Group Precipitation

by FanOfMostEverything

Chaos Theory, by FoME

The first day of school at CHS was generally fairly laid back. The atmosphere of the school as a whole was one of anticipation and positivity as much as longing for more summer days. Most teachers focused on overarching reviews and introducing themselves and their new classes to one another.

Most.

Mr. Discord’s sixth period class took their seats and looked around, finding no sign of the teacher. Their idle chatter filled the room until the bell rang.

Everyone turned to the whiteboard then. The bell between classes usually didn’t sound like it was announcing round one of a heavyweight championship.

Mr. Discord lurched up from the turnbuckle that hadn’t been there a second ago, draped in a patchwork poncho under which the students could see his plaid gloves. He tossed off both, revealing a five-star general’s uniform, and marched behind his desk.

After a ninety-degree pivot turn, he flicked out an extending pointer and smacked it against the whiteboard, diagrams flowing out from the point of contact. “According to a recent study at the University of Nonesuch-upon-Codswallop, all flavors of neutrino do indeed have a minute but nonzero mass.” Students scrambled to open notebooks, or in some cases, backpacks. Mr. Discord didn’t seem to notice, smacking various parts of the whiteboard as he went on. “However, they did not possess that mass prior to magic becoming widespread in the universe, suggesting a heretofore thaumic component to their makeup.

“Now, there are three flavors of neutrino.” Mr. Discord, now wearing a three-piece suit, whirled about, slammed his desk with both palms, and pointed at the class. “Similarly three flavors of student in this room! The first wrote down that tidbit like dutiful monastic scribes in the Middle Ages. The second is enjoying a lovely post-lunch food coma. The third is Fluttershy, who is being a dear and letting me go about my nonsense without saying anything.”

Fluttershy smiled and said nothing, even as a spotlight shone down on her for a few moments.

“Because that was nonsense, dear students. There is no such study, university, or town. I had hoped the name would tip you off if the alleged findings hadn’t, but I see that some of you are still trapped in the nigh-robotic mindset so many of your teachers have beaten into you over the years.” Mr. Discord shook his head inside enough aluminum foil for the world’s largest baked potato. “You dutifully record their lessons into your memory and regurgitate them upon command like good little reel-to-reels, and if any of you know what I’m talking about without asking your grandparents, I will be truly surprised.

“But a scientist cannot simply work by rote and trust in authority. Faith in a higher power is the luxury of religion and economics.” Mr. Discord considered his gold and crimson vestments for a moment. “But I repeat myself. A scientist must doubt, must question, must cross-examine and look for all the ways his colleagues have tilted the data like a cheater at a pinball table. Again, ask your grandparents.

“Your previous science teachers here at CHS have instilled the fundamentals of the scientific method into your young skulls. Before we begin in earnest, I must make sure you have the scientific mindset to match.”

He snapped his fingers. One flash of light later, the class found themselves in a room the size of the gym filled with bizarre daises, incomplete puzzles, lines of all colors along the walls, and enough disassembled components for at least five monkey statues.

“To that end, you have the remainder of the class period to get out of this escape room. Critical thinking, collaboration, and experimentation will all be necessary.” Mr. Discord grinned as he took in the class’s expressions. “Welcome to your first day of AP Physics, my dears. To those of you who had me last year, know that I don’t pull punches with my seniors.”

Comments

[Anar Isil]

Why couldn't I have had any high school teachers like this?

[FredMSloniker]

and enough disassembled components for at least five monkey statues.

[garfan]

as a student, you have to be told something before you can find out what the thing you're being told means

[jpony]

Noooooo not the shrine of the silver monkey anything but that

[Neece]

He's both their best and worst teacher

[Dark Feather]

10868786
I hope I can be a teacher like this.

[Eroraf86]

10868786
My physics teacher senior year might come close. ADD, pyromaniac, once deliberately inhaled chlorine gas as a student to see what would happen. Philip Moon, great guy.

[Ri2]

10882219
But then where do the souls of her church's adherents go when they die?

[FanOfMostEverything]

10882222
She's not sure. Which means it's one of the many things the various sects like to argue about.

[My name is R]

“Because that was nonsense, dear students. There is no such study, university, or town. I had hoped the name would tip you off if the alleged findings hadn’t,

I thought the name seemed fishy, but then again, some real places are. I'd have given it 50-50 odds.

You dutifully record their lessons into your memory and regurgitate them upon command like good little reel-to-reels, and if any of you know what I’m talking about without asking your grandparents, I will be truly surprised.

I thought he was referring to his general sentiment until I realized that he was specifying grandparents for historical reasons.

A scientist must doubt, must question, must cross-examine and look for all the ways his colleagues have tilted the data like a cheater at a pinball table. Again, ask your grandparents.

...I know I'm older than his class, but I'm not that old. I know projectors and pinball tables. I've seen them alive and... well, maybe they were on their way out, but they're not gone yet.