might not hurt. But it's a beautiful concept and strong execution. Thank you for the smiles.
Hahaa finally some one that knows the old meaning of the word
Fantastic
Meanwhile, Luna soared through the air over the orchard of apple trees known as Sweet Apple Acers.
acres you mean.
Watch out for faggots
Moral of the story: semantic drift is a female otter.
Wonderful bit of fun. Thank you for it.
This is the greatest thing in the history of everything
Hahaha this was hilarious. Great job.
I was thinking of having Luna call Sweet Apple Acres a "filthy hovel" (in my Head Canon "filthy" = a working farm & "hovel" = built by Earth Ponies)
IRL, I once read most of the King James version of the New Testament. There is one part where he tells his disciples to give away their belongings "then come and sue me". I thought "that CAN'T be right" but I found out later that "sue" used to mean "follow".
Oh, my! That was FUNNY!
Poor Luna. She was just trying her best to fit in and make friends and have a gay time with her new friends, sharing in friendship. That is going to take a while to live down. Maybe that is why we didn't see her during season 2.
Thanks for the laughs and the great story.
Annnnnd the next morning in all of the Canterlot rags...
Poor Luna!
The next day, Luna realizes what happened, and decides to show Equestria just how many boners she can make.
The last time I saw this word used in its old form without any form of irony or humor to it: "When you're with the Flintstones, you'll have a gay old time!!!"
Oh, that was nice. Great concept.
8703173
What about "don we now our gay apparel"?
8703099
Faggot
Olde meaning
'A bundle of sticks bound together as fuel.'
I feel sorry for that filly.
I laughed more than I thought I would. I'd love to know how the language will evolve over the next few centuries, and how common phrases of the day would be weird, or even obscene, in the future.
Along those veins, I'm adding another little scene:
I fear the day Luna teaching those words to Spike.
I'm surprised I haven't seen more of these stories.
Well done in any case, short and sweet.
Definitely my favorite line
----------------
RIP formatting LOL
Need a period
Later, you use "everypony", so keep it consistent.
Also:
"To criticize" originally meant "to describe".
"To admire" originally meant "to observe", you "admired" a house burning down and still felt bad about it.
And then Luna figured it out, and spent the rest of the day wringing Celestia's neck like a shake weight.
8703097
Nah, Apple and Acer merger. Producing the most expensive mid-range spec computer that'll make millions.
Needs be more of these.
This fic made me rather gay.
8703186
and technically used in Disney's Cinderella for a brief moment. Pick your poison.
Hahaha, oh Lordy that was good. I remember when I was younger, somehow only knowing the old meanings.
Needless to say, that led to great moments. How am I supposed to know that a faggot is not in fact, related to sticks or maggots? I feel Luna's pain, and I love this.
Also, it wouldn't been great if she called one of the donkeys an ass.
For a fic about word choice, those're some very odd ones.
Very funny. I laughed about it in rl.
8703099
8703227
Apparently 3 people didn't get it
This might have been kind of funny if in fact you had used "ejaculate" in any reasonable way. Or if most of those words were not still in the common parlance. Or if "awful" had ever been used in a sense that was not negative or fearful. Or if in fact dictionaries bothered to explain connotations. Just because the words in "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned," means the same on paper as "I'm sorry, Daddy, I've been naughty," doesn't mean they convey the same idea. The author's abuse of these words betrays a fundamental misunderstanding of them worse than his subject's.
Oh this is gonna be one of those fics. This will be fun,
8703147
A fun story, although I was a bit disappointed by how it just cuts off without any resolution.
Maybe a Friendship Report might make a good ending.
8703227
...you know, it seems kinda obvious how that modern vernacular evolved.
I don't think I have laughed this hard in a good long time.
Short and silly indeed, but it made me grin.
Oh, I do that all the time. It's some great old fun for everyone, let me tell you.
The "Great Vowel Shift" and Chaucer-era written documents aside, sticking an e on the end of "old" to make it seem "old-timey" is only slightly less of a sin than calling Shakespeare "Old English."
Also, "Ye" only came into use since many typesetters didn't have the proper þ character.
No comments referencing Joker's Boner yet?
You're slipping, Internet.
comicbooktidbits.com/BATMAN%20BATTLES%20JOKER_files/image021.jpg
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/HaveAGayOldTime
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/YeOldeButcheredeEnglishe
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/CountryMatters
8703099 Which definition of faggot.. The one for 1500s or so, the one from the 60s or the modern one. That is just one of many words like that that
8703842 I need to collect some faggots for the bonfire.
Or... get down to the tobacconists for a pack of faggots.
Or... make some sauce for the faggots I'm eating for dinner.
(Britain is responsible for this.)
8703763 I also like words that sound dirty but aren't.
Like 'defenestrate'. It sounds like something you do when reading clop fics.
8703668
This is gold.
8703602
That's exactly why the story is funny. Luna's literal interpretations of the words she learns in a dictionary, and her utter misunderstanding of pony reactions, plus some plot magic.
Ah yes... Since I learned the other meaning of "Ejaculate" I try to use it as often as I can.
And just a few years ago, one song in the Eurovision song contest had the line "let's be happy and let's be gay"
Have a gay upvote!
It takes quite a lot to make me genuinely laugh out loud, but this did it.
Good thing she didn't go to a gaye bar first thing
I am in absolute tears. Bravo.