Logic Impaired

A magical land called Equestria has many amazing destinations
such as Canterlot...the home of god
and Ponyville...the capital of all disasters in Equestria
Don't go there
that's where we put the lower class ponies
--

And that's where Twilight 'Edwardjacob' Sparkle has been sent to keep an eye on them all,
But her visit took an unexpected turn as she found out that her new friends aren't that weird at all...kinda

Hope You enjoy :)

Chapters (4)

Would You Like A Sandwich? · 2nd Apr 2016 · 338 words
338
Download .txt
Download .html
The Mare In The Moon (part 1) · 5th Apr 2016 · 1,106 words
1,106
Download .txt
Download .html
Short: Zebras Are Scary · 8th Apr 2016 · 362 words
362
Download .txt
Download .html
The Mare In The Moon (part 2) · 9th Apr 2016 · 1,628 words
1,628
Download .txt
Download .html

Comments ( 13 )

Viewing 1 - 50 of 13
- Newest First
- Oldest First

Fabian Corcair

Fabian Corcair #1 · Apr 8th, 2016 · · · Would You Like A Sandwich? ·

Worthy of WTF title indeed

Fabian Corcair

Fabian Corcair #2 · Apr 8th, 2016 · · · The Mare In The Moon (part 1) ·

So far, out of 5 Derpies, I'll give you 2.5 though it's kind of a rush and not thought out. Seems very abridged actually.

Jokes are funny but very rushed indeed. Sometimes I can't visualized the scene, however this fic goes straight to the point

CakeGrenade

CakeGrenade #3 · Apr 8th, 2016 · · · Short: Zebras Are Scary ·

7107447 ill try to slow down my writing a bit
Thanks for the comment :)

Comment posted by CakeGrenade deleted Apr 8th, 2016

CakeGrenade

CakeGrenade #5 · Apr 8th, 2016 · · · Would You Like A Sandwich? ·

7107413 what do you mean by: wtf title?

Fabian Corcair

Fabian Corcair #6 · Apr 8th, 2016 · · · Short: Zebras Are Scary ·

7107672 I meant it as a WTF story, as if it was a story that makes the reader say What The Funk.

Fabian Corcair

Fabian Corcair #7 · Apr 8th, 2016 · · · Short: Zebras Are Scary ·

Click on this link here if you want to see many stories that are WTF

CakeGrenade

CakeGrenade #8 · Apr 9th, 2016 · · · Short: Zebras Are Scary ·

7107840 oh

That was the plan

Fabian Corcair

Fabian Corcair #9 · Apr 10th, 2016 · · · The Mare In The Moon (part 2) ·

You need to work on pace;Show Vs Tell. Also, some self editing would be good, and some of the humor I don't get.

CakeGrenade

CakeGrenade #10 · Apr 10th, 2016 · · · The Mare In The Moon (part 2) ·

7111380 which bits of the humour didnt you get?

I need to know so i can improve

Fabian Corcair

Fabian Corcair #11 · Apr 13th, 2016 · · · The Mare In The Moon (part 2) ·

I think i'm in love" Spike said
"You are a dragon...you cannot love" Twilight told him "Now...who's next?"
"An earth pony named Pinkie" Spike replied
"Oh no...not ANOTHER Mudpony" Twilight groaned

Twilight and Spike walked towards a bakery called 'Sugar-Cube Corner'
"HI THERE!" Pinkie Pie bounced out of nowhere...scaring the Unicorn and the Dragon
"AAARGH!" said Spike...having a nervous breakdown
"You must be Pinkie Pie" Twilight said "Please tell me your purpose so I can go home"
"Well" Pinkie said "I make sweets with Mr and Mrs Cake"
"Fair enough" Twilight said..."Lets go home"

"There's supposed to be a Pegasus named Rainbow Dash clearing the skies" Spike said
"She's on my list...where is she?" Twilight replied
ZOOM!
"Oh hey i didn't see you there..." Rainbow Dash said, staring at Twilight Sparkle as she got out of a muddy puddle
"Hi...my names Twilight" Twilight said
"Hiya Twilight, my names Rainbow Dash" Rainbow dash put her hand out to help Twilight
"Don't touch me you commoner" Twilight said with disgust
"Alright then..." Rainbow Dash said "I'm going to go find a cloud to sleep on...PEACE!"
"She was nice" Spike said
"Spike...I hate you" Twilight said
"aww...anyway, the next pony on the list is Fluttershy" Spike said...trying to change the subject

"Hey there" An evil version of what looked like the local sports team crawled out the shadows "do you want to join us?"
"Who are you?" asked Rainbow Dash
"We are the shadowbolts" said on of the players
"Well...I don't really care" Rainbow Dash flew back over to the other side "bye forever"
"What happened" Applejack asked
"oh nothing" Rainbow Dash said "I was just being loyal as shit"
"Well lets carry on you guys...I see a castle up ahead" Twilight pointed to a castle up ahead

these paragraphs or sentences aren't funny. Also,

"Either that or your being a tiny bit racist" Twilight said with a smug face

Racist twilight is not being racist.

Needs some punctuation. Mudpony is slang cliché and not that really funny by itself with no other jokes. You tried to make fun of the same event like so many authors before you; most did better than this so I'm not sure what to say about this.

CakeGrenade