Titter at The Tantabus
Twilight walked up to Rarity as the six renewed their journey. Pinkie Pie was hopping and skipping, Rainbow Dash was hovering while Applejack led the way. It appeared that the paladin was starting to feel more than Nightmare Moon’s evil and discern it from the other evil she detected. Fluttershy covered the rear whistling to herself to calm her nerves.
“That was very impressive magic, I didn’t know anyone could perform that many enchantments in concert before,” Twilight said commenting Rarity’s skill.
“Well, Darling, I never really thought about it like that. I have always been short on time when it comes to filling my orders. If it’s not the fact that I am the only tailor in town, for the most part. Also with my family wanting to take frequent trips out of town.” Rarity then gave a sigh. “Let’s just say, while I do love my parents and little sister, I have dreams that, well… clash with them.”
“Still, how did you manage to bond your hair and change it to match what the dragon’s hair? I mean they are colors on the opposite ends of the color wheel, the texture could not be the same...” Twilight started to list the difference she noted.
Rarity stopped Twilight there. “I have always had to transmute some of my fabrics as part of my enchanting for my orders. I never really thought about how I did it, only that I had to and did it.” Rarity informed.
“You have to show me when this over,” Twilight asked.
“Why?” Rarity asked as the six continued onwards. “You have to be one of if not the most talented young mage in Mystica for Princess Celestia to even consider you as a pupil at her school, let alone her personal student.”
The Tantabus arrived in a heavily forested area of the Everfree, halfway between the drawbridge leading to the castle and the river Grogar's army was staged. The trees were for the most part dead, not that there was not new life growing, or that the dead trees were not unused, but most would only see death and blight. The Tantabus saw the life that was hidden there by the darkness, life only the Nightborn celebrated, those others considered monstrous, aberrant and abominable, much how like their Skyborn ancestors and kin view them, or ugly and disgusting as the Magicborn view them. As for among Earthborns, they viewed the animals as a necessity, while not always pleasant, and so this image was transferred to the Nightborns. Of the three main races, the Nightborn would always side with the Earthborn, regardless of who was right or their own personal views.
The Tantabus, like most Nightborn, counted mostly Earthborns in his heritage. Even his own brother was an Earthborn. His mind drifted back to his childhood when Skyborns mocked his mammalian wings, and Magicborns scoffed at his nocturnal nature. Earthborns, even his brother, could not understand, but they at least acknowledge their ignorance and while most didn’t try to understand, they treated him and other Nightborn like anyone else, they understood what it meant to be mocked and ridiculed for their perceived weaknesses and faults.
But there was only one person that truly understood the Nightborn, but a thousand years ago she was stolen from them and thrown into the void of space because she dared to take was her right. He remembered that day, the dawn when the Maiden in the Moon appeared. He had just escaped the dragon’s lair where he just lost his brother. The two had agreed to one last venture before he started the final trial to affirm his loyalty, fidelity, dutifulness and near piety to his mistress and his brother would head out to start his own family.
The two people he cared for the most were taken from on the same day. He had not had the chance to mourn his brother before his lady was taken away.
“Holder! Holder! Speak to me! Big Brother!” He cried as he did his best to move the rocks, but he could not make any headway. “No. No. No. No.” he began to cry. “Please, Please.”
He continued to struggle but it was fruitless. It was just as near the dawn as he looked up and from the area of the old capital he noticed a multicolored beam directed to the moon and collide with it. But he felt something about the beam, he felt something of himself receiving most of the blow. “No… No… No… Not her too. Not her too.” Tears started to roll down his cheeks.
He knew there was only one thing and one person that could cause that. “CURSE YOU, CELESTIA!” He roared with pure unadulterated wrath. After a few breaths. He took out a dagger and plunged it into the palm of his left hand, he then took it out and began to make a circle with the blood that came from the fresh wound. There were many lunar and moon related symbols. Once he finished the circle, “By my blood, which I gave as the night ends, I swear everlasting fidelity to the Maiden of the Moon, may my actions further her ends and dreams, may her will be achieved through me. I renounce my name, my identity, myself, and will bear only what she deems fit. Do you accept this offering, Princess of the Night?” He called out and he paused for a minute and soon he spoke, but it was not his voice, “I do and give you a new identity, Grandmaster of the Order of Shadows. You are…. The Tantabus.”
The memory ended as he heard the voice of the apprentice and several others, most likely the five would-be-bearers, one was clearly a paladin, another a druid and another an enchantress. The other two remained a mystery, but if he was a betting man, which he wasn’t, one would be an elementalist. “Time to act.” He said as he slipped into the darkness.
“There is so much of magic I didn’t know,” Twilight commented as her talk with Rarity drew to a close as they arrived in the area of dead trees that Rep told them about.
Applejack suddenly stopped causing Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie to crash into her. “What the? Why did you stop…” Rainbow Dash asked she followed Applejack gaze. She too fell silent as she too noticed what was going on. “Why is it so humid all of a sudden?” She asked. Not only that there were several paths ahead. They arrived at a naturally accruing fork in the road.
Twilight noticed the change as well, “It’s the air temperature. Without the light of the sun and its heat, the air temperature is nearing the dew point.” Twilight answered. “If this keeps up, it will not only rain but sleet and hail and eventually snow. And soon the world will freeze to death...”
Twilight paused, That’s why Nightmare Moon was banished to the moon in the first place, this world cannot survive in an eternal night and Celestia knew it. There is a fragile balance of Day and Night, of Light and Darkness and Nightmare Moon threatened to throw that balance into turmoil. “We’ve got to move, we’re running out of time,” Twilight said as she started to look around seeing many paths ahead. “Which is the fastest route?” She asked aloud.
“The fastest way, save through teleportation, is the one second to the left from the center.” a voice answered as a man emerged from the shadows right behind them as if he was once part of them. He was dressed in black leather, with a long black cloak, his hood covering his face, “However, before you venture forth, I wish to speak with the Apprentice of the Late Princess Celestia.”
“That is me, Twilight Sparkle,” Twilight answered walking to be in front of everyone.
“I remember you, no ‘Velvet’ or ‘Light’ as your family name?” The man asked. However, before he got an answer, “Regardless, I am here to discuss the terms of your surrender.” The man said as he took off his hood, revealing a face while pale like the full moon was tattooed with every moon related symbol in Mystica’s history, his hair was mostly shaved off, but his argent beard and mustache remained.
“Excuse me?” Twilight asked baffled at what the stranger said.
“My mistress wishes only what is hers by right, but you happened to make yourself such a nuisance to her that she desires your head. But her wrath, like the moon she commands, can wane. Submit, renounce the treacherous Celestia, and it is not unlikely that my mistress will finish your training, and cover the areas Celestia was both lax in and she dared not to teach you. Or you could take to your knees and accept your fate should you continue to oppose my mistress here and now and the others shall be spared.” There was no malice, no anger, no pride in the man’s words. It was as if he was saying that the sky was blue… On a normal day away.
“I am not afraid of Nightmare Moon, nor you whatever your name is,” Twilight declared resolved to continue on her quest.
“My name is of no value, but I am referred to by the title ‘The Tantabus’ if you need something to call me by.” The Tantabus answered
“Regardless… um… Tantabus, why would I accept those terms when clearly you and Nightmare Moon are so afraid of me to make such an offer?” Twilight asked, resolute in her conviction to finish her quest.
The Tantabus then cast aside his cloak, revealing the fullness of his armor; if one followed the pattern of the metal stubs one could see many animals that at different times were associated with the moon; bulls, boars, wolves, bats, etc. “You are a fool to believe this act of mercy is a sign of weakness on Her Highness’ part or mine. I suggest you reconsider.”
Applejack drew her sword and stepped in front of Twilight, “No can do, Ah ain’t goin’ tah let yah…” she started when she was struck by a needle.
“HOLD!” the Tantabus said as he brought his left hand back to his side having sent the needle striking Applejack and freezing her in place. He then turned back to Twilight, “You may want to think it over. No need to rush, I have time to spare.”
“Well, we don’t, especially one so tactless in his attire in our way. Seriously, black leather armor, with metal studs, most likely wearing black wool underneath it, such a stereotype.” Rarity stated. “You think it makes you look ‘cool’, or ‘badass’ or intimidating, but it just reveals you to be a little child crying ‘Mommy never loved me enough, wah-wah…’”
The Tantabus vanished into the shadows and reappeared next to Rarity, he covered her eyes with his gloved right hand which glowed black. “Darkness,” He said and soon Rarity’s eyes were covered in a film of black. Rarity screamed her lungs out unable to see and kneeled to the ground. The man looked back to Twilight. “Your enchantress and paladin are incapacitated and it seems that your druid is also down for the count.” He said as he pointed to a new tree in this part of the forest, which was clearly out of place, being a living apple tree.
“Well, you don’t scare me. Just try to…” Rainbow Dash said as she readied her bow and took to the air. She was quickly taken aback as the man took to the sky and was right next to her. She barely recognized that at his ankles were a set of ethereal wings, but these were bat-like, “You’re a…”
“Nightmare,” he said as he placed his left hand on Rainbow Dash’s face. As he pulled away Rainbow Dash fell to the ground and huddled in the fetal position in utter horror, her mind trapped in her worst fear. The man landed shortly after and again turned to Twilight. “And that’s your elementalist. You have nothing else to counter me.”
“I have my magic.” Twilight then prepared to cast a spell, but before she could she was kneed in the gut and as she bent over was then elbowed in the back. As she started to fall she was picked up mid-air like she was a feather pillow and finally thrown to the ground like she was her own Smarty Pants doll.
“Not fast enough,” he said as he drew his sword when Twilight stopped rolling, “Well it was a valiant effort, but in the end futile.” The Tantabus prepared to bring his sword down with all his might on Twilight’s neck. Twilight was in too much pain to counter or escape. “For what it is worth, this is not personal.” He swung with all his might.
Squeak-squeak
The Tantabus looked and saw that his blade was blocked by some sort of large squeaky toy mallet. “What the…” He started to ask as he looked to handle of the mallet, to the white-gloved hands, to the pink sleeves all the way to the pink-haired jester.
“Nobody hurts my friends.” Pinkie Pie said with a degree of seriousness that Twilight has not seen. This seriousness, however, was not unknown by the other four.
The Tantabus took a long look at the jester and he started to back away in utter disbelief almost dropping his sword. “What… Holder… you’re...alive… how… I …” The Tantabus said as his mind seem to come to a grinding halt as he saw not Pinkie Pie, but a man with similar hair and skin color, the clothing, however, was not like the jester, but more akin to a farmer from a thousand years before.
“Holder? Do you mean Holder Cobblestone Pie?” Pinkie asked surprised at the name the Tantabus called her.
“It can’t be… how did he…” The Tantabus starting to grasp that the person in front of him was not his brother. “Yes…” he said still far from believing what he saw.
“He’s my great-great-great-great-great-... I am not entirely sure how many greats I need, he lived about a thousand years ago, anyway… great-grandfather. How did you know him?” Pinkie Pie asked.
“He… was… my…” the Tantabus tried to form a sentence the revelation was not doing any good for his psyche.
“Best Friend? Son? Cousin? Nephew?” Pinkie Pie started asking trying to figure out how the Tantabus knew her forefather.
“Bro...ther…” The Tantabus stuttered in befuddlement.
“UNCLE TANZANITE THROWER PIE!” Pinkie Pie shouted at the top of lungs in a level of joy and delight she has never shown since she dodged the rainbow on the day she found her calling and embraced the Tantabus in a hug that would break bones. Well at least Twilight’s bones as she calculated as she observed the scene. The Tantabus was lost in his thoughts, asking so many things… too many things…
SNAP
The Tantabus then froze as he just went blank. At that moment Applejack was set free from the force holding her, Rarity’s sight returned and Rainbow Dash’s waking nightmare ended. “What the hay just happened, Sugarcube?” Applejack asked.
“I have no idea, I hugged him and then his mind snapped and his spells just went… poof... done.” Pinkie Pie answered after ending her hug and started poking at his distant kin. “Hello, Uncle Tanzanite, you there?”
“I think you broke him, Pinkie Darling, and I doubt this is under his warranty.” Rarity commented as she got back to her feet and looked at the frozen man. “Well, with some work he might be able to make this all come together.” She said calling attention to his clothes. “Maybe some Lunar Eclipse Red here and there.”
While Rarity was assessing the Tantabus’ clothes, Fluttershy returned to her human form and as Rainbow Dash too started to recover from her nightmare and Applejack was helping Twilight back to her feet.
All the while Pinkie Pie was drawn to the Tantabus’ discarded cloak. She reached into one of the pockets and pulled out a piece of parchment with the word ‘warranty’ on it. Pinkie began reading it. “Actually no it is covered under the warranty. It says so right here section 5, subsection B paragraph 3 bullet i ‘Mental breakdown brought on by Pinkie Pie.’ Looks like Nightmare Moon still has 50 years left on the original warranty and she got the extension.”
Pinkie Pie continued to read it. “Hum… this is an interesting clause. ‘Any blood relative that reads this…” Pinkie Pie stopped and then her voice… it didn’t exactly change save become...darker. “Excellent investment my princess.”
“Pinkie what are you talking about.”
“It’s Pinkamena to you.” Pinkie said as she turned to face everyone else. Her hair… deflated to be flat against her, her skin became a darker pink her eyes… there was no joy in them. Out of nowhere six, throwing knives appeared in between her fingers. “And you are not going to laugh at me ever again,” Pinkamena said as she looked over the five. She turned to face away from the five, “This is going to get very dark, creepy and Cupcakes-like, Readers. You have been warned.”
As she turned back to the five, “I wonder what you all will taste like once I turned you into cupcakes.” an evil smile grew on Pinkamena's face as she started throwing her knives. The first six pinned Rainbow Dash to a tree and try as hard as she could she could not break free, but that did not stop her from trying.
Pinkamena then conjured more knives, these she used to pin Fluttershy and Rarity much like Rainbow Dash in much the same, way. Fluttershy was instantly gripped with fear and after crying out, if one looked they could see her slowly become tree-like. Rarity was a little more composed, but she too could not manage to escape. Unlike Rainbow Dash, she changed tactics and tried to enchant the knives to come out, but these were proving quite difficult.
Applejack was next target, but she knew the paladin would be the hardest to hold with her knives. So Pinkamena grabbed the Tantabus’ cloak and throw it at Applejack. The paladin proceeded to cleave it into two but the cut cloak then wrapped itself around Applejack and Twilight and much like the knives, the bifurcated cloak trapped them, stuck to trees. Twilight thrashed and squirmed trying to break free of the shadowy cloak binding her. Applejack was surprisingly calm, she looked up gave Twilight a smile and started to pray.
“Ow… And I was hoping for more of a challenge.” Pinkamena lamented. “Oh well, I did catch you all flat-footed. So who goes first?” She spoke as she walked up to Rainbow Dash. The elementalist continued to thrash and squirm, but the knives went so deep into the tree, it was the handle, her clothes and then the bark of the tree. Another thing was that the knives had their cutting edges next to the vital arteries of elementalist's arms and legs so even while she struggled if she struggled too much she'll cut those arteries. As Pinkamena approached she stuck out her tongue and licked the elementalist’s neck. Rainbow Dash froze as her hair shot up and then flatten. “So that’s what the rainbow tastes like. Don’t worry Dashie, I think I’ll keep you." Pinkamena then leaned into Rainbow Dash's ear and batting bedroom eyes whispered, "You taste too good to spoil with sugar and flour… for now... unless you want to try it.” Dash remained frozen and while everyone was focused on Pinkamena, there was a subdued pop.
Pinkamena then walked over to Fluttershy. The druid was still frozen in terror. “Maybe you,” Pinkamena said as she ran her hand through Fluttershy’s hair. She looked and saw Fluttershy had become more or a tree, save her face. “Or perhaps I’ll just use you for the fire itself.” At that moment only Fluttershy's eyes were still human and she was clearly starting to cry.
The dark jester then turned her attention to Rarity. The enchantress was still focusing on removing the knives pinning her to the tree. Pinkamena looked her over paused in thought. “Not sure what to do with you, so I’ll have to come back.” She said as she brushed Rarity’s check. Rarity was about to scream, but Pinkamena took hold of Rarity’s lower jaw her thumb on Rarity’s tongue, “Sh, sh, sh, I really don’t want to cut your tongue out right now, choking on your own blood is an icky way to do.” Rarity was left to give a pitiful fearful whimper. “Good girl.” And for good measure she pinned more Rarity's clothes to the tree, these, much like with Rainbow, were dangerously close to her arteries.
“Applejack, what do we do?” Twilight asked as panic gripped her as she struggled. The paladin remained in prayer, not answering the question. Twilight had no idea what Applejack was doing. Something like when she turned the undead? But that was good against undead, Pinkie...Pinkamena was clearly still alive.
“There is nothing you can do, Twily,” Pinkamena answered. “So any last things you all want to say to each other?” She asked as she stepped to be equidistant from all five. “Last words?”
Rainbow Dash spoke first, “It’s been nice knowing you Fluttershy. I regret not leaving a few more bruises on those bullies. Rarity, I love the dress you made me, I just wanted something more aerodynamic.”
“So who’s next?” Pinkamena pulled out a die and rolled it. “Rarity, you can speak.”
Rarity took a breath and then spoke. “I love you all, darlings. I know I have gotten carried away with the aesthetics, but I only wanted to show the world your beauty, all three of you. Fluttershy, I know you like it, but green is not your color. ”
“Okay,” Pinkamena picked the die back up and rolled it. “Well, Flutters you’re up.”
Fluttershy's voice was heard through her tree form. It was shaky and filled with terror, “Rarity, I know I should wear less green, but I still love the dress you made me. Rainbow, thank you for standing by me all these years. You have been the sister I never had, all of you. I love you all.”
Pinkamena asked rhetorically. “All right 100 proof you’re up.”
Applejack stopped her pray. She was actually calm as she spoke, no fear, no anger, “Rainbow, Ah know we get on each other’s nerves, but Ah act that way because Ah know yah can do great things and Ah am trying to get yah to do them. Rarity, Ah know we may never agree on aesthetics, but Ah do find yah work is nice to look at time to time. Fluttershy, we may not always agree when it comes to how to handle wildlife on mah farm, but I would not trade yah and our friendship for anything.” She took stopped and took a breath and she said something under her breath.
Pinkamena was taken aback but brushed it aside as she turned to Twilight. “You’re up,” Pinkamena sing-song mockingly.
“I just met you all, but I am not ready to go.” Twilight cried as she realized they were likely to not make it out… aliv…
“When I was a just little girl, and the sun was going dooown!” came the singing voice of the Pinkie Pie they all know from the dark Pinkie, but her mouth, while opened, was not moving.
"Is she?” Twilight started to ask.
“The darkness and the shadows, they always made me froooown!” Pinkie continued as it appeared she was fighting within herself.
“She is.” Rarity answered. “She is, and I never thought I’d be so happy to hear a Pinkie Pie song.” Rarity almost shouted in delight.
“I’d hide under my pillow from what I thought I saw! But Granny Pie said that wasn’t the way to deal with fears at all!” Bit by bit ‘Pinkamena’ was becoming Pinkie Pie again, first, her skin started to return to its normal shade.
“She said ‘Pinkie, you gotta stand up tall! Learn to face your fears! You’ll see that they can’t hurt you, just laugh to make them disappear!’” Her hair puffed up, complete with a puffing sound effect that had a bit of a Pinkie flair.
“So, Giggle at the ghostly” Pinkie’s eyes sparkled back to their usual liveliness.
“Guffaw at the grossly” Pinkie's clothes returned to their normal colorful cheerful shade of pink.
“Crack up at the creepy” the six knives vanished just like they appeared.
“Whoop it at the weepy” Pinkie’s voice returned to its normal pitch and tone.
“Chortle at the kooky” Pinkie Pie was now hopping in her usual happy way.
“Snortle at the spooky” and last but not least everything that restrained the five puffed into confetti save the cloak which returned to The Tantabus.
“And tell that dumb psycho in your head, even if he’s long lost and distant family, no especially if that the case, to take a hike and leave you alone and if he thinks he can scare your friends then he's got another thing coming and the very idea of such a thing just makes you wanna... hahahaha...heh…” Pinkie stopped singing properly but spoke-sang the last bite which turned into a full-on bout of laughter as she fell to the ground holding her sides. This lasted for a solid minute before she stopped and returned to her song. During that Fluttershy returned to her normal state and everyone seemed to have recovered from all that happened.
“Laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaauugh!” She held that note for a while and then stopped. “Thank you, you’ve been a wonderful audience. Don’t forget to order the house special, it’s really yummy, and remember to tip the serving staff, not the kind that actually involves knocking folks out because that’s just rude as it is mean.”
“What just… Never mind, I don't think it can be explained.” Twilight started but stopped herself.
"Ah can give you something that might help. Ah prayed, look like it worked."
"Thanks, Applejack, I really really did not like being that meanie-weenie about to hurt her friends." Pinkie Pie gave Applejack a thankful hug.
Snap
The Tantabus seemed to have recovered from what befell him. “Ouch.”
Pinkie Pie turned to the Tantabus, “Now talk.” the jester ordered him. The Tantabus simply slipped into the shadows. “Wait… we’re… long lost… family…” Pinkie Pie called out giving a depressed sigh at the end. Yet in less than a second, she was back to her usual self. “Well, we’ll cross that bridge when we get there.” She turned and saw Twilight was extremely nervous. “Everything alright Twi?”
“Did you really want to… Um…” Twilight started.
“If I did we would not be having this conversation, silly. Besides parties are nooo fuuun all alone.” She then pulled out a new hat, with a dozen bells and four whistles hanging from it and replaced the one on her head, “besides, finding so many new things in such a short time merits a special hat.”
“Aha.” Twilight said and thought ‘yeah a party of one would be no fun’ This time the tome did not glow instead in started to beep in a very upbeat tune.
“I know that song, it’s…” Pinkie Pie started but as Twilight opened her tome the beeping stopped. Pinkie dipped her head a little sad, “Aw and I really really wanted to sing my song. All you readers know the one, it’s from the show proper, Season 2, Episode 18 ‘A Friend in Deed’.” Turning back to Twilight, “Anyway that’s must be the fourth element. So which is it Twilight?” Pinkie Pie asked.
“Actually yes, but we don’t have time to talk,” Twilight said as she quickly read the new entry and closed her tome. At that moment rain started to fall from the sky. It was not very hard or fast, but they were running out of time. “We got to move!” Twilight put her tome back and started to the path The Tantabus pointed out. The other girls following.
Pinkie Pie noted that Rainbow Dash’s ethereal wings out but the elementalist was not flying. “Um, Rainbow Dash, why are your wings sticking out?” Pinkie Pie asked. Rainbow Dash froze for a second.
“I am fine, everything is fine, more than fine it’s all awesome,” Rainbow said to quickly and was clearly trying to hide something as she started to speed walk faster than she needed.
This was not unnoticed by Twilight, but now was not the time to ask. She was thinking about what she just read. The entry was much like the previous three Elements, but the gem in question was a kunzite and it told of the Element of Kindness. The entry of whom the bearer would be and the Element clearly did not match Pinkie Pie. Yes, the jester was, from Twilight could tell, a kind person… that was assuming that the recent ‘Pinkamena’ event was only a fluke brought on by The Tantabus’ magic and like the previous three, the last sentence was not punctuated with a period but with a butterfly.
The Tantabus arrived back at the drawbridge control. He was clearly still recovering from the fact he just encountered his family, a family he never thought he had, and the insanely strong hug that had him checking his bones to make sure they weren’t cracked. After finding that the only thing that happened was that his mind snapped after questioning Pinkie Pie but since snapped back, he was back to the matter at hand. Using the shadows pulled it up and jammed the gears so it could not be lowered easily.
“Let me guess, you too.” came Nightshade’s bored voice as his arrival did not go unnoticed.
The Tantabus was not in the mood to deal with the Shadowbolt,“You are up, smart-ass. Everyone else has failed. Happy, now.” He said gritting his teeth.
“I won’t be happy until the ones responsible for my incarceration lie bleeding on the floor thanks to my skills, I’m acknowledged for the greatness that I am, that prison you freed me from is razed, and the elite fliers all follow the tenants I know to be the most important. At best, I’m mildly amused. But don’t worry, I’ll show you what real talent is like.” She knocked on the stone next to her and an additional bow case fell into her waiting hand as she picked her own bow, Gloom Mark. That other bow, she put in her quiver.
The Tantabus took a breath. “Just stop them.” He then traveled through the shadows back to the Chambers of The Elements. Hydia’s fall back retinue seemed to be in order. The traps Catrina had started were done. Grogar sat in what was Her Majesty’s throne. Something that will not be forgotten nor forgiven. After checking on what remained of the ‘hired help’, Tantabus went to check on his mistress, using the shadows to circumvent the locked door. When he appeared in the Chamber of Elements, Nightmare Moon was showing signs of waking from the sleep spell inflicted on her. Tantabus made some calculations based on how she was coming around, by his reckoning it would be another forty-five minutes or so. He slipped through the shadows out of the room and took his place in the corridor between the Chamber of The Elements and the throne room. “You better not fail, Nightshade. Or it will be all of our heads.” He said under his birth.
Rep flew as fast as he could, the fiery wings gifted him while enabled him to fly again were not for flight in the woods. He passed the area where Applejack performed her Turn Undead. “They stood their ground in the face of overwhelming odds and carried on.” He said to himself.
He flew past the ravine and where Fluttershy healed him and set him free from his mental bonds, while Applejack set him free from his physical ones. He was nearing the river the group crossed. “I am catching up.” He surmised.
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7106353 Changed to tensed... While I feel comfortable with the present, you and Star Blazer have made many valid points. Feel free to comment, I do appreciate the feedback
7435678 Pinkie Pie's chapter is up, I hope you like it
Heh, Pinkie Pie's chapters are always interesting to read, her randomness sometimes can be difficult to write.
Nice work on this part of the story. The climax is approaching faster and faster!
7454694 Anything specific that stuck out good or bad?
7454706 Mmm, nothing that comes in mind.
7454744 Nothing? Not the twist of the Tantabus being a long lost relative of Pinkie, Not the Cupcake like bit, Not dracone and Pinkie shattering the forth wall, Not the element revealed was revealed with music and not a light, Not even Rainbow Dash's 'wing-boner'?
7454846 It's just that today I'm overwhelmed by chores, so I don't have the time to do a real and complete critique of the chapter, neither the mental strenght to do it. Hell, I had to read three times to understand that Dash had a wingboner...
7454871 The wingboner was purposefully subtle, Sorry if and that I came off indignant. You take care of yourself and what you need to do then come back to the chapter
Alright. With more time in my hands, and after a good night of sleep, I read the chapter again, and now I can do the recension that it deserves.
As I said before, the chapter is good, and you got to transmit well the randomness of Pinkie. The part about the Tantabus' past is fascinantig, not only because it permit the reader to understand and know about Tantabus' ancient and tormented life, but it also gives an important part of lore about the relationship of the three main races with the minor one of the nightborn. And a thing that I love is lore and world-building, so plus points from my part.
Talking about Tantabus, his being an ancestor of Pinkie, maintaining the concept form the original story, is a bit of a wild card. It's nice and gave me theories on how some future parts will deploy, but with a such age-long distance of the family bond, it seems a bit forced. And the use of the clichéd tropes "I thought my (insert relative here) was dead, so I gave in the dark powers" and "turns out that he wasn't really dead", they demote a bit the story.
The dracone and Pinkie's destruction of the fourth wall was a bit too extreme and forced. When Pinkamena did it, with the Cupcake reference, it was written as an action, without breaking the flow of the scene. Instead, after that Pinkie talk about the song and the episode, everything just stop for that part and the re-start again as nothing happened, while Pinkie just talked about a lot of thing to the apparent nothing from the other Main Six's perspective.
Another thing that could usa a bit of work is the part with the Main Six captured by Pinkamena. For me, that part looks too mechanical and cold. I mean, they just tried a bit to resist, but after the capture they don't try to break free? Not even Dash tried to move, it's a bit out of character for her. Even with a complete restraint, she'll at least continue to try to free herself.
The element revealed with music instead of light is a bit strange, but Pinkie's reveal during the wall-breaking gives some hints about it and what caused it.
Dash's wingbone it was funny, with her unsuccesful try to make it appear like nothing, but it seem a bit delayed from the moment that I think caused it to appear... Unless it happened for the rain, and it's effects on the clothes of the girl.
The return of Rep, with his mysterious new wings, given to him by a mysterious benefactor (that I think to know who is), promises good!
The rest of the chapter, and the grammar, the flowing of the narrative, is really good and nice to read.
7457550
You make several valid points, Concerning the Tantabus' relationship to Pinkie... I grant it is a sort of force, but I thought that having them be so distant it would be a little more organic then the set up of the Grandmaster in 'The Nightmare's Return' you know the whole 'Dark Father' thing, that to me felt forced.
As for him turning into the Tantabus proper, he was already on the way of becoming something like the high priest of Luna, something like he is but pre-Nightmare Moon, before he thought he lost Holder, he didn't give himself to Evil, more like preformed the rite when he was not in the right mental... maybe that part was a little too subtle in the narrative, but something I will touch upon later.
Concerning the element reveal, I was going for something out there for it.
As for dracone and Pinkie's bit... I recently stumbled upon Magpiepony's 'Pinkie Tales' series on Youtube and thought the interactions between Pinkie and the narrators was funny. And dracone put the line of him speaking to Pinkie Pie and I thought I could roll with that. Possibly not my best call
For the rest resisting or not... yeah I should have flushed that out more
As for the wingboner near the end... I was going for it was unnoticed Pinkie Pie pointed it out...maybe I should have touched upon it earlier
I enjoyed this chapter. I like how you can use this set up of Pinkie messing with Dash here as foreshadowing what happens in a later story.
Me too. Dang! That was WAY too creepy.
Yeah Pinkie's gag weapons are powerful
SHIP!