Celesti-ain't

by Trixterforrester

Chapter one: Geronimo

At first I thought I was dreaming.

I mean who wouldn't, if you where to suddenly awaken to find that you where falling from a cartoonishly blue sky, with cartoonishly white clouds and a cartoonishly yellow sun you would think you where dreaming as well. Because the alternative would be that you are either high literally or very high figuratively. Unfortunately you would also realise by the fact that you have no power over your flight and the fact that your eyelids feel like they're about to become detached from the air resistance, that you are infact not dreaming, leaving either drugs or a Murderous pilot as the only explanations; and I don't recall having ever done drugs in my life, so I was fairly certain I was about to become a meaty pancake.

Now the smart thing to do in a situation like this would be to check if you have a parachute, find somewhere soft to land or just forgo the previous options and start preforming tricks, not start flailing and screaming like I did, that is literally the fourth worst thing you could do in my current situation (I'll let you figure out the three worst options are); and as I fell and screamed, and fell, and screamed, and fell, and coughed, and then screamed some more I started to wonder how it was that I ended up in this situation to begin with.

Now seems like as good a place as any to give you my backstory; my name is Jared, I’m 19 and I never learnt how to read.

I’m kidding, you’ve gotta have a sense of humour in the face of your inevitable demise.

No, in reality I’m just your average, everyday teenage dirtbag baby. I spend my time alternating between doing gnarly kick flips off of my skate board that I totally own because that’s what all of the radical youth do, and not actually doing that because where’s the fun in being a reliable narrator.

And that's about all you’re getting out of me without a lawyer present, although I will say it is odd that I’m currently in this predicament, I can’t think of anything off the top of my head that could have lead to me free-falling from several thousand feet. I've had no magical mishaps with evil newts, no aliens come to bring me my destiny, no run in's with stereotypical Italian mobsters demanding me to pay up or lose my kneecaps, I'm just a normal person who just so happens to be plummeting to their death.

Oh right, I'm doing that, funny how things slip your mind.

So as I'm falling I see what looked like a town with a crystal tree in the centre and upon closer inspection it appears to be populated with animals made from crayons, some where flying, some wore armour, and there was even a pink one that appeared to have a cannon; but what I was most focused on was the white pillow the crayola creatures where surrounding, now my brain decided that the only sensible cause of action was to cannonball onto said pillow in an attempt to break my fall while shouting "GERONIMO!!" at the top of my lungs, a set of actions that I was all to happy to undergo until I suddenly exploded onto the scene. No seriously , I exploded on impact; it was awesome.

~~~~~

I awoke once again, only this time I was on the ground and everything around me was brown and on varying degrees of being on fireness, apparently my landing created quite the crater. I looked down at my body to make sure that I was in one piece and not missing a leg or something, luckily I wasn't missing any legs, in fact I had gained two and lost my arms.

I had four legs.

I had hooves.

I had become a horse.

I don't know why I became a horse but I felt majestic as fudge.

"Princess Celestia?" I turned around only to find a purple horse with a horn and wings looks at me with a look of concern plastered all over its long face.

"What?"

"Princess are you alright?" It seemed to be talking to someone in my general direction, I looked around to find my humble hole completely devoid of of all life outside of myself and the aforementioned panicked purple plushy.

"Are you talking to me?" Now I’m not a princess, mostly due to the minor detail that I am not one. So being referred to as princess was both extremely confusing and a boost to my ego, fortunately the two more or less canceled each other out, leaving me only slightly confused.

"Yes, are you feeling alright? You just kind of exploded out of the blue", it's face suddenly changed from consern to panic in less then a second; "OH LUNA, IS THIS A TEST?! IT IS ISN'T IT! OH NO NO NO NO NO, I FAILED DIDN'T I! I DON'T WANNA GO TO ROYAL MAGIC KINDERGARTEN!!!" It spouted, it (seriously is it a girl or a boy? The colour suggest it's a chick but the thing on its head could be a penis for all I know, and I don’t, I’m not a horse doctor) ran around in circles on the brink of what looked like a heart attack/panic attack combination of ultimate anxiety.

"Um...calm down?"

"YOU'RE GOING TO PUNISH ME FOR MY SHORT COMINGS, WHY DID IT HAVE TO BE ME OF ALL PONIES! THERE WHERE STILL SO MANY BOOKS I HAD YET TO READ AND SPELLS I'VE YET TO LEARN!!! WHYYYY!!!"

"Ok please stop now this is starting to get annoying..."

"GAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!"

""STOP SCREAMING!!!" my voice boomed, I had a bit of a royal and commanding flair it seemed.

"GAAA-" it paused mid scream as it regained its composer; "ahem, sorry Princess I keep forgetting about that whole public image thing, but are you feeling alright? No magical build ups or broken anythings?"

"No no I'm fine" I said trying to defuse the potentially awkward situation, "although I do have a couple of quick questions, don't think about them too hard as they could have some unseen ramifications that might just result in my potential execution for cannonballing onto a royal figure, but: Who are you? Are you a chick? Are you a mutant? Why am I a horse? Where am I? And why is everything going fuzzy..." I didn't even get my answers as my brain decided it had had enough crazy and adrenaline for one day and then proceeded to cause me to lose consciousness once again.
Worst. Drug trip. Ever.

Author's Note:

So yeah, I had an idea the other night for a series and so I started writing and eventually came up with this thing.
I do want to continue it so if anyone ends up reading this attempt at outdoing Shakespeare then feel free to leave comments bellow stating whether or not you hate it, love it, or generally feel absolutely nothing towards it and will continue your life without even the slightest of deviations to the path layed out to you by the three fates and their oversized socks of doom.

So yeah, criticisms are welcome as I do want to improve and currently I think that my writing is just a few rungs above completely illegible and I want to change that in the future inorder to create something that could potentially brighten up someone's day .

Comments

[Naiba]

You might want to read 'Rise of Sunbutt the Awesome' for comparison. It's the gold-standard for 'human becomes Celestia and exploits it' fics.

It's full of realistic feeling, in-character reactions to crazily ooc celestia. Freakouts abound.

Pity it stopped updating.

http://www.fimfiction.net/story/158507/rise-of-sunbutt-the-awesome

[Trixterforrester]

Thanks, I'll read it later

[Shadow of doubt]

Anyways I like this fic so far (one thing don't please just don't make your character unaware of what spending too much money will do like seriously just no no its common sense money doesn't grow on trees I just love me some trollestia more or less but in reality it is just a human also since he possessed celly I really hope that celly is there like in his head number one to annoy him (from other perspective celly just seems a little off her rocker) who knows maybe she thinks he is some kind of creature like nightmare moon

Cant wait to read the next chapter so far my honest opinion in this fic at this point is

7/10

[Trixterforrester]

7087622 thanks for the input man, I do have plans for where I want the plot to go and I do have an idea as for why he is possessing celestia in particular (which will either seem like a proper twist or extreamly convoluted :\ ) and I was planning on him having a smallish spending spree before Luna steps in

[Shadow of doubt]

7087639 just a quickie is celestia in his mind?

[Trixterforrester]

7087712
not as of yet, I would like to incorporate it but it would somewhat contradict what I'm currently planning but I am currently trying to think of a way for them both to play out.

[Texus]

As long as he isn´t sharing his mind or something like that, I´m probably going to like it.

[Texus]

(seriously is it a girl or a boy? The colour suggest it's a chick but the thing on its head could be a dick for all I know)

Has he seen an horse before?

Can´t say what I think about it right now, I'm going to read more, because it wasn´t enough to say much about it.

[Trixterforrester]

7088841 we'll just have to wait and see

[LordBucket]

Grammatical errors, spelling errors, punctuation errors, incorrect word choices, run-on sentences, missing indentations, point of view shifts...the writing is a mess. Yes, I realize you're using British English not American English. That's ok, but there's a lot going on here that's incorrect in both conventions.

[Hakume]

7288820
My eye twitched every time I saw one of the many errors.

[Asolem2]

No seriously , I exploded on impact; it was awesome.

As it should be

I don't know why I became a horse but I felt majestic as fudge.

As you should be

Who are you? Are you a chick? Are you a mutant? Why am I a horse? Where am I? And why is everything going fuzzy..."

Twilight Sparkle No A Pony, actually Equestria, Ponyville more specifically You are losing consciousness