Group Precipitation

by FanOfMostEverything

Cannot Be Unbean, by FoME [Profanity][Sex][Dear God Why]

Author's Note:

You can blame MythrilMoth for this one. He's the one who noted the crossover potential with a certain other fan setting.

The door to the local ETSAB office nee gym storage closet creaked open, revealing Ditzy Doo, a haunted look on her face, her eyes shocked into alignment.

Agent Heartstrings looked up from her newspaper and stuck her head out of the spacial fold that contained most of her office. "So. How was your first look at universe Two-Three-Upsilon?"

"Nope," said Ditzy, trudging forward.

"As I recall," continued Lyra, "when I first told you about it, your reaction was, and I quote, 'It can't be that bad."

"Nope nope nope nope nope nope nope." Ditzy collapsed into the chair on the other side of Lyra's desk.

The ETSAB was supposed to be the good guys. One would've never guessed that based on Lyra's smirk. "Well?"

Ditzy took a deep breath. "You know how I can see fundamental entities out in probability space? Sunset, Trees of Harmony, Fauna Luster, that sort of thing?"

"Yes."

"There is a giant fucking bean on top of that universe. And I mean that in every conceivable sense of the phrase." Ditzy slammed her hands on the desk. One of her eyelids started to twitch. "What the actual crap?"

Lyra gave one hand a conciliatory pat. "First rule of probability space, Ditzy. Everything that can happen does. Everything."

"Can we nuke the site from orbit?"

Lyra blinked. "There are at least five things wrong with that question on moral, logistical, and factual grounds."

"I know," said Ditzy. "I still think it's the best option."

Comments

[Dark Feather]

WTF?!?

[Eroraf86]

I have no idea what just happened, but it is hilarious and I want more of it.

[G S tol Kriaal]

This is exactly what I was afraid it was going to be, and yet not as bad as I feared

[Bugsydor]

Augh. I remember seeing those fics popping up in the new stories queue. Why were they created? How were they not rated-M? Who thought this was a good idea?!

[Neece]

GODDAMMIT SYEEKOH/MYTRHILMOTH!!!

[Arkonfleight]

...I was kind of hoping for universal nopes from Divine Bacon Horse. This will do.

[A.P.O.N.I.]

What was the crossover universe?

[jpony]

just look up beanis in the search then go to the local store and get some brain bleach

[PiMan]

8950674
https://www.fimfiction.net/group/212745/beanis-cinematic-universe

8950718
Click/tap the >> in the top right of a comment to respond to a particular comment. That way the person you're responding to will get a notification.

[Blue_Paladin42]

Something I never expected to say on this story...

"GODDAMMIT SYEEKOH!"

[Papa Dragon]

lol

[Fuzzyfurvert]

I like that this implies that Lyra knows of the BCU someway, and that it is used as a hazing universe.

[mastermenthe]

This ended better than expected!

[forbloodysummer]

More!

The ETSAB was supposed to be the good guys.

This sentence doesn't quite sound right to me, like it should either be were instead of was so it's all plural?

[A.P.O.N.I.]

8950836
I feel satisfied with the level of knowledge that I now hold, and will pursue this no further.

[PiMan]

8951175
That's for the best.

[Undeadking243]

8950718
I agree.

[Noctis Prism]

Huh, never has a reason to make bean casserole been as validated as this. For the greater good even at that.

[Orbiting Kettle]

I have a vision of inter-dimensional contraband and on the weeping of those who have to sequester the ware and fill the forms for the inventory.

"And here we have..."
"Yes?"
"I have no idea."
"Let me see that... You know full well what that is."
"I stand by my previous declaration. I also formally request a sick-leave."
"Not before we finish with these containers."
"Goddammit, Syeekoh."

[WanderingPony]

Beanisemination count: +1

[DanaO]

Presumably ESTAB decontaminates for potentially-sapient memes. I'd hate to think Ditzy could spread it to this universe's Twilight. Who could spread it to Ruby. Things could get bad from there. ...Although I'm a bit curious just how badly this particular outside context problem could leave our Assorted Vague Plotters _______. And if the lossless encoding problem's been solved yet that thing's even got anti-fae potential in a twisted sort of way.

Okay. We can't actually let this cross occur. But I am awed by and terrified of the potential.

[Lanigiro]

8950574
I'm... at least 60% certain that most of them are, actually, rated M now. Not sure if that's retroactive, just bringing that up.

[Malandy]

So, that means that that universe has sufficiently high probability to be visible to both the ETSAB and Ditzy?

Though, if that probability threshold is low enough, I'm fine...

[DraconequusInLove]

crossover potential with a certain other fan setting.

can I suggest a crossover?