The Anthropologist

by Weavers of Dreams

Diary Highlights #2

Today was kind of exciting. I got a postcard from Mark Smith. From before he left for the Western Isles. I showed it to Henry to show him some of the great humans I've dealt with. He was thrilled to hear some of that man's exploits, from the Battle of Cider Season(1), to Zecora's Haunted Hut Adventure. He listened with wrapped enthusiasm, even laughing when I told him about the time the dear man helped Sweetie Belle learn how to cook. He couldn't even look at toast for a whole month.

The way I go on about him almost makes it seem as though he would have figured out our little dimensional dilemma by. Probably not, but it would be good to have him back. I pray he has a safe adventure.

But not too safe, that would bore him something fierce.

* * *

Oh dear. I did a bad. I had gotten rather nostalgic after talking about Mark Smith that I decided to read up on adventure books, namely Darkest Darkness Guide to the Most Terrifying Things in Existence, the full series. That wasn't the bad thing. The bad thing was that I brought them up out of my room so I could read them under the kotatsu, and left them there when I decided to go say hi to a few friends.

When I got back home I found Henry had read about half of them. Which, again wouldn't be so bad, if it weren't for the fact I had decided to spring for the illustrated ones. He's going to have nightmares. Heck, he won't be able to daydream without seeing some of those things. Heck, I stopped him when he reached the Garrote Weaving Pseudoscorpions of the Saddle Arabia.

This is not going to go well. I am so going to get killed if I can't manage to do something before Bonny gets back.

* * *

The universe loves picking on me. Bon Bon got home some time ago, and I was completely honest with her. I didn't even try to cover up what happened. I was completely mature. What's she do.

Gives the little guy some warm shortbread and then tells me I get no dessert for week. What am I? Eight? I'm a grown mare, she can't control me. Just to show her, I'm going to go to Sugarcube Corner and by an entire cake and eat it, by myself, in front of her. Yeah, that's what I'll do. I'm gonna be right back to describe the look on her face.

* * *

Dang it. Bon Bon, the conniving minx, she made the preemptive move of informing everyone in town that I was not to have dessert for a week. What is with this town? Who would agree to that? Even in Canterlot you could bribe just about anyone to get something you wanted. This is so unfair. I even went to grab my secret stashes I brought from Canterlot.

There were notes, telling me they would be returned after the week is up. I thought I hid them so well, but, no, apparently I not a clever pony when it comes to hiding things. Well, somethings. All I can say is, there had better not be once piece missing.

* * *

This is not about the dessert. This about the principle of the thing. All the other ponies want to turn their backs on me? Fine. I happen to know a certain stallion I could lure some goodies out of. I just have to play up the poor young mare in distress and he'll fold like wet toast. That'll teach Bon Bon. Not only will I get some sugar, I'll have gotten it from her beloved stallion.

Oh, I just can't wait to find him.

* * *

Darn you again, Bon Bon. That was underhanded. Really underhanded. Not only did she find Noteworthy before I could, she even promised to reward him if he didn't give into my pleas. I can't believe it. Well, not really, knowing those too, it's very believable. She actually promised to let him (REDACTED)(REDACTED) and then she would (REDACTED)(REDACTED) then they would (REDACTED)(REDACTED), every night for the next week. As if it'll end there.

The mere thought of (REDACTED)(REDACTED)(REDACTED)(REDACTED) makes me heat up something fierce. I want to (SO REDACTED) with that stallion. Well played you sneaky wretch of a best friend.

NOTE: Lyra promptly tore out and burn this page of her diary as soon as she realized what she had written.

* * *

Ugh, I can't believe I wasted an entire day trying to get a piece of candy. It's really getting silly. Yeah-yeah. Bon Bon's acting like a mother again, punishing me as though I were her prepubescent filly. Well, I guess I'll just have to wait it out. Not that I really eat much sugar anyway. I'm more of a starch and fat girl anyway.

Plus, I managed to make a deal with Henry. He's going to be sneaking me treats over the next week, and I'm going to take him ice fishing on the weekend. Ha. I'm going to get dessert and get some fish in this house. He seemed rather excited about that too, never been fishing before, he told me. But he has always wanted to. So, yeah, I guess this'll be fun. I've never been ice fishing before, so this'll be a fun experience.

* * *

Lyra. Two weeks without any dessert. I'm just going to let Henry off with a warning this time, he was just trying to be a good houseguest and friend to you. Don't you dare try that with Twist. I will not have my own daughter turned against me.

Oh, and you will be taking Henry ice fishing this Saturday anyway. Have fun.

* * *

Lyra stared at the last entry in her diary. Beads of sweat sliding down her forehead. Despite the cold sweat, she was actually rather relieved. She had burned that one page to ashes before anyone else saw it. She would have never lived it down. Still...

"Is nothing sacred, Bonny?"

* * *

(1) Rainbow Dash had asked Mr. Smith to help her get to the front of the line. His plan worked, but at the cost of many ponies' sanity, as they felt Rainbow Dash being at the front was a sign of impending apocalypse.

Comments

[Rokas]

7629490 I see you've put even more thought into it than I have. All of those points are valid, of course.

[Rokas]

Geeze, it's not even Lyra's fault and Bonbon reacts that way? Worse, she steals Lyra's personal property and then makes the whole town swear off of even making perfectly legal transactions?

If I had a "friend" like that I'd sock them. Seriously, there's being motherly, and then there's being a vindictive... well, I'm not going to type the word I'm thinking of.

Lyra should make a road trip to Canterlot then. Buy a giant sack of candy, and then eat it in the middle of Ponyville. She should shirk off any of her household duties, too: if she's going to be treated like a 5-year-old, then she might as well act like one. Because seriously, that's crossing the line.

[Schroedingers_Katze]

That, Bon Bon, was downright inhuman... inpony... you know what I mean damnit!

[GriffonSpade]

Hmm, wasn't sure what to expect on downloading this, but it's interesting. Maybe Lyra should have insinuated that she would want to be bitten back instead, though? That would likely press a different set of buttons.

7629490 Can't help but agree with that. Crazy Jedi whackadoos.

7634615 I simultaneously understand and don't understand what you mean. Probably looking for 'inequine'

[Schroedingers_Katze]

7636534
Yes, that one. Thank you.^^