• Member Since 19th Dec, 2013
  • offline last seen Sunday

Kryssi


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Changelings. With their shapeshifting abilities, they could replace your closest friends without you suspecting a thing. With their reliance on emotions to survive, they could be leeching on your mirth at this very moment. With their queen’s fierce nature, they could pose the biggest threat to Equestria yet…

That is, if they didn’t just sleep all day.


Cover image by equestria-prevails.
And yes, the title is a tangential reference to Mendacity. I tried.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 16 )

A little awkwardly written in places, and the occasional random meta is really distracting and immersion-breaking.

Solid concept, though. A few good lines. Cheese, in every meaning of the word.

I had fun.

7188641 Thanks for the feedback.

When I re-read it, at times it does read somewhat… stiff? Breaking out of this is difficult, though I think it’s something that’ll improve with practice.

As for the cheese, it was what I was aiming for when writing the story—I’m glad it got through. :twilightblush:

Unrelated question: how long does it take for you to write a one-shot? For Torpidity, it was spread over a few weeks; never been a fast writer, despite being a touch-typist.

7189032 Depends on the subject matter, if I have anything more interesting to do, my general mood, and probably a few hundred other variables. Usually three days to a week.

7189032 I glad to see not everyone on this site subjects themselves to writing porn in order to get noticed. Well done on the story, though I may be a little bit of trouble for waking the dogs up with my laughing at Chrysalis dying due to friggin' cheese. XD Still worth it.

Also glad to see you pulled through the writing of your story instead of giving up. Good to hear. I'd write stories again on my account, but those damn clopfics just ruin my experience. They put me off writing anything here. I hope you don't let clopfics spoil your writing experience too. Keep up your work and have a Follow from me, sir or madam (bows politely)

7190475 Thanks, I’m glad you got a good chuckle from it. :yay:

I’m not aware of authors writing clop just to gain attention, but honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised. Personally, I stay away from clop in general, both in reading and writing—I like to keep my pastel horse experience non-sexual. :derpytongue2:

7196910 Well that is good to hear.

Hé, it sure is a funny idea.

I just have an issue with "Ceci est une histoire d’un changelin". This is french isn't it ?
well, I'm french and.. I do not understand this sentence. It seem like a mix of "C'est l'histoire d'un Changelin" which would main that this is a story about a changeling (a specific one) and "Ceci est une histoire de Changelin" meaning that the protagonists are changelings. Moreover no one really use "ceci est", so it would be "C'est une histoire de Changelin" and... it's still a bit awkward, just "Une histoire de changelin" would catch the attention better.

But.. I’m no writer so treat my advice carefully, but at least I’m sure when I say it do not have any sense for now.

Liked your story anyway.

7244151 Merci pour le conseil. I’m learning French in my spare time (informally), so I decided to start using it in the chapter title for fun, with this one intending to be a translation of “This is a story of a changeling”—which fits « C’est l’histoire d’un changelin » best.

Crap, I just realised that this would be ungrammatical in English as well. “This is a story about a changeling” is more what I was going for, so would « au sujet de » or « à propos de » work?

Hopefully the chapter titles will be grammatically correct in my next story. (which I’m in the process of writing right now!) :pinkiehappy:

Oh, and unrelated question: is “changelin” capitalised?

Sorry for the late answer, I was working last week and had no computer to use.

I think you are courageous to learn French on your own. Some linguistic or grammatical rules are so wicked that, in France, lots of people have issues with their own language.

"C'est une histoire au sujet d'un changelin" et "C'est une histoire à propos d'un changelin" are both correct. In this case, it mean exactly the same.
Where "C'est l'histoire d'un changelin" give the feeling of the beginning of a story (like "once upon a time"), "au sujet" et "à propos" are more 'descriptive'. You would use it to present the story to someone else.

I hope I helped you a bit, even if i'm not a grammar guru. If you have another question someday, do not hesitate to ask.

7275887

Some linguistic or grammatical rules are so wicked that, in France, lots of people have issues with their own language.

I can imagine: conjugaison, grammatical gender, the plethora of homophones… I swear I’ve forgotten something there.

As for the chapter title, descriptive is what I’m going for, so I’ll use “au sujet”. Merci encore.

Aww. I though the chesse will make Chryssy fall into a come, 'cuz outright dead in a comedy setting? Eh!

7283513 Nah, not as much shock value. :derpytongue2:

7460975 Thanks, Dwr! :raritystarry:

Cute profile pic and interesting story!

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