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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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~Sneak sneak sneak
Update
~Sneak sneak sneak
8352629
Nice, cant wait to read it.
- You don't say.
8352629
So much for sleeping!
NIce chap^^ I really loved "Mantra" Celestia^^ I do kinda hope Twilight uses the charm sometimes soon though^^ "Mind Control" isin the title after all^^ Then again, there already is a bunch of mind controlled ponies going on.... Heh, we'll see^^ I doubt they'll happen, but I'll hold on to the hope that some of the things I wish to see will happen at some point in this fic^^
Good! Honestly, no such thing as too long when it’s good and flows well, which this does.
Absurdly hot, too. No such thing as too much Celestia degradation, either.
17,481 words *scoffs* "No one is gonna hear me complain."
chapter length does not bother me just keep up the amazing work.
Do you write books i would like to buy them...
Teleport.
Oh dear.
Well now, this is going to be a moment seared into her brain forever.
Please!
Which I can understand.
Use your words.
Good. I like this. Just little bits of world building.
I can believe that much.
I'll give you this, you certainly know what to say.
You sure your cutie mark isn't actually a silver tongue?
Indeed.
I love how this is almost a parody of the Friendship Reports she used to send.
I can practically HEAR the vaguely sinister joy in her voice.
I can only imagine how little fun this must be for her.
I frickin' love Pinkie Pie.
Strictly speaking, it's not INcorrect.
A very tempting off, I'm sure.
Clever.
Oh wow, oh, holy shit. Oh goodness. I, I MISSED this.
You are EVIL!
Holy fucking shit. I actually can't think of anything clever to say.
Yeah, yeah.
*burst into laughter* Oh this fic is a fucking blast!
I disagree.
Careful now.
...
Oh this is going to end poorly.
Thank you, Pinkie Pie.
*sigh*
Wehey!
Twilight, how the hell do you manage to be amusing, hilarious and terrifying at the same time?
That's not quite how it works.
More like unable to defy the laws of physics at will.
Naturally.
She IS an alicorn and about, what, your height and a half?
You think her butt is fluffy?
Which is why fucking her senseless is fucking hot.
Ah, but you DID!
Eh, they're closer to magenta.
I love how her reaction to this is to just join the fun.
Not quite. No charm at all. Just words and actions, convinced her.
Oh so very lucky.
Clever girl.
Kinda.
It just hit her how much power she has.
HAH!
Must be a hell of a sight.
Maybe it's because I'm a Transformers nut, but whenever I hear Seeker, I always think of Starscream and the other jets.
Hey, I'm not complaining. 17K plus quality horsewords is 17K plus quality horsewords. And seeing Celestia degraded like that is incredibly hot.
That was—strangely anticlimactic. Ironic, considering all the orgasms going on.
Or maybe Diorite spill what's going on? Or the maid? You know, something that doesn't immediately go in Twilight's favour and wins her more lesbian harem slaves? It feels like things are pattering along without a serious conflict at this point.
In truth, I'm one who prefers long chapters, if they are of good quality. Yours are. That's one particular project I'd like to continue to see go "poorly".
Alas another good chapter but I feel twilight is becoming a bit lenient on the whole thing and besides while I know that Lust and debauchery can derail a train of thought I feel they should still confront (they being twlights main herd so to say) twilight about the whole Focus Charm thing involving others, I mean the original reason for them to go to canterlot was to discus with twilight the whole situation about Lightning Dust (I think that was her name) not getting focused aside from the whole "I'm afraid a overcharged focus spell might make her head literally implode" since that hasn't been addressed to them as well also the way I read the last part was sounding that she resolved said situation when in reality all she is doing is altering the spell to expend as much energy as during the spell casting which is not a good way to go about things.
Apples!
I'm surprised Twilight had no panic about one of her friends blurting out the existence of the charm in front of Ember, especially since they would assume Ember had been charmed. I guess she feels it wouldn't be too hard to talk herself out of the situation?
I'm liking Ember's position in the story a lot. She's this outsider character with a unique perspective yet also dominated by Twilight in a way different than everyone else.
8352846
Has anyone ever actually asked you for this obnoxious play-by-play?
Really happy to see Applejack and Co. again! All those different voices are always fun to read.
I'm certainly in the camp that prefers the longer chapters, the pacing certainly doesn't suffer.
The amount of characters stumbling upon Twilight Time and becoming unable to resist playing with themselves appears to be on the rise. This is a good thing I think, and it pleases me.
Project 'make chapters shorter' is clearly in need of expert advice. Since that's not available, I will have to do.
You know those fancy subchapter splits? Called horizontal rules? Try actually making chapter splits at a few of those. Try grouping the parts as determinated by the splits and seeing which parts need to be in the same chapter. For example, in this chapter a good splitting point would be before the element bearers show up. There is already a minor timeskip implied there.
8353198 8353396 Well, it's been very reassuring to see many people speaking up about the current chapter format as being good! There's a couple of reasons for me thinking about shrinking chapters. One of them is simply so the updates become more frequent again; if they're half as long, they come twice as often, and a regular update schedule does help to hold the interest of readers. The other is that, as I've developed my embellishments on the setting, my chapter length in general has gotten steadily longer, and maybe pushing myself to make things shorter will help tighten up the writing when there are things that can be cut.
On the other hand, some chapters do need to be longer just so they can contain everything they cover; Punishing a Princess needed to be big, because it was one continuous experience. Other chapters need more room so that I can balance emotional changes against sex against plot progression, ensuring they're not just one note. So it's a tension. Still, that's something I'm choosing to focus on at the moment, so we'll see how the next couple go.
I rally hope she finds out that the captain knows what is going on and explains things to the poor feller. I kinda feel sorry for Captain Diorite, I hope she remains calm and comes to Twilight with her worries, instead of letting them fester out of control.
Twilight is sending the noobs out on Operation Upkeep.
What is she going to feel like when three of the groups dont even get to report back, and the injuries to another three are permanent.
Will Ember have to take spike out to Zecoras to show him how to be a dragon? Or will it be in Twilights Vault, or the Apple Barn?
8353311
If you have Adblock Plus or uBlock Origin, just add the following line as your own filter.
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I always thought it odd the site lacked an ignore feature. This will block his comments completely.
I have, what I believe is a very rare critique; The transition from reading the letter to bedroom scene was incredibly jarring. Like, just bam, there we are. I know you're mindful of your word count, but I think even a brief time-lapse to set the scene would have been good.
As for length and update frequency; I have only occasionally skimmed parts of a couple chapters. You have a nigh-unbelievable amount of story arcs intertwining, and your writing does not feel forced or repetitive. So tell the story, and pay less attention to the word count.
Time to commence alternate project: Make Chapters Longer!
Perfectly sized chapters are perfect. No changes needed.
Also, O.P. Twilight is best Twilight.
Finally, you can't neglect your friends like that, Twi!
*recalls all the times Twilight has mistreated him in the show* She certainly has.
8353971
Tbh I completely agree with the transition part. The only way to currently make that less uncomfortable is to pause after the letter and let it all sink in and then keep reading, but I doubt that's something most of the readers did afterwards.
8353967 Yea, I end up doing that to pretty much anyone who does those little by-plays, even on my own stuff. Yet another reason to simply adore Adblock Plus.
uh oh, Diorite is in the know and Twi don't know unlike with the maid. Hope Diorite don't do something stupid. I think she just needs to get laid with Twilight.
Incredible.
I do wonder how Luna 'really' feels about the burden Twilight has placed on her. Not only is her job going to get quite a bit harder with Celestia gone, but Twilight has pretty much left her in Canterlot alone while everyone else in Twilight's harem will be in Ponyville. I would've liked it if Twilight left a pony there. Someone to keep Luna company at least 'some' of the time since Twilight pretty much took the person she knew best away.
I'd actually want to leave Trixie in Canterlot, both so she can 'learn' how to handle being apart from Twilight, and to make sure that Twilight's neglected harem members get a nice relaxing 'Twilight Time' without Trixie egging them on. I'd assume that there's still stuff in Canterlot that needed Twilight's attention, before she got not-so-forcefully dragged to Ponyville, so maybe Trixie can handle those, as she's spent every waking moment by Twilight's side, and then come to Ponyville after? Luna gets someone to talk to that she at least 'knows' somewhat, and Trixie will probably learn something from the experience. I know of a certain scene you're planning that also would fit really well.
Does Luna intend on visiting Twilight's dreams? Maybe have Twilight fuck her brains out there, instead of in the real world and find companionship there. The charm has been shown to affect in the dreamscape, so Twilight can play with Luna as much as she wants.
The important question is though, how delightfully wicked is Twilight going to be to Celestia in Ponyville? Directly using the charm, with both Ember and her guards nearby can be a bit dangerous, and the ponies of Ponyville are probably gonna go nuts over two princess visiting them. I'm sure you'll surprise us with a very hot scene. I love a slightly 'sadistic' Twilight and Celestia does still need to be punished.
8353967
Well, this is as welcomed as a new chapter update.
I just reread, and only noticed on the second pass that Celestia got some booty action. Like, it didn't even register the first time because it was so casually glossed over. Although some things are best left to the reader's imagination, I really feel like the time between reading the letter and friends bursting in warrants at least a little detail. Oh well, maybe next time. The only ones I can't see enjoying varying degrees of similar treatment are Fluttershy and Zecora.
God, this is just so good. This series is honestly one of my favorite pieces of fiction that I've ever read.
I really hope there's real trouble coming up. FiMC grew a beard when Twilight decided she was going to fight Celestia, and another beard when she lost.
My prediction is Cadance disguised herself as Twilight, stole Twilight's research, and will wind up confronting her right as Twilight decided to charm her. Maybe. I hope.
i'm sure after she hit cadence with the spell she will do the same with her brother and have the incest as she uses him as a seat cushion impaled on his dick while the others sit around her just a thought
8382007
Unless I'm remembering wrong this is prior to the Canterlot Wedding. That may not be Cadance at all...
8391695
FiMC diverged from canon early in season 3. It's after the Canterlot Wedding.
8391746
Whoops. I guess Chrysalis could still be lurking about either way, though.
That means Discord isn't reformed? I wonder if that will happen differently or at all...
Ok last one, promise. @Wintermist Just wanted you to know that your development of Trixie has not gone unnoticed. She is a character I love to dislike; selfish, insecure, braggart, but also crazy smart & talented. I think readers may have glossed over the fact that in Part 1, she worked herself to the point of collapse, and was arguably the main reason Twilight even stood a chance at winning.
At this point, I think having her become reformed in any way would be a cop out. The only path I can see for her now is the Tragic Hero, and I can't help but feel that her departure can't come soon enough. I don't know how much depth or subtext you actually intended with writing her, but it is there none the less.
More Ember!
8417793
On past history, anytime in the next month or so, assuming no real-world events are intervening...
Oh. Well, this went much better than I anticipated. I kind of feel bad for doubting you. Hope we see more soon
Hey Wintermist, just wondering when the next update will be?
8431570
Every time somebody asks, Wintermist punches a kitty. Please, think of the kitties 😟
8432180
Every time somebody asks, "When is the next chapter update Wintermist?" The next update will be delayed by 10 minutes.
8431570 I'm actually not sure. I wrote a big wedge of text, then decided it simply wasn't exciting enough - not bad, just not riveting - and cut it, starting over with a different focus. The replacement scene is going a lot better, but the shape of the chapter is kind of mutable right now, depending on whether I redo the first tranche, toss it completely and leave the chapter as is, or toss it and write something more to give the chapter heft in the story. So... sometime is the best I can do!
Instead of ten, count the ponies you have already charmed — and I don't just mean your personal sex-slaves, but everypony with a lifelong, unbreakable magic link to you, whom you can focus with a word or phrase. By the time you reach the end, you'll have forgotten why you started counting in the first place, and as time goes on and the list grows longer, this will only get more effective, until your desire to enslave everypony you meet and your ability to keep track of your slaves reach perfect equilibrium.
8568529 Pffft. I love the self-correcting nature of this. "Okay, I have to refer to my notes now. This may have gotten out of hand."
"I'm onto volume 2 of my notes. I definitely have gotten out of hand."