Spike's Doom and/or Destiny

by terrycloth

Waterway

The second stairway up from the lack-of-a-boss chamber took them back to the entrance, letting them out through a secret floor panel tucked behind a statue. They did a thorough search of the statue on the opposite side, but couldn’t find any sign of a matching staircase from the right-hand section of the dungeon, even though they knew it had to be there. Trying to dig through the floor only got them attacked by a larger than usual pack of bats, so after some juice and jellybeans to recover, they decided to move on.

The right wing was, if anything, even slimier and messier than the central chamber, with a floor that was slippery enough to be uncomfortable to walk across. It also had shadows near the ceiling for bats to hide in, and dark web-filled alcoves from which armored statues could emerge. Just walking down the hallway, they got ambushed twice by mixed groups – but by this point they had a good sense for just how hard each of the enemies were to kill, and just how hard they could hit, which made fighting them a lot more predictable.

“If it didn’t hurt so much when they stabbed me, this would almost be fun,” Moondancer remarked, slicing her scythe through the last blue slime from the latest group.

“I’m having plenty of fun!” Derpy said, grinning.

“That’s because you’re wearing the hat,” Moondancer said. “Give me your hat, and we’ll see who’s having fun.”

“I’m having fun,” Spike said.

Moondancer growled angrily and dropped the subject.

One thing they could all agree on was that the screeching bats that drained their mana and/or blood sugar were no fun at all. At least in the mixed groups there were usually only a couple of bats in a supporting role, and they had a reasonable chance of killing them before they could screech.

After the obligatory overly-long entrance hallway, and a room full of ancient, dusty boxes that couldn’t be easily opened, they came to what looked like a dead end – a five-foot-wide moat of calm, still water divided the room in half, and the door to continue deeper was on the far side. On their half, a four-foot-wide box sat out in the open, with no other decorations.

Spike walked over to the box and gave it a little shove. It moved easily across the slippery floor. “Oh, I get it. We take the box and push it into the water –”

Derpy landed on the far side to rest her wings, since they’d stopped moving. “And then?”

Bon Bon hopped across the moat to join her. “Derpy, stop running ahead!”

“And then we can cross,” Spike said.

“Wait,” Moondancer said, kneeling at the edge of the moat. She took out the burned lump of fused sugar with a 500 golz cloak trapped inside, and dunked it in the water. “Sugar is water-soluble, right?”

“I think you caramelized it,” Bon Bon said.

Moondancer kneaded the mess with her magic. “It should still dissolve eventually.”

“Eventually,” Bon Bon repeated.

There was a splash, and a sudden wave drenched Moondancer, soaking her fur and breaking her concentration. “Spike!” she shouted, as the cloak immediately sank into the moat. She fished around for it with the scythe, but the water was too deep to even reach the bottom.

Spike hopped onto the floating box he’d pushed into the water, then out onto the opposite shore. “What? I have short legs!”

===

“Beware of electric floor,” Spike read from the sign.

“What?” Derpy asked.

Spike stepped aside and pointed. “The sign says to beware of the electric floor.”

“Well, the floor is kind of eccentric,” Derpy said, hovering over him to get a better look. “It’s got all those bright blue tiles with skeletons on them.”

“Electric,” Moondancer said. “It means ‘full of lightning’.”

Derpy frowned. “How do you fill a floor with lightning?”

“Make it out of clouds?” Spike suggested, poking at the blue floor to see if it was secretly made out of mist.

Before he could touch it, his claw froze, trapped in a magical grip. Moondancer rolled her eyes as she dragged him back. “They probably just used magic.”

“So how do we get past?” asked Bon Bon from the back.

“It’s an easy maze,” Derpy said. “We can just walk around the blue parts.”

Spike took a step onto a non-blue tile, and failed to get struck by lightning. Emboldened, he continued down the obvious path. “Yeah, this would be a more effective trap if they didn’t have a sign warning about it.” He glanced at one of the skeletons. “And cleaned up the skeletons.”

“Maybe they thought it wouldn’t be fair?” Derpy suggested.

“Do you think these are real skeletons?” Spike asked. “I mean, there’s got to be a dozen of them! Could there really be that many ponies who didn’t stop to read a sign?”

“Maybe they put up the sign later,” Bon Bon said.

Spike pointed to one of the last skeletons, as he approached the far end. “And this girl was almost all the way through the maze.”

“Maybe she tripped?” Derpy suggested. “I trip and get struck by lightning all the time. I mean, ALL the time.”

“Don’t trip,” Bon Bon said.

Derpy wobbled in midair, “Argh, now I can’t think of anything but tripping!”

Moondancer lit her horn. “Big Bee’s Bump!”

A giant spectral hoof appeared, and punted Derpy over the rest of the maze and into the corridor on the other side, where she landed in a confused heap. Spike quickly ran through the rest of the maze and helped her up.

“Thanks!” she said, patting the dragon on the head with a wing. “And oh my muffin, Moondancer! You learned a new spell!”

“It’s not new,” Moondancer said. “It’s just kind of useless.”

Derpy trotted in place, “New spell, new spell!” She ran towards Moondancer to hug her, but stepped on a blue tile and was instantly bathed in a blinding arc of lightning.

She staggered back into the corridor, and sat down, fur all frizzy and feathers slightly scorched. “Oopsie!”

“Are you okay?” Spike rushed to her side again, and Bon Bon and Moondancer weren’t far behind, despite having to navigate the remainder of the maze.

Derpy waggled one wing, then the other, then tried to stand, only to wobble and sit back down again. “I’ve had worse.”

===

Splash!

“I think you’re going to need a bigger box,” Bon Bon said, eyeing the watery gap that remained.

“There’s another one I can push into place,” Spike said. “I’ll be right back!”

“Do you just want me to carry you over?” Derpy asked.

“Don’t worry! I’ve got this!”

Moondancer grumbled as she twisted her tail with her magic to wring out the water.

“I could have carried you over too,” Derpy said.

“I thought I could make it,” the sopping wet unicorn replied. “Bon Bon made it.”

“I’m a rogue. Jumping is one of my tricks.”

“You’re a cook.”

“Only officially,” Bon Bon said. “It’s my cover story.”

Moondancer sighed. “I don’t get it. Your class here is ‘cook’, and you’re a cook back home. Where did you learn to jump like that?”

Bon Bon rolled her eyes. “I could tell you, but then I’d have to kill you.”

Splash!

They turned to look at the bridge of boxes Spike was building. It was still quite a bit short.

“Do you think you can make the jump?” Moondancer asked.

“I’m not going to risk it,” Spike said. “With this armor I’d sink like a rock. I saw another box I can use, be right back.” With that, he ran off again.

“Uh oh,” Derpy said.

Moondancer stopped wringing out her mane, and looked up. “What is it?”

“Trouble.” Derpy drew her cutlass as a pair of armored statues emerged from the doorway on their side of the moat, and started to shuffle towards them. The slime coating the floor rippled and congealed into familiar blue and orange slimes, and the omnipresent high-pitched chirping intensified as a pair of bats swooped out of the shadows to join them.

“Spiiiike!” Moondancer shouted.

“Just a second, this one is kind of stuck!” Spike called back.

“What do we do?” Derpy asked, flying up into the air as the monsters approached.

“Maybe I could play tank if you batter me?” Bon Bon suggested, eyeing their giant swords nervously.

“Just get behind me,” Moondancer said, standing up and facing the monsters square on. “Between Derpy’s flight and Bon Bon’s stealth, they’re going to come after me first.”

“So I should batter you?” Derpy asked.

Moondancer shook her head, and bubbled herself. Sure enough, the statues converged on her and starting beating against her force field. It wobbled, but held, even when the blue slime added its spit-attacks.

“Take out the bats!” Bon Bon said, and vanished from sight as she leapt towards one, chopping it in two before it could screech. Derpy dashed towards the other bat, but wasn’t fast enough to get there before its ear-piercing shriek tore through them. She pressed on through the painful noise and took it out so that it wouldn’t screech again, just in time to take a fireball in the face from the orange slime.

“What’s going on?” Spike called from the other room. “Are you fighting monsters? Come on, girls! You don’t want to outlevel me!”

“Not our major concern!” Moondancer shouted, taking a step back as her bubble came dangerously close to popping. Her horn flared brighter as she poured more mana into the shield.

Derpy was panicking and flying in circles. “Put me out put me out!”

Bon Bon leapt into the air and grabbed hold of her leg, then bit down on one of her wings and angled it so that her circling turned into a quick spiral into the moat. She let go at the last second and landed on the shore, while Derpy splashed down with a hiss of steam.

She pulled herself out, shaking off the water. “Sorry! I just really don’t like being on fire!”

“Moondancer, you’ve got to take out the orange slime!” Bon Bon said, as she circled around to ambush the blue one. Slimes went down a lot easier than statues. With her cleaver, it only took one hit.

“I can’t take out anything while the bubble’s up.”

Lightning crackled across the party as the orange slime cast another spell… but Derpy was used to being struck by lightning, and didn’t panic. She and Bon Bon teamed up on one of the statues, Derpy beating it about the head while Bon Bon’s cleaver hacked at its legs.

Its counterattack almost took off Derpy’s head, but despite the blood spraying from her throat, she kept her wits about her and summoned a muffin. A few bites stopped the bleeding, but left her throat sore – she whimpered in pain as she swallowed. She managed to block its next attack with her cutlass, and it didn’t get a third – Bon Bon’s precise chopping finally did enough damage to shatter the whole thing.

Then the orange slime let loose with a blizzard attack, icing up Derpy’s wings and forcing her to ground, and slowing Bon Bon to a crawl.

Moondancer grimaced, but there was only one statue left. She’d probably survive. She dropped her bubble so that she could cast other spells. “Dark Eidous!”

The lightning hit the statue instead of the slime, and didn’t even come close to taking it down. Without her bubble, it could swing directly at her, and though she tried to parry with her scythe she was too slow. The braided straps of her battle saddle were too strong for the sword to cut, but they didn’t do much to protect her flesh beneath, and the sword sank into her shoulder with a crunch as it shattered something important enough that she couldn’t keep standing without it. Her leg collapsed and she found herself on her knees – but she was down, not out.

“Dark Eidous!” This time, the lightning hit the orange slime, but it wasn’t enough to take it out.

Bon Bon’s speed returned as she sucked on a peppermint, and she hacked away at the statue. It was still fixated on Moondancer, though, and reared up and kicked the wizard in the chest, hard enough to knock her head-over-tail onto her back.

Moondancer held up her scythe blindly, hoping it might at least make the monster’s job more difficult. “Dark Eidous Dark Eidous Dark Eidous!”

Three bolts of lightning crackled down from the ceiling in quick succession! One was wasted on the statue, but the other two hit the orange slime, finishing it off. Derpy and Bon Bon managed to hack apart the statue before it could take another swing, showering Moondancer with gravel as it crumbled.

“Muffin time!” Derpy said, setting one on Moondancer’s chest.

“Can I just die instead?” Moondancer croaked as she lay there struggling to breathe.

“No,” Bon Bon replied. “It’d cost too much to resurrect you.”

Splash!

With the last box in place, the gently bobbing bridge was complete, and Spike was finally able to join them. “Aww, you didn’t leave any monsters for me,” he said, before noticing their wounds. “Are you okay?”

“We’re fine,” Bon Bon said. “It was just the same monsters we’ve been fighting this whole time.”

“It’s a lot easier with Spike there to take the hits, though,” Derpy said. “And a lot less whiny.”

“I’m not whining,” Moondancer complained.

“You’re not eating your muffin either,” Derpy said, folding her forelegs.

“My horn is on fire after that last spell, and I can’t move my forelegs,” Moondancer said.

Derpy sighed, and lifted the muffin with a hoof, lowering it gently towards Moondancer’s mouth.

“Fanks,” she mumbled as she chewed on it. “Weally ate eing thtabbed.”

===

Eventually, they made it to the stairwell that led down to the next mini-boss. Like the other wing, it led to a room with a second staircase heading back up and an altar at the far end.

“Ha! New challengers approach!” declared the ancient-looking pony that stood before the altar. “I am the Guardian of Strength. Do you seriously think that you have a chance of standing for even an instant against my immense power?”

“You don’t look that powerful,” Spike said.

“Ha! You see my wasted flesh and wrinkled skin, and think that I’m past my prime! Don’t you know that the secret to getting stronger is experience? And who has more experience than an old man like me?”

“And yet, you’re a mini-boss in the dungeon of the very first quest we received,” Bon Bon pointed out. “How strong could you possibly be?”

“Face me and find out, if you dare!” the Guardian proclaimed, taking a martial stance. “But don’t expect any sympathy if I send your souls screaming into the afterlife!”

Spike set his shield, and charged at the Guardian, roaring his challenge.

“Dark Eidous!” Moondancer intoned, and lightning struck the elderly pony square in the back.

“Ahh! My heart!” the Guardian gasped, falling onto his side and clutching at his chest. Spike’s run gradually slowed to a halt as his opponent twitched and shuddered a few times, then lay still.

Spike bent down and held his claws in front of the old pony’s nose. “Um… he’s not breathing.”

“Huh,” Bon Bon said, trotting over to give him a look. “Well, go get the Biforce. I’ll check his saddlebags for golz.”

===

With the Biforce united, the heroes took the shortcut back to the central chamber, and slotted it into place in the large double doors. There was a rumble, and the entire assembly, doors and Biforce alike, slid into the ground, leaving the hallway before them open.

“So… do you think the final boss is going to be as easy as the Guardians?” Spike asked.

“I hope so,” Derpy said. “It feels like we’ve been on this same mission for weeks.”

“We have been on this same mission for weeks,” Moondancer said.

Derpy scrunched up her nose. “Okay, but I’m still ready to be on a different one. So I hope the boss is easy so that we can rescue the princess and go home.”

“We don’t get to go home after this,” Bon Bon said. “This was just the quest to prove that we were heroes so that we can get the real quest.”

“We can go to her home,” Derpy said. “And it’ll have beds. With fluffy pillows.”

“And curtains that we can drape over Moondancer so that she doesn’t have the murder the entire kingdom for staring at her armor,” Spike added.

“Don’t kill the princess,” Bon Bon said. “I’m not sure what happens to us if she dies, but it’s probably not fun.”

“I won’t kill the princess,” Moondancer promised. “We can just keep her blindfolded on the way back.”

Comments

[Starlight Nova]

Will nightmares appear or at least be mentioned in this story? I'm not talking about Nightmare Moon, I'm talking about these guys.

[GriffonSpade]

I think it would be terribly ironic if it turned out that King McGuffin or the jester was actually Dark Eidous. Also, I'm sad that Derpy didn't get the Saddle. Flying, Fire-breathing Spike & Derpy tandem aerial fighter-pirate combat should've been a thing! What a cruel world! Sadly, ponies don't quite seem to grasp the whole 'saddles are for riding' bit, even if it should be right on the tip of their tongue. You're a terrible author! You should be ashamed! How could you! Fighter-pirate is too good of a pun to deny the world! And if she gets her tiny cannons...

7118033 No, the cook is always the most terrifying. Because if they're in a small adventuring party or on the front lines of an army, where do you think they get their cooking ingredients?

7118052 Without a doubt! I'm mostly just shocked that BonBon hasn't started lighting their enemies on fire somehow, too! Or maybe just hitting them with a magically heated weapon. At least Moondancer got back her fire-throwing wizard status. Must've been awful to have her main role taken by the fighter!

7223993 Nah, they'd probably all (Except Spike) look like ragdolls, though. Fancy ragdolls. They'd all have horrible cases of acanthophobia too. That's the correct name for the fear of needles, right?

[terrycloth]

7628453 Spike can't ride on Derpy -- only Alicorns have seatbelts.

And oh muffin. Now I'm imagining Rarity healing them with acupuncture and new age crystals.

7627740 Ehh, not in any major role. I might use them as a random enemy in one of the many many places where I forgot what the original game had for enemies, though.

[GriffonSpade]

7628467

And oh muffin. Now I'm imagining Rarity healing them with acupuncture and new age crystals.

Heheh, that has me in almost as many stitches as being injured while Rarity is the healer would. Thankfully, much less being mummified in silk, though. Her abilities really do seem like they'd work well for a team medic.

[RowynII]

Yay, they made it past the mini-bosses!

I'm suspicious about how easy the Guardian of Strength was, though. Ut oh.