• Published 3rd Apr 2016
  • 3,343 Views, 346 Comments

The Anthropologist - Weavers of Dreams



Join Lyra as she interacts in various human-related problems ranging from wannabe Nazis to eldritch horrors that just need some love. No problem is too great that it can't be fixed with a baseball bat or high-powered cieling fan, that's a promise.

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-8- Tuesday Part: Two

"And how's my favorite little carnivore today?" Lyra cheerily chuckled as she tossed a special treat to her next appointment.

The little creature giggled as she leapt into the air and snatched the shortbread cube out of the air. Like Philip from the previous day, though not at all terrifying, this little human had been incompatible with Equus's natural magic, and so had been transformed into a unique hybrid between an earth pony and a wolverine.

That part had intrigued Fluttershy, considering wolverines were supposed to be indigenous to the northern regions. Also, it caused some hysteria from overprotective parents.

Smiling, Lyra laid down and used her magic to set the filly between her forelegs. This patient loved to cuddle.

"So, Jessi," she asked as the child snuggled in close, "what would you like to talk about today? Want to play with toys while we do that?"

Without waiting for an answer, as if she really needed one, Lyra levitated a small toy chest out from a corner and turned it upside down. Now, Lyra was a bright mare, and her insight into various cultures, ages and genres made her quite knowledgeable into what people liked. Which was why she had thrown all the cheap, unimaginative and break-as-soon-as-they-come-out-of-the-box toys that her benefactors had donated into the garbage and used her own money to purchase real toys.

Some of her least favorite memories were those trips to the hospital her with one or both of her parents, and having to sit down in the little kids area to play with those toys grownups thought kids liked. Weren't they kids once? Sometimes she wondered.

Anyway, she watched as Jessi's sparkling eyes looked upon the glorious treasures, same as every week she came in. These were no toy trains on twisted rails, or wooden blocks, or even those coloring books that were a mess of scribbles. No, these were quality items, plushies made of minky from the minotaur homeland of Minos(1), a metal train set from Detrot, action figures made from reinforced silicone with chip-resistant paint, and self-erasing coloring books that could never be completed.

Jessi grabbed her favorite plushie, Little Woona(2), and chose a cooling book at random. It was hard not to d'aww like an old grandmare at a nursery when you saw the little girl nomming the plushie's ear with her sharp incisors and coloring in a picture of Queen Chyrsalis screaming while a flyswatter descends upon her(3).

"Or I could just watch you being adorable the whole time," Lyra chuckled, nuzzling the top of her head.

"My brother says that we'll be leaving soon," the little girl piped up, not wanting it to be quiet. Quiet was awful. It usually meant someone was watching you sneak treats. Noise was safe.

"Well," Lyra said, blowing as a few strands of her mane that had fallen to her face, "you might have left sooner if he hadn't tried setting Harvest's carrot fields on fire. Then proceeded to yank up every fence post on her property. After which, he resisted arrest, assaulted a guard, and help Mayor Mare hostage."

"Yeah," Jessi sighed dramatically, "everyone was upset that day."

Lyra shrugged. "He was just being a big brother, Jessi. You and he arrived here, alone and... well... transformed in what must have been a rather shocking fashion, and he was scared to death for your safety. When you made the decision to sneak out of the hiding place in the Everfree and play with the CMC, he thought you had been kidnapped by the native population."

"I was going to come back," Jessi stated, sounding as though she had explained this numerous times. "And I was going to bring home some candy that Twist gave me."

"As good as your intentions were," Lyra started, grabbing a coloring book for herself and choosing a picture of Discord causing Chaos(4), "it still caused your brother to commit various crimes. Fortunately, we ponies are an understanding lot, and simply chose to have him repair everything he damaged. Though, I think refiling Mayor Mare's filing cabinets is what took up the bulk of time."

"No amount of sorrys got him out of that one," Jessi giggled.

"Sometimes I worry about your outlook on life," Lyra dryly commented in passing. She as a little busy giving Discord a ghastly makeup job. She remembered when he had escaped. Big Mac, who had his brains temporarily scrambled at the time, had licked her up and down and gave her a dead possum. That possum gave her a personal vendetta against that mismatched jerk.

"You shouldn't laugh at your brother's misfortune," she chided the child. "He loves you very much, and he's paying the price for it."

Jessi's ears fell a little, but she remained silent, going back to chewing on the plushie's ear and coloring. Lyra didn't pursue the subject anymore, it was just food for thought. Jessi wasn't a bad girl, she just didn't quite know when a certain response was inappropriate to a subject.

"I'll need to come in Monday, next week, Jessi," she said after waiting an appropriate amount of time. Which, coincidentally, was the amount of time it had taken to give Discord a bra and elevator high heels. "It'll be our final session together, before the mages synchronize a portal to take you both home."

Jessi stopped what she was doing and gave Lyra a hug, which was swiftly returned. "I'm gonna miss you Miss Hearty."

Lyra kissed the top of her head and chuckled. "I'm gonna miss you too, Jessi. But, think of your poor family. You've been gone for six whole months. Just imagine how excited your parents will be to see you. huh? Doesn't that sound wonderful?"

Jessi nodded, sniffing as tears threatened to escape her eyes. "Will I ever see you again?"

"I hope so," Lyra replied reassuringly. "Never give up hope kid. Never."

(1) Everything has to be tough there.

(2) Rumor has it that Celestia is responsible. Luna's only comment is that she get's half the profits.

(3) A certain Princess of Love and her consort are suspected, but they won't stop laughing to give a straight answer.

(4) For some reason, it was never the same twice.

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