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One day, you will all come to my funeral just to make sure that I stay dead, but today is not that day | https://ko-fi.com/chillybook


Twilight knows a lot about the great unicorn mage, Starswirl the Bearded. In fact, she only really had one question about him.

What happened to him?

Featured on EqD 4/26/16!

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 28 )

Well, lesson learned I guess. Even the great ones have accidents. Still think Celestia and Luna might have been making half the story up though... Then again, with that scene at the beginning...

As delIghted as she was to be visiting her friends, she couldn't quite understand why she was there.

So DelIghted.

“Whatever happened to Starswirl the Bearded?”

Roooooll credits *ding*.

“Yes, Twilight?”
“You’re full of baloney.”

Why the F*ck you lying? Why you always lying? MMMMMM Oh my god. Stop f*cking lying!

With a snap of his mighty fingers, a snap that shook the very world in which they resided, a large black table melted from the floor



Okay, all that's out of the way, I can tell you that this story was HI-larious. The lightning bolts hitting the house, the satanic small talk, all of it was amazing. Especially the end.

GG, son.

This was genuinely entertaining.

The whole scene with Starswirl and Satan got me for some reason.:rainbowlaugh:

7133502 I was tempted to just straight up call him Billy, but I couldn't find a way for the joke to work.

7133506 Thank you, Mumen Rider

7133518 I just replied to a comment with Mumen Rider in it, and your name is One Punch Man. This is strange to me.

Glad you enjoyed. That's probably my favorite section.

It would have been an awesome crackfic if she died at the end. :twilightsmile:

Pretty Cheesy.

7133984 I dunno, I thought it was pretty gouda.

Sorry, I'll just show myself out.

7133502 Nice to see someone here who watches CinemaSins. Good reference!

7133531 It is the best bit, especially "Where's your wallet?"

I wish I could write like this...

7134207 Give Conjure no credit for the CinemaSins thing. He only knows about it because of me :trollestia:

As for writing like this... You don't. My stories are a mess. Most anyone can do better than me.

Stupid deaths, Stupid deaths, they're funny 'cause their true!

Stupid deaths, stupid deaths hope next time it's not you!

I could just imagine a Horrible Histories Equestria version of this...

That is absolutely hilarious! I love dramatic deaths as much as anyone--maybe even more--but there's definitely something to be said for a dramatic character dying from a ridiculous, pathetic cause at the absolute worst moment. I'll probably die by falling off a stage or walking into a prop sword or something.

7138227 I imagine that my own death will be either the most epic event—with explosions and flames in the background— or a completely flaccid disappointment. Probably involving a kettle of hot tea.

7138279 In my most epic and unlikely hopes, I tend to imagine myself sprawled on a battlefield, dying from a sword wound to the stomach after doing some heroic but fatal thing like taking the blow for someone more important. Then I gasp out a few sarcastic words like, "Well, at least I'll be rid of you nutters now" or "Huh... I never expected this would actually happen. Go figure," before my eyes roll back in my head and I make some horrible rasping noise, sticking out my tongue, and die.

But in all likelihood, it'll probably be cancer.


I just love how it's one of those almost Aardman-esque deaths (Stage Fright, anyone?) that are foreshadowed in a hilarious way (Sombra's stair fetish) and the payoff, whilst dark, is beautifully funny. Well done, good sir!

"He was falling for three minutes"

Okay, now that just makes me think of Sideshow Bob. XD

Well it's certainly better than the way I killed him off. I had Starswirl eaten by zombie rats.

7147721 I wholeheartedly disagree. Zombie rats? At least that's unique. Stairs, everybody's got stairs.

7147723 Thanks but yours was amusing.

I hate to be that person but as funny as the ending was it was annoying for me to see death by falling down stairs as being regarded as lame at the end of the story. My grandmother died falling down the stairs. The ending to the story is funny but the fact that it was called lame kind of hurt for me.

The doctor was about to go about to gather the materials

I think there's one too many about's here.

Also, this was funny.

7163586 Not to be a dick, but you should probably get over it. I'm sorry about your grandmother, but you've got to admit that it's a lame death. Tragic? Sure. Epic and explosive? Not so much.

That is one magnificent beard alright.

Basically, what I wanted to ask was…” Twilight noticed that Celestia looked almost nervous, which was never good.

“Whatever happened to Starswirl the Bearded?”

Ooh, title drop.

“So you’re telling me that Starswirl teleported out of his mother’s womb?”

By this point, I'm expecting him to have drowned in his own toilet while having a wank or something. That's the only thing that could out-lame this.

“Oof! Umph! Grmph!”

Yeah, that was inadequately lame. I am disappoint.

:trollestia: : I warned you about stairs, bro. I told you, dog.

Few weeks later, she's reading while flying, hits a wall at mock 6. Death by flying into a wall.

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