Red Vs Blue: Epsilon in Equestria

by The Sentient Cloud

Chapter 5: Discharged

Ponyville Hospital:

Church’s eyes opened wide as the sound of two pairs of footsteps reached his ears.
Instinctively, he reached out and groped for his sniper rifle, which only served to knock over the bedside lamp.

“Oh.” Church grunted, sitting up in bed as he remembered where he was.

The footsteps were getting louder, and church rolled off the bed - finally realizing that two pairs of feet – or hooves – meant that there was one horse outside.

He drew back his own curtains, giving him a startlingly beautiful view of the countryside bathed in the light of the morning sun, before sitting down on his bed, a movement which he had never seen a horse actually do.

Church only just had time to remember that just because there was a horse walking outside his door didn’t mean they were actually coming to see him, when the ‘hoofsteps’ stopped, and there was a polite knock on the door.

“Yeah?”

The door eased open, and a very tired looking Doctor Stables looked in.
“Ah, Mr… Church.” He smiled. “Good to see that you are awake. It’s time to check out.”
“Already?” Church looked down at his hooves as he stepped forwards, making sure he didn’t trip.

“We need this room for another patient – and it’s ten in the morning.” Stables paused. “Unless you feel that you need to stay?

Church raised an eyebrow. He had slept for at least nine hours, which would explain how fresh he felt.
He looked around the room taking a moment to consider the choice. “Uhh… No. I’m fine.”
Church mumbled an awkward and insincere ‘thanks’ at Doctor Stables, watching his hooves as he walked past.

Stables in question stopped to look at the room – the knocked over lamp, the thrown-off bed sheets.
“Yikes.” He muttered, turning and walking out of the room.

Church slowed down, allowing Stables to take the lead as they moved through the hospital, eventually arriving at the reception desk.
Once there, a receptionist horse politely pushed a pen over to him. “You just need to put down your signature.”

Church looked at his hooves, and then the pen.
“Uhh… How?”
Doctor stables subtly pointed at Church’s mouth.
“You’re kidding.”
The doctor shook his head.

Church sighed. “Fine then.”

After an awkward sequence of picking up the pen with his mouth, and slowly scribbling the word ‘Church’ on a sign in sheet – a signature that took up two writing spaces and looked like it had been drawn by a dyslexic preschooler – Doctor Stables lead Church away from the desk.

“Now, if you ever feel sick, or odd, or anything like that, don’t hesitate to come back. We’ll try to help however we can.”
“Thanks.” Church muttered sarcastically, rolling his eyes. “So what do I do now?”

“Well, that’s up to you. Do you have anywhere to go?”
“No.”
“Well then that works out.” Stables replied as the entry door opened, and the purple unicorn from the previous day walked in. “Because Miss Sparkle here has offered to provide you with a room.”

Church looked from the doctor, to the approaching Twilight, before shrugging. If he was going to be here for a while, he’d rather spend it in a bed than on the street.
“Fuck it. Why not?”
“Great - remember…” Doctor Stables turned to leave. “Don’t be afraid to come back if you feel sick.”

Church nodded as Stables walked away, and then turned to Twilight as she arrived.
“Uhh… It’s Twilight, right?”
“Yeah.” The purple unicorn in question nodded. “And you’re church?” It wasn’t so much a question, as simply double checking.
He nodded. “The Doc-” Church paused, and then quickly decided to finish the word. “-tor said that you were going to rent me a room? I don’t think that’ll work, because I don’t have any money.”

Twilight shook her head. “No renting. You can just stay until you’re back on your hooves.”

Church cocked his head at the odd word substitution, but chose to ignore it.
“Uhh… Really? That sounds… too good to be true.”
“Why?” The unicorn’s smile faltered, but her entire stance reeked of sincerity.
Church paused again, struggling with the odd show of friendliness.
“I… It’s a long story. Can we just go?”

Twilight nodded, turning and walking to the door while church followed, staring at his hooves again.
She opened the door and walked through, only to hear a grunt as it sung shut in Church’s face.

“Fuck.” He grumbled, rubbing at his forehead as Twilight opened the door again.
“What happened?” She asked.
“I didn’t see the fucking door.” Church replied, stepping through the door while Twilight held it open.
“Why not?” Twilight stopped, watching Church as he walked. “And why are you staring at your hooves?”

“What? Oh.” Church looked up. “I haven’t quite got this whole ‘four leg’ thing down. If I walk without looking at my feet, then I get the pattern off, and I fall.”
“Wait, so you don’t know how to walk?” Twilight let the door swing shut, flabbergasted.
“What did I just fucking say?” Church snapped, Can we just go?”

“O-Okay.” Twilight watched the stallion walk away, her eyes filled with worry and confusion.
“You need to take point.” Church called back at her, stopping. “It’s not like I know where we’re going.”

“Uh – right.” Twilight replied, trotting up in front of Church. ‘Take point? What does that mean?’
Putting aside her doubts, she led him towards Ponyville - heading for the library.

Church glanced up from his walking, acknowledging the thatched roofs and market stalls. Hadn’t there been lights in the hospital? What were these horses doing with thatched roofs?

What was more interesting was watching the horses moving around, doing things that a human would do, like buying food – of which he noted there was no meat.
“What’s up with all the rabbit food?” Church asked, noting that his stomach was growling.

“What do you mean?”
“Well… never mind.” Church caught himself as he remembered that horses didn’t eat meat.

Even as he said it, Church realized that even the greens looked good – he hadn’t actually eaten in years – up until returning to the Epsilon Unit – and whenever he had been able to eat, ‘eating’ was simply the word that they had used for choking down MRE’s. Now that he was once again in a ‘real’ body, Church realised that he would need to eat regularly again.

“I, Uh…” Twilight was unsure how many exchanges Church had broken off in this matter. “…Okay then.”
She looked at Church for a second, once again wondering how wise this was, and wishing that she could have Celestia’s guidance.

“Well?” Church frowned, the hard glint in his eyes becoming a little bit harder.
“Uh, right this way.” Twilight replied, turning and continuing to walk up the street.

She had never met a pony like Church before. Everything about him emanated bitterness and anger – His face, his eyes, the way he spoke, even the way he carried himself. She doubted he had a friend in the world.

“Sooooo…” Twilight attempted to strike up a conversation. “Where did you say you were from?”
“I didn’t.” Church snapped, his voice laden with bitterness.
“Oh. So where are you from?” After a few seconds of silence, she looked over her should at Church, who was still staring at his hooves – his face impossible to see, let alone read.

Deciding to change the subject, Twilight switched to a different question.
“So why were you… falling from the sky?”
The only answer she got was a quiet sigh, followed by an even quieter; “I’m already regretting this.”

Perplexed at how unwilling the stallion was to talk, Twilight once again tried changing the subject,
“Sooooo… Church. That’s an interesting name. What’s your last name?”
The simple approach paid off, as Church curtly replied. “Church is my last name.”
“I see. Are you able to tell me your first name?”

Another sigh from Church, followed by a clipped and irritated response.
“Listen, Sparkle.” Church stopped walking – as did Twilight. “I’m really not in the mood for this kind of hor-” Church paused for a second. “This kind of Crap. Can you just… be quiet?”

The last two words weren’t really a question. It sounded more like Church was imploring her to shut up.

“Why? Can you at least tell me that?” Twilight asked, deciding to press her luck.

Church looked her in the eye – even delivering a hard gaze. “Seriously, I’m not in the fucking mood.”
Twilight nodded once, irritated that what little progress she had made had been stripped away.

“So how far to this house?” Church asked as they resumed walking.
“It’s just…” Twilight paused, dragging out the ‘u’ in ‘just’ as they rounded one last corner, coming into a slightly more open space than the street. “…Here.”

Church paused, looking around in confusion. All he could see was a tree-
“Oh.” He spoke in surprise, staring at the library with mild interest. “Well, that’s… interesting.”
“Interesting?”
“You live in a tree.” Church looked at the Ponyville Library, taking in as much detail as he could. “I wish I could have lived in something as interesting as that.”

“So what did you live in?” Twilight smiled uncertainly, hoping for a response.

Church’s face hardened. “I said no questions.” He looked at her accusingly, before walking towards the Library.

Twilight watched him walk towards the Library, and then sighed.

What had she gotten herself into?

Comments

[Smurf]

this is awesome
Q: will Church ever tell Twilight the truth? will Celestia or Twilight have a spell that allows them to see his memories to find out the truth?

[Aburi]

The writing was very awkward in the first chapters, but has smoothed out nicely. Church has a hell of an attitude on him, but with what he just went through its completely in character for the moment. I do feel that you are really over using the swearwords. While Church does swear quite a bit,its only when he's stressed. And while he is in a high stress position, its actually not possible for a person to sustain a high level of agitation for extinded periods. If I may make a suggestion, try cutting his swearing down to only when something actually sets him off. That would not only add a some extra depth to the story, he would come off as less of a total ass.

Anyhow, I really like the story and will be looking forward to future updates!

[The Sentient Cloud]

784324 That is the magic of frien- story progression. Everything's pretty bland if Church and Twilight are best pals right from the get-go, but If he's constantly spurning her attempts to communicate, then I have something to work with while I blindly make up the story chapter-by-chapter.

784351 I'm sure the initial writing was awkward. I haven't written as any of these characters before, so finding a good spot that doesn't leave them too OOC took a while, and it will take a while (if I ever actually manage) to have them down pat.

Well, I've noted that Church can swear quite a lot... but now that I think about it, you're right. Most of the instances are when he's under stress. He does swear casually, but not as much as I've been having him do in the story. Long story short: I'll keep that in mind.

N.B: Church is meant to come off as an ass. It gives more FLARE *sparkle* to the dialogue. Oh, and everyone in the RvB cannon normally go out of their way to acknowledge that he's rude - even the Director.

EDIT: Guys, I will once again state that I do NOT have a proof-reader, and will not ask for one (and I probably won't accept an offer either, unless you are a good writer) So FEEL FREE to point out any mistakes that I've missed so that I can fix them.

[Aburi]

784426

Hehe, that comment about the awkward writing was ment as a compliment. In just a few thousand words you have gotten into the feel of the story amazingly well.

Note to self - never EVER post from my phone again... the errors on my last post make me ill.....

[The Sentient Cloud]

784600 Ah... Posting from the mobile... I myself am cursing the lack of any good version of Swype on the iPod Touch.

Anyway, thanks for the ego-boost I got from learning that you like my story in lieu of The 'infamous' My Little Caboose. Believe it or not, that was my original inspiration for Epsilon in Equestria - As in, I read it, and decided that everyone was just too... Chummy. There were never any lasting issues, with almost every dispute resolved by the next chapter, usually accompanied by a very uncharacteristic apology from one of the RvB characters. I looked at how Darkwing wrote characters like Church, and I thought "I can do better."

Anyway, my criticisms aside, I have a more pressing question: Are you still watching Red vs Blue?

[Aburi]

784716

Funny story - Until I read the description for "My little Caboose" I had never heard of it. So in order to give the fic a fair shot I started watching it. Turns out I liked it a lot and watched all of the episodes last weekend in a rather unwise (but very enjoyable) marathon. Imagine my frustration when I found the story that had started it all to be lacking...

So, short answer: Yup, I'm currently an avid fan of the web-series!

[suijin228]

You know, I wonder how Church'll react to Pinkie? Of all the ponies, she is the most like Caboose, and that in itself is sure to push Church over the edge. Keep goin and stay golden^^

[TheArcher20]

shall i dare say? oh yes i will. you are so awesome i have to give you a few stache's my friend now....OFF TO THE OTHER STORIES. great story btw seems great so far!

[RedvsBlue327]

No good deed goes unpunished.

[Cades]

“What did I just fucking say?” Church snapped, Can we just go?”
Forgot a quotation mark before "Can we just go?" so it just looks funny.
Oh, and in the first chapter, after the "***", you forgot the "e" after "Caboose".

[burning-ruin-666]

784324
stay tuned of the next chapetr of RvsB epsilon in equestria The Sentient Could story page... <.<''see what i did there?''

[The Crimson Reaper]

1010282 You sir, are hilarious, you make me laugh with your witty comments... also... SANITY IS INDEED FOR THE WEAK!