- Member Since 31st Mar, 2016
- offline last seen Nov 19th, 2023
Troublesome Beast
I don't know, man. Those weasels were on fire when I got here.
Troublesome Beast
Joined 31st Mar, 2016 ·
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Sequels3
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Troublesome Beast · 11k words · 18 15 · 1.1k views
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It was all neat till the introduction of Hopper.
Well, I have really bad feelings about him. He does sound like a Mary Sue.
Thank you for my first comment! I appreciate the honesty there. Hopper's purpose is to take on a role that I couldn't really see any of the existent males in terms of both personality and role. Mac came closest, but despite the princest that will be happening later, I couldn't quite make MacJack work romantically. I took a pair of characters from one of my stock "wish I could write" notes, one of them created by my SO, the other mine, and shaved off some serial numbers, added some worldbuilding graffiti, and gave them a family, which is where Hopper came from.
So I'm left with a character that the Mane 6/Princesses have fallen in love with, because I don't want the sex without the love for the good guys (and the bad guys don't show up until chapter 17, plus I'm having a hard time writing the exploitative sex between them), who is heir to strange powers, and is an alicorn. That was one of my largest problems with publishing, but I wanted to expand the critique field.
What I've tried to do to ameliorate it will be hopefully apparent, in that Hopper's life, while fitting in with what he wants, will in many ways be determined by the desires and actions of others. Luna will be teaching him; the plan is of Celestia's design and Twilight's implementations. After the marriage, he will have no throne; his title will be Co-Consort and Champion, a support for the others and under their command in the field (strict bedroom-outside separation). He'll be Rarity's shield, Dash's anvil, Celestia's sidekick, etc. - filling the roles they need. He's been specifically raised by both his parents and the princesses to fit that way; neither of his parents would have agreed to the deal if it weren't his natural inclination.
I hope to leave him learning to become a good dom but also to be someone who is never left completely on balance. Even when he completes Doctors Sparkle, Celestia, and Luna's advanced course in Dominomics, he'll be teased relentlessly by all of them, dragged along through their interests, be the stay at home dad for the most part, and he'll be happy that way. He'll make mistakes -- he's already made one in one of the chapters undergoing editting -- and while he'll have help getting out, he won't be permitted either to wallow or to avoid responsibility for his own growth.
Mm. I suppose another way to put it is this -- Hopper is why I can write the story, but he's also my major obstacle to overcome, and I hope as more of the chapters pass through editorial gates, I'll demonstrate that there's some value to that.
Thats one hell of a fuckin description son.
7099147 Woot, thanks! Which one, may I ask?
7146472 I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter! We'll be back to clop next chapter, and I intend to keep my old schedule, so it should be up tomorrow once I do the last editing pass. As for the cover art, well, c'mon. She's so adorable! I'll admit my version has significantly more chest and rump, but it was suggested in a thread, and I hadn't really been able to find something that really showed the Mane Six as buffed out properly and could crop right/wasn't too NSFW. One of these days I'll probably commission something, but for now, no spare cash.
7147489 *chuckles* Don't worry about it. In this 'verse, Mac is quite a bit bigger than that, even if, as an Alicorn, my version of Shy is naturally stronger (Shy is 7'; Mac is 9')
7196049 *shrugs* There's no one to replace him with, though. Bulk has completely the wrong personality, Macjack doesn't work for me, even though I can come up with some ways around the incest angle, and I want Shining and Cadence's relationship for something else. Mac's relationship with someone else, too, for that matter, but I'm less attached to that. I've been introduced to good Blueblood now, but the inspiration for the story came from a non-good Blueblood story and it's tied in a bit tight into various background moments.
That being said, I suspect diving into Hopper's backstory first thing isn't helping, so I'm working on a 95% pure clop Bulk/Flutters prologue to put up in the beginning. I don't know if you have any intentions of looking at more than Chapter 1, but I hope that the sex in the clop chapters and the worldbuilding otherwise will be enjoyable if you do. If not, I hope you'll enjoy Twilight's Thrones; same universe, but just the Mane Six. I'm a bit writer's blocked at the moment, but I'm hoping to start picking up with Pinkie's chapter sometime this upcoming week.
YEAAH! METALLICA IS PERFECT ENTRANCE MUSIC!
7215863 That's what the king thinks! His kid just has no taste. *nods* ^_^
Wow. This is just the first chapter and I got fantastic doses of hyper sex, muscle sex and vaginal sex, which is unusually rare. Fantastic.
7242528 Thank you very much! I'm really proud of the way the prologue came out-- I added it during my period of wrangling over what to do about Chapter 1, which is unfortunately very info-dump/expository at the moment. I hope the transition won't be too jarring; Chapter 2 is muscleworship and loving domination so I can at least promise the slog is worth it. ^^;;
I'm currently in the process of rewriting Chapter 1 to be from Twilight's point of view and remove the exposition, most of which I'll be trying to just seed at more natural points or put in a blog post. ^^;; The new version of that chapter should be up by this weekend if you'd prefer to wait for it to show up, but the plot basics won't be changing.
I think the chapter is listed out of order. Hope it's resolved soon, but I'm unsure how to do that.
7253106 Gah! Fixed. Thank you so much.
7253129
Excellent! Beginning read now.
...Wow! Super hot, so far. Stopping for now, I'll continue when the next chapter is uploaded.
7253721 Thank you very much! It's with the editors, so it should be ready shortly.
7253725
Are the old chapters going to be deprecated, or is there literary merit to going through them?
7256672 There's going to be some slight tweaks for readability to the others, but they will primarily remain the same. :)
7257360
I meant the original 'learning the grounds,' but I'm just waiting for the go-ahead to blaze through the rest.
7258821 Oh, that. Some of the worldbuilding will be taken out, it's not really necessary to the story and I may put it up as a blogpost later, and chapter 1 part 2 is currently being re-written to be exclusively from Twilight's POV, but she can read him pretty easily.
7258855
Then after that, it's a straight shot through to where you've paused so far?
7258964 Yes. I will be cleaning some things up but the events won't be changing.
...I have moved this to the bookshelf entitled 'trickle down fiction' now. One may read the description to know what this entails. Believe me when I write, that this story has thus far 'inspired a trickle' in the same way Hurricane Katrina made New Orleans 'a mite damp'!
I wish, so fervently, for this 'hunt' to continue, that I am left, well and truly, shivering with antici...
7277155 SAY IT!
Cough. One does not get a degree from UC Santa Cruz without being Rockyed.
Oh, this will be continued. My buffer doc goes from the prologue to chapter 37 so far, and I'm continuing to write. Thank you very much for your kind words and patience with the time it took to rewrite.
7277566
No prob, TB! And don't ruin the joke. You will get your punchline when I've read the next chapter.
...pation!
Unf!
7285439
I take it you liked, then. ^.^ I'm afraid the next chapter will have that terrible scourge: advancing the plot, but we will be back to curvy plots with the one after that.
7285468
The plot, as well as plot, are both welcome! Heck, you could write the next chapter about the apportionment of land* Applejack's got, just outside Friendship Castle, and I'd still be interested.
*Y'know, a plot of land? Get it? I'm terrible...
7285569 Believe me, you don't have to estate what you're assaying when it comes to an essayed pun; I won't punt it, nor hectare you when you miss the extent of a few of the sod of joke I prefer.
7285628
...Glad to see the humor is keeping you...grounded!
Wow, the order of magnitude of these jokes; it's so like you to...cubit!
7285655 I have an earthy sense of humor to the math, though I'd like to add I used to teach it. :)
7285708
So glad to hear that we're square on that point, now to angle this discussion back to the original vector!
7285739 It's my story. I can be as obtuse as I wanna be.
7285759
Well, then! Give me a minute, and I'm sure my radians will shine through, to a degree you cannot factor for!
And now to bed for me, got to take the youngling to school.
7285775 Hah! Flee into night's embrace, you lunatic! (And you should see what I'm writing for Luna and a small bookstore owner... >.> )
I used to teach younglings, actually. High school math, primarily. Fibro is not kind to classroom management.
7295671 These are the bad guys, basically. Or rather, my excuses to have the herd show off being buff and muscley and then fucking each other after triumphing over their enemies. :)
7295999 Incubation is the one Zecora was worried about. We'll see a few more of his servants later. He's feeling a bit desperate. Two alicorns was manageable. Nine has sucked. Ten, plus the breeding of more? Fuck no.
He may not get as much to say about it as he thinks, though.
Everybody loves Papa Nurgle! Though, personally, I'm rooting for Chrysalis to be let off easiest at the end of this.
7296763 I almost regret that I didn't make a fourth, honestly, though none of them fit Khorne. And I must admit, Incubation is the most likely to go JUST AS PLANNED!
As for Chryssi... Let's just say she refuses to be caught up in those two and their blithering nonsense ever again.
7296780
You're forgetting Tirek, I believe. Also, Khorne would be the one to jump the gun on things like this!
7296789 He might, but since I'm not treating magic and soul separately, in my verse, he was just one of Maze's slaves who broke free when Maze was mutilated long ago. I suspect that if I were to write a 40k fusionover he'd be a khornate anti-sorcerer, though!
7296809
On another note, are we going to get a story about the Mane Six's apotheosis? I'd like to read about how such a thing went down in Hyper-questria.
7296840 I _did_ hit 50 followers... Hmm.
7297581
Had to go back halfway through, eh? I would have bet a third of the way, and doubling up, would have been more true-to-life! Homina homina hey-o, and wowzers!
7326675 Cough. Let's just say it's a good thing he was raised to be polite and clean up after his own messes.
7327241
Necessary, when one is a hyper, right?
7327275 In general, yes. Hopper's kinda overproductive, too.
7327301
Well, crud! Now I've got to clean up again. I mean, I will, soon...aheh!
...An afterglow, ruined by what I suspected was really afoot. By the gods, TB, is it even possible for a changeling to go rogue? Not that these two cum-stains are, in fact, really changelings. But if there is truth to that claim, I may retain a small bit of hope for the future of one of my more favorite species on Epona/Tellus/Mundus/Equis/what-have-you.