Chapter 10: Cutie Mark Crusaders - Sandwich Makers
Sweet Apple Acres:
Church looked around at the apple trees.
There were so many of them – it was actually startling at how far the orchards stretched. From the top of the hill all he could see all the way to the horizon were rows and rows of apple trees.
“Wow.” He paused to take in the view. “That’s a lot of apples.”
“Eeyup.” The red pony replied, stopping momentarily so that Church wouldn’t fall behind.
Church admired the vista for a few more seconds. This world was oddly scenic – much nicer than the ugly stone walls of the countless box-end canyons he had had to put up with for the last ten years.
It was only when his stomach let out another growl that Church remembered where he was, shook his head, and kept walking.
Big Mac led him down the dirt road, approaching what looked like a garish red barn with a living space built into the top floor and on one side.
Church looked around as they walked towards the ‘house’. Only in a world populated by horses would the apple farmers live in their barn.
“So… Uh… You live here?” He coughed awkwardly.
“Eeyup.”
“Really… uh… nice.” Church continued awkwardly. He was used to being around people who struggled to keep their mouths shut. Being around such a quiet stallion was an unexpected change – although he couldn’t say that any part of his day had been expected.
“Eeyup.”
Church silenced himself as Big Mac approached a side-door that seemed to serve as the front door for the house part of the barn, and pushed it open, motioning for him to enter.
With a slight shrug, Church did exactly that, trotting into an old-fashioned living room.
There was a rocking chair in the corner, two old couches, and one armchair, alogn with a staircase set against one wall. The wallpaper was extremely old-fashioned – the kind that appeared in centuries-old films.
Big Mac followed him in, before stopping and motioning to one of the old couches in the room.
“Wait her, if’n ya please.”
Church awkwardly sat down, looking around as Big Mac turned and trotted up the staircase.
After a few seconds, he started to scrutinize the wallpaper. What year was this from? It looked like it could be from over 500 years ago – if the hazy memories he had inherited from the Director could be trusted.
Now bored, looked back around. Was there a book he could read, or-
“CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS SANDWICH MAKERS! YEAH!” Church’s musing was interrupted by three shrill and loud voices – followed by a multi-coloured blur racing down the stairs, past him, and through a doorway into the homestead’s kitchen.
“What the fuck…” Church peered into the kitchen, only to see three fillies racing around with loaves of bread and different vegetables, somehow managing to disturb everything they touched.
“Yer lunch’ll be ready mighty quick.”
Church gave a little start in surprise, turning to see Big Mac standing being him.
“What… what are they… Do they always behave like that?”
The only reply he got was a sheepish grin - which did nothing to alleviate his confusion.
Church looked back inside the kitchen, which was rapidly turning into a disaster zone.
He had been promised ‘a good old fashioned Apple Family lunch’, but he was fairly sure that he wouldn’t be getting anything more than a pile of shredded bread.
With a little sigh, he turned back to Big Mac. “So… uh… you’re an apple farmer?”
Big Mac opened his mouth to reply, only to be cut off by an orange filly poking her head through the doorway.
“Done!” She grinned, as a light grey unicorn emerged from the kitchen, carrying out a plate and what looked like a sandwich on her back.
Church looked down at the ‘sandwich’, noting that there seemed to be a rip in the bread, through which he could see something that looked like a squashed tomato with carrot shavings on top.
“Uhh… Thanks?” He raised an eyebrow.
'Well, if I die, then I suppose I won't have to put up with eating any more - again.'
***
The UNSC Archives:
“Fuck!” Grif shouted, ducking instinctively as a bullet rebounded of the wall above his head.
Another gunshot rang out, which flew over Grif’s shoulder as he ran.
“Grif! Grif! What’s happening?” Simmons’ warbled in his ear. “Are you okay?”
“No I’m not fucking okay!” Grif shouted, stumbling slightly as he scrabbled around a corner. “They’re shooting at me!”
“Don’t drop the unit.” Carolina’s voice snapped. “I’m on my way.”
“Well hurry the fuck up!” Grif was panicking. He had less than a second before the pursuing soldiers would be able to shoot at him again. “These assholes aren’t going to keep missing!”
There was the sound of Sarge’s voice in the background, Grif couldn’t make it out - but then again, he didn’t really need to.
***
Ponyville Town Square:
“Okay, fan out.” Twilight spoke calmly, although her mind was frantic. “We need to find him.”
“Okie Dokie Lokie!” Pinkie giggled, skewing off on an angle and bouncing away into the crowd.
“Whatever.” Spike grumbled, moving off in the opposite direction.
Taking no notice of Spike’s irritation, Twilight kept galloping forwards, frantically scanning the crowd for Church.
She had a bad feeling that somepony was going to get hurt if the strange colt was allowed to roam unchecked.
She stopped and looked around frantically. How were they going to find Church?
"OOH!" Pinkie's shout echoed through the crowd. "I've never seen you around here! Twilight! Is this him?"
Twilight looked around in confusion. How was she meant to see-"
As if on cue, a rather startled looking green stallion was catapulted into the air, before dropping back out of sight.
"Pinkie! You know what he looks like! That isn't him!"
"Oh!" There was a pause of about three seconds, before Pinkie started singing.
"Welcome-Welcome-Welcome, a fine welcome to you..."
Twilight sighed. She should have known better than to think that Pinkie would be able to help.
***
Church looked down grimly at the plate resting on his ‘lap’, while the three fillies who had nearly destroyed a kitchen preparing it stood to his left, watching attentively.
“Aren’t ya gonna eat it, mister?” The olive coloured one asked.
“Yeah!” The orange Pegasus jumped once on the spot. “Then we might get our cutie marks!”
Church glanced at them, and then at Big Mac, whose face was stoic – save for a slight upward angle to the corners of his mouth.
“You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?” He accused the large stallion, who merely shrugged.
“Ah though you’d knew whatcha were getting yerself into.” He drawled.
Church looked back down at the monstrosity on his plate, and then at the three fillies.
“I…” He gave one final glance at the meal. “Oh, what the hell. It can’t be any worse than MRE’s.”
“YAY!” The three fillies shouted, startling Church.
He furrowed his brow in irritation, and then quickly opened his mouth, wolfing down the entire sandwich in one bite. With any luck, it wouldn’t be in contact with his taste buds long enough for him to taste it.
The four other occupants of the room were silent as he chewed rapidly, and then violently spat the food out.
“Oh my GOD!!” Church shouted, standing up on his hind legs. “I was wrong! It’s worse!” The last word came out as a high pitched squeak. “It’s worse!”
He dropped back to all fours, as the unicorn filly dejectedly produced a glass of water, which Church took in his mouth, drinking the contents in one swig.
“Looks like we aren’t meant to be sandwich makers.” The olive filly mumbled dejectedly.
“Oh, come on, Apple Bloom!” The Pegasus hit her lightly on the shoulder. “Who wants a sandwich for a cutie mark anyway?”
“Girls, why don’t yall go clean up that mess ya made in the kitchen?” Big Mac finally spoke up, a faint expression of mirth on his face. “Ah’ll take care o’ our guest.”
Muttering to each other, the three fillies retreated back into the kitchen, almost instantly producing a ruckus that was almost on par with the noise they had created while preparing Church’s sandwich.
Church himself was busy looking at the glass of water wistfully. “Why did you let me eat that?”
Big Mac shrugged. “We ‘ave some hard cider in the basement if ya want some.”
He swung around on the spot, suddenly giving the red stallion all of his attention. “Wait, hard cider as in… alcohol?”
“Eeyup.”
Church's face lit up.
“What the hell are you waiting for?!” He exclaimed. “Do you have any idea how much I need a drink right now?!”
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Author's Note:
Well, The next chapter is going to be fun to write. Who wants some hard cider?
ANOTHER RvB crossover?!
fim.413chan.net/fim/src/133261144736-The-Fun-has-Doubled-.jpg
888297 At least it's better in quality than... Well, I don't want to say which story, but a little poking around should yield results.
It's author removes any comments that aren't positive. (Mine was pointing out that it was an obvious clone of My Little Caboose
)
888321
Lol, I think this and My Little Caboose are the only two I will be reading.
888334 Good to hear. My Little Caboose was actually the reason I made this. It isn't a clone, but I felt that a lot of the interactions seemed... wrong. Everyone was too chummy. So I decided that I'd take a whack at it, and put a little more tension into the relationships.
(Don't get me wrong, I think that My Little Caboose is fine. This is just my own attempt.)
888340
MLC seemed a bit more episodic. Closer to MLP than RvB. Not that more of one or the other is a bad thing.
888354 And... This story has SOMEHOW made its way into the feature box.
...
How did this happen? How am I ahead of 'I found Love'? That story is WAY better.
Hehe... no fear of this being a clone. These two stories are about as different as possible and still be RvB crossovers.
By the way - Excellent chapter, it's good to see Church finally meet someone he can be around for five minutes without rubbing the wrong way
888368 Thanks. Big Mac struck me as the 'straight man', who can kind-of just... be there, and not get angry at everyone for their ridiculous antics. (So.... kinda like Wash, but without the constant presence of angry skepticism)
lol, i'm looking forward to a drunk church
i wonder what kind of drunk church is?
Bring on the cider!
Hmmm, I wonder what Church's tolerance level is?
Will we see him slip a few details?
drunk church will be best church
Wait, a green stallion that's new in town?
Hmm... ... ...
Meh, probably isn't what I'm thinking.
Anyways, the CMC managing to make a sandwhich worse than military food? (I've heard everywhere that it's bad.) Hmm, maybe they should try being Cutie Mark Crusader Torturers.
Interesting chapter, with a very good lead up to what could be an even better chapter. big Mac to me kind of sounds like the one pony church could get behind. Church in the series was kind of the only non freelancer who didn't delve into stupidity. He just got dragged along. Big Mac is down to earth, known when to speak, and doesnt seem to have a lot of emotional baggage. In other world, CHURCHES DREAM FRIEND! Keep goin and stay golden^*
P.S. Sigma... God damn elija wood's character kicks ass!
I really, really hope Church gets killed in this story...
At least once or twice.
Assuming he's still capable of surviving without a body, and they find something he can possess for one.
888382 I know, right?
888476
(Heh-heh-heh)
888480 Maybe, but then again, he'll just be drinking with Big Mac anyway.
888572 Thanks. I can admit that sometimes things don't stay exactly true-to-character, but I try.
888724 Drunk Church will be a really fun Church to write.
889630 Yeah, it probably isn't what you think, and as for the food, well. You always hear that military food is terrible - and Geoff has served in the U.S. Army as a photojournalist, so he will probably know.
889688 Funny story: When I started this chapter, I didn't really consider that Church and big Mac could be friends, and now I see that they could actually get along REALLY well. Church may not exactly fit Big Mac's standard of a great friend, but he's quiet and patient enough to make it work.
And as for Sigma... Well, as interesting as he is, I'm currently a little more enthralled with Wyoming. Dat Mustache.
890203 Heh, go ahead, but from what I hear, Burnie dislikes Bronies. If anything, he'll just stomp on this and eat my soul. (Or something less extreme)
890305 Well, killing Church is a big step. It's one of those things that can't just be undone, so if it does happen, I want to at least make it significant, and not just some side-note.
---
Big comment is big comment.
888222
ME! ME! Gimme Gimme Gimme!
you know, I did kind of imagine him with a mustache, but I thought he'd look older.
891698 Yeah. Now all I need to die happy is to see Wyoming talk, and just let myself be mesmerized as his mustache moves up and down.
Until that happens, Red Vs Blue will never reach its full potential.
Update this quickly!!!!
i cried a little laughing
good work
905460 Thanks. The next chapter should be out by the end of tomorrow.
888321 Fuck you sir, fuck you I say!
BTW, you owe me some cider for being a asshat.
889630 on the issue of food... actually some of it isn't bad. i had a sloppy joe MRE once and it was good. i didn't even heat it up either. then again, i'm used to eating high school cafeteria level food. you gotta learn to lower your standards and kill your taste buds. food is food.
890455
ive had MRE's... theyre actually a whole helluva lot better than they make them out to be...mostly...
909376
dude you gotta try the clam chowder if you can get one
888321
media.tumblr.com/tumblr_llediot7pF1qe2e60.jpg
And as for character tensions I feel they're better to develop than to be just thrust upon. As it is now there are lots of ponies losing trust in each other.
But enough about my story, keep up the good work.
see-"
*Takes thay quotation mark and throws it in the trash*
At this point i think Church may be gatefull enogh for the cider to go gay for Big Mac.
1010417 *takes quotation mark out of the trash and wolfs it down*