• Published 3rd Apr 2016
  • 3,343 Views, 346 Comments

The Anthropologist - Weavers of Dreams



Join Lyra as she interacts in various human-related problems ranging from wannabe Nazis to eldritch horrors that just need some love. No problem is too great that it can't be fixed with a baseball bat or high-powered cieling fan, that's a promise.

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-27- Friday Part: Four

"I suppose that was kind of a dick-move I pulled on Caramel," Lyra mumbled to herself, thinking back on how she brought up that embarrassing moment in his past to shift the topic away from herself. It did seem a little uncalled for. "Yeah. I'll make it up to him."

"What was that, Lyra?"

Lyra snapped out of her thoughts and looked at her next client. "Sorry, just thinking."

"Oh, what?"

"Nothing important," Lyra quickly replied behind a forced grin. She was not going to screw up again today.

"Oh. Alright then," the mare said with a shrug. "Well, today... today I'd like to talk to you about the possibility of procuring some ingredients for human recipes... for my restaurant."

Lyra nodded. "Okay. I know there are several warehouses and that produce and store human spices and plants that don't naturally exist in our world. Depending on supply and demand, the difficulty to grow... it could cost you a pretty penny, Fryer Crisp."

"Actually," Crisp began, looking a little nervous, "I'm thinking something along the lines of... animal products."

Lyra paused to think. "Could be a lot harder. Do you have anything specific in mind?"

The pudgy mare gulped as though she were facing a horrifying monster. "Er, well, um... beef?"

Lyra stared at her for a moment, and then cringed. "Oooh. That could be a little iffy."

"I was afraid you'd say that," Crisp sighed, lowering her head. "It's just that I hear humans talk all the time about steak sandwiches, meatballs, and brisket, and I really want repeat customers. Upon further study I found it was made from cow. Which, quite frankly, terrified me at first."

"A fairly reasonable reaction," Lyra told her. "But, you did find that earth cows aren't anything like Equestrian cows before you formed an angry mob, right?"

Crisp nodded. "I read the whole chapter. You have no idea how relieved I was when I finished."

"I can imagine," Lyra nodded. "But, well, I don't think you can actually procure any beef for your customers. At least, not unless you're planning on charging a fortune for each burger. It's pretty spendy."

Lyra's heart fell when she saw the despairing look on the fast-food mare's face. Many ponies had once worn that same expression when the price of Twinkies rose to ludicrous heights because a group of wizards thought it was the key to making an immortality potion(1). fortunately, ponies survived and found a workaround.

Which is exactly what Lyra had.

"However," Lyra said, raising a hoof. Fryer Crisp looked up in hope. "There, is somethings you should try before giving up." She grabbed a blank piece of paper off her desk along with a ballpoint pen. "Humans, being the smart and often ingenuous creatures they are, have created ways of simulating tastes when what they want is unavailable or too expensive."

That excited the chubby mare to no end. "Ooh. Yes! Gimme-gimme-gimme."

Lyra chuckled as she watched Crisp clap her hooves like a filly receiving chocolate. "Hold on, silly. I'm going to list some books and a few noted human chefs you'll want to talk to. They should be able to point you in the right direction for pleasing omnivorous stomachs."

By the time she was finished writing, the mare was practically bouncing in place. The whole office was vibrating.

When she finished, Crisp snatched the list away and bolted. "Thanks, have a nice day, bye."

"Uh, you're welcome," Lyra said to thin air. She started a bit as the door slammed behind the speedy fry cook.

She looked about her empty office and coughed a bit. "Well. That was fast. So, um... now I'm talking to myself. Why not? That was the last client of the day, and I'm done early. Hm."

She fidgeted a little in her chair. "I guess it's time to go over this week's finances, huh?"

"You'd better," Millie chimed sweetly as she strode into the room, followed by a couple other employees. "If you're out early, so are we. And we would like to get paid."

Lyra chuckled. "Planning a night on the town, are you?"

The other employees all grinned. Millie rolled her eyes, but smiled all the same. "What else has a young mare to do on a Friday night?"

(1) On a related note, the chances for a wizard to get diabetes rose dramatically.

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