• Published 3rd Apr 2016
  • 3,343 Views, 346 Comments

The Anthropologist - Weavers of Dreams



Join Lyra as she interacts in various human-related problems ranging from wannabe Nazis to eldritch horrors that just need some love. No problem is too great that it can't be fixed with a baseball bat or high-powered cieling fan, that's a promise.

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-17- Wednesday Part: Five

"Ah, yeah, this is the way to unwind after a stressful day," Lyra remarked before she guzzled her punch.

Mark Smith's farewell party was in full swing at Town Hall. Pinkie's usual over the top flare was presented well, although a little more mature than a filly or colt's party. One of the punch bowls had been designated for adults only, for obvious reasons. The only youngsters allowed were the ones who had earned their cutie marks at least a year ago, and half of those still had an early bedtime. Not that they didn't come anyway.

Ponies and some of the resident humans were milling about the dancefloor as Vinyl Scratch worked her station, while a certain Neon Lights was singing into the microphone. Pinkie had already selected a number human songs she felt were appropriate for the party. And Pinkie could usually be trusted with her feelings.

As it was, Neon was rocking out the current song, much to the delight of a certain mare.

Jet Black Dress

Lyra licked up the last few drops of her punch and wiped her mouth with a napkin in proper Canterlot fashion, and trotted out onto the dancefloor herself. The good thing about parties like this, no matter how close you got to another pony, they would not be able to tell you hadn't showered that morning. That was bonus for her.

Unlike Twilight Sparkle, Lyra could actually bust a few moves. Namely three. Which was three more than Twilight could do. Though her poor mother was at a loss as to where she had learned to breakdance. But she had calmed down as soon as Lyra had explained it was a human dance style. Ah, those few times you could convince your parents something was educational and get out of various chores and obligations.

Anyway, she only really knew the jackhammer, windmill, and a power step, but she could do them well enough to make keep a crowd cheering for a while. She had once attempted a head stand. It did not go over well.

Suffice to say, she was grateful that horns were a continuously growing part of a unicorn's anatomy.

Everyone backed away as she literally began milling about on the padded floor, to both admire her skill and avoid getting knocked out by her powerful movements. Funnily enough, it was actually more dangerous dancing beside her than Twilight. After living in the small town for a few years, everyone had learned to give their favorite anthropologist plenty of space whenever she felt like cutting a rug.

Not to say everyone enjoyed it though. There were definitely some mutterers who sulked off to the refreshments table. But that was no reason Lyra couldn't have some fun, now was it?

At least she didn't think so. She whooped and cheered as she hopped and spun in place.

Of course, she only had enough stamina to last the rest of the song.

Everyone clapped once the music faded out and the two musicians waved to crowd. Then an obviously pregnant Vinyl stepped out from around her station and right up to Neon, smiling roguishly. Neon just seductively waggled his eyebrows back at her.

Being a mute, Vinyl quickly signed with her hooves, <Now I wish I had worn my black dress tonight.> She leaned forward and gave him a quick kiss and then waddled back to select their next song.

"Cute couple," Lyra chuckled, having witnessed the sweet moment.

"They're okay."

If she had had another mug of punch, she'd have done a spit take. A double take would have to suffice.

"Oh, hi Noteworthy," she greeted the stallion with a big hopeful grin. "I don't suppose you left your wife at home did you?"

Noteworthy chuckled and shook his head. "No, Bon Bon knew you'd be here."

Lyra's face fell. "Great. She'll sniff me out soon enough and start lecturing me on the merits of bedtime and proper nutrition." She sighed. "Ugh, sometimes she seems less like a friend and more like a cross between a Jewish mother and Chinese father."

"Come again?" Noteworthy's face twisted in comic incomprehension.

"It's an anthropological joke," Lyra waved it off with a mock huff. "Anyway, you'd think she'd let me go about my own business, seeing as I pay rent and am a certified adult. I'm perfectly capable of taking care on myself."

"Aaah," Noteworthy softly chided her, "you know we consider you family, Lyra. She can just be a little..."

"Overbearing?" Lyra suggested smugly.

Noteworthy looked around to make sure the coast was clear. "You said it, not me."

Lyra giggled a bit. "I know she means well." She trotted up and pressed her shoulder against the stallion's in a friendly gesture. "She really wants me to join you and form a herd. And, I must say, every day the temptation gets stronger."

Noteworthy blushed red and began to stammer.

Lyra nuzzled his cheek and chuckled. "But, there's still a few things I need to take care of before I can even begin to think of settling down." Stepping back she gave the flustered stallion a onceover. A very satisfying onceover. "But, don't worry, if that day ever comes, I will be sure to look you up. Hope you won't mind a pruny old hobbler of a mare by that time."

Noteworthy rolled his eyes. "As if Bonny would give me any choice."

"Darn right."

Both ponies whipped their heads to the side to see the candy colored mare pushing her way through the crowd and approaching the suddenly nervous mint mare. "Finally found you, Lyra. Where were you last night? Twist was so upset."

"Oh, that's right," Lyra groaned, facehooving. "Tuesday nights are when I tell her human stories. Dang it. I'm sorry, Bon Bon."

Bon Bon wasn't finished. "You never took a bath, either. I have a foal, I know that scent. Probably eaten junk food all day, too."

"I balanced it out with vegetables," Lyra stated, taking an unsure step back as her friend got closer.

"What kind?" Bon demanded with a glare.

"Um, potato."

"You ate a load of fries, didn't you?" Bon Bon seemed to look directly into the mare's soul.

Lyra's ears drooped and she lowered her head. The candy maker could not be deceived. "Yes."

"Ugh," Bon Bon muttered. "And what did you sleep on? A rock? there are lines all over you body."

Lyra inwardly cursed herself for not being able to groom herself beyond a publicly reasonable state. "I slept in my office chair." Bon Bon opened her mouth to chide her again, but Lyra quickly cut her off. "Yesterday ended really bad, okay, Bonny? It was mentally and spiritually draining for me, okay? I'm sorry I was unable to meet your standards today."

Bon Bon was taken aback by the resentment in Lyra's voice. "Lyra... I-I'm sorry. Didn't mean to..."

Lyra sighed. "No, I'm sorry, Bon Bon. I took my frustration out on you, and I'm sorry."

"Oh," Bon put a hoof around her friend's neck and pulled her head against her chest. "It's alright, Lyra. I know I can be a little overbearing."

There was no mistaking the way the earth pony had stressed that last word. She had heard them. Both Lyra and Noteworthy chuckled nervously.

"It's just that," Bon gave Lyra a little squeeze, "you're just like a little sister to me, Lyra. I want you to take care of yourself. Don't be sorry. I was being inconsiderate."

Lyra gave her friend's hoof a pat. "It's okay. Just... um, try to lighten up on the mothering in the future. Please?"

"No promises," Bon Bon chuckled as she gave the mare a final squeeze before releasing her. "Well. Just as long as you don't make this a habit. Alright?"

Lyra nodded. "Of course, of course," she said quickly. "Although, you do know I'm a year older than you right? I could hardly be your little sister."

"Not if you take maturity into account," Bon Bon teased with a grin. Lyra snorted and rolled her eyes. Bon Bon then gave her friend a sympathetic look. "Do want to talk about it?"

Lyra shook her head. "No offense, Bonny. You're a good friend, really. But, it's not really your business."

Bon Bon nodded. "Sure, Lyra. But remember, Notes and I will always be there if you need us."

"Ah, Lyra, there you are."

All eyes turned to the rotund old man that had made his way through the crowd. Mark Smith, the man of the hour stood their smiling in his tailored suit and leaning on his bamboo cane. "I've been looking all over for you. Pinkie Pie wants you to and I to join Neon and Vinyl on stage for the next song."

Lyra took the opportunity to perk up. "Sure, Mr. Smith. I'll be right there. But, I'll need to borrow a guitar. I didn't exactly bring mine."

"I brought it for you," Bon Bon piped up.

"Actually, that was me," Noteworthy muttered.

"Oh, shush," his wife waved him off. "I thought you might need it. It's up on stage."

Lyra thanked her friends and trotted after Mark.

Now, Lyra did play the lyre. She was a master at it in fact. But, any musician that only knew how to play one instrument was either a hobbyist or outright obsessed. Lyra was no casual.

She plucked a few strings of her red electric guitar experimentally as she looked over the music sheet she had been handed. To the side, Mark was ensuring his bagpipes were tuned properly, and Neon was preparing his voice for the next song. When they had each finished they looked at each other and nodded.

"We have a treat for you tonight," Neon proclaimed out to the gathering crowd. "Performing on stage with my lovely wife and I" -Vinyl waved energetically to the crowd- "are none other than one of our resident humans, Mark Smith..."

The crowd cheered, the ponies stomping their hooves while the humans clapped.

"And Ponyville's favorite anthropologist, Lyra Heartstrings."

Lyra mimicked Vinyl's enthusiasm. More cheers erupted.

"And tonight, we're going to play you yet another human song. One that I, personally, have been wanting to do for a while yet. So, whose ready to rock out?"

The cheers were almost deafening. Not needing a second clue, they launched wholeheartedly into the tune.

Holy Thunderforce

Not exactly a dancing tune, everyone instead jumped in place, stomping their hooves or pumping their fists in the air. All except two ponies who sat back near the punch bowl.

"That mare, always rushing about as if somepony's about to bite her," Bon Bon said with a chuckle as she watched Lyra strum out those notes with a passion. She took a sip of the sweet punch before continuing. "One might almost think she was trying to distract herself from life itself."

Noteworthy practically downed his own cup in one gulp. "She's young, Bonny, and wants to accomplish as many things as she can before it's too late. I'm pretty sure you can sympathies, right Agent Sweetie Drops?"

Bon Bon was slightly miffed. "We're not exactly old, ourselves, Notes. Besides, I retired from SMILE years ago."

"What about the bugbear?"

"Hush," the mare dismissed him before she took a big gulp. "That was unavoidable. Those six mares may have some special powers, but they do lack a certain amount of experience. I merely lent them a much needed hoof."

Noteworthy set his cup down and pressed up against her side. "Whatever you say dear. Now, back to Lyra. I know you really want her as a herd sister, and I'm in no way against it... "

Bon Bon cover his mouth with a hoof and snorted. "Before you launch into some cliché speech about how maybe a family to call her own might not be in her future, or how maybe she may never give up her independence, let me tell why that's bupkis." She set her cup aside and cleared her throat.

"She's an adult mare who, while rather childish at times, is not some emo teenager trying to act edgy." She managed to keep her voice below the wild din. "She's so close to us that Twist is already calling her Aunty Lyra, she helps with the household whenever she can, and, heck, I haven't had reason to complain about squeaky hinges ever since she moved into our basement."

"Oh WD-40, will human wonders ever cease?" Noteworthy said, smiling like a like colt with his favorite toy.

"Exactly, dear," she said, giggling at her stallion's reaction. "She is basically family, and the way I see her staring at your backside, when she thinks no ones looking, tells me that she wants be quite a bit closer."

The blue stallion turned a bright shade of red. "Uuuuhh..."

Bon Bon leaned closer and gave him a peck on the lips. "Don't act so flustered. It wouldn't do for you to act like that when she finally accepts."

"You're rather confident," Noteworthy said, his face starting to return to it's normal shade. "I only hope she doesn't start to think we're a couple of gold-diggers."

"As if," the mare rolled her eyes. "We've put our little Twister through ballet and have a generous amount saved up for her enrollment for the Chocolatier Academy, with plenty left over for a second child due to the rent that that mare insists on paying. Can you even remember the last time we were scrambling to cover a bill?"

"Actually there was that time..."

"It was rhetorical, Notes," Bon Bon said with a sigh. "The point being. She's holding herself back for some reason. We won't pressure her, or anything. She just needs some soft encouragement." She grasped her cup again and downed the remainder of the punch. "Though, speaking of a second child... what say we go back home and check on Twist before we head off to bed. What say you?"

Not a moment later, a smug Bon Bon was draped over Noteworthy's shoulder as he raced on home with a big grin on his face.

Author's Note:

Argh, someone please tell me how to add the youtube videos.

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