The Anthropologist

by Weavers of Dreams

-56- Diary Highlights #4

This is getting increasingly frustrating. Before, it usually took two or three mages to hold open a portal. Now it's taking around six. To top that, the rocks we're chucking through them are starting to bounce back. Well, at least the portals are exploding anymore when introduced to foreign matter.

In other words, our power over the fabric of space and time is weakening. We're missing something. Something so simple, that we're all going to kick our own plots once we figure it out.

Until then, I'm going to keep this under my hat and away from the humans for now. No sense worrying them over something that is sure to turn over any day now.

* * *

I took Henry ice fishing today. Boy, did I think it was going to be fun. It started out fun anyway. Then we got to the lake.

I rented one of those shacks people use to stay out of the weather. It was comfortable at first. I melted a perfectly circular hole in the ice with my magic, that really seemed to entertain the kid. I made a show of it too. It's good being a unicorn. Just thought I'd mention that. It was also a nice way to take my mind off of the interdimensional problems.

And, boy, did it take my mind off those problems.

Did you know that the fishing shack I rented was made of tin foil? Or at least something similar? Though, tin becomes incredibly brittle in the cold, and I torn a small hole in the wall when I leaned my hoof against it in a fit of laughter when the kid started gagging when he smelled our bait. Very aged clams marinated in spoiled milk. It's amazing bait, actually. But, more to the point.

The hole wouldn't have been so bad, but then a wind picked up and promptly made the small hole the size of a door, and then the whole shack lifted off like a kite and flew off. In a possibly related news, the Flower sisters reported seeing a UFO. I tried to make the best of it.

I had brought a couple thick blankets, so, I wrapped the two of us up and baited the hooks. Henry was using a scarf as a makeshift gasmask, which I promptly snapped a picture of. Of course I brought a camera, it was the kid's first fishing trip.

A rogue cloud began snowing on us, forcing me to maintain the hole as it threatened to close up. Then, while we weren't paying a attention, it warmed up a little, melting some of the snow around us, then cooled down again, freezing it. So, when we thought we had had enough, which wasn't very long, the blankets we were wrapped up in were stuck to the ice. It took a while to extract ourselves.

I owe Bon Bon two new blankets.

So, we returned home, three decently sized fish in tow. How would I describe this experience? Imagine yourself standing waste deep in a pool in the middle of a blizzard while a best friend shovels snow down your back. That's a fairly accurate description, if I do say so myself.

* * *

Bonny asked a very thought provoking question tonight. What if we can't send the kid home. I'll admit, that has been an itch in the back of my brain. But, it's nothing I need to worry about. This is all going to blow over soon. Though, I must wonder, what would I do?

There is an orphanage in Ponyville. Sister Ciel is a good caretaker, one of Equestria's finest. But, Henry's not an orphan. He's got a family. And, just sending him there after taking care of him like a member of the family would be like ripping the rug out from under him just to watch him cry. I just don't know what to do. I'll come back to this later.

As an aside, did I just refer to myself as a part of the family? That's silly. I just live here. But, I won't deny it though, Noteworthy is excellent husband material, especially after Bon Bon confessed he used to an agent as well. That's really made me a little hot under the collar around him. I guess there are really no more important secrets between us.

Except this diary. I went to Princess Twilight's library and found a recoding spell that rewrites everything in the diary unless I pick it up. Anyone else looks inside and they'll find a load of gibberish. Apparently it was popular amongst old-age wizards to keep their work from being stolen before publication. Unfortunately, it apparently also led to a lot of lost knowledge as some wizards died before publishing their work.

That just gave me a horrible thought. What if I die before publishing "MOST" of what I've written about this human-in-equestrian experience? Would they think they'd lived with a madmare if they saw the gibberish in this thing? It would almost be worth faking my death just to see the looks on their faces. But I won't, that'd be evil in more ways than five.

* * *

Another frustrating day of trying to fix the portal problem. Curious if we just needed some brute strength, we conscripted Big Macintosh and Bulk Biceps to try their hooves at it. And by conscripted, I mean we mares gave them our best doe eyes and pouts then sat back to watch the rippling hulks of muscle at work.

Even if they were unsuccessful, we were very pleased with their services and paid them appropriately. Enough to ensure they would come back again and ask if we needed anymore help. We most likely will. Getting paid to show off to us mares, and help further extradimensional science, almost sounds like usury. But they're paid, everyone's happy, the end.

* * *

Today I got to spend time with both Henry and Noteworthy. Bonny had taken Twist to a dental appointment. It was the perfect time to cook the fish we had caught a week ago. We included Henry as much as we could, having him measure out the spices we would be using and turning on the stove. But, he was also content to just sit back and watch when it wasn't necessary. Notes also set him upon the countertop so he could see better, something Bonny would never allow if she were here. But, we won't tell.

While Henry watched the frying fish with a hilarious amount of fascination, I got to talking with the stallion about F.R.O.W.N. Bonny had told him that she told me, and he took it rather well. In fact, he told me he had been thinking over how to tell me if it ever came up ever since Bonny told me about S.M.I.L.E.

My only regret is that I won't be able to actually publish any of those stories he told me. In fact, I'm not even comfortable enough to write them either. But, I will mention, that while Bonny's agency had an affinity to capture it's targets and imprison them, F.R.O.W.N. didn't exactly have such a friendly or forgiving methodology towards it's targets. Preferring more permanent solutions to keep Equestria safe.

I might have asked him to go deeper in depth, but, I'm afraid that his stories may actually be more frightening than Darkest Darkness's Guide to the Most Terrifying Things in Existence. And nothing would keep me up at night more than a story about the unholy monster got away and is seeking revenge.

The fish was delicious by the way. That stallion has a knack.

* * *

We had Pinkie Pie and Screwball come out to the testing area today to see if their incredible grasp on strange magic could help aid in our attempts. No such luck I'm afraid.

Pinkie took one look at our portal and said "the probably not has turned orange, so, no can do, sorry" and then hopped off back to Sugarcube Corner.

Screwball at least tried, hitting the portal with her strange-chaos hybrid magic and her mutilated baseball bat. But, eventually, she gave up too. She mentioned something about the orange not being curved and that it was also too orderly for her to have any effect, then she flew away on her beanie to play hopscotch with the clouds.

As disheartening as it was, it was hilarious seeing some of the other unicorns' faces at the sight of the filly's fascinating feats. They really shouldn't disregard earth pony magic so much. That's how a flower pot drops out of nowhere.

* * *

The storm must be really bad in Manehatten. I still haven't received word from the test results I had Nurse Redheart send. I would really like those results to put my mind at ease. The chances of him being an aligned instead of an amalgamation are one in the million. Or, eight out of twenty-two thousand five hundred thirty-eight. The latest official number of humans to have been pulled over since the beginning. Seriously, there have only been eight others. Almost no one even knows they exist, which is fine, I guess. No one really needs that attention.

But, again, that itch in my head where I just have to know, or figure something out. I hate that. It's been known to keep me up for days until I have an answer. Thankfully, there are books, or, if I'm in a major city, the internet. It's going to be coming out here within this next year, really looking forward to that.

Anyway, this is Lyra Heartstrings, signing off until next time.

Comments

[Rokas]

Unknown delays are NEVER good.

[Rokas]

7649852 Yes but the show runners have specifically said there's no gender disparity in the actual "universe"; the discrepancy is described as "it's a farming town and the stallions are in the fields". Plus as the show has gone on we've seen a far more equal ratio of stallions to mares, so I'm not exactly sold on the whole imbalance thing.

[Stainless Steel Fox]

The 'the probably not has turned orange' line is another reference to a RealityCheck work, 'The Great Alicorn Hunt' I think.