• Member Since 15th Oct, 2015
  • offline last seen 11 hours ago

Corvo Storm


T

The queen of changelings, Chrysalis, wakes up after a long hibernation that lasted for 2 centuries to discover that everything has changed. She doesn't know what happened and soon discovers that this new world is extremely hostile. She will find ways of surviving without a proper love source and hopefully find out how it all happened and why. She will meet allies along the way and some old enemies from the past. These enemies soon become allies with trust issues and eventually friends. Chrysalis will soon find this new world as home.

Fallout/My Little Pony Crossover
Set with Fallout 4 mechanics

Chapters (5)
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Comments ( 24 )

Oh god why failout 4 mechanics, why not just setting and realistic way of doing it.

7482725 What I meant by Fallout 4 mechanics is survival difficulty assets and the power armor needing a fusion core to work and such. I didn't mean anything like the leveling system and legendary effects. So don't get upset if you think I'm using all game assets, just certain ones.

It's a bit too fastpaced

s1

7482742

It was then on the corpse of a pony that I found out about the war between the ponies and minotaurs that caused this nuclear fallout.

You got it wrong it was the war between Ponies and Zebras here a link to check it out here.

7503952 This is my own little story. Besides, I felt that the minotaurs are far more aggressive than the zebras.

A little bit of advice, when it comes to dialogue, you're tending to infodump. A lot of telling. Describing the specific scene in details.

For example

The last voice this one also deep but not so gruff sounding spoke, "Remind me again on how we were hired to do this."
The first voice sighed before answering, "A mare came to us about this. She would pay us 500 caps each should we return with a changeling queen skull. If the queen is a feral ghoul then we have to kill her and take her head. If she's a ghoul but one of the none feral ones we could get more caps for bringing her alive. I prefer to bring the skull because we wouldn't have to deal with the queen's magic. Magic is still lethal against ponies should it be strong enough."

Ok, you said the mare came to us, so the first should be aware of the plan. Second, why are you mentioning magic is potentially lethal. Third if they're saying this out loud... Why bother with this?

You are tasked to retrieve a changeling queen skull from the badlands wasteland. Should the queen be a feral ghoul she is to be killed and the head be retrieved. If the queen isn't feral or isn't a ghoul at all, which is highly doubtful, she is to be brought to me. You and anyone who helps you with this task will be payed 500 caps each or if she is brought alive you will all get 1000 caps each.
C

It's the exact same info only 13 paragraphs later. Your reader doesn't need every single little detail handed to them over and over. A story paints a basic picture, but the goal is to be detailed enough you get your point across, but not so much your reader has no grounds to imagine. The concept of 'show, don't tell'

7505216 Thank you telling me this. I'll try to not do this in the future. No promises though.

Cool story i'm intruged to read more

I'm guessing the SPECIAL stats are only provided if the main character had a Pip-Boy or Pip=Buck. *sigh* I was hoping to know her stats, too. :ajsleepy:

Supermutants and snipers usually don't mix, seeing as most of 'em that I've seen are dumber than bricks save for Uncle Leo and Fawkes.(I'm not sure about Strong) I know that Lily's schizropenic and most of 'em have either Big Guns or Melee Weapons as their main stat along with being ridiculously strong. Glad to know you're breaking the stereotype.

7527330 you forgot Marcus from either 1 or 2, then reappearing in New Vegas.

7556897 Oh, forgot about him.

Never really enjoyed Fallout Equestria....just being honest but the writing is good and this story deserves attention. It is just not my kind of read. Well put together and keep up the good work! :D

So...

Ponies and minotaurs, huh? Alternate version of "canon" Fallout Equestria, right?

I like it:twilightsmile:


Seems to be off to an interesting start:eeyup:

Hmm.. indeed what will we get for the next chapter

I have seen a few grammer errors in the last two chapters where you put 'are' instead of 'our', but I knew what was being said.

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