Group Precipitation

by FanOfMostEverything

That Escalated Quickly, by Crack-Fic Kai

The initial night of the meeting was neither dark nor stormy, so it had to be put off. They had to wait days, for this was a serious meeting, and once a sufficiently dark and stormy night blew across Canterlot, Pinkie Pie and Ruby Rose stared at each other wearing their serious faces.

They sat down on a park bench that should have been cloaked in shadow, but municipals had gotten around to fixing the street light. Ruby kicked her legs in annoyance but didn’t say anything. After all, real spy missions had tons of things go terribly wrong and she could endure some pleasant light. Electing to make the best of it, Ruby lowered her voice and growled, “Do you have it?”

Pinkie Pie, wearing a leather jacket and black fedora, shrugged and looked away. “Maybe I do and maybe I don’t, see?” She said. “Depends on if you’re as good as your word, see?”

Ruby snorted in what she hoped was a cynical manner. “Don’t insult me. This is the good stuff.” She patted the food tray on her lap. “30 chocolate chip cookies shaped like shot glasses. You can load these boys up with as much milk as you want and…” she bit her lip, “like, eat them and stuff. How does my uncle talk like this all the time?"

“You’re just trying a bit to hard,” Pinkie said. “You don’t want to overreach. Stop at ‘as much milk as you want,’ and smirk or something. For fun I make a cheat sheet of stuff I can use when I’m doing a bit. You wanna see sometime?”

“That sounds like fun!” Ruby said, before returning back to character. “But I ain’t here for fun. Do you have the Intel?”

Pinkie looked down at the cigarette case in her hand. She slowly pulled out a lollipop, taking the time to enjoy the first lick, before she smiled and answered. “The Nineteenth of June. That's their anniversary. The night it all began. In the afternoon.”

Not wanting to be out-toughed, Ruby took out her hip-flask and downed a shot of milk. “You're sure?”

Pinkie glared at the girl. “Hey, I’m a business woman. I sell goods, see? And if my goods ain’t good, then that’s bad for business, and I don’t do bad business. See?”

“…Yeah,” Ruby bluffed. “Clear as crystal. The deed is done, then. Sunset Shimmer will never see it comi—“

“Is something happening?”

Both girls leapt off their bench and screamed as Sunset Shimmer appeared behind them. “Sorry!” Sunset exclaimed. “I didn’t mean to scare you, but I do a check when certain people say my name, and it's late and you two weren't home, and I got… worried… actually, what are you two doing?”

“NOTHING SUSPICIOUS,” Pinkie said as she pulled Ruby up from her supplicating pose. “We were… not being suspicious at night all alone because… we’re secretly in love?” Ruby squeaked uselessly as Pinkie shifted her grip from around her shoulder to around her waist. “And we wanted to keep it away from the public because of how the church would freak out and it’s just so romantic how can you not sympathize with us?”

Sunset thought about Pinkie Pie’s best impression of Rarity for a moment. “You’re desperately in love with Ruby?”

“More than, like, the stars? Stars are romantic.”

“Uh-huh. And you’re completely obsessed with her?”

Pinkie carefully trembled her bottom lip. “I don’t know if I can live without her, Sunset—“

“What’s her full name?”

Pinkie opened her mouth.

Her brain, normally incredibly reliable, informed her that she’d never been told Ruby’s last name, it was funnier if she didn't know, and that she was on her own.

Pinkie closed her mouth.

Desperately, her eyes roamed the park for anything useful. Her eyes settled on a flowerbed, and most specifically on the gorgeous red rose in the center.

“Ruby Garden,” she said confidently.

Ruby covered her face with her hands, and without missing a beat Pinkie dove onward. “Is what I call her because of her love of gardening because we have cute pet names now and aren’t we precious?”

“You don’t actually think I’m buying this?”

“Okay, what if we kissed romantically?” Ruby squeaked as Pinkie dipped her and stared soulfully into her eyes, a rose clenched in her teeth. “En realidad no hablo español, Ruby Garden. Grande Amore.”

Ruby blushed, and Pinkie was surprised to feel a slight shiver in her chest. She leaned towards Ruby's lips—

“Okay!” Ruby interrupted. She pushed herself to her feet, looked at Sunset and nearly bowed again, but Sunset’s expression stopped her. “Um… your gloriousness—“

“It’s two o’clock in the morning,” Sunset said, “please talk normally.”

“R-right… so we at the Church of the Divine Bacon Horse were looking for a way to expand our calendar beyond our initial holidays celebrating you.”

Sunset closed her eyes and forced herself to remember that this counted as normal speech.

“And since we don’t know when your birthday is (yet,) Pinkie approached us with a… romantic option—“

“She made me tell her when your anniversary was!” Pinkie exclaimed.

“What?” Ruby whirled around glared up at the taller girl. “I did not! You took that bribe fair and square!”

“They were shot-glass cookies! That’s not fair and you know it! Its like expecting Sunset not to give in every time Twilight takes her hand and makes eye contact for longer than two seconds.”

“It's not… every time,” Sunset weakly offered, but the two girls ignored her.

“Well,” an affronted Ruby said, “Fine then! We’ll plan the celebration without you!”

Pinkie gasped. “You can’t properly plan a perfect party without Pinkie Pie present!"

"Watch me!" Ruby said. "I can do anything you do, better!"

Pinkie's eyes narrowed. "You’re not half the Genki Girl I am!”

“Oh yeah?” Ruby declared. “I’m energetic! I’m fun! I’m super cute with pretty eyes!”

Pinkie blinked, momentarily thrown off. "You think my eyes are pretty?"

“And I’ll get this done myself!” Ruby declared, before dramatically running away.

“I hope you're happy Sunset!” Pinkie shouted. “You’ve destroyed a relationship that lasted for a whole minute!”

Sunset stared at Pinkie as she ran away, before turning to look at Ruby’s steadily retreating form.

She sighed. “This is not going to end well.”

Comments

[Daedalus Aegle]

*Romantic voice* Omelette du fromage...

[Bugsydor]

9683005
Oh I do love cheesy French dialogue...

[GMBlackjack]

The Nineteenth of June. That's their anniversary. The night it all began. In the afternoon.

This... is a very particular and numerically interesting date.

I am certain it is just a coincidence.

-GM, master of the Tower.

[FanOfMostEverything]

9683053
It actually is; the two officially declared their relationship on Father's Day, 2016.

At least, as far as I know, it's a coincidence. There's the question of who's writing our universe, but that way lies madness.

[Crack-Fic Casey]

9683066
I put down the date Oversaturation was published.

[Darkstarling]

You're right Sunset. It's going to end BETTER!

[A.P.O.N.I.]

I am in favor of this accidental ship.

[Snowdrifter]

i.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/013/974/clap.gif

[Bookwurm666]

9683005
I remember that episode of '"Dextor's Lab"

[DraconequusInLove]

I ship it.