• Member Since 14th Jun, 2012
  • offline last seen March 22nd

Bronystories


Comments ( 27 )

"You know what can light the spark back into a relationship? Having sex with other ponies!" What. dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/shrug_Queen_Chrysalis.png

The premise of this feels a little odd, truth be told, like there's some sort of lapse in logic that I can't quite grasp. I wouldn't know myself, but do married couple usually do this? Just randomly shack up with a random partner like some sort of pay-per-night prostitute? I'm not gonna dislike this, but... yeah. This just didn't sit well for me, maybe it'll be different for other folk.

Lols have been had

:moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache:/:moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache:

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I'd say that most don't, but some do. You've never heard of a swinger's club?

What's with the thumbs down i found this hiliarious!

747440
Huh. Can't say that I have. Now I just feel stupid... but I guess you learn something new everyday.

Nice. That's all I can say. :moustache::eeyup:

Thank you everyone for the feedback!:yay:
Let me know what works or doesn't work in the story.
Are there any underrepresented characters you want to see more fanfics about?

many fucks have been given this day.:trollestia:

Really, a Clue movie reference? That's a first.

And my god, except for Twilight's parents, every one involved was such a tool. Something for everyone I guess.

^_^ I will admit it was a good story and a great clop errr i mean >.> <.< Gummy did it

Good story idea, decent descriptions, and the thing with Orion & Dazzler fantasizing about each other during the act was touching, but that ending was terrible. Just end it at the first ending, it'll improve this by a lot. Also, don't give little joke asides during the sensual scenes, e.g. "Fortunately, Mrs. Cake didn't make any connections, (except to Dazzle's pussy. High-Yo!)". It breaks the flow and takes the reader out of the story.

751326
Thank you for the feedback. I agree with the example you cited. I removed it as it felt out of place with the rest of the narrative. As far as the ending goes, I wanted to offer multiple possible outcomes. I like the last one best, but feel free to choose whichever ending you prefer.

Comment posted by Fuzebox deleted Mar 4th, 2013

I think a sequel with Lyra and Bon Bon is required.

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:trixieshiftright: I may just have to do that. That chapter would be more reserved, though. I doubt Bon Bon could handle too much of Mr. and Mrs. Cake's rough play.

Just don't hold your breath waiting for a Cranky Doodle Donkey, Uncle Apple Strudel and Clyde (Pinkie's father) lemon party.

not she if really sexy or funny as hell any this was awesome:moustache:

799556
Thank you sir. I plan on adding another chapter to this eventually, but in the meanwhile, feel free to check out my other stories.

:pinkiegasp: THAT'S WHERE THE CAKE TWINS CAME FROM! Magnum looks exactly like Pund Cake but a earth pony!

HOLY FUCKING SHIT THAT ENDING HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! BRAVO REALLY GOOD!

Where is the next chapter?

1138650
I'd love to write a sequel chapter, but right now I'm swamped with other stories.

Thanks for your interest! :heart:

DOSE sex toys xDDD :rainbowlaugh: :rainbowlaugh: :rainbowlaugh: :rainbowlaugh: :rainbowlaugh:

Also, was I the only person that thought of Smosh when I read "Cup Cake put her husband´s meat in her mouth"? :rainbowderp: :twilightsheepish:

The sex scenes were moderately OK, the dialogue poor, the comedy was anywhere from mediocre to outright cringe-inducing, the various endings were all extremely bland (or just plain bad), and none of it meshed in the slightest. It opened sorta decent and lost a ton of steam about halfway through. Not necessarily -bad-, but certainly not good either.

I really enjoyed reading this! I'll be keeping a track on this.:heart:

This was amazing. I loved it.

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