Bonus: Original Chapter Four - "Discussion"
Celestia popped back into existence, hitting the cobblestones and skidding, throwing up a trail of sparks so large it threatened to set the nearby shrubbery on fire. She turned the skid into a charging gallop, racing up the stairs to Twilight's castle and crashing through the doors.
“TWILIGHT! LUNA!” she bellowed, entering the castle's main hall at full speed. “YOU–”
She stopped in place instantly, the crystal under her feet momentarily igniting from the friction, as she realized both Princesses were right there, just starting to climb the main staircase.
“Oh.”
“Princess Celestia! You made it after all!” came Twilight's happy response. “Luna told me you couldn't be here for this visit.”
“That's because she told me she couldn't.” Luna's response was less welcoming, and Twilight pulled back as the Night Princess brushed past her to stand in front of Celestia. “In fact, she made it very clear that she had no interest whatsoever.”
Celestia's eyes narrowed. “Maybe I just needed to think about what it would mean not to be here. Maybe I needed a bit more time that just a few minutes to think it over.”
The two began circling each other warily, eyes locked together.
“You have no right, you know,” said Luna, almost casually. “To get my hopes up like that, after everything you said, and then just change your mind?”
“Um...”
“This, coming from the mare who practically insisted I do this?” Celestia moved lithely as she circled, hoofs lifting high, muscles tensed. “All of this is your doing, sister. Had you kept quiet, I wouldn't even be here.”
“UM.”
Twilight was sounding nearly frantic now. Taking a deep breath, Celestia let it out slowly, then turned to face the smaller alicorn, deliberately showing her back to her sister.
“Twilight?” she said pleasantly, “Please go let the townsfolk know that they should evacuate Ponyville at once.”
“What?!” cried Twilight, ears folding back. “Why?!”
“Because this.”
Like lightning, Celestia's back legs folded up and she bucked Luna square in the face, sending her flying through the doors to the palace.
“Oh, and you may want to leave through another exit.”
Luna burst back in through the wall next to the doors, showering the room with crystal debris. Celestia flinched back as shards pelted her face, which let Luna catch her under the jaw with her hoof. But Celestia brought her hind legs up as she somersaulted back, wrapping them around Luna's midsection, and the two Princesses went tumbling across the floor as Twilight fled.
It had been centuries since they had last fought, and Celestia had forgotten the power her sister's small frame packed. She was reminded when Luna ended up on top as they came to a rest and landed several punches that pounded her skull into the floor, cracking and then shattering the crystal.
With that power, though, came a tendency to rely on it over all else. Specifically, Luna always forgot that they had wings. Celestia reminded her by bringing her own wings up and striking Luna on the sides of the neck with their leading edges. She let out a cry and fell back, letting Celestia climb to her hooves.
She kept Luna on the defensive with a flurry of wings strikes faster than the mortal eye could follow, then suddenly raised both wings straight up. Luna moved instantly to block the attack, but Celestia simply brought the wings down as she leapt up, the force of her jump vastly amplified by the wing flap, and all that energy was transferred into the kick she delivered to the underside of Luna's chin.
Luna hit the main staircase at the halfway point, sliding the rest of the way on her back, plowing up the stairs themselves as she went. Celestia didn't give her time to recover, striking her with a flying tackle, pinning her sister's limbs with her own as they somersaulted forward through a pair of doors and into the castle library.
Celestia kept control as they tumbled, and hurled Luna towards the opposite wall as she came around. Just before striking the wall Luna jerked to a halt, held in midair by her own magic.
“Really, sister, magic?” scoffed Celestia. “I'm disappointed. I didn't know you'd lost so much confidence in–”
Celestia cut off as the pages from every book in the library suddenly burst from the shelves wrapped in blue light, surrounding her like a blizzard. Before she could react the ball of paper was ignited by Luna, with an effect not unlike a fuel-air explosion.
Calmly, Celestia strode out of the fire, shaking her head. “So disappointed. I am THE SUN. Fire could never be more to me than–”
The air suddenly burst from her lungs as Luna firmly planted a hoof in her stomach.
“No more than a distraction, yes, sister?” Luna snarled triumphantly. “Perhaps you'd like for me to spell the word as well?”
Her wings rose, in imitation of Celestia's strike from before, and magic suddenly enveloped her body as well.
Oh no was all Celestia had time to think before suddenly finding herself five floors above where she had just been standing, stumbling dazedly around what seemed to be... yes, another library. Well, it is Twilight's castle, she thought, shaking her head in an attempt to clear it as Luna leapt up through the hole in the floor Celestia's flying body had just made.
“Yield, sister–” was all Luna had time to say before Celestia spun and hit her with the full might of her magic.
It took a second for the flare of light to fade and reveal Luna was still standing there, her own magical beam holding Celestia's at bay.
“This isn't... like before!” Luna managed to force out. “I'm not a filly anymore, and my magic is as strong as yours!”
“You really think so?” Celestia redoubled her efforts, the surge of power nearly sending Luna to her knees. But she climbed back up, forcing her magic out until the point of contact between the two beams was once again in the middle.
“I'm not giving up that easy!”
“I won't let you take her from me!”
Ponyville was silent, the majority of its citizens safely removed by Twilight. Those that were left suddenly became aware of a faint sound, just on the edge of hearing.
It started out low, barely a hum. That hum grew, into a high keening that started to pulse as if it were a heart beating. Light began to pour from every window in Twilight’s castle, and the ground began to quake. Then the castle exploded in a massive fireball, pelting all of Ponyville with flaming shards of crystal.
Out of the ruins shot the Princesses of the Sun and Moon, locked together with their magic, spinning and rising higher and higher, occasionally coming together to strike at each other with vicious sparks of power.
Far above Equestria, outside the atmosphere, the two clashed once more, an unimaginable amount of power crackling off their bodies, before separating to float a safe distance apart, panting.
“I'll be honest,” said Luna, eyes narrow, “I really thought I'd finally had you after all these years. It is good to know I can at least hold my own.”
“And I will admit to being impressed,” replied Celestia, face twisted in a mocking grin. “But you should have known better than to let me lead you up here!”
Luna's eyes widened, and she dove to the side as a massive column of fire shot past.
“Don't you just love solar flares?!” cackled Celestia wildly.
“Ha! We laugh at thee!” Luna dodged and danced amidst the fire, a grin on her face. “These flares are far to slow to come near us, even if they didn't have to travel here from your sun! We have minutes in which to avoid each one!”
“Perhaps, perhaps,” agreed Celestia, nodding. “Unless, of course, I've had thousands of years of experience, and can manipulate events so that they transpire exactly according to my wishes.”
One flare, so small as to be nearly invisible, and moving much faster than the others, suddenly struck Luna. With a cry, she was blasted off to one side–directly into the path of a larger flare. She bounced between them, one always arriving just where she had been thrown in a perfectly calculated pattern, until finally they died down.
“Had enough, dear sister?” Celestia pouted sarcastically at the smoking, shaking Luna hanging in space.
“Do you really think... you're the only one who can set things up... to your advantage?” panted Luna. “Imagine what someone else could do if they're willing to take some pain to keep you off guard.”
With a jolt, Celestia realized Luna's horn had been glowing the entire time, but she just shrugged and laughed.
“Oh please. What kind of spell could you possibly–”
The moon hit her in the back.
Celestia floated, hardly conscious, knocked into orbit. Images came slowly to her mind as she circled the planet.
Her sister and Twilight, happy in each other's wings.
Watching them spend their lives together, feeling only the pain of loss in her own heart.
An eternity apart from the one she loved with all her might, and yet forced to see her with another, even if she loved that one as dearly.
Another pang struck her heart at the thought of preventing her sister from finding that love, but brutally she tore those thoughts apart. Her sister had only decided to act on her feelings after Celestia had rejected Twilight. Luna had been the one pushing Celestia to admit these feelings in the first place. What her sister had was not love; it was a simple infatuation, a whim.
But Celestia... Celestia had watched Twilight grow into the wonderful, beautiful Princess she was now. Celestia had been with her all these years, admiring her from afar, carrying that torch for her, unknowingly pining for her.
Twilight. Was. Hers.
Besides, another part of her, deep inside, snarled viciously, I deserve something in my life other than just ruling over Equestria.
Celestia opened her eyes, and the heart of the sun blazed inside them.
Luna caught sight of the trail of fire coming up over the distant horizon, and grinned widely.
“Back for more, sister?!” she cried, horn blazing with power. “Then come get thou some!”
The moon swung down, descending towards the plasma-enveloped Princess of the Sun at a terrifying rate. She didn't flinch, didn't try to dodge–just increased her own speed, a snarl on her face and one hoof stretched out before her. The gap between the Princess and the moon closed mercilessly, Celestia not altering her course one iota, and the two met.
Celestia's hoof struck the surface of the moon, and for a moment both hung in space, unmoving. The smile stayed on Luna's face right until the first crack began racing across the lunar surface. More and more followed it, snaking out from the point of impact, and then the moon broke in half.
“LUNAAAA!” screamed Celestia, careening through the shattered moon towards the gaping, stunned Princess.
Celestia didn't bother dodging the chunks of moon that spun into her path, plowing through them as though they were clouds. She spun as she flew, using that momentum to add to her power as she brought both back hoofs down on top of Luna's head.
The Princess of the now-former Moon ignited as she plummeted downwards and reentered the atmosphere, finally impacting the ground with enough force to create a crater a quarter mile wide.
For a moment the battle looked to be over. Then Luna coughed, sitting up weakly and brushing soot from her coat. She looked up, preparing to take off and continue the fight, then froze.
Celestia stood upright in the air several miles above, a ball of fire so large it seemed to rival her sister's deceased moon held in her hoofs. Even as Luna watched, more and more magic pumped out of Celestia's horn, inflating the fireball to an enormous size.
“Wait sister, I yield–” Luna tried to say desperately, raising a hoof.
“Twilight is MINE!” Celestia screamed out over her sister's protestations, and brought the ball down.
Luna let out a cry and tried to protect herself with a magical shield, but it was snuffed out like a candle. The fireball struck the Princess, driving her deep underground with its unimaginable heat before detonating and shattering her–and the world–like glass.
“Okay Spike, I'll be right up. I just need to check that the doors are locked before–oh. You two are still here.”
Twilight sighed as she took in the Princesses. She had thought they were coming over to visit her. She had been giddy at the thought of spending the night with two of her closest friends, whom she didn't see anywhere near enough of. Instead, they had spent the night in her entrance hall, eyes locked, horns connected by thin tendrils of magic.
Before she could make further comment, the threads suddenly snapped and disappeared in a shower of sparks. Luna stumbled back, shaking her head, nearly falling over. Celestia blinked a few times, then grinned triumphantly.
“Princess? What were you and Luna doing all night?” asked Twilight curiously. “I've never seen a spell like that before.”
“It's a special spell we cast sometimes,” answered Celestia. “I'll have to teach it to you. We use it to... well, think of it as a form of debate. But one more emotional than logical.”
“Oh. Um, is Luna going to be okay?”
She certainly didn't look like it, now lying on the ground, both hoofs on top of her head and her ears flat. “Oww, I've got such a headache,” she whimpered.
Suddenly, a golden glow enveloped her head and drove away the pain, and she perked up, blinking rapidly. Looking up, she saw Celestia standing over her, a smile on her face and hoof held out. Graciously, Luna let her sister help her to her hooves.
“Thank you,” said Luna, then sighed. “It seems I have once again underestimated your ferocious willpower. Congratulations, sister.”
“Thank you,” replied Celestia, leaning down for a quick nuzzle with her sister. “For forcing me to recognize my own blindness and folly, and for being so gracious in defeat.”
“Think nothing of it. While I had my interests, they were clearly no match for your passion. Although...” The look Luna turned on Twilight was so intense that the small alicorn blushed without quite knowing why. “I will admit to being a bit... disappointed.”
With a sigh, she moved towards the door. “In any case, it is late and I have much to do this night. I shall see you both some other time.”
“Goodbye, sister,” said Celestia, walking with her as she exited. “And again, thank you.”
“Just do one thing for me,” said Luna, turning to give her sister one of the dirtiest, most lustful winks Celestia had ever seen. “Give her hell.”
The Lunar Princess leapt up and into the sky, and disappeared a moment later.
“Excuse me, Princess, but what exactly is going on here?” asked a confused Twilight as Celestia walked back across the hall. “I mean, you two show up out of nowhere, then spend the whole night just staring at each other. Then once you actually start moving again, Luna leaves, just like that? What is going on here?”
Celestia had to smother a giggle at her student's reaction. She was so adorable. “I'm sorry, Twilight. This night was sort of spur-of-the-moment. But don't worry, I'll be staying. I have no plans to leave until morning.”
“Okay! It would have been nice to have Luna here too, but I always like to spend time with you.”
Celestia felt her cheeks heat up at the compliment. “Thank you, Twilight I enjoy spending time with you as well.”
They stood there, smiling at each other across the hall, until Twilight began to grow restless. “Um, Princess–”
“Oh my!” Celestia put a hoof to her mouth, and gave her head a shake, trying to clear it. “I-I'm sorry, my mind must be wandering. Do you want to, um, talk about... something?”
“Sure!”
Once again, silence reigned in the crystalline hall.
“Um–”
“Oh! I suppose I should, um, bring up something to talk about, yes? Since it was me who suggested it and all, hahaha!” Celestia's eyes began to dart around the room, searching frantically for a topic. “So you sure have a, um, nice castle here? Very... pretty.”
Like you, part of her desperately wanted to add.
“Yes, I'm really starting to appreciate it,” said Twilight, motioning for the Princess to follow her as she started up the stairs. “I still miss the library, but I'm sure I'll make some good memories here as well.”
Celestia didn't reply, her gaze fixed firmly on Twilight’s rear. It wasn't that she hadn't seen it before; it was just that she was finally able to see it fully, for the first time, with all the implications and consequences it held.
“Um, hello, Equestria to Princess Celestia?” Twilight waved a hoof down at the monarch, looking back over her shoulder. “Are you alright? You're looking a bit flushed.”
Celestia suddenly jerked back to reality, face red and feeling like it was burning hotter than her sun. “Ah! Twilight! I, uh, I just, uh... Ineedtodosomethingbye!” With a flash of light, she was gone.
Twilight stared down at the spot where her Princess had been, mouth agape. Finally, she just shook her head and started back up the stairs. “That was weird. Is it a full moon out tonight or something? Well, that would explain Luna, but not Celestia. I should check the scopes, see if they've picked up any sunspots lately...”
Celestia appeared back in her bedroom, then, with a sigh, collapsed down on her bed. “I am a coward,” she said, to no one in particular.
“And a fool, and perhaps a bit too fond of cake, and many other things,” came a voice from behind her. She jerked around, the relaxed as she realized her sister was on her room's balcony.
“Luna? What are you...?”
“I was waiting for the foolish, cowardly pony,” replied Luna, trotting into the room and alongside the bed. “I teleported right here. I figured if you didn't arrive within ten minutes or so, I'd be good to leave you.”
“I couldn't do it,” said Celestia, head flopping back down. “I just... she was right there in front of me, and all my nerve just evaporated.”
“It's okay, dear sister. It's been many centuries since you last attempted a relationship, after all. Well, aside from one with that thing I found in the bottom drawer of your dresser–”
“LUNA!”
“But have no fear! We shall give you all the assistance you require in making Twilight Sparkle your own! The letter has been sent, and on the morrow your education in the ways of romance shall begin. We will not rest until you have become a siege engine of seduction, aimed squarely at your love!”
“Luna, what do you mean by 'the letter'–wait, that wasn't the Royal We, was it? Oh Goddess, who did you call?” Celestia tried to get up, but suddenly found herself being pushed back down and maneuvered onto the pillows by her sister.
“Shh, Celestia, rest,” said Luna, horn glowing faintly. “You have had a busy day, and you will need your strength for tomorrow.”
Celestia recognized the effects of her sister's power over sleep, and for a moment tried to resist. Especially after how ominous that last sentence was. But she had had a long day, and knowing she would have nothing but peaceful dreams made her decide to give in. She watched her sister gently close the door behind herself, and drifted off to sleep.
Twilight grumbled as she descended the steps.
“Yeah, yeah, I'm coming,” she snarled as the knocking at the door boomed throughout her castle once again. “What do you–Princess Celestia?!”
“Hello, Twilight,” said the Monarch of the Sun, smiling and tilting her head slightly. “How are you doing this night?”
“Uh, fine, Princess. But what are you doing here?”
“Why, do I need a reason to visit my most faithful student?”
The mild admonishment made Twilight flush and look away. “N-no, of course not. But... you just left, and now you're back a few minutes later.”
For a moment there was a expression of utter panic on the older alicorn's face, but it disappeared quickly. “I thought I had to go but, as it turns out, I do not. I would much rather be here with you than do... whatever it was I was going to do instead.”
“Well, I'm happy to hear that, I guess. I really had been looking forward to spending more time with you.”
“And I with you.” Celestia sat back, spreading her wings and extending her forelegs. There was no need to say anything, and Twilight moved eagerly forward to hug her Princess.
“I'm really glad to see you,” she said quietly, nuzzling up against Celestia's chest as the alabaster alicorn's forelegs and wings embraced her.
“Me too, Twilight,” said Celestia, eyes flashing green for a moment as she looked down at the smaller Princess.
“Me too.”
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Codex Ex Equus · 70k words · 357 11 · 4.7k views
- RoyalBardofCanterlot · 37k words · 377 26 · 8.2k views
- Wintermist · 15k words · 898 22 · 14k views
- Cynewulf · 53k words · 918 28 · 13k views
- JKinsley · 14k words · 811 25 · 12k views
- Foals Errand · 4k words · 632 23 · 9.3k views
- Karrakaz · 1.5k words · 592 17 · 9.3k views
Stats
Page generated in 0.242 seconds
Total duration
677 users online
888,477 hits today, 1,822,946 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
The reason I don't like this is because it feels like it came straight out of nowhere and it happened off screen. I really hate that the largest plot development of this entire story HAPPENED OFF SCREEN and then the end that's it. Obviously there are other complaints that people have brought up, but it just gets me so much that I didn't even get to see the climax of the story and I'm left with this as an ending.
Oh man, all these aching butts appearing in the comments! I feel sorry for all of you, being unable to show even the slightest smidgen of patience so that we can see what happens in the sequel. Geez, guys.
Yeah, I'm out too. Threats aside... this is terrible writing; among other things, from the tags, you created some pretty specific expectations. They aren't so much subverted as betrayed, and I honestly don't care to read any more sequels because I don't trust you as an author. There's no eye-opening, no insight, it's just... pointless. You created something you tagged as romantic and comedy, and you expected that last moment to have any emotional value behind a moment of shock and brief disbelief, followed by irritation? And... you were planning on that on April 1? Okay. *shrugs* Bad waste of a decent, if somewhat common, premise.
7387121 I'm not a fan of sequels being used in this manner, I prefer same characters new story
Seriously? What in the name of Zeus's electrified testicles is wrong with you? roundstable.com/forums/images/smilies/pinkiewaugh.png
This story was actually compelling up until the last two chapters and then it just turned into a giant literary garbage chute. Is this your idea of being funny? If so, you're pissing quite a few people off with your bizarre sense of humor. Sorry, but I'm out. You had your chance to redeem yourself. I'm taking back my upvote and giving you a downvote.
I'm making my prediction now. This'll all end with
Patrick DuffyTwilight Sparkle coming out of the shower.aww... screw all the naysayers I say let the madness continue.
7387121 Because the promise of a sequel is definitely an excuse for an utterly jarring shift in tone, a complete abandonment of the captivating plot, fascinating subplots and hilarious characters, and a jarring, brutally swift end to what all and sundry believed to be a story that at the very least had a few more real chapters left to go.
Speaking as someone with a great amount of respect for your abilities as a writer, get off the high horse and shut up.
7387200
For the record the only one of those 3 tags that would've truly applied is Drama.
7385131 To address some of my irritation more directly, other than please correctly tag your stories this--
Is specifically an infuriatingly poor writing skill decision to make. I'm not in the middle of reading your other stories. I'm reading this one, now. You don't have a story ended here, you have a cheap sucker punch that only has a passing emotional impact before descending to "an irritant" and then a refusal to actually resolve your thread. It's not even a cliffhanger at this point because a cliffhanger would imply some form of element of expectation or possible story buy in. If you want to swerve genres like this, please (a) do it in tags and (b) do it in a separate story.
It's also a fairly rude one. Even if you meant "your arc," then it's still not a good choice for this individual story, especially after you've said "Oh, and I don't know if I'll finish things."
This doesn't cut it. Leaving aside the ... questionable... internet wisdom that Empire was the best movie, it was also the _second_ movie. The Rebels had just come through from a major punch, and they were taking their licks back in return. Furthermore, it was a growth and development piece. It wasn't just terror and loss. Luke lost his hand but gained a moment of balance and defiance, a willingness to take his own life rather than betray his principles (in theory-- the scene could have been handled better, but that's a different discussion). He's learned more about the Jedi way, even if truncated. Leia is graduating further; she's not just a civilian leader, she's taking charge and pushing to do independent military command and independent action. The Falcon escaped; the Empire's Sith-style overreach has now warned theoretically "stay-quiet-and-stay-out-of-it" groups that the Empire is untrustworthy and unstable.
As well, no, an epic love story doesn't need a drawn out rescue, because it doesn't need a passive partner. Love can blossom from professional respect and partnership, from competition and recognition. It can grow when your romantic leads take risks for each other in the moment, or simply find companionable and comfortable ways in which the other person flows into their head and vice versa. Where you wake up and realize-- yeah. I think about this person at least as important as I do myself, and I have real knowledge of their hopes and dreams. And that can happen alongside any background you like.
So, I put some thought into what I wanted to say here and this is what I came up with.
There's nothing inherently wrong with throwing a curveball at your audience. But you spent the whole story heading in one direction, and when you got to the, end the "ending" you went with was completely unrelated, tonally, to the story you'd been writing. And even THAT isn't such a bad thing, but the real problem is the lack of explanation. All that's happening COULD be comedic, Nightmare Moon could be a hilarious addition. Them being turned to stone and the other characters being around could all lead to some great stuff. But you saved it all for the next story.
And I think that's the biggest problem: In your desire to tell several stories, you sacrificed the ending of this story for the start of the next story. But we don't have that next story. Who knows when we will. So all we are left with is an out of no-where ending that's honestly incomplete.
You may know where the story is going to go. This cliff hanger may not seem like that big of a deal...but you can't just look at it from an author's perspective. You have to look at it from the reader's perspective. And, as a reader, this is not, currently, a good ending. Which is a shame because it was a really fun story.
So all I can recommend is: Don't do this sort of thing again. Not really. Cliff hangers are fine. Even abrupt shifts. But don't sacrifice story A (this much) to try and prep for story B. It's just unfair to everyone who likes story A.
All that said, I am curious to see what happens in the next story, I just wish I didn't have a bitter taste in my mouth from the current one.
This was when, Codex knew, he f**ked up...
~ Chapter: 13
7387312
Fair enough, it is a bit of a sharp left turn compared to the rest of the story.
I personally find the pure surreal nature of that ending to be very funny. But it may not be for everyone.
7387223
Abandonment of the plot? That sounds like a whole lot of assumption just because Celestia didn't get her final pay-off in the end. This ending is little more than a sequel hook to allow for even more hijinks. It's a shame that doesn't sit well with anyone, but I guess that's just how it is sometimes.
I don't know what tonal shift you're referring to, but I certainly didn't feel it for long. The moment Nightmare Moon showed up intending to 'help' Celestia, I knew this was still entirely on the same rails it's been on since the start. So no, I won't shut up. If the story had legitimately ended without any possible chance of Celestia being able to save anyone, and Twilight and the others were legit permanently trapped as statues with no hope of being saved, then yes, there'd be a problem.
7387348 frankly it's in appropriate to declare this story complete and then say if you want to see the rest read the sequel. Sequels are not necessary parts of a story
7387336 it's a crash into a brick wall at high speeds
7387489 you're right. As a couple of chapters in an ongoing story these are, well they're still lousy but not nearly as bad as the final chapters and set up for sequels
Eugh. This left such a bad taste in my mouth.
This makes no sense at all. This drug away from the real point of the story, and now it went back in time and suddenly Chrysalis is involved in the last chapter? Still no admittance to Celestia's love for Twilight and Celestia and Luna fought for no reason. The previous chapter had no purpose and was really cliche, unless it was the end to that random dream. Way to ruin it. Unless there is a sequel where she will finally spill it, this story is ruined. Fail.
7387709 To be fair, not that there's currently a lot of reason to be so otherwise, the bonus chapter isn't going back in time. As it says in his A/N, it's a "deleted scene"/might have been back there.
Sigh. Oh well, they can't all be gold.
7387715 in the last section, there was a scene that already happened. So it did.
7387794 this wasn't even bronze. Maybe a spec of soil.
I'm not sure why you need to make it as sequel not continuing in existing story.
wow apparently people don't like positive comments.
7387121
No, they're right. Normally I'd be the guy defending the story and author, but that's only when I see that the story and author are in the right and that everyone else is just too stupid to see it. Where here I'm in complete agreement. I'm even agreeing with 7387223 and completely support his post.
The author butchered this story just to try and lead in to another story that has almost nothing to do with this one's premise. In other words, this whole story is essentially a prologue... but is created as its own story, and is thus supposed to BE a complete story. It is not. It is, objectively, a failure. Just because you don't want that to be true doesn't change facts.
7388515
I am with you in this.
Where interaction between Twilight and Celestia?
7387238 if this is a completed story in itself all three of those tags would have applied, whatever the plans for sequels
7387836
While I am not impressed by the ending of this particular story, Codex has written some comedy gold in the past. One ending disliked is not going to change my general impression of his writing skills.
Add to that, a poor ending does not completely negate the writing preceding this ending, which was pretty damn good.
7388526 I never thought I'd live to see the day we were on the same side.
...
This feels weird.
7388815 oh, I know the story was good, but towards the end it kinda went on a downwards spiral.
7388799 couldn't have said it better myself. /)
I saw a video once. People took a good car: a Ford Focus and they did a test crash with it. They got it up to 120mph and they had it crash right into a wall. Half the car had flattened and it flipped up so it was facing do wards after the bounce back from the hit.
This story is like that. Good and fun to see till the crash at the very end.
7388815 really? For me a lousy ending completely ruins everything that same before
7388842
The kind of awkward where you have to share body heat not to freeze to death but you low-key want to slap the other person.
... But yeah, it's pretty weird. Still, we made more sense than that guy.
Well seem this story is still a little disappointing in the ending. What I am guessing is that your next story will still be a comedy but with a adventure type of feel, most likely Twilight and the rest will not be having as a serious fate as most think (not dead just temp Stoned). This still does not make up for the sudden turn even if it all turns out in the next story that this is still a comedy (with adventure instead of romance added on) since this did not give a satisfaction with this story. Would have been more forgiving if you have made this an comedy/romance/adventure and maybe sad tagged from the start and not split it up in 5 stories. But you made this a romance/comedy with heavy focus on comedy witch is your strong point in writing (from previous fan fics), so will vote on it as I read it and I am sad with how it does not seem to be what I expected it to be. Would like to keep reading your great and funny stories but not sure I trust you to not do something like this again:( But I am a depressive person and read pony fics for the "every thing will be okay at the end" so not sure if my view is correct.
7389334 That analogy is perfect for this situation and hilarious.
As an opinion directed to a lot of the people posting here: It's ok to not like what happened with the story. But the author is just a fan writing a fanfic. They're not a professional. Disagree with the choices all you want but jesus, there's no reason to be so mean. Let them know why you don't like what happened, but don't come in here just to insult the author and leave. You are doing worse with words than what you came here to complain about.
I swear, it's like most of you have never actually watched the show. Someone did something I don't agree with? Time to tear them down and belittle their existence. That'll teach them!
7388815
We're not judging Codex's writing skills. A good writer can have bad stories sometimes, and just because the writer's good, doesn't mean you should just excuse when a story is done good. Look at Tim Burton for example. He's a great writer and producer, yet that doesn't give him a pass when the Alice in Wonderland remake was bad.
No one is denying that the chapters before the ending weren't good. In fact, that's why people were so disappointed when this ending came. A story can be great, but if it's ending isn't satisfying then it brings down people's enjoyment after getting into the story. For example, if in the first Pirates of the Caribbean movie, after going through the adventure of Will trying to save Elizabeth, their feelings for each other being brought to light, and Jack Sparrow finally getting revenge on Barbossa after over a decade to get back the Pearl, it just ended with Sparrow being executed and Elizabeth marrying Norrington as per her agreement, don't you think that would drag down the movie?
7390295 this is just a fanfic, it's far from his existence
I understand that people are upset about the ending, and after some reflection I can understand that I may have pushed things a bit too far.
Due to the simple fact that I have everything planned so far out in advance, I can't change the events of the ending; it has to end like this. But what I am going to do is write a different 'canon' ending that isn't as... bleak. All the Princesses will still be stone, but Celestia will not be acting like they're dead. There will be comedy instead of Celestia weeping. I won't use the word 'weep' at all. In fact, I won't use the word 'wee' either because it's so close to 'weep', and also because this isn't quite that kind of story.
I made a blog post that goes more in depth into things, specifically what I was thinking when I came up with the ending. You can read it here.
7389820
Oh, and also, comparing this to the end of Mass Effect 3? Not cool, dude. There are limits.
At least I didn't write three identical endings where Twilight dies each time and the only difference was the color of the lighting.
(for the record, my only issue with the ending of ME3 was that each ending cutscene was FRIGGING IDENTICAL except they threw a colored filter over each one. The fact that Shepard dies wasn't a problem, and in fact felt appropriate)
7390392 I believe the comparison to Mass Effect 3 is more as regards the divisive reaction to the ending, rather than any similarities in the endings themselves.
7390377
I agree. But have you read some of the comments people are leaving?
7390469 I see maybe one attack on the character of the author, and a few hundred scathing criticisms of what a bad decision the ending was.
7390475 same here
"The Moon hit her in the back"
I think I died.
7390379 Man, seriously I hate how much hate you are getting, they're is a difference between "critism" and critism. I didn't even read the chapters and honestly im kinda bummed out that you deleted them and I'm kinda pissed they were deleted due to people bit
ing I really hope that you repost them maybe on a different story or someplace I can read what the AUTHOR wanted in HIS story not what some complaing tw@s want (hope things get better for you) although I'm just assuming the comments are actually accurate, if you somehow can't think of a mover for the story or get stuck ask a freind or the people following your story instead of kinda doing a Hasbro move. Some actual advice instead of complaining
7390379
Pulling characters out of your hat just because
and refusing to budge on editing a controversial ending.
just because you have or had all these plans in the future.
isn't a good reason.
This is Fanfiction on a Fanfiction website
those of us who read fanfiction, and comment are your editors, critics, and pre-readers.
in the real world an author who doesn't listen to their editors, critics, and pre-readers
doesn't get published, and doesn't sell books.
here online your job is to write the story that will get you the most followers
and the most upvotes. writing a bad story, or a good story with a bad ending in this case
will lose you followers, and get you downvotes.
I gave you a number of suggestions and possible ideas in my previous comment
7388799
I would suggest you take some of my suggestions, and the suggestions of other readers.
especially if you don't want to lose your readers.
A good story goes through many revisions and edits before completion and publishing.
I suggest you don't let your pride stand in the way of your reputation.
You've already lost a few followers, I suggest trying not to lose any more.