• Published 10th Apr 2016
  • 3,142 Views, 29 Comments

School Tour - JumpingShinyFrogs



I was really excited for the school tour! Then we drove into a tunnel, and didn't come out the other end.

  • ...
5
 29
 3,142

Epilogue

Wow, this battered old copybook takes me back. Let's do this again, with better hoof writing this time, shall we? My name is Bright End, also known as Clara. I'm twenty-nine years old, and I live in Lacknatyne, County Kerry, not too far away from the hive my dear schoolteacher Scarlet, once known to me as Miss Buckley, built. Living with me are those schoolfriends who survived our awful rebirth in a dark, damp, cold tunnel, sealed at both ends by the passage of time. I am a thestral, yet I hate caves and dark places. Imagine that. A thestral who's scared of caves and the dark, the two things thestrals are supposed to love most?

It's probably easy to see why I hate those two things. A collapsed tunnel is simply a formation process away from being a cave, after all. I sincerely hope that no one ever has to go through such a harrowing experience as I and my friends did, all those years ago. Trapped in the dark with no hope for survival. It's frankly a miracle that we survived at all. Had Rian walked by just a few minutes earlier, I would never have heard him and we never would have escaped. At the time, most of Irish civilisation was in Kerry and Cork, not Dublin. It still kind of is, even now, twenty years later.

Some of the friends who were in the bus with me have moved on to greener pastures in Cork City. Some of them are working with the tribal deer that live in Lacknatyne. A few are working with other Returned, teaching them how to use their new bodies in the rehab clinic. Some have taken to wandering around Ireland, travelling between the various tiny settlements that exist.

As for me? Well, I have a very important job.

I work with Silver Searcher's rescue team to help people who arrived in compromising situations like I did escape. After that, Bridget, now going by the name Open Ear, helps them talk through their traumas and adapt to their new life. I, being a thestral, able to see in the dark and use basic echolocation and dreamwalking, am a very useful member of the team for locating people trapped in collapsed buildings and such.

That includes caves. Oh yes, I hate caves. But like I said above, I never want anyone to have to suffer what I did ever again. And that's why I put myself under so much stress to carry out rescues. Because there needs to be a light at the end of the tunnel. If there isn't one, I'll make one. It's my cutie mark after all. A tunnel with a shining exit. That's also why I chose my name—Bright End.

Until there are no more lightless tunnels, I won't stop doing my part to help those ponies. I won't be the first, and I won't be the last to do this task, but if I can make a difference, well, what more could I ask for? Other than a day at the beach with my family, of course.

Author's Note:

Here's a little bit of background info for this fic. I became really fascinated with the idea of someone reappearing in a less than optimal location after the Event, as Starscribe has said can happen, and after reading Goldfur's Safe Landings, I thought a bus, with a lot of people on it, might work. To make things more interesting, and also see if I could write from the perspective of a child, I turned that bus into a school bus, and then this happened. And that's how we wound up with several dead children, for which I sincerely apologise.

Anyone who follows my other Ponies After People story, The Celtic Dragon, might recognise some of the characters who appear at the end of this story. Obviously this takes place in the future from that story, so there are extra characters that haven't appeared yet. I guess in that respect this contains slight spoilers for that story, but really, aside from a few name-drops and the implication that they're all alive in the future it's nothing too major.

Anyway, enough rambling. Thank you for reading!

Comments ( 22 )

The ending is a nice touch. I'm not surprised Clara/Bright End turned to rescue ops. I see they got into using pony names though.

I don't usually expect too much when randomly clicking on a story, but I found this to be quite touching.

The Celtic Dragon

I knew I recognised the name JumpingShinyFrogs from somewhere...

Anyway, faved and upvoted, for what it's worth.

In fact, have a Double Favourite.

I thought a bus, with a lot of people on it, might work.

Except it would take a huuuuuge coincidence to have them all get back at the same time :raritywink:

Ayway, kinda good story, there was something with the narrative and pace that irritated me a bit, but for a "fun" (depressing fic like this hardly count as fun, do they?) litle one shot it was very bearable.

7114871 No, actually, because that's how Starscribe has said vehicles work. They don't come back until everyone on it is ready to come back.

8. Vehicles. Moving vehicles with human occupants all disappeared the moment the Event took place, vanishing in that instant that took the rest of humanity. They left without a trace, though there is one exception. Should every passenger of the vehicle be one of the few that stay behind, the vehicle will remain at its previous course and speed, leaving a stunned pilot/driver to recover from a total bodily transformation without crashing and killing everyone aboard. Otherwise, the plane/bus/car will vanish, and none of its passengers will stay behind. This process isn't entirely perfect, and irregularities are more likely the further from earth's surface you were.

Also, which part of the narrative/pace bothered you? I'd like to know so that I can improve in the future.

7115322 My bad then, I didn't remember that particular clause.

The narrative in general wasn't easy to read. The young girl's perspective was somewhere beetween an annoyingly naïve inner dialogue and something she wrote in a journal. I couldn't really adhere to that tone.

The pacing, well, all the time spent on game and so few on the issue at hand? It wasn't bad per se, but I think we had too much information on point that didn't really matter and to few on those that did. Heck, with her claustrophobia, your main character should've been far more othered by the situation, even with her classmates to distract her.

7116187 Ah. I think I see what you mean. Well, like I said, this is my first time writing from the perspective of a child, so your criticisms are very much appreciated.

I liked it. It's nice to hear how ponies get along in another country after the Event. Kudos to you.

This was a great read. You pulled off the child's perspective very well, and the story was excellent overall.

So dark. Almost depressing. Yet, I loved it.

I was a bit worried this was going to go all 'Thud' - or the oil-rig one. Enjoyed it.

Somehow this story slipped by my radar and I didn't notice it when it got published.

Finally sat down to read it now, at 4:20 right before bed. I thought I'd maybe get a few paragraphs, but didn't expect anything else really.

Holy crap was I wrong. I loved the whole thing, couldn't put it down. Absolutely masterful work: the writing was excellent, the characterization for children and the adults around them was perfect. The tension was real, the pacing was good, and the situation was believable. I'm positively thrilled you decided to write about a situation like this, since disastrous return locations are absolutely possible and the consequences are downright horrifying.

This is everything I could ever ask for from a PaP story. You captured the world perfectly, contributed the culture of somewhere besides the US (which I live in and like but dang is it a breath of fresh air to be somewhere else), and did some worldbuilding for what the future world might be like.

Keep up the good work, and have a well-deserved favorite.

7203311 Thank you very much for your kind words. I'm glad you enjoyed it!

Senpai noticed me, yay!

Fantastic story. Just out of curiosity, what caused the ones who didn't make it to die? CO poisoning? Hunger?

7362499 A combination of the cold, damp, hunger, and low air supply. Aside from the hole, there wasn't any real air circulation or ventilation.

Good sir(or ma'am), this story has amazed me. I tugged at my heartstrings in part, you demonstrated their reactions beautifully, without making them seem overdone, and just, just...beautiful. You have earned yourself another like and another fav:heart:

Before I read it, what is the Dark tag for?
And how bad does it get ?

7930621 It is tagged dark because it has dark themes throughout. And I will put a spoiler, which I recommend not looking under, characters die. There is no gore, however.

One question that I’d ask Bright End and all the bus crash survivors:  “Just before the event, did you see any other vehicles in the tunnel?

I somewhat regret reading this.
Not because it is bad; it is actually very good.
Instead the problem is that I read it about two hours before going to bed and now I can't sleep because I'm thinking about this. There are not many fanfics that I've found as powerful as this one is to me.

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

A bright end indeed. This was really excellent. :)

thestral

Well, except for this typo. :V

The two questions on my mind are, how did a whole bus of people survive together, and what took Mr. O'Connor? You did a good job with the limited narrator, but that also means there's a lot of details we're never privy to...

Brilliant work. You make the narrative voice work fantastically, letting the dread build up long before Clara was aware of it. The way the cute antics give way to the chilling reality was very well executed and paced. Glad I finally read this. Thank you for it.

9703687

The bus reappeared far in the future, after the tunnel they were in had mostly collapsed, and it reappeared the same place it disappeared: in the tunnel.

Login or register to comment