Will To Survive

by Zephyr Spark

Part 11 Sir Knight

“The next thing I knew, I was waking up in the hospital with all of you around me,” Spike gazed at his friends listening with wide eyes. Tears rained down his cheeks as his eyes reddened. He spoke through choked gasps, “But whenever I close my eyes, I see Underworld burning, everything dying, and never coming back again. I don’t care that some of those creatures tried to eat me. They didn’t deserve to die like that. They were just doing what they were supposed to when I came out of nowhere and destroyed their home. It’s not just what I went through that haunts me, it’s what I did.”

Purple hooves wrapped around him, rocking him gently. Twilight rested her face against his and whispered comforting words. He clutched her hoof and leaned into the embrace, still shaking with sobs. His memories of the beautiful paradise igniting in flames marred his mind.

Gaze turned to the floor, Spike murmured, “A whole world no one ever knew about and now no one will...”

Every pony moved to comfort him, reassuring him that it wasn’t his fault or he shouldn’t blame himself or those ants made him do it. He didn’t believe a single one of them. Twilight broke from the hug and looked at his eyes.

“It’s not gone, Spike,” she smiled. “Underworld is still there.”

Spike blinked, “But I burned everything.”

She shook her head, “You only destroyed a portion of the forest. The fire didn’t spread too far, and even those burned portions will grow back eventually.”

“How many creatures did I kill?”

Her smile faded as she pursed her lips and considered her words, “I won’t lie to you, Spike. Some of them didn’t escape your flames, but you didn’t exterminate any species.”

“The ants?”

“A few perished,” Twilight responded.

“How many?” Spike’s eyes brimmed with tears.

“I’m not sure, but you didn’t come close to destroying the entire swarm. ” Twilight placed a hoof on Spike’s shoulder, “Besides, as long as the queen survives so will the colony.”

Slumping into his chair, Spike averted his gaze to the floor. Even knowing Underworld had not perished could not wipe away his nightmares; those empty faces, melted by green flames, emerging from the burning trees and clawing him to repeat one word. Why?

“Spike,” Starlight spoke with a downcast voice, “none of this is your fault. It’s mine. I should have gone with you to the Tree of Harmony but I knew how much this meant to you feeling independent and I just—.”

“No, it’s mine,” Fluttershy sniffled. “I saw you go into Everfree Forest from my cottage, and instead of following you like a good friend, I just watched, thinking you could handle it.”

“I saw you going in from my cloud and what did I do? Go right back to sleep. Some friend, huh?” Rainbow Dash sighed, “I’m the one you should be blaming.

“If any pony’s to blame it’s me,” Twilight’s expression revealed her profound regret. “I never should have let you go to the Everfree Forest alone in the first place, and if I waited a few minutes when we reached Underworld before asking Princess Celestia to send that third scroll, you wouldn’t have given your position away to the ants.”

“No,” Spike growled, turning to the table and resting his hands and face on the surface. “You just don’t get it at all.”

“Get what?” Applejack asked.

“I don’t blame any of you for letting me go off alone in Everfree or even for sending a message at the worst possible time,” Spike glanced at Twilight. “I blame myself for losing control.”

Stern-faced, Twilight reproached him, “Spike, you didn’t decide to use your fire breath on the forest. Those ants triggered your reaction when they stung you. It was an accident.”

“I know but,” he dropped his gaze, “I still broke my dragon code. I killed.”

“You didn’t mean to,” Rarity placed a hoof on his left shoulder. “Spike, you’re a gentle drake, sweet and kind. You’d never intentionally hurt anyone. But you were exhausted and mentally fatigued which exacerbated your fever. You were in no state of mind to control any of yourself.”

“You still don’t get it.” The drake subconsciously traced a finger along the table, lost in heavy contemplation, as he stared at the wall. “How could you understand? You never saw any of it. The creatures, the trees, the plants, or the miracle,” Spike shook his head. “The forest trusted me with its greatest secret. It showed me that I shouldn’t grieve at death because nothing there truly died. And how do I repay it? By setting it on fire and permanently killing those inhabitants. Sir Knight was right. Maybe, I never deserved to survive.”

Tears streaming down his face, Spike buried his face into the table. His friends stood by, uncertain how to comfort him. At last, Twilight walked over and wrapped a hoof around Spike’s head, resting his crying face on her shoulder. He could not reciprocate the embrace so he sank into her purple fur. Rarity’s white hoof stroked his back, as one by one, their friends gathered around to reassure him. When they parted, one question lingered on their minds.

“So, who is Sir Knight?” Pinkie Pie turned to Twilight, “Is he some super-duper secret dragon warrior that served a princess before Celestia and Luna?”

“No, I don’t think so,” Twilight rubbed her chin. “But the name sounds familiar.” Suddenly, the purple alicorn jolted, her eyes widening with epiphany. Her horn glimmered with a violet aura before she vanished from thin air.

Spike sat up straight, wondering if Twilight had the answers. In her vast collection of books, there had to be some mention of a time billions of years ago and of a knight, lost in the pages of history. If she had an ancient tomb detailing Sir Knight even as a footnote, Spike swore he would proclaim the knight’s deeds to the ends of Equestria. It was the least Sir Knight deserved for helping him. With a flash of light, Twilight returned levitating a large cardboard box. Placing the box on the table, Twilight hastily opened the brown lid and rummaged through the contents. She dumped out several items, from childhood picture books to photographs of her family and parcels of paper with scribbles. Spike recognized several homework papers from her days at Canterlot Academy and old letters from her brother, but could only fathom what illusive article she sought in this sea of memory. An excited inhale, and Twilight retrieved a single parchment of paper, lacking the traditional header of her homework or letters.

She handed him the paper. As he held it in his hands, several friends circled him, expecting some dark secret incantations. The paper held something far more chilling for Spike who widened his eyes. Her friends narrowed their eyes, tilted their heads, and gave Twilight frankly confused glances. On the parchment was a sloppy, simplistic drawing composed with colored markers of a tall purple and green dragon with silver armor and a large sword in hand. The ponies stared in bafflement, wondering why Twilight was so excited by this picture, likely created by a toddler. Spike never moved his eyes from the figure. Even with the poor quality, he recognized the noble frame, the strong body, and most of all those piercing green eyes.

“Spike,” Twilight couldn’t make Spike look away, “did Sir Knight look something like this?”

Slowly, his trembling head nodded. Her friends now stared at the drawing with renewed interest. Spike blinked, trying to make sense of this faintly familiar picture. “Wh-what is this?”

“You drew it when you were a little baby,” Twilight’s voice sent chills down his spine, as he remembered. “Do you remember when we were children? Sometimes we played a game where I was a princess and you were a brave knight who would rescue me and help me rule my kingdom. You always called yourself Sir Knight.”

Spike still didn’t understand what it meant. “Are you saying I made up someone as a kid who happened to be real?”

“No, Spike.” She looked reluctant to speak but Spike deserved to know her theory. “I think Sir Knight was never real to begin with. I think you made him up.”

Silence. Outside, the sun’s first light touched the castle where the most audible noise was shallow breathing and the terrified pounding of a little drake’s heart. Spike quivered as his heart skipped a beat, but he quickly responded, “I saw him, Twilight.”

Twilight nodded gently and spoke, “I don’t doubt that. But I think he served as a sort of coping mechanism for you. I mean, you were all alone down there, and you needed a friend. So you may have subconsciously drawn from your childhood to make a companion.”

“But he was so real. He gave me the advice I needed to make it on my own. He told me what I needed to survive, how to ward off predators, why I had to make it so I could get back home. He helped me see the beauty of that world,” Spike met her gaze. “I couldn’t have done any of that without him.”

“Actually, I think you did.” Twilight felt Spike’s eyes piercing her. “Remember what Sir Knight said whenever you thanked him or asked for his help? ‘I could only tell you what you already knew,’ ‘I didn’t do anything that you couldn’t have done yourself,’ and ‘that’s all I can do, little drake. I don’t have the ability to do anything but talk to you.’”

“That’s because he’s a ghost,” Spike refuted. “He couldn’t break his,” he struggled for the words, “ghost code.”

“Or it was you all along.” Starlight interjected, excited by this theory. “Remember when you washed ashore and nearly starved until you saw him egging you on? I bet that you were forcing yourself to move, that you were the one telling yourself not to give up.”

“And the logic that he used to persuade you to survive so you could return home,” Rarity chimed in, “maybe that was your logic all along.”

“Studying other critters and using their skills,” Applejack pointed her hoof, “that could have been yer idea.”

“No,” Spike’s protest went unheard as Pinkie Pie piped up.

“Oh! Oh! Oh!” She raised a hoof excitedly. Twilight nodded at her, “All those times when you thought he was calling you to warn about a bug, it could have been your senses thinking something was off. Or whenever he gave you life saving advice, that could have just been your brain’s advice.”

They all took a moment to stare at Pinkie Pie, surprised by her keen observations. In this moment, Spike slammed his fist on the table, startling them.

“You’re all wrong,” he gritted his teeth. “He is real. Nobody else could have saved me from drowning or led me to the first gemstone quarry when I was nearly dead from hunger.”

“Well,” Rainbow Dash pensively pursed her lips. “You could have made it to the shore if you swam into the right current. I’ve fallen into the ocean a few times while flying, and I managed to reach the shore by getting into the currents that pulled me to land. If you were really hungry, you’d probably want to find food so as long as your nose wasn’t broken or something you could definitely track down a gem quarry.”

“So that’s it? I’m just insane?” Sparks flew from Spike’s mouth, hissing on the ground.

“No pony’s calling you insane,” Twilight interrupted. Spike could see her mentally scolding herself for not considering her potentially offensive implications. “We’re just saying that Sir Knight might not have been real. That doesn’t make you crazy.”

“What else do call seeing something that wasn’t real?” Spike scowled, brimming with angry tears. He hunched over the picture laid on the table. His tears dripped onto the paper, soaking the worn parchment. Twilight quickly repackaged the box, slipping away the paper from the table. She considered giving him space, when his gaze became vacant. “If he was just my delusion, how did he know about Underworld’s miracle? Did I sense that too? Or was it never real?”

No pony dared to answer. Spike looked at each of them, hoping they were wrong, that all his trials hadn’t been meaningless. He stepped off the table and walked to the castle door.

“Where are you going?” Twilight raced to stop him.

“I’m going back to Underworld,” mouths gaped as Spike declared his intentions, “to prove Sir Knight is real.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On Twilight’s back, Spike studied the forest as they walked through the trees. Twilight was right; most of the forest escaped his flames. The trees brimmed with pink and yellow bromeliads, giant red toadstools with white speckles and bioluminescent mushrooms protruded from the ground, and Underworld still sang its never-ending symphony. Twilight’s glowing horn pierced the darkness, illuminating their path and driving away several curious insects. As every pony marveled at the unparalleled vegetation, Twilight studied the forest with scholarly intrigue. Spike spurred them forward, reminding them of his task.

Finally, the clearing came into view. Leaving the sea of trees, they entered the clearing and found the black and orange cave where Spike met Sir Knight. Jumping off Twilight’s back, Spike raced to the cave, desperate for the answers. He could hear their hooves racing to catch up, as he reached the dark gash. The darkness engulfed him as he returned to the place that had been his sanctuary. After spending so much time with Twilight’s illumination, his eyes could not adjust to the darkness. Stumbling forward, Spike groped through the vacuum but could only feel the sand beneath his feet. His friends were coming closer; their hooves just outside the cave. Flickers of magical illumination broke through the shadows.

As purple light filled the room, Spike absorbed the world he had left behind in full detail. Four spears leaned against the wall in a row, their heads still sharp. Beside those, five crimson gemstone daggers and three gemstone axes lined the floor and twelve hollowed sore fruits canteens circled his work stone. The bed of wonder moss still rested against the corner and near the center the filtration cone still hung from its sticks, even his spare glow vines, leaves, and unused bark remained in place. His tools, his water, his gems, everything was right where he left it. This gave him a strange sense of pride that his tools hadn’t moved and he admittedly felt slightly nostalgic.

“Whoa, Spike,” he turned to Rainbow Dash who stared at his weapons, “you did all of this?”

Spike nodded, “I didn’t have much else to do.”

Pinkie Pie eyed the mossy bed and grinned, “Hey, Spike. Can I – ?”

“Go nuts,” Spike gestured with a hand, prompting the pony to leap onto the plant. She rolled over the tendrils like a happy dog.

“This feels nice,” she cooed. Spike couldn’t suppress a brief smile at her antics.

Rarity examined his collection of gemstones, turning a pristine emerald over with magic. She had never seen such a rich green hue anywhere in all of Equestria, much less in another emerald. In her line of business she worked with many dazzling gems but they all paled in comparison to these vibrant, breathtaking beauties.

“You can have them if you want,” Spike told her.

“Why, thank you darling,” Rarity beamed and poured through the other gems.

“So what exactly are we doing here?” Starlight Glimmer asked him as he approached the left cave wall.

Engrossed in his task, Spike did not hear her question and instead traced his claws across the wall. The others turned their attention to him as he searched with unclear motivations. His body tensed and he exhaled sharply, as his claws sank into a gash carved into the stone incongruent with the rest of the cave wall. Body pulsing with excitement, he searched for the next mark. Sure enough, his claw tips dipped into a groove carved into the cave. Before he could search for the next mark, Twilight illuminated the shadowed rock. Stepping back, Spike beheld his proof. Etched into the wall was Sir Knight’s command: Survive.

He turned to Twilight and pointed at the word, “See, Twilight? When I first met Sir Knight, he carved this into the wall with his sword and told me this was my goal,” Twilight moved closer to inspect the marks. She squinted as she ran her hoof across the letters. Spike eagerly continued, “If the message is here, that means Sir Knight has to be real.”

Twilight pursed her lips and took a step back, allowing the others to view the word. Spike waited for her to concur with this evidence, only to find a pensive expression drawn across her face.

“Twi? I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings.” He blinked, but the expression remained on Twilight’s face. “I didn’t want to be rude or anything. I just wanted to prove Sir Knight was real. You understand, right?”

“I’m not mad, Spike.” Twilight turned to him with a pained expression. “I just wish I didn’t have to say this but …”

“Say what?” Spike cocked his head, twiddling his fingers nervously.

She didn’t respond. Quickly, she put on a smile and shook her head, “No, it’s nothing. You were right. I am just mad that you were right and I was wrong and—”

“Twilight,” Spike folded his arms. “You’re not a very good liar. What aren’t you telling me?”

Her ears drooped, “It’s just that … well,” she turned to the word, “this looks like your handwriting.”

Spike’s jaw dropped. The world was spinning. He stared at the words carved into the stone, hoping she was wrong. Racing to the wall, he traced his fingers across the letters. Those shapes, that style; it all felt like his handwriting. Stepping backwards, dreadful realization dawned on Spike. Sir Knight was just him and the miracle of Underworld was a fantasy, both created for the sole purpose deluding a silly drake into loving this forest.

“But that’s what confuses me,” Twilight interrupted Spike’s thoughts. “This rock looks closely related to corundum, the second hardest mineral in existence. I doubt you could carve this with your teeth, much less your claws. If you had a diamond you could write this word, but judging by the minerals you collected I don’t see any way you could have made this message on your own.”

“Wait,” Rarity interjected, “Spike said he didn’t have any gems when Behemoth first chased him into this cave. He’d only have bits of rock from the cave floor. It would take at least a week to make this, and he wasn’t down here long enough.”

“Then, how did this get here?” Starlight pointed at the word.

“Unless it was already here before Spike arrived, which would indicate someone lived here a long time ago,” Twilight narrowed her eyes, “then I’m not sure.”

“These marks look fairly recent.” Applejack studied the words and turned to Twilight, “I know ya said that ya didn’t think he could break through it, but are ya sure Spike couldn’t do this on his own?”

Spike folded his arms in thought, “I’ve never tried.” His friends all turned to the sound of his voice. He stared at the words in thought. Did he dare try? If he succeeded, that sealed it: Sir Knight was a lie, nothing in Underworld ever lived twice, and he, Spike the dragon, was guilty of killing several forest creatures forever. On the other hand, failure not only meant he was guilty but also many questions left unanswered. How was Sir Knight, a character from his childhood, real? Where did he come from? Why was he inexplicably tied to Spike? Most importantly, what was he? Spike rested his claws on the message, lost in his own thoughts. After what felt like hours, he pivoted around, facing his friends.

He considered what to say, how to ask them and make them understand. Then, he remembered these were his friends. He addressed them with honesty, “Could you all go outside? I want to try talking to him one last time.”

They all looked concerned, but each signaled their understanding verbally or physically. Each left the cave after giving him an individual sign of their support. Applejack and Rainbow Dash rested their hooves on his shoulders, Fluttershy smiled, Pinkie Pie wrapped him in a bear hug, and Starlight, Rarity, and Twilight offered him words of encouragement. They weren’t particularly poignant words but they were exactly what he needed. As his friends left the cave, Twilight’s illumination evaporated from the darkness. Alone again, Spike reached a trembling hand beneath the rock, even as his eyelids grew heavy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Author's Note:

...

Comments

[Draconicus the Reaper]

this is really interesting

[JazzTheFox53rd]

Aww. I'm down to the last chapter. Oh well all great story's have to end sometime.

[BlueStarred Spike]

I'm scared now. How will this all end?