Returning Survivor

by Itchy

Date Night Mafia Style

Mecha slowly came to, swaying side to side. Opening his eyes, he noticed that he was hanging from a tree by his hoof. Blinking, he took a look around, trying to recall what in Luna's name had happened. Spotting Big Macintosh, he tried to recall why he was sleeping in a bush, only to draw a blank. He then looked over at Doctor Whooves, on his back, holding a... screwdriver? And then he turned to find Solaris and Shining Armor, both asleep on top of a pile of bound and unconscious goats. Mafia goats, if their outfits were anything to go by.

“Well, this is an interesting way to start the day,” Mecha said to himself, still swaying in the light morning breeze.

“Especially after such an interesting night,” came Sygne's voice from the pond.

Ah, so they were in the park... and he still remembered nothing. “Would be more so if I recalled any of it,” Mecha told the siren.

Chuckling, Synge replied, “Ask one of the goats, I wouldn't be able to tell you with a straight face,” before she dived into the pond.

Eye twitching, Mecha stared at the empty water, before muttering, “I need to drink less on poker night...”

LINEBREAKER

“So how exactly did you piss off the Mafia again?” Doctor Whooves asked, as Mecha rang up the total for his order.

“I beat the snot out of the Pride forsaken son of the boss. Discord found it hilarious,” Mecha replied.

Shaking his head, Doctor Whooves replied, “I just don't believe it.”

Raising an eyebrow, Mecha asked, “That I fought the boss's son, or that Discord has a pony form, and that I befriended him?”

Snorting, Doctor Whooves said, “That Discord hasn't tried to bring chaos eternal. After all, the other two options are par for the course for you. I mean, first you piss of king Astrum, then the Nightmare clan, and now the Mafia. Not to mention your friendships with the princesses and the two wolves that tried to eat them.”

“For the record, I only freed them, not befriend them,” Mecha said. “Furthermore, without all his chaotic energy flowing threw his form, Discord is a lot more... stable. Still enjoys chaos, but doesn't go out of his way to cause it. His daughter on the other hand...”

Doctor Whooves held up his hoof, saying, “Save it. Knowing that Discord walks among us is one thing, but knowing he has a daughter? I don't suppose he works for Celestia as well, does he?” Seeing Mecha's smile, Doctor Whooves groaned, before saying, “He does, doesn't he! For Celestia's sake, what next! Twilight Sparkle secretly apprenticing under Luna? Pinkie Pie planning to murder us all? No wait, better yet, Celestia and Luna both coming forth and announcing that they're pregnant!”

Laughing, Mecha replied, “Nothing like that my good friend. No, what I actually have is a couple of tickets for the last round of Equestrian Idol. Apparently, we're to be the guest stars as the founders of the show, as well as Spike, Twilight Sparkle, and our dates.”

Sighing, Doctor Whooves shook his head, saying, “I really should've seen that coming...”

Smiling, Mecha said, “Although, Luna has been writing to me about some morning sickness she and Celestia have been suffering from...”

Eyes widening, Doctor Whooves stared straight at Mecha, before laughing. “I deserved that. So when do we need to go?”

“This weekend,” Mecha told him.

Doctor Whooves frowned, before saying, “That's date night with Ditzy...”

Nodding his head, Mecha told him, “Same for me and Cheerilee. And probably true for Big M and Fluttershy as well, knowing those two. Tell you what, how about we all see about a triple date for the weekend?”

Thinking for a while, Doctor Whooves gave him a nod, saying, “Sounds fun. Who knows, maybe we'll end up running into the goat you beat up. That would be fun to watch.”

Sighing, Mecha replied, “Knowing my luck, it'll be his dad and every last one of their goons. Speaking of which, any clue as to why you had a screwdriver when we were attacked by the goats?”

Shrugging his shoulders, Doctor Whooves said, “Not a clue. Don't remember anything past the story of the time you blew up a chemistry lab.”

Frowning, Mecha asked, “Was it the first or second time I blew it up?”

“I think it was... the third time actually,” his friend replied.

Eyes widening, Mecha groaned, letting his head hit the counter. “Of course I told you that one... after all, that one is the most humiliating...”

Laughing, Doctor Whooves turned, saying, “I'll see you at the station this Saturday then.”

Still groaning, Mecha gave him a half-hearted wave goodbye.

LINEBREAKER

Mecha, Cheerilee, Big Macintosh, Fluttershy, Doctor Whooves, and Ditzy Doo all walked out of the stadium where the finals had been held. “That wasn't too bad,” Mecha said, as they headed towards the restaurant that they'd chosen for dinner.

“Yes, well the seats could've been better,” Doctor Whooves replied.

“Um... they weren't all that bad...” Fluttershy said.

Raising an eyebrow, Doctor Whooves snorted, saying, “Where were you sitting? They were by far the most uncomfortable chairs I've sat in, and I once sat in an iron maiden!”

“Ohh! When did that happen?” Ditzy asked, turning towards her date.

Doctor Whooves was about to answer, when a goat jumped out in an attempt to stab Mecha in the chest, only for him to twist around him while striking the back of his neck. Continuing to walk forward, he noticed the stares he was getting. “Want to explain what happened?” Big Macintosh asked, obviously not recalling the pile of goats from poker night.

“Mafia is trying to kill me,” Mecha replied shrugging. “After the Nightmare clan, they're small fries. Speaking of which, are we including those in the bar?”

Shaking their heads, Doctor Whooves replied, “Can't. We only have a liquor license, no food license.”

“Um, guys?” Cheerilee asked, getting the group's attention. “Could you explain what you you're talking about?”

Seeing that Fluttershy and Ditzy Doo were confused as well, the three stallions nodded their heads. “Big M here was getting tired of ponies badgering him for his hard cider, and I joked about opening a bar to get them to shut up.”

Doctor Whooves picked up here, saying, “Shining Armor, Solaris, and I overheard them, and thought it'd be a fun idea. Luna heard about it from Solaris, and she paid for everything so we could open it.”

“Which means ah get some peace back home,” Big Macintosh finished.

Mecha then stopped, allowing the dagger that would've impaled his head had he continued walking to fly past him, before moving on, saying, “Should it prove successful, we might set up a couple more in other cities.”

Blinking as Mecha grabbed a cloaked goat by the throat, Cheerilee sighed, saying, “This is a normal day for you, isn't it?”

Raising an eyebrow, Mecha shrugged, before tossing the goat into another assassin. “You get used to it after a while,” he said, before the group came to a complete halt, for in front of them, filling up the entire street, was a mob of goats wielding knives, bats, and other sorts of normally useless weapons.

Whistling, Big Macintosh asked, “What in Celestia's name did you do to piss off the mafia?”

“I just sat in the boss's son's chair!” Mecha yelled. Seeing the glare he was getting from Cheerilee, he added, “And I might've beaten up the guy... but he started it!”

Silence fell upon the mob, as suddenly every goat stepped away from the two best dressed goats present, one of which Mecha recognized. “Is this true?” the older looking one asked. “Did you put a hit out on this guy because he sat in your chair!”

Shaking his head angrily, the son replied, “NO! I did it because he humiliated me!”

“By sitting in a seat you'd claimed... for no reason other than to claim it,” replied the father. “I know about the seat you're talking about, the one that you hate. You claimed it, only to be able to cause fear in new-comers who sat their. Then, when one finally does, he beats you, and you decide to take him out. Do you even know who that is? Do you?!”

Flinching, the son shook his head, stuttering out, “N-n-no f-father.”

“HE IS THE PRINCESSES' FORGER! Whenever they want a new statue, or need something fixed, they call him!” the elder goat yelled, pointing at Mecha. “Imagine what would've happened if he'd been killed for your pettiness!”

“B-b-but father!” the young goat tried.

“Don't you but father me!” the elder cut off. “You've been nothing but spoiled your whole life! Golden watches, silk suits, and endless cash! But that ends now, I'm cutting you off!”

Eyes widening, Capo stammered out, “C-cut off?!”

“Yes!” his father hollered, spit flying from his mouth in fury. “From now on, you earn your own money, your own watches, your own food! Boys, take 'em away!”

And suddenly, the mob of goats all leaped forward, yanking him away from the street in a painful manner. Apparently Capo wasn't well liked, and they now had the chance to vent their anger. After all but five of the goats disappeared, the elder goat walked up to Mecha, and said, “I'm terribly sorry about my son Capo. He's a bit... well, you know. My name is Padre, and I would like to extend my sincerest apologies to you for trying to kill you.”

Smiling, Mecha said, “Apologies excepted,” much to the shock of his friends. “After all, you aren't the first to try.”

“Really?” Padre inquired, raising an eyebrow. “You've peaked my interest now, who else has tried.”

Shrugging his shoulders, Mecha replied, “King Astrum of the deer... his pet aboleth Fluffy... oh, the Nightmare clan as well.”

Blinking, Padre shook his head, saying, “We stood no chance, did we?”

“Eenope,” said Big Macintosh, recalling all that Mecha had done walking up the street.

“Not a chance,” added Doctor Whooves, walking over to an unconscious goat, lightly poking him in the side.

Looking around, Cheerilee asked, “Are we the only sane ponies here?”

“Uh... I don't think so...” Fluttershy said lightly, trying to hide from Padre.

“Considering our dates, I don't think we can call ourselves sane,” Ditzy Do replied.

Thinking over that last statement, Cheerilee sighed, and said, “Sanity is over rated anyways.”

“So what brings you out this fine evening?” Padre asked, drawing attention back to the lavishly dressed goat.

“Date night,” Mecha replied, walking over and grabbing Cheerilee. “We were on our way to some restaurant named Bitz 'n' Pizza*.”

Laughing, Padre said, “I own that joint! Tell you what, how about we stop by my place, pick up my wife, and head on over together! My treat!”

Smiling, Mecha said, “Sure, I have no problem. What about you guys?”

Looking around, the group muttered general consent, with exception of Cheerilee. “You want us to have dinner with the head of the mafia? They mafia that just tried to kill you?” she asked, looking him straight in the eyes. Nodding his head, Mecha watched as she sighed, before saying, “Why not?! After all, it makes waaaaay more sense than most of the things you've told me!”

With a silly grin, Mecha gave her a peck on the check before saying, “Great! Onwards to Padre's house!”

LINEBREAKER

They eight newly minted friends were all sitting at a large table in Bitz 'n' Pizza, laughing as stories were told. Settling down, Madre, Padre's wife, asked, “So why did king Astrum and his pet tried to kill you? You seem like such a nice guy.”

“Oh, well Fluffy was going on a rampage in Manehatten, trying to kill everypony, so that one might not actually count,” Mecha started.

Snorting, Cheerilee interrupted him, saying, “Everypony thought you were dead, it counts.”

Shrugging, Mecha continued, saying, “I blew it up in a giant explosion, causing Astrum to hate my guts for killing his beloved pet. So, he sent some guards, captured me, and sentenced me to the arena to fight until I die. Fortunately for me, there was an out known as the gauntlet, which I passed, and what do you know, Astrum is pissed that I 'escaped' justice.”

Shaking his head, Padre said, “You live one hell of an interesting life kid.”

Chuckling, Doctor Whooves said, “He's been to Hell, it doesn't compare.”

Eyes widening, Madre asked, “Have you really been to Hell? Would you by chance happen to be the author of The Seven Lords of Sin: Their Effects on You and Me?”

Smiling, Mecha nodded, saying, “You'd be surprised how much you learn about them when you travel through their homes. Lust especially had some more... interesting choices in art.”

“Really now?” Doctor Whooves asked. “What kind?”

Blushing, Mecha answered, “The kind one should never admit to having,” causing everyone at the table to blush as they thought about what that meant.

Looking at the time, Fluttershy gasped in shock before saying, “We need to go! I have a party to attend early tomorrow, and the last train for home leaves in ten minutes!”

Glancing at the time himself, Mecha swore, “Wrath's bow strung with Lust's panties! Sorry about rushing out on you two, but we do have to go!”

Smiling, the two goats waved them off, saying “Goodbye!” as the six friends ran towards the station.

“Such a lovely group of ponies,” Madre said, turning to her husband.

“Most definitely,” Padre replied, nodding his head. “Meeting them almost makes up for what Capo did.”

“You realize that our son will try and kill Mecha himself still, right?” Madre asked.

“Oh, I know. Although, after the Nightmare clan, anything Capo throws at him will be as harmless as an unaltered fly,” Padre said.

Sighing, Madre asked, “Where'd you even get that saying?”

“From Mecha, on the way to pick you up,” Padre replied. “Apparently he once fought a giant, acid spitting, fire-breathing fly.”

Turning back to where their new friends left, Madre said, “We owe him a ton of favors now, don't we?”

“Only several hundred,” Padre said. “And I intend to pay them all back.”

*Bitz 'n' Pizza- Just like A Salt and Battery, I hold no relations with the actual restaurant of this name.

Comments

[Xaratos]

This story is cool as ever

[moltendaniel]

1187703
this is my second time going through this story and ive noticed something. your the only person to really comment on this awesome story...besides me a coupe of times but that's besides the point.