Returning Survivor

by Itchy

Changing Situation

Mecha was pacing through town, eye twitching. Ponies were stepping out of the way subconsciously, having gotten used to this behavior over the last few days. The reason for this pacing? Dissonant Babel was visiting and Pinkie Pie got word of it... and was already planning the party. Normally this wouldn't be so bad, but considering that Dissonant had access to some of his power still, and Pinkie loved more than half his tricks when he was at full power, meaning that together... well, that's why he was pacing.

Cheerilee walked up to him, worried. “Mecha... are you alright?” she asked.

Eye still twitching, Mecha didn't reply, merely muttering, “Chocolate rain mixed in with real rain... soap side roads... Sugarcube corner made out of actual gingerbread!”

Concerned, Cheerilee asked, “When was the last time you got any sleep?”

Shaking his head, Mecha turned around, walking back the way he came, replying, “Sleep? Oh no, not while there's a chance to prevent this... I've had two weeks to figure this out and come up with nothing!”

Cheerilee blinked, before asking, “Two weeks? Mecha, you really need to sleep!”

Mecha didn't respond, continuing to pace across town square. Sighing, Cheerilee knew exactly what to do. Walking over to the nearby tool shop, she asked the owner, “Can I borrow that wrench?”

The shop owner nodded his head, and passed the tool over while saying, “Knock yourself out.”

Shaking her head, she replied, “Oh, not me,” before lobbing it and nailing Mecha straight in the head, knocking him out cold. “It's for him,” she finished, walking out. Giving the wrench to a passing pony, she told them, “Please give this back to the owner please, I've got to lug my stallionfriend back home and hope he hasn't built an immunity to head injuries.”

The pony stared at the wrench in her hooves, before asking, “Isn't it impossible to develop an immunity to head injuries?”

Cheerilee snorted as she started to drag Mecha, saying, “You'd think so, but we're talking about somepony who out drank Gluttony in a poisoned wine contest.”

The baffled pony blinked, before shrugging her shoulders and walking into the store to return the wrench.

LINEBREAKER

Mecha woke up about five hours later with a splitting headache. Rubbing his head, he groaned out, “What hit me?”

“A wrench,” Sugary Spice told him, pulling out a cake from the oven. “Cheerilee threw it at you to get you to finally sleep, and dropped you off here afterwords,” she added, setting the cake on the counter.

“And you didn't put me in my bed why...?” Mecha asked.

“You told me not to bake unless an adult was present,” Sugary Spice replied. “You never said anything about their state of consciousness during the time.”

Sighing, Mecha said, “Of course. Any other loopholes in my instructions you've been abusing?”

“I've been claiming that I've got parental supervision for various things when I'm actually being watched over by either Diable or Wolfgang,” Sugary Spice added, as she started to clean up the kitchen.

“Oh, I've known about that for a while,” Mecha said, walking over to the fridge. “But I figured since they both like you more than me, they'd make sure nothing would hurt you,” he added, pulling out an ice pack and laying it on top his head.

“In that case, nothing I'm willing to share with you,” Sugary Spice replied, sitting down at the table. “So why'd Cheerilee have to knock you out?”

Sighing, Mecha said, “I may have over-reacted a bit about the possibility of Pinkie Pie figuring out Dissonant Babel being Discord's pony form...”

Snorting, Sugary Spice said, “Is that it?” Seeing her dad nod, she asked, “How is it that he has a pony form anyways? Didn't he say he's worked for Celestia for a while before he was released?”

Shrugging, Mecha replied, “I think his consciousness just slipped out of the statue and formed into his pony state, and when he broke out, it slipped right back in and was immediately corrupted by his full power again... either way, I need to go and greet him soon.”

Glancing at the clock, Sugary Spice said, “More like right now...”

Sighing, Mecha got up and walked out the door, before saying, “Save some of that cake for me later, okay!”

LINEBREAKER

Mecha stood at Ponyville's entrance, waiting for Dissonant Babel with a melted ice pack on his head. Spotting his friend, he was curious as to why he was alone... and why he seemed drunk. “Yo, Babel! I thought you were bringing Screwball with you!? And are you drunk?” Mecha asked.

“Well... it turns out that while Screwball is my daughter... she isn't... at least not yet,” Dissonant Babel started, leaning against Mecha.

Blinking, Mecha said, “Come again?”

“Well, I showed up a couple of hours ago to pick her up- and with me was two copies of Doctor Whooves and Ditzy Do,” Dissonant started. “Apparently I'd just gotten home from my sixth honeymoon with my wife when we found out that she'd borrowed your friend's time machine in order to spend time with me and my wife- except she got the time frame wrong and ended up with me only.”

Groaning, Mecha replied, “Time travel... okay that makes sense... I think...”

Chuckling, Dissonant continued, “Oh, it gets better. Not only did they take her back, but I found out something else...”

“What?” Mecha asked.

“Well I found out... hold on- I wrote it down,” Dissonant replied, before handing a note to Mecha.

Unfolding the note, Mecha read it over, before blinking. “You're kidding me, right?”

“Eenope,” Dissonant said. “That was handed to me by myself, since he, I, whatever, knew that you'd like to know that. Granted, he also mentioned about avoiding a paradox, but I'd already had three bottles to drink at that point.”

Sighing, Mecha tore up the note before swallowing it. Seeing Dissonant's disbelieving look, Mecha told him, “It said to destroy the note after reading it. Given my lack of fire or explosives, that was the easiest option.” Looking over his friend's drunken form, he let out a second sigh, before telling him, “Follow me. We're going to hit the only bar in Ponyville,” as he turned and walked into town.

“Ponyville has a bar?” Dissonant Babel asked.

“Yeah, Poker Night Potshot,” Mecha said. “Was a big enough hit in Canterlot to warrant an attempt in a small town... so we picked Ponyville. It doesn't actually open for another week, but since I own the joint, we can go ahead and drink ourselves silly.”

Dissonant blinked, before saying, “Sounds good to me!”

“Yeah, I figured as much,” Mecha replied, leading his inebriated friend towards the bar.

LINEBREAKER

“So then I find out that it wasn't a priceless artifact, but rather a replica of it!” Mecha said, mechanical leg slung around his fellow drunk's shoulders. “So instead of having to pay several million bits that I didn't have, I only had to cover the cost of the replica- two bits!”

Dissonant Babel laughed, before downing another glass of Apple Family Whiskey, and said, “You have the strangest luck I've ever seen... and I met Foul Dice the Gambler!”

The two friend's discussion was broken when Pinkie Pie burst through the door, saying, “AHA! I knew I'd find you! Thought you could hide from not-so-old Pinkie Pie huh?”

Blinking, Mecha groaned, before saying, “We're late, aren't we?”

Nodding her head, Pinkie replied, “I've had this party planned for two weeks! And Dissonant here being drunk isn't going to change the fact that he's attending!”

“Wait, I'm suppose to attend a party?” Dissonant Babel asked.

“Yeah, didn't Mecha tell you?” Pinkie replied, quirking her head.

“He didn't have the chance,” Dissonant replied. “But dang... If I'm going to attend your party, I need to sober up!” he added, before he started to glow. Five seconds later, the glow vanished, and he smiled, no trace of the former drunken pony present. “Lead the way!”

“Okie doki lokie!” Pinkie replied, turning around and bouncing out the door, before stopping and sticking her head back in. “Oh, and Mecha, Twilight told me to tell you that Celestia told her that somepony named Hade was looking for you,” she added, before leaving once more.

Glancing at Mecha, Dissonant tapped his forehead, doing the same thing to Mecha as he did for himself mere moments ago. “I figured you'd like to be sober for your meeting,” he said in response to Mecha's questioning look before leaving.

Sighing, Mecha put the last of the alcohol away, when an idle thought struck him. “Screwball is from the future... has a similar mane and tail poofiness as Pinkie Pie... and her mane is a few shades darker than Pinkie's... No way, not going to finish that thought,” he muttered to himself. “Bad enough that they're heading to a party together, I won't connect the dots without having at least three bottles of the hard stuff first!*”

LINEBREAKER

Mecha was about a mile out from Ponyville when he spotted Hade... and two younger Changelings beside him. Sighing, Mecha knew he wouldn't like the answer to the question he was about to ask, but asked anyways, “Whatcha need Hade?”

Rubbing the back of his head, he gestured to his two companions, and said, “Mecha, I'd like you to meet my nieces Ruby,” he said, pointing to the Changeling on his left with blue eyes, “and Sapphire,” he gestured once more, pointing at the other Changeling who had red eyes, “And I need you to watch over them for a couple of months.”

Closing his eyes, Mecha took a deep breath while rubbing his forehead. “You need me to what?” he started, before shaking his head. “Never mind, let's start with the simple question first. Why do they have those names when it should be reversed?”

“What do you know Changelings when they're born?” Hade asked.

“Nothing,” Mecha replied.

“Right- long story short, when born a Changeling undergoes its first and only non-organic transformation, and whatever they transform into is they're name,” Hade explained, “with the Changeling reserving the right to change it to something he or she prefers when they're older.”

Nodding his head, Mecha eyed the two quiet younglings, before asking, “Why do you need me to watch over them?”

“Their parents asked me to find someone to watch over them while they're assigned to guard the queen,” Hade said, “and I figured sometime spent in a foreign country would be good for them.”

“So you picked me,” Mecha deadpanned, “The relatively foul mouthed blacksmith, who blows himself and his forge up on a near weekly basis. You do know that I taught my own daughter how to swear? And that I've got a lazy Timberwolf cub scheming with a Devil on how to abuse me living with me? Not to mention my criminal record!”

Hade snorted, before replying, “That's exactly why I picked you! You won't shelter them from the true culture of Equestria- swearing and all! Granted, you don't use traditional cursing, and your criminal record is just a bunch of vandalism, drunken misbehavior, and false charges.”

Sighing, Mecha said, “Sloth's hammock... they gave you the public version of my records, didn't they?”

Blinking, Hade asked, “There's non-public records for your crimes?”

Snorting, Mecha replied, “Yeah- probably because I requested they keep most of them hidden from my parents.”

Raising an eyebrow, Hade said, “Really now? And just why is that?”

Chuckling, Mecha said, “Because I was just a colt at the time.”

Hade laughed, thinking Mecha was joking, before stopping when he saw his serious face. “You're... not joking. What the hay did you do?”

Sighing, Mecha asked, “You ever wonder why a pony who's talent has nothing to do with the military joined up?” Seeing Hade shake his head, Mecha gave another sigh, before continuing, “Nopony does. Granted, that means I don't really have to tell this story but still. Anyways, when I was a colt, I got bored easily.” Seeing Hade wince, Mecha chuckled, saying, “It wasn't that bad back then- I didn't have access to explosives. Anyways, one day I got it in my head that it would be fun to steal a painting from a nearby museum. So I did- easily in fact, while getting a thrill out of it. So I stole another painting from a different museum, and then a small sculpture from a mansion.”

At this point, Hade's eyes went wide, before he asked, “You mean the Frozen Thief of the North was you?”

Chuckling, Mecha replied, “Eeyup. I found a great thrill in robbing the places and getting away scott free. Only reason I got caught was I figured out my talent involving tools and machines while disabling a trap, earned my Cutie Mark, and started celebrating right then and there.”

Hade burst into laughter, Ruby and Sapphire chuckling next to him as well. “Yeah yeah, laugh it up,” Mecha replied. “Anyways, at that point I was given an option. A couple years in Juvenal Hall, or sign up as a scout when I was of legal age.”

Shaking his head, Hade replied, “As interesting as that is, you still need to watch over them.”

Sighing, Mecha said, “Fine, follow me you two,” as he turned and walked away, giving a lazy wave to Hade. “First things first, do you mind sharing a room with each other?”

Ruby and Sapphire gave each other quick glances before shaking their heads. “Good,” Mecha said, “Then I won't need to build another room or blow my house up again...” seeing their alarmed looks, Mecha added, “Joking! Sorta... anyways, quick set of ground rules. You stay undisguised until after the town knows who you are, and when you are disguised, it must be the same disguise every time- and it can't be a pony that you've met or heard of. While at home, you may practice disguising yourselves as anypony, but only in your rooms. Other than that, be yourselves, got it?”

The sisters nodded their heads, prompting Mecha to ask, “Don't you ever speak?”

The sisters grinned evilly, before nodding their heads again. Sighing, Mecha said, “You just want to torment me... great.”

LINEBREAKER

Mecha walked into his backyard, flanked by the two Changeling sisters after giving them a quick tour of Ponyville, and found Sugary Spice, Lively Spirit, Snips, and Snails all laying in the grass, chatting and laughing. Mecha grinned, noticing that he managed to scare his apprentice's crushes on his daughter away- although he might be just a smidgen over-protective...

Shaking his head, Mecha said, “Listen up!” causing the children to look over at him. “I'd like you to meet Ruby and Sapphire,” he said, as the two walked forward. “They'll be staying with us for a while.”

“Nice to meet ya!” Snails said, walking up to Ruby.

“Yeah!” Snips added while walking towards Sapphire, “I've never met a Changeling before... let alone one as pretty as you!”

Sapphire blushed, replying, “Well, I've never met a pony until today either...”

“Really?” Lively Spirit asked.

“Yeah,” Ruby replied. “Mecha here is the first one we've met... and he's easy and fun to torment!”

“Hey, don't torment my dad!” Sugary Spice said, causing Mecha to smile. “At least, not without me!” ...and there went Mecha's smile.

“Fair enough,” Sapphire said, still eying Snips.

“But you have to let us know when you're tormenting him so we can join in,” Ruby added, enjoying the attention being given to her by Snails.

Mecha walked over to his house at this point, and started banging his head against the wall. “First, Wolfgang decides to torment me while he isn't being lazy... then I adopt a daughter who lives to prank me... surely it should've stopped when I won the soul of a devil who'd love nothing more than for me to die... but no, now I have two Changelings living with me who plan on joining in on it! Sweet Luna, why must I be tormented so? WHY!!!”

Seeing Mecha collapse on the ground, Ruby asked, “Um... is he normally like that?”

Shaking his head, Snips replied, “Only on Tuesdays...”

“And on Tax days as well,” Snails added.

“Don't forget his Date Nights with Cheerilee!” Sugary Spice supplied.

“And if the stories are anything to go buy, Poker nights,” Lively Spirit said.

Ruby and Sapphire shivered, both thinking to themselves, 'Just what have I agreed to?'

*To clarify, yes to your thoughts. And yes, it is frightening. On the bright side, at least Discord isn't crazy as Dissonant Babel and only has a fraction of his power... and I think Pinkie doesn't know who he truly is yet. I think. You never know with Pinkie.

Comments

[SomeRandomTwat]

New chapter? yyyyyyyyyyyyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

[JackTheEpic]

Wait that makes sence...
Pinkie Pie + Discord (pony form) = Screwball... IT ALL MAKES SENCE NOW!!!!!!!!!