Set in the far distant future of Equestria in the year 2097, where peace and harmony is in vein and at war, Merc Lance, A mare with cybernetic implants awakens from a long slumber in the Project Horselance hidden Facility. When waking up, she and her friend, Web Intel, learn what the project has done. To their demise, they learn what their projects true goal is
Upon escaping into the futuristic world and backstabbing the Director of their project, they learn that not only the nation they once lived in has changed, but soon learn things have changed since Horselance was created. What's worse, a whole world war is bound to happen. Equestria is in vein with the directors dictatorship goal.
Feeling guilty for joining the rouge project, Merc and Web join the fight with the resistance and aid those who have lost trust with their rulers. However, when the project soon sets them as a target for termination, and a rumor is heard that the projects director has a secret hidden, a secret that leads to what made him truly insane. Making her goal to kill the director, Merc journeys through the badlands to take any means nessasary to stop Horselance and kill the director once and for all.
Will she succeed with her mission, or will She, Web, the Mane 6, and the Desecended 6 die by the hoofs of The Director?
ok so far I like it
also its prelude not perlude
7252551 Thanks
More is to come. I'm thinking of considering this fic will be the Fallout Equestria Rival Fic depending on how well the fic is recieved. But, thanks
7252561 the grammar is going to bug me if you don't change prelude to prelude
other great job with the editing
7252592 mistake is fixed. Thanks
it should be
you can change it if you want but In my opinion it flows off the tongue better like that
7254700 Okay, thanks.
Raises his hands up, palms open.*
I come in peace. I know we've had somewhat of a history between us and I'm willing to bet you don't want to hear from me.
It's been a long day and somehow this has flashed across my screen. (I browse the site, it helps me relax). I'm not hating on this or attacking you but this needs to be said, you need to worry more about HOW you write, instead of WHAT you write.
There might be a good story in here, I'm not sure because I can't read this. The tenses are all mixed up and there's enough spelling/punctuation errors to be distracting. If you find an editor or put some serious effort into fixing those things then you can think about addressing some of the plot elements etc. (The fact that there's a file in a computer that says "Hey we're totally evil, here are our evil goals" is unintentionally hilarious. )
If people can read your story you'll find them more willing to offer advice etc and the internet will become a nicer place.
7262471 What happens in the past stays in the past, no worries man, ur forgiven. But, I don't know any good editors, and, well, where to find one. I mean, Idk who would want to help with this fic idea of mine that I'm trying to make a rival story to Fallout Equestria, due to being creative as possible,
7262655 Here
This one Another One more
There are some groups, someone in there might be willing to try and help, especially if you profess a willingness to work at it.
Bad news first. It's going to be hard, you have to want to get better and that means in the early going really pouring over details. But if you do the work it gets easier and then more people can read your stories.
7262708 I understand, thanks.